Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Karl offers to marry Susan to cover insurance on her wandering spleen surgery, Bree refuses the investigator’s help after a dinner where she had too much to drink, Gabrielle wants to have a baby with Carlos, and Zach begins to realize that Mike may be his real father through a neighborhood blood drive. So, in summation, the first storyline is uninteresting, the second storyline didn’t seem to be going anywhere, the third storyline is boring, and the last storyline is the reason why I’m not complaining to Murtz constantly requesting that I stop recapping this show.
Susan always believed that the punishment should fit the crime, such as Susan destroying the things that Karl loved after being unfaithful, but now they’re being prepared to be aligned again. Julie threatens that she’ll turn them both in for insurance fraud if there’s so much as a lingering gaze between the two of them. She doesn’t want to put up with another divorce again, you see. After Julie leaves, Karl wants to get things set up with the wedding rings, but it turned out that Susan threw her out a car window along Route 7 the night that Karl left her. Karl thinks the punishment should fit the crime as well, and has Susan search off Route 7 with a metal detector.
You’re watching Desperate Housewives. Loser.
Bree is at Leonardo’s Bar & Grill crying after a depressing Italian aria, and talks with a waiter about Rex’s recent passing and the suicide of Pharmacist George. The waiter offers Bree a cab ride home, and takes it, but wants to stick around and listen to the rest of the waiter’s five arias with another bottle of wine. She arrives home, drunk as a skunk, and fumbling to find her keys. But instead she just passes out in the front lawn as Mrs. McCluskey swings by to wake her up in the morning. She wakes up Andrew and points her out, and he promises that he knows how to take care of her, and McCluskey leaves as Andrew turns on the sprinklers to wake his mother up.
At the Scavo house, Lynette is taking care of the kids as McCluskey arrives to take over for babysitting honors as they’re both being pulled away for work. Lynette has to talk with Tom for a moment. Tom thinks that they’ll be screwed if they cut McCluskey now since there’s no daycare at the office during the weekend. Lynette is confident that they’ll be able to find someone who wasn’t able to remember where they were when Lincoln was shot. Nice. They both agree to break the news, but then Tom runs off and leaves Lynette to the announcement, but she heard everything anyway. It was a thin door.
Carlos is upstairs as Gabrielle notices from the front yard that someone is with Carlos, but it turns out to be Gabrielle’s mother visiting. Gabrielle’s mother has just separated from her husband, but she bought a gift to take her mind off of it…new boobs. Carlos laughs about it when she leaves the room, but Gabrielle doesn’t want Carlos to forget that she is a monster.
Susan found the ring and is cleaning it out as Dr. Ron stayed overnight and as he leaves, offers to move the surgery up to Wednesday, but she has a wedding to go to. Julie tells Susan not to be so hard on herself for being a sneaky person, and then tells Julie to deliver the ring to Karl–if Edie catches her, Julie should swallow it.
Andrew asks his mother how the hangover was, but she tries to make excuses for herself and her antihistamine medication. But she throws the medication out as Lynette swings by with the kids for a favor.
Zach looks at a picture of Paul and Mary Alice, and then asks about his birth parents but Paul finds it to be impolite to ask about two people who didn’t love him enough to keep him.
Meanwhile, Noah has a hitman hired to make sure that Paul Young has a toychest of his own.
Edie tries to get Karl to do some work around the house, but then notices the wedding ring in the briefcase and the pre-marital agreement, but doesn’t get to see that it belongs to Susan, not Edie. Still, she decides to assume that Karl is marrying her and tells Karl to stay on the bed for another moment.
The boys want to play Bree their song, but Bree goes to get some wine first before they play their song to ease her hangover headache.
At the doctor’s office, Gabrielle suffered some extensive injuries, meaning that it’s iffy that she might not be able to have kids again. Gabrielle’s mother feels sympathy for Carlos, and they discuss adoption or a surrogate mother. And then Gabrielle’s mother offers to be the surrogate mother. That’s weird. Gabrielle gets a migraine, but her mother comforts Carlos, knowing that Gabrielle will come around.
Bree passes out on the couch and the boys do the sleeperhold arm check before taking Penny out and around on the town. Bree finally wakes up to find the kids gone, and is freaking out as she swings by to talk with Mrs. McCluskey.
At the office, Lynette gets a phone call from a lady at a hair salon, as the kids are there sans Bree. The ladies at the hair salon seem to be judging Lynette and it’s a really frustrating scene, which means that Felicity Huffman is an amazing actor because it’s a stupid storyline.
Gabrielle and her mother go to discuss the whole surrogate mother thing, but it’s more along the line of Gabrielle ditching her mother.
Bree arrives to find the kids, but Lynette doesn’t believe the kids when they say that Bree was asleep. Bree dodges a bullet by lying.
Gabrielle tells Carlos that her mother is trying to get some money out of this surrogate mother deal and trying to get a roof over her head as well, but Carlos thinks that her hatred for her mother is clouding her judgment. Carlos mentions that she ran away from home 15 years ago, but didn’t think to tell her mother about anything that happened between her and her step-dad. Gabby didn’t give her mother a chance to step up to her husband, but there was a chance that she wouldn’t believe her daughter and that would hurt worse than anything Alejandro did to her. Carlos suggests that Gabrielle talk to her about it, but Gabby is only going to deliver her luggage to her.
Paul Young answers his door to find Mike Delfino, who informs Paul that he has to vanish with Zach to stay away from Noah until Noah jumps off the mortal coil. Zach listens to everything that is said, including Paul’s line that they’ll disappear for good and that he’ll never see Zach again. Mike understands, as Zach retreats back into his room.
At the fancy restaurant, Edie continues to pamper his boyfriend Karl under the assumption that they are getting married, as a few tables away Dr. Ron sits with Susan, and they notice each other. They are about to eat the chocolate souflee, but Edie bails to grab Susan and take her to the bathroom. Susan is surprised by this and trying not to tell Edie that the marriage is for Susan, not for Karl. The chocolate souflee arrives as Edie thinks that Susan is just jealous, and a delivered note doesn’t make it to Karl but the table behind him, and Edie starts digging through the souflee, as Karl wonders what the hell Edie is doing. Edie realizes there’s not going to be a ring in the souflee, and looks disappointed.
Carlos arrives at Gabby’s mother’s hotel room with her luggage, and as Gabby’s mother changes Carlos thinks that the surrogacy would be a good idea, and that Gabrielle could be convinced, but some fences are going to have to be mended between her and her daughter. Carlos brings up Alejandro and the sexual assault of Gabrielle when she was 15. Gabby’s mother tells Carlos, however, that she seduced Alejandro. Weird. Like, not even interesting.
Susan calls Karl over and suggests that they not go through with the fake wedding as Dr. Ron might be hurt in the crossfire and Edie is already hurt, but Karl thinks that it can be fixed by proposing to Edie since he was going to do it anyway. It appears that Susan is jealous but denies it.
Carlos comes back to the house and then offers to look into adoption, saying that blood isn’t everything. Is that supposed to be a charming scene?
Lynette comes out the front door and talks with Mrs. McCluskey as she informs Lynette that Bree was drinking while babysitting. She plants the seed of doubt in Lynette’s mind, despite her trusting Bree. Lynette arrives to Bree’s house but she keeps covering it up, and then Lynette asks if Bree was drinking while babysitting. The question turns to how many glasses of wine Bree puts away in a given day, but Bree doesn’t want Lynette to speak to her that way and walks off. So Lynette goes through Bree’s trash and looks for bottles of wine.
In the closing montage, Karl and Susan share their kiss, and Mrs. McCluskey offers to babysit the kids, but it seems to come at a price for Tom’s handywork. Gabrielle’s mother seems ready to just be a surrogate mother for someone else, which is super weird, and Bree opens her doors to find bottles of wine lined up in front of it and a piece of paper stuck in one of the bottles.
“Do you still think you don’t have a problem?”
