Welcome to InsidePulse’s Live Coverage of TNA Impact. I am your host Jeremy Lambert. Nothing of important mention to begin this week except that TNA and Samoa Joe signed a new deal meaning he doesn’t have to job to Triple H for years to come. Next stuff is in italics.
We begin with a recap of last week.
The Impact opening video plays
Monty Brown vs. Jobber:
-What a way to build the Number One Contender, have him destroy some jobber in like 1 minute. I’m not going to bother with this one. I figure Monty will cut a promo after the match.
-POOOOUUUUUUNCE PERIOD!
Winner: Monty Brown
Hey what do you know, I was right, Monty Brown gets on the mic. He didn’t come here to beat some jobber. Then why the hell did that match take place? Monty tells us what kind of male he is. I thought he was the Alpha Male? Whatever, here comes the mo f*cking man Christian Cage. I like his “Got Charisma?” shirt, I think I’m going to buy one now. Christian says there will be no glass ceiling in TNA. Hey look, Christian makes another shoot comment on WWE. “Whats the capital of Thialand?” “why don’t you tell me Christian” “Bangcock” and then Christian hits him in the cock. HA! That was pretty funny I must admit. They brawl until security breaks them apart.
Commercials
Jeremy Borash is backstage with AMW. They are in this 8 Man Tag we heard about last week. It’s announced to be Jarrett, Abyss, and AMW against Rhino, Killings, and 3D. Jarrett walks into the screen with ALEX SHELLEY!!!! Yipee, another viewing party, do we actually get to view something this week?
Roderick Strong vs. AJ Styles:
-Lets see here, one man is heading into a 2 month suspension and the other man is heading into a X Division Title Match. I wonder who wins this one.
-Here’s a fun fact for the kids: AJ is currently wrestling Roderick Strong on TNA Impact AND wrestling in the ROH 4 Year Anniversary Main Event. He truely his the Phenomenal One.
-Daniels is on commentary and he schills Ultimate X. He can schill all he wants, I’m already buying the PPV.
-Strong hits a series of 2 backbreakers on AJ. I’m not gonna lie, Strong can perform one hell of a backbreaker in about 30 different ways
-Strong continues to work over the back of AJ
-AJ hits the springboard forearm
-Powerbomb/Styles Clash combo by AJ for the win
Winner – AJ Styles
Gail Kim is backstage with Gayda and Kim gives her a bag of clothes that Jeff wants her to wear. Maybe we get to see what Charlie Haas gets to see?
Commercials
Team Canada vs. The James Gang:
-Awwww, Kip and BG are wearing matching camo gear.
-BG does his usual shit on the mic, somebody get this guy a mirror
-Canada attacks BG before he finishes
-Kip sells the f*ck outta a chop block by Roode. Hell, I’ll go on record and say Kip James sold the chop block to the leg better than Undertaker sold his leg during the entire match against Angle. Write that down.
-Shake Rattle Roll on Roode
-Konnan comes in and hits BG with the slapjack
-Roode hits the Northern Lariat on BG for the win
Winners – Team Canada
HA! Borash or whoever the ring announcer is just said “Your Opponents, TEAM CANADA!” Idiot. LAX beats down BG and Kip until Bob Armstrong makes the save. Then Homicide and Machete are forced to sell for Armstrong. Konnan runs like a little bitch. How come he didn’t throw his shoe at him?
Commercials
Shark Boy vs. Samoa Joe:
-Even an interview with Mark Neeley can’t save Shark Boy from jobbing. Not bothering with this one, I’m sure Sharky will get in some offense, but it will be nothing more than a squash.
-Muscle Buster/Choke Out for the win
Winner – Samoa Joe
More backstage shit with Gail Kim and Jack Gayda. Gayda complains about her outfit.
Commercials
America’s Most Wanted vs. Rhino & Ron Killings:
-Before we start I want to give my buddy Chris a quick shout out because for some odd reason, Killings and Rhino are two of his favorite wrestler and they just happen to be teaming in the match. So shout out to Chris, too bad your favorite guys are going to lose.
-In another shout out….WAS UP? WAS UP? WAS UP? WAS UP? WAS UP? WAS UP? That’s my new favorite entrance.
Commercials
-According to Tenay, SpikeTV loves it when TNA puts on PPV Main Events on Impact.
-Blah, I’ve lost control of what’s been going on because Neeley keeps IMing me. Blame him…and Canada.
-Downward Spiral by Killings on Storm
-Rhino and Harris battle to the top of the entrance
-Rhino goes to Gore Harris on the ramp but Abyss attacks him from behind
-Holy shit, Abyss just hit the Black Hole Slam on Rhino through the f*cking entrance way. That was a cool ass spot.
-Death Sentance on Killings for the win
Winners – America’s Most Wanted
Backstage Borash is with The Golddiggers and Alex Shelley. Gayda enters the picture dressed as a maid. Shelley plays the Sting tape. Highlights:
-Sting picks up his kids from school
-Shelley provides from very good commentary
-Sting takes his kids home from school
-Shelley continues to provide some funny commentary
-Sting is playing basketball with his kids
-Sting goes to the gym
-Shelley provides more funny commentary
Eric Young still thinks Sting is coming back. Eric Young wants to no longer be known as Showtime because Sting says “It’s Showtime Folks” Jarrett wants Shelley to go back to LA and personally ask Sting if he quits wrestling FOREVER! Woooo that means more Shelley greatness next week.
End Show
