When I was in college, one of my homies and I collaborated on a theory that we called Instant Karmic Retribution.
The basis of the theory was that once a person became conscious of universal laws and golden rules and the like, they could no longer get away with some of the foul things that they used to do. It was our opinion that once the universe becomes aware of your awareness of the universe, you are subject to instant reprimand for any negative energy you emit.
For example, as an uncivilized turd, I could go pee on a neighbor’s garage and go to sleep that night as peacefully as a guy who volunteers to bathe old people. But if I had learned to put myself into the position of the garage-owner, who most likely prefers his garage pee-free, and I had tried to pee on his garage again, my penis, at that very moment, could be bitten by a grasshopper. And it would be all my fault.
If this hypothesis is true, it must mean that most rappers aren’t very aware of anything. Since most of them say terrible things on nine out of every twelve songs that they make.
Every now and then, to my delight, some rapper jerk’s karma catches up to him and he catches a bad one. To these assholes, I dedicate…
Great Moments in Rap Violence
Round One:
Jim Jones Trounced by Junior Mafia
If he looks sad, its because he knows we’re about to talk about him getting his ass whooped.
This supposedly took place in like 1999, but it could happen again tomorrow, and its probably happening somewhere right now.
At a Rucker Park street ball exhibition in NY, The Dip Set Sergeant caught it from all angles from various members of Biggie’s old clique, Junior Mafia.
What were the other members of the Diplomats doing while Jimmy was getting dealt with?
Well…there’s video footage of Cam’ron wlaking stealthily in the other direction…
Footage that’s narrated, for the record, by Lil’ Cease of the Junior Mafia, and he likes the slow motion button.
At the very least, he earned this beating by being a New Yorker with a perm.
Lil Flip Stomped Out by TI’s PSC Camp
Truth or Photoshop?…You make the call.
In 2004, Flip shows up to a TI video shoot to ambush him since the self-proclaimed “Prince of the South” had made some disparaging comments about Flip on Houston radio.
As the story goes, the two were set to go toe to toe when someone from Flip’s crew sucker punched TI, causing TI’s entire entourage to mash out Flip. Handing the southerner his worst beatdown since Namco sued him for sampling Pacman.
According to some accounts, he was knocked out cold and dragged through the street.
He deserved it for calling himself Flipperace, as in Liberace, and not realizing what that means…
Copywrite Catches a Pumpkinhead….Again
This is Copywrite attempting to give you a hug, so that you won’t hit him.
Underground hip-hop, in all it’s eclectic splendor, is not free of the bullyfoot.
This has been proven to New York punch-line rapper Copywrite on a couple of occasions now.
Once at last year’s scribble jam by Icon the Mic King…
Supposedly Copy, an well-known underground emcee, had jerked Icon on some money a few years back. Icon, while hosting the rap battle at the Scribble Jam, had laughed hard at some battler who spit the line “getting f*cked up like Copywrite in a lobby fight…”
This is Icon and Copy talking about it.
This is Icon getting pissed…
This is Icon doing a Tarzan yell after connecting with Copy’s jaw at maximum strength.
Copy deserved this one for being a scrawny man that raps about beating people up.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time Copy got served in ’05.
He used to be in a crew called the Weathermen, consisting of Vast Aire, Yak Ballz, Breezly Brewin, and others.
Well he’s not a member anymore.
Weatherman Camu Tao, put a swell beating on Copy in April of last year for some comments he’d made about the crew.
This is Camu wearing his little brother’s Levi’s and tussling with Copy.
These are the cheap brass knucks that Copy (who raps about having guns) rocked to try to gain an advantage.
This is Copy’s face after the thrashing.
He deserved this one for having a big head and small body.
A homie of mine that writes over at blogspot.com has his own list of rappers who deserve to be mollywopped.
My man, George had this to say…
Above is an actual website that I found while perusing the Internet… I know plenty of rappers are pissed that this trade secret got out (I know Kevin Federline is sweatin’ bullets!)… Unfortunately though, there are some lyricists out there that could probably use the tutorial this website offers, hell, they need somethin’. You know what though? Forget that. They’ve had long enough to tighten their skills. These rat bastards need to be taught a lesson for making our ears bleed with the ish they distribute disguised as real music. I propose that we beat them down with the bass and treble they use to hide the fact that they are truly terrible. This is why the list has been born, behold the Wack-Ass Wannabe’s Hitlist for 2006… if you’re on here – that ass is grass, patna! {By the way, this list was created by the speak. family – Brittastic, Pimp Hand Strong and yours truly}
1. Black Eyed Peas – The verdict is in, and the human race approves: these bastards need to go! Like “Who Let the Dogs Out” before it, “My Humps” is so monumentally inane, slapped together and tossed-off that it truly tests the definition of “song.” I’d actually like to listen to Lil Jon sing opera acapella than listen to this garbage.
2. Cam’Ron – any rapper who wears pink as much as he does cannot be called Killa. Cammy Baby gets the beat down for introducing the world to the DipShit movement (I meant DipSet)…
3. D12 – you’ve got Eminem… and a 300lb Black man in a shower cap – that does not make for good entertainment
4. Dem Franchize Boyz – for allowing grown men to think that a white t-shirt is appropriate club attire
5. E-40 – For confusing people worldwide with the gibberish he speaks (what’s crackin, pimperish? Here comes the po-po…)
6. Lil Flip – because you are a 6 foot leprechaun who we want to kick the Lucky Charms out of…
7. Lil Wayne – Sure, he’s not saying stuff like “wobbledy-wobbledy, drop it like it’s hot” anymore but “she need her candle lit, and I’m a wax that” or “Quick Draw McGraw, I went to art school” probably would still get you laughed out of a Terror Squad cipher.
8. Ma$e – for coming back to rap after ordainment (Because I know that the G in G-Unit doesn’t stand for gospel…) and for that last album
9. Master P – this “raptreneur” officially earned his beat down from a myriad of reasons such as: Dancing with the Stars (nuff said) and making rappers believe that they should put out their own B movies (e.g. I Got Tha Hook-Up, Foolish, Hot Boys).
10. Mike Jones – Back then, we didn’t want you – and today we still don’t – stop repeating yourself like a broken 8-track… plus I’m tired of every time I say who; some dumb-ass calls out his name….
11. Mobb Deep/MOP/Freeway – for signing with G-Unit.
12. Remy Ma – for having the nerve to be conceited (cuz she looks too good to be trying that – wow…)..
13. Snoop Dogg – for not yet releasing another album with Dr. Dre (he hasn’t sounded as hot since Doggy Style), for bringing the Bishop everywhere he goes and being damn-near 40 still trying to gang-bang.
14. Ying Yang Twinz – Wait til you see my fist…. because matching disabilities does not make you a twin.
15. Young Jeezy – Is it just me or does this dude have the vocabulary of a bad ass pre-schooler? Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh….
16. Those who need their ass whipped just for existing – Cassidy, Chingy, Daddy Yankee, and a host of other people that we don’t have time to name. We could do this all day, but we’ll stop here.
George’s blog can be found Here
Peace for now.
Let’s all pray that our Karma can teach us lessons without sending us to the hospital…
OpenMikeEagle
Out.
