The (Early) SmackDown Report

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Randy Orton opens the show, no pyro, video opening, nothing but Randy Orton. He comes out and is all like “I told you so. Bla. Bla. Bla. Greatest family of wrestlers ever. Bla. Bla. Bla”, that’s about five or so minutes of talking by the way, until Chavo Guererro comes on out and nails Orton with the Three Amigos and the Frog Splash. While bieng escorted out by Security Chavo continues to yell at Orton that he forgot about the Guererro family and such. There is literally nothing more I can say about this segment, which ran for a good eight or so minutes.

Commercials.

Opening Contest : Tag Team Championship : Matt Hardy and Tatanka verses MNM (Champions) with Melina
Oh, gee, great. Hardy tries to do some Native Dancing with Tatanka but, in turn, makes a complete dick out of himself. Nitro and Mercury now have red in their hair, and tonight, Melina’s curls are half horrible, half really cool. Hardy starts off with Mercury. After some headlock work, Mercury tags out to Nitro. Hardy with a backslide pinfall for two. Tag out to Tatanka. Tatanka and Hardy grab a leg each of Nitro and flips him over, which was pretty sweet, and gets Tatanka a two count. Tatanka throws Nitro into the corner and gets some kicks on Nitro. Hiptoss into the ring on Nitro. Melina distracts the referee as Mercury sends Tatanka outside. On the outside, MNM nail a Double Team Suplex to Tatanka while Hardy argues with the referee. Two count for Nitro in the ring. Tag out to Mercury. Drop toe hold by Nitro, knee drop to the back of the head by Mercury, squeal by Melina, allows Mercury to get a two count on Tatanka. Tag out to Nitro as Mercury sets Tatanka up in the corner. Nitro gets a knee into Tatanka’s gut. Tatanka nails some punches to Nitro but Nitro nails him back down before tagging out to Mercury. Double elbow into the face by MNM gets Mercury a two count. Nitro in and the two nail a pair of leg drops to Tatanka – Nitro with a throat leg drop, and Mercury with a groin leg drop. Nitro gets a two. Tatanka begins to come back and gets Nitro in a (rather large) small package, with the referee distracted by Mercury. Nitro gets out of it before tagging in Mercury. The two with kicks to the chest of Tatanka before Mercury clotheslines him down for a two count, broken by Hardy. Tag out to Nitro. Shoulders by Nitro in the corner before a tag out to Mercury. Tatanka shoves Nitro into Mercury before nailing the two with a pair of clotheslines, and Tatanka tags out to Hardy! Hardy in with punches and elbows! Hiptoss by Hardy onto Mercury! Bulldog on Nitro and Side Effect on Mercury! Another Side Effect on Mercury, but the pinfall is broken by Nitro. Nitro with a sweet kick to the chest of Hardy and Mercury nails a Northern Lights for a two. I didn’t know he knew that. MNM go for the Snapshot, but Tatanka stops it! Sunset flip on Mercury by Hardy gets a two count. Reverse 3-D by Hardy and Tatanka for a two count, broken by Nitro. Tatanka with chops to Nitro, but then runs into the steel pole! Hardy goes for the Twist Of Fate on Mercury but Melina grabs his leg. Hardy picks her up but Mercury comes from behind with a School Boy with the tights for the victory.
Winners And STILL Champions : MNM

The match REALLY picked up in the second half, enough to redeem itself. This would have been a better match to have on No Way Out as opposed to what they actually did have. Thankfully Tatanka stayed away from using the chops TOO much as opposed to last week’s Velocity. Six out of Ten.

Commercials.

And we’re back to see William Regal reading a letter to Paul Burchill, from Jenny in New England. The letter reads;

Dear Mister Regal. I was watching SmackDown last week and saw that Paul Burchill was dressed as a buccaneer. Could you please help him from embarrasing himself, and most importantly, embarrassing you as Burchill’s former tag partner. I’d hate for your reputation, Mister Regal, to be besmirched by a man pretending to be a pirate. Number one Regal fan, Jenny. P.S. You’re GORGEOUS and delectable.

Regal gives him a short speech before Burchill hands him a bomb. Burchill lights the fuze and Regal shows how fun of an actor he is. Tazz has one hell of a point in saying: “We’ve got a Boogeyman around here. Why the hell not have a Pirate?”. There’s something to think about.

Eddie Guererro will be inducted to the Hall Of Fame this year, for all of you who didn’t already know. Everyone expected this when they heard that Eddie died, and this video clip continues to send shivers. Though this would have meant so much more if he had been inducted last year. The fans in the arena have a massive Eddie chant.

Commercials.

Booker T and Sharmell make their way out to do commentary for the following match. Why on earth has Booker T been doing so much commentary lately?

Second Contest : The Dicks verses The Boogeyman
This will forever become known as The Dicks final match in the WWE. What a damned thing to have happen too, these guys could have gotten somewhere. Though, on the upside, it’s SHOCKING that The Boogeyman is getting these sort of fan reactions. The Dicks try and attack from both sides of the Boogeyman, until Boogeyman grabs D1 by the throat, elbows D2 down, and throws D1 into the corner. Scoop slam to D1. D2 clotheslined out of the ring by Boogeyman. D1 attacks from behind. Boogeyman nails a double handed choke slam on D1 for the victory.
Winner : The Boogeyman

A few lines of Commentary: “You know when I was a kid people used to tell me about the Boogeyman. They used to say that he was under the bed or in the closet and I’d always say that I hoped he was there just so I could knock his punk ass out”, “You know Boogeyman’s setting a bad example. He’s saying that it’s alright for kid’s to eat worms” “Yeah he is Sharmell! I heard of stories where kids are being expelled for a year because they’re coming to School with worms in their mouth!”

Post match, Boogeyman does his usual worm schtick, eyeing down Sharmell and Booker who eventually run into the crowd. Boogeyman drops a heap of worms onto the announcer’s table. I’d have to say -3 because, well, as short as it was, it still sucked rather grandly.

Up next : Rey Mysterio Speaks His MInd

RAW Rebound: The Triple Threat Main Event. I didn’t watch RAW, but I may consider watching it tomorrow. Oh, by the way, a side note for everyone – Candice may have won the Women’s Battle Royal, but everyone’s forgetting about Saturday Night’s Main Event. Everyone’s automatically thinking WrestleMania. Damn you.

Commercials.

Tazz and Michael Cole are arguing about who sits down first as people are cleaning up the announcer’s table.

Rey Mysterio makes his way out. He talks about Eddie. Just like Randy Orton’s earlier promo, nothing you can’t see coming a mile away. The long and short of it is that Theodore Long comes out and puts Rey Mysterio into the WrestleMania Main Event – but doesn’t officially name Kurt Angle as the World Heavy Weight Champion. Intriguing . . . There are points where Rey Mysterio looks like a kid, facial expressions wise. Albeit a weird kid, eye contacts wise. Nothing really wow considering what it COULD have been, but, oh well. It’s made people fifty percent happier I suppose.

Commercials.

Kristal makes her way out. It’s so odd, she can be really pretty sometimes, but really . . how do I say this . . “Halle Berry playing Patience Nerdy Phillips” the next. And that’s a BAD thing. She advertises the Divas Lingerie Magazine. Jillian interrupts and Lingerie Hijincks ensue. Jillian runs out of the ring with just her Bra and short skirt. No offence to Jillian, but I think they’re fake. Kristal gets stripped just because she’s the fan favourite. She’s so much cooler in clothes, see this week SmackDown and the Diva Search for more proof.

Commercials.

Batista segment from No Way Out. Man he’s suddenly lost heaps, it’s freaky! And he still looks great. That’s odd, actually, Batista looks so much better in those sunnies and suit. He’s like Brad Pitt is nowadays, looks great in suits and those fading sunnies.

Third Contest : Cruiser Weight Championship : Psicosis verses Gregory Helms (Champion)
Apparently, Gregory Helms will defend the belt every week on SmackDown thanks to Theodore Long. Interesting. I say have him keep the belt until SummerSlam. But who, oh who, will he take on at WrestleMania? Cruiser weight stuff starts us off, with Psicosis getting the upper hand. Helms takes Psicosisis into the corner and begins to kick and punch Psicosis down. Psicosis with a nice head scissors before getting a clothesline for a two count. Psicosis with a small package for another two. Psicosis goes for another head scissors but Helms throws Psicosis outside. Helms attacks the back of the neck on the outside, before whipping Psicosis into the apron. Psicosis jumps onto the apron, but Helms spins him around into the ring and begins laying punches to Psicosis before nailing a swift kick to the back of the head. Back in the ring Helms nails a Cobra Clutch bomb for two. Suplex by Helms followed by a leg drop and dropkick. Cobra Clutch variation by Helms, Psicosis powers out of it, into the ropes, and comes back with a Hurricanrana on Helms for a two count. Helms gets a knee right in between the shoulder, before putting it in the lower back area. Helms goes for his TKO, but Psicosis falls down and nails a spinning kick for a two count. Another ducked by Helms, who gets Psicosis with the TKO into the Knee for a two count. Psicosis up top, Helms tries to capitalise but Psicosis pushes him off and goes to jump off, but Helms lunges for the ropes and Psicosis falls down. Helms gets a Pinfall Bridge, with feet on the ropes, for the victory.
Winner and STILL : Gregory Helms

Rather abrupt ending there, surprisingly. They were building towards a pretty nice little match too. Sigh. Seven out of ten. I liked this.

Up next : recap of Kurt Angle verses The Under Taker!

Commercials.

Recap of the Under Taker verses Kurt Angle. Howcome the majority of ‘Great’ SmackDown Main Events always include big men? Kurt Angle verses Big Show verses Brock Lesnar . . Eddie Guererro verses Brock Lesnar . . Kurt Angle verses Brock Lesnar . . Under Taker verses Kurt Angle . . You see the pattern? I’ve still yet to watch the No Way Out main event, actually. I’ve only watched half of Orton verses Mysterio as it is.

Theodore Long comes on out again. He announces next week will showcase Kurt Angle verses The Under Taker.

Commercials.

We return to see Orton bitching to Theodore Long about Chavo and bla bla bla. Orton calls Long the worst General Manager in history, which is such an accomplishment considering the amount of General Managers there have been.

Main Event : Randy Orton, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Finlay verses Lashley, Chris Benoit, and Rey Mysterio
Mysterio and Orton start off. Mysterio starts laying it into Orton, but Orton gets a lucky shot to the back of the neck which gives him the advantage. Head scissors by Mysterio and Orton gets set up for the 619, and quickly tags out to Finlay. In responce, Mysterio tags out to Lashley. Ohhh, BURN! Finlay starts off with the upper hand thanks to a knee in the gut, before laying some punches into Lashley. After some knee work by Finlay, and a quickly failed one count, Lashley is right up and Finlay is challenging him! Lashley whips Finlay into the corner, charges at him only to run into an eye poke. Finlay runs at Lashley who nails a shoulder body press and takes out JBL and Orton. SPEAR by Lashley for a two count, broken by JBL. Benoit runs in and a brawl has begun! Lashley and Finlay! JBL and Benoit! Orton and Mysterio! Which can only mean one thing!

Commercials.

We’re back to see Benoit getting JBL in the Sharpshooter, but JBL quickly gets to the ropes. Elbow drop to the ribs by Benoit and tag out to Lashley. Lashley attacks JBL and nails a Belly to Belly, in a clever reference to their No Way Out match. Shoulder press on JBL by Lashley who then nails the spear. Another two count, broken by Finlay this time. JBL gets an eye poke and tags out to Orton, who is quickly taken down by Lashley. Tag out to Mysterio. Double axe handle to Orton’s shoulder. Orton punches Mysterio down before tagging back out to Finlay. Finlay with a scoop slam, before a butt drop on Mysterio’s abs. Finlay gets Mysterio in a sleeper hold, stopping temporarily to nail Mysterio’s neck with an elbow. Tag out to JBL. JBL with some clubs on Mysterio before booting Mysterio right in the face. Headbutt by JBL. Head scissors on Mysterio, who goes to capitalize but gets a knee in the back by Finlay. Mysterio jumps over the ropes to attack Finlay but lands groin first on the apron curtain. I’m liking how Finlay’s been using the curtains lately, actually. Finlay drops Mysterio face first onto the apron. JBL throws Mysterio back in for a two count. Elbows to the back of Mysterio by JBL, before locking Mysterio in a Bearhug. Mysterio punches out of it but gets shoulder blocked down by JBL for another two count, broken by JBL. Finlay in – without the tag, shock horror – and gets Mysterio in a sleeper hold. In a nice bit of continuity, the referee refuses to admit he heard a tag, so Finlay gets back on the apron and (still on the apron) JBL tags in Orton. Nice! Orton in, and nails Mysterio with some knees for a two count. Sleeper hold on Mysterio by Orton, which is kept on for a good minute or two until Mysterio gets to the ropes. Orton whips Mysterio into the corner, and Mysterio gets the boots into Orton’s face! Orton runs at Mysterio again, who flips over Orton and nails a head scissors into the steel pole! Mysterio tags out to Benoit, after Orton tags out to JBL! Benoit in and takes down JBL! Chops! Finlay in, and chops to the Irish man! Irish whip by Benoit on JBL, Benoit nails JBL with a forearm! Irish whip to Finlay, who runs back into a shoulder press by Benoit! Orton goes for a swing, but Benoit ducks and nails the German! JBL with a swing, but gets a German! Finlay with a German! Benoit signals for the Swandive Headbutt, and nails it to JBL! Benoit covers but the pinfall is broken by Finlay! Lashley in, he slams Finlay’s head against the turnbuckle and takes Finlay out of the ring as Lashley continues to lay it into Finlay! On the other side of the outside, Mysterio is taking it to Orton! Benoit runs at JBL, who gets a boot into Benoit’s face. JBL runs and goes for the Clothesline From Hell but Benoit sets up for the Crippler Crossface! Finlay in and breaks the Crossface! Finlay goes for a short arm clothesline, but Benoit ducks and nails the fourth German! Benoit rolls outside, where JBL is, and dropkicks the steel steps – sending JBL’s fingers up against the steel pole . . or something. It hurts JBL’s fingers either way. Benoit kicks it again just for good measure. Benoit rolls JBL into the ring and nails the fifth German! Benoit tags in Mysterio, who nails the 619 to JBL, the springboard body drop gets the victory!
Winners : Lashley, Chris Benoit, and Rey Mysterio

Simply put, this was one HELL of a match. Ten out of Ten. I really did like this match. SmackDown fades out with the good guys celebrating.

So, for this week . . .

Match Rating
MNM verses Matt Hardy and Tatanka 6/10
Boogeyman verses The Dicks -3/10
Gregory Helms verses Psicosis 7/10
Orton, JBL, and Finlay verses Lashley, Benoit, and Mysterio 10/10
SmackDown 24/02/06 22/40

Could have been a lot worse. I gave two extra points. One for Lashley and one for Boogeyman. Nothing great in terms of entertainment, promo or storyline wise at least. A few weeks before WrestleMania and our World Heavy Weight Champion didn’t even make a live appearance. Surprisingly, nor did Mark Henry. Take the good with the bad I say. Worth watching simply for the second hour, unless you need to see Tatanka in a good match. Even if it wasn’t thanks to him. Hopefully tonight’s main event is an indication of JBL verses Chris Benoit for WreslteMania. Well, until tomorrow, Ciao Yáll!