Welcome back to ringside folks. Before we start, a special thanks goes out to Dan Hevia for hooking me up with a Sparkly Britney Avatar in the “Super Secret Staff Forums.” I don’t know what it means but it looks sexy and you don’t have one. SO HA!
News & Shit
–TNA Saturday Rating: 0.7
Mark Neeley: AHAHAHAHAHA Christian Cage doesn’t bring the ratings like Jeff Jarrett did.
Me: STFU!
I Win.
–Aires and Strong Suspended for 2 Months
Christopher Daniels gave some good insight regarding this situation on Monday Night Mayhem Wrestling Radio.
Daniels said that although they did show up, there was a chance that they didn’t show up thus ruining the announced match. He said that TNA management warned all ROH/TNA talent that if they stayed that there could be consequences. Most of the talent felt that it would be better if they left the ROH show because the TNA PPV was a bigger pay day and all but Strong and Aries did. Daniels went on to say that Strong and Aries knew the consequences and knew they could have put an announced match in jeopardy. But they still stayed so now they must face consequences.
Now that’s all from the mouth of Christopher Daniels, I just happen to agree with it. Does it suck that Aries and Strong were suspended? Yes because Aries and Strong are two talented wrestlers that were getting a good push. But they put their match in jeopardy and now they must pay for it. It sucks that they aren’t a top merchandise seller like Jeff Hardy, then I doubt there would be punishment at all.
–Homicide doesn’t need Surgery
Good for him. Here’s his problem though, he’s stuck in LAX, which means he’s probably better off with the surgery. I’ve seen a couple of Homicide matches on YouTube and I was very impressed with him. He deserves better than having to team with a new partner every week and having to put up with Konnans mic skills. Next thing you know they’ll be telling Homicide to take off his shoe and start throwing it at his opponent. I hope it all works out for him, he deserves much better.
–Jeff Hardy scheduled to return when TNA goes Prime Time
See kids, if you sell enough merchandise you too can no show PPV events, get high, and still be kept around by the company. What kind of message does this send to everyone in TNA? Hardy no shows a PPV event yet gets brought back for one of the biggest nights in TNA history to the date. Yet Aries and Strong, who have more talent in one finger than Hardy has in his entire body, show up to the event and most likely will not be booked during the Prime Time debut. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, release Hardy and bring in some backyard worker who will be a dumbass for a lot less money. Fuck Jeff Hardy, let him go to WWE where he can team with Matt and job to Kane, Big Show, Boogeyman, and Lashley on a weekly basis.
–Ashley Massaro injured
No it’s not TNA news but oh well. You see, I’m sure everyone has their Diva crush (Hevia likes Trish, Hatton likes Maria) and mine just happens to be Ashley Massaro. I wish her the best on her road to recovery.
Hey Look, Another X Division Three Way
So three matches were officially announced for Destination X on the recent episode of Impact. Two of those matches will be enjoyable to watch. The other match will make me want to watch Frankie Kazarian & Michael Shane take on BG James & Jeff Hammond from Against All Odds 05.
*The James/Armstrong Gang vs. LAX: Yes, because we all demanded to see this match again. Last months match was bad enough, but now they are adding Bob Armstrong, whose arm is probably about to fall off, and Konnan to the match. You would think with 6 Wrestlers in the match, more than one of them would have a shred of talent. But with this match, it’s not the case. Now I can’t say too much about Machete considering he’s wrestled two matches and I have paid 0 attention to them both but the other guys not named Homicide, should never step foot into a wrestling ring again.
Konnan used to be decent in WCW like 10 years ago but that was 10 years ago. Now all Konnan can do is take of his pants and jacket…err….take off his shoe and throw it. Maybe if Konnan learned to tie his f*cking shoe, he wouldn’t have to throw it at everyone. Make yourself useful Konnan and retire. You can’t cut it in the wrestling ring anymore and you’ve been spewing the same Mexican jibberish for 10 years now. OR DA LAY! VIVA LA SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Oh boy, Kip James. When Kip James sticks with one name for over a year, I’ll start to like him again. No, scratch that. When Kip James decides on one f*cking hair do, I’ll start to like him again. Honestly Kip, pigtails and pony tails don’t cut it kid, you’re still the horses ass. Maybe if you would learn to wrestle, I wouldn’t look at your damn hair and I would accept whatever hairstyle you went with. I’ll use Kurt Angle as an example. I wasn’t used to his bald head at first but I learned to look past it because he can carry The Undertaker to a supposed Match of The Year (which I’ll get to later). Kip just needs to stick with his obsession of Triple H’s facial hair. And if he’s not down with that, I’ve got 4 letters for him: S-T-F-U.
BG James is just as bad though. BG Jizzle, Kip Jizzle, listen to me BG, get a f*cking mirror and learn that you’re white. He’s just as bad as Konnan. Same old wrestling moves, same old mic gig.
Here’s what TNA, BG, and Kip need to do: Put the past behind you. Degeneration X was a great thing in 1998, maybe the best thing in wrestling at that time. They did a lot of cool and innovative stuff. In 1998, they were new. But it’s not 1998 now is it? If it was 1998, I wouldn’t be writing this column, InsidePulse wouldn’t exist, and AJ Styles wouldn’t be the number one wrestler in the world. Well it’s 2006, which means I am writing this column, InsidePulse does exist, and AJ Styles is the greatest f*cking wrestler in the world today. The New Age Outlaws were new in 1998 now they are The Old Age Outlaws and I don’t want to see them doing the same Schick they did 8 years ago.
Oh man, but it gets so much worse. Now TNA decides to add “Bullet” Bob Armstrong to the mix. Is TNA no showing their own PPV events and getting high with Jeff Hardy? Have they looked at Bob Armstrong recently? He’s not in Ric Flair shape, he’s not in Hulk Hogan shape, hell he’s not even in Vince McMahon shape. Bob Armstrong is in Freddie Blassie shape. Which means he would be better off dead. I know Bob Armstrong was once a good wrestler but once upon a time stories always have their bad points and this would be one of them.
Why not have Sean “I No Show As Well” Waltman take the place of Armstrong? At least that way you’re continuing with the D-X theme at D-X. Plus it would mark the one year anniversary of the debut and re-debut of Kip James and Sean Waltman. It makes so much damn sense now doesn’t it?
*AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe: More logical booking. Lets take the three best workers in TNA and throw them in a match for the second straight month, only lets add a gimmick to it. You know why Daniels/Joe/Styles was so special and good the first time? Because it was new, fresh, and exciting. Now we get to see the same guys go at it for the second straight month. Don’t get me wrong, I could watch these two guys wrestle for 24 straight hours and probably never get bored, but too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. Remember last year when they had an Ultimate X Match at Final Resolution and then came right back with an Ultimate X Match at Destination X? Or How about the Cage Match at Turning Point and then the three (which later became an all) Cage Match PPV at Lockdown? Everyone ripped TNA for doing too much of a good thing in such a short amount of time. Well they’re at it again.
These three guys are rumored to wrestle not only this month, but next month at Lockdown as well. Will both matches be awesome? Most likely. The X Wires and the Cage will add new twists and spots to an already awesome match. But there’s no need for overkill. Make people WANT to see AJ/Daniels/Joe. Make them drool over the match when it is announced. Make the fans say “Holy shit, we haven’t seen that in awhile.” But no, TNA isn’t doing that. TNA is giving us AJ/Daniels/Joe, 3 times in 3 months. TNA is basically saying “It’s AJ, It’s Daniels, and It’s Joe. You’ll rent the PPV.” Are they right? In my case, they are. Because I plan on renting Destination X and this match is my reasoning behind it. But for other cases, a.k.a. the casual fan, it may not work.
*Christian Cage vs. Monty Brown: So Christian Cage makes his first PPV Title Defense against the man that has been owed a title shot for one f*cking year now. Was Monty Brown’s favor like Money In The Bank? Once he got it, he had one year to cash it in?
And he just decided to wait until the last possible day to cash it in? If you have no f*cking clue about what I’m talking about because you’re on the WWE booking team and have forgotten storylines that are only a month old, let me refresh your memory:
Last year at Destination X, Jeff Jarrett took on Diamond Dallas Page. Monty Brown cost DDP (who was his friend at the time) the match and Jarrett retained. During the celebration, Monty Brown told Jarrett “Now you owe me one.”
Well Jarrett never returned Monty Brown his one. And if you think about it logically, he still hasn’t. I mean, it’s not like Jeff Jarrett is giving Monty Brown the World Title Shot. No, Christian Cage was kind enough to give Monty Brown the title shot. You know Christian Cage, the same man that carried Monty Brown to possibly the best match of his career at Turning Point. Christian Cage, the same man that I paid tribute to last week. Christian Cage, yeah, you know him and you know how he rolls.
Will Monty Brown win? Of course not. Black History Month ends in 5 days. TNA was nice enough to give Monty Brown the title shot, but the PPV is in March, which means he won’t win. I’m not saying TNA is racist or anything because they did give Ron Killings the World Title, but there’s no way they take it off Christian to put it on Monty one month after Christian won the belt. Sorry Monty, better luck at Slammiversary.
Match Of The Year?
So the message boards all agree that “TAKER VS. ANGLE IS MOTY!!!!!!!”
Well I decided to download the match and watch it for myself. Well I happen to agree with Eric S. on this match.
I found the match extremely slow and extremely boring. I tried to watch it full screen on my computer, but I couldn’t do it. I had to make is ¼ screen and continue to type this column/browse the Internet while I listened to the horrible commentary. The match lasted about 30 minutes or so but it seemed to last 5 hours. I just couldn’t watch it all the way through. Now everyone is all high and mighty on the ending because of all the reversals, well the ending sucked as well. I’m fine with 2 or 3 reversals in the ending but they just over killed it with this match. But they had to over kill it so people forgot about the rest of the match.
Some people say that “they were painting a picture of art and telling a story.” Yeah, well if you’re going to paint me a picture, make something stick out at me and don’t make it so damn bland. You want to know a match that painted a picture but was still damn exciting? Punk/Joe 2. That match went one hour and I never got bored with it. I watched the entire thing, no pauses, full screen on my computer. Everything about that match was awesome and they didn’t need 20 finisher reversals at the end to keep my attention. Angle/Taker was one of those pictures that you see in an art gallery, look at it, and then read the description because you don’t feel like disecting it piece by piece because if you look at it any longer, you’re going to pass out. Punk/Joe 2 was a picture that you see and stare at it for hours trying to determine what the artists is tyring to say in that picture.
You want to know what made this match worse? The horrible commentary from Michael Cole. “Taker and Angle have never tapped out in their career.” You know what Cole? STFU! Angle tapped out just months ago to John Cena. Does Cole not watch RAW or something? Angle has also tapped out to Jericho, Benoit, The Rock, and others I’m sure. Taker has also tapped out to Angle and probably Foley. See Cole, know your f*cking history ok? Thanks.
All in all, the match wasn’t as big as everyone has made it out to be. Was it a good match? Sure, probably one of the best in Takers career. Was it the MOTY? No, Joe/Styles/Daniels was much better than this match. And if you don’t want to take my word for it, take Eric’s word for it.
YouTube Match Of The Week
You can all blame Dan Hevia for getting me into YouTube.
The E-Mail Bag
hey man,
I was watching the Lethal/Strong/Moore match and was wondering what the World X Cup (which, apparently, Lethal qualified for) was? I figured you would know. And if he’s representing Team TNA, who else is in it, Team WWE, ROH.
-Johnny
Well I did some research and came up with the following results:
Those are the results to the first World X Cup that TNA held. I personally never caught that show or caught the replay but I have heard good things about the World X Cup. Hope I helped out in some sort of way.
Plugs
Hevia tears apart Warrior Warrior and features two very funny videos. He also got a lot of hate mail for a certain line, which means he has more people to tear apart next week.
Eric tears apart the WWE PPV. Eric also went job searching over the week and found a place where everyone wants to work. But I won’t ruin the surprise.
David takes a look back at the old D-X. You know, the one with two good wrestlers and no tag along talent.
Bambi changes her column name so she doesn’t get sued.
The End
Enjoy your weekend, drop me a line at AMPLine4Life@aol.com and join me next time, At Ringside.
