The Amazing Race 9 – Recap – Episode 1

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I’m baaaack. Miss me? Of course you did. Read me NOW, read Miss Allie and/or RNO later.

Welcome to Inside Pulse’s LIVE coverage of The Amazing Race 9. I’m your intrepid recapper, Kevin Wong, and this is the pre-show. For those of you unfamiliar with my rambling monologues, I post some commentary about what’s happened on the show in weeks past and what I think will happen this week. Sometimes, you get a couple of paragraphs. Other times, you’ll get a long essay. But my main goal here is to entertain you and give you a feel for the show as you watch it.

Since I’ve already done a preview (with predictions) here, I’m just gonna let you know what to expect with the Live Recap.

1) While I try to be detailed, I will miss things. The main idea here is to give you an idea as to what each team is doing, and at the beginning, when everything is chaotic, things get missed.

2) Since I live in Canada, I watch the Canadian feed of the show on CTV. Most of the time, I don’t have a choice about this – Canadian regulations allow for the Canadian station to overlay the CBS feed with their own. This is important because the Canadian feed generally starts off a little behind the American feed and ends ahead of the American feed.

3) I AM BIASED, and if I don’t like a team, I have been known to go out of my way to slam them if the opportunity arises. I have done this with both the Weavers and Lynn and Alex on previous seasons, and will probably have a new “villain” to pick on this season. On the flipside, I strive not to show favouritism for any one team, so feel free to call me out on that if I do.

4) Race Lingo:
– Bunch up/bottleneck: There are several points in the Race where teams that have been separated by hours end up in a pack due to “operating hours” or departure times (sometimes enforced by the Race producers). Sometimes, this borders on the ridiculous and you’ll see what I mean as time goes on.

– Checkpoint/clue box/route marker: I use all these terms at various times, but they mean the same thing. Teams are required to find yellow and red (sometimes yellow and white) clue boxes to pick up their next set of directives.

– Detour: A choice between two different ways to accomplish a goal or reach a destination. There are pros and cons with either choice, but the general varieties are:
– Luck versus skill
– Easy (but slow) versus demanding (but quick)
– Safe but slow versus scary but fast

– Finish Line: Three out of the eleven teams will make it to the final leg of the Race. The Finish Line is just that – the endpoint of the Race. So when I use “make it to the Finish Line” I’m alluding to a top three finish.

– Fast Forward: A few legs will have this option, where a team can opt to perform a task that allows them to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the Pit Stop – the first team to complete the task gets the Fast Forward. A team can claim only one Fast Forward during the Race.

– Pit Stop: The final destination for each leg of the Race, where each team checks in and is required to stop racing for at least twelve hours. The last team to arrive is generally eliminated from the competition.

– Philiminated: Racers came up with this phrase in either Season Two or Three since Phil Koeghan (the host) is always the one to tell a team that they’ve been eliminated from the Race. And yes, they even sell a T-Shirt with the phrase:

– Roadblock: This is a task in which only one member of the team can perform, and each team member can only perform a maximum of six Roadblocks.

– Sequesterville: The name given (again, in either Season Two or Three) to the place eliminated Racers head to until they’re taken to the Finish Line to cheer on the Final Three.

– Yield: A controversial checkpoint where one team can force another team to stop racing for a predetermined amount of time. Each team can only use a Yield once but there is no limit as to how many times a team can be Yielded.

OK, in the preview I listed

as the first team to be Philiminated, and I’m sticking to that. Will I be correct? We’ll find out at roughly 10:53pm!!

The Amazing Race 9, Episode 1, Here We Go, Baby, Off to Win a Million Dollars

Mountains. Lots of mountains. We’re in Denver, Colorado, the starting point for our race around the world. The teams head to the Red Rock Pavilion to start the race. The teams are:

Michelle and Lake, married couple.

Danielle and Dani, best friends and devilish women.

BJ and Tyler, friends and hippies (the tie die doesn’t give it away at all).

Yolanda and Ray, long distance dating (uh-oh) and intense.

John and Scott, lifelong friends. I guess they’re gay, but in the Danny and Oswald vein, not the Reichen and Chip vein.

Monica and Joseph, dating.

Eric and Jeremy, friends and workophobes.

Lisa and Joni, sisters and “Amazons”.

Fran and Barry, married 40 years.

Wanda and Desiree, cougar and daughter.

Lori and David, dating and nerds.

Can these teams withstand the stress of traveling 60,000 miles together, and who will win… The Amazing Race?

Phil gives us his opening spiel. He notes that success depends on the duos working as a team. Teams must pay for everything from the provided money except airline tickets. 8 Pit Stops are elimination points. The first team to corss the Finish Line will win One. Million. Dollars. We get the Koeghan’s eyebrow… and GO! They’re up the steps.

They’re told to head to the airport and take one of three flights to Sao Paolo, Brazil, and head to the Unique Hotel rooftop. The flights are:

1) American, departing at 1:40pm
2) Continental 498, departing at 2:30pm
3) United, departing 3:31

BJ (or is that Tyler?) notes that they have $140 for this leg. Teams are scrambling for their Benzes (nice!). And we get the

Opening Credits

Lake notes that they’re to park at Pikes Peak lot.. Lots of shots of the teams heading out. Eric and Jeremy are planning to hit on Danielle and Dani.

John is worried about flying on a small plane. And if it’s Continental, there’s a good chance that it’s a puddle jumper.

Ray notes that you can’t reserve the tickets over the phone, and Lake tries to do just that.

Monica and Joseph, the Hippies and Wanda and Desiree are neck and neck, with Fran and Barry and Eric and Jeremy close behind.

Danielle and Dani arrive at the lot first, and several teams are close behind. Lisa and Joni and John and Scott are on the same shuttle. They decide to head to Continental.

Danielle and Dani book American, which arrives at 9:45am. Continental arrives at 10:35, and United 9:52.

Meanwhile, Michelle and Lake (in last) realize the folly of not reading instructions. “Dagummit”.

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The packed shuttle arrives, and teams run around trying to find seats. There’s lots of confusion, as teams head to United.

So the flights break down like this:

American
Danielle and Dani (“Double D”)
BJ and Tyler
Fran and Barry

Continental
Lisa and Joni
Michelle and Lake
Yolanda and Ray
Monica and Joseph

United
Eric and Jeremy
Wanda and Desiree
Lori and David
John and Scott

All teams are making their way to Sao Paolo, but delays have changed the arrival times. This should be interesting.

10:15. The United flight arrives. Wanda has an advantage in that she speaks Spanish and Portugese.

10:20 (or so). The American flight arrives and the teams rush for the taxis.

10:55. The Continental flight arrives yadda yadda yadda.

Unique Hotel. Wanda and Desiree arrive at the checkpoint first, and are told to travel 3 miles by taxi to Viaduto (bridge) Santa Efigenia and search for their next clue..

Eric and Jeremy are second to get the clue. John and Scott (“the gay guys”) are third. The Hippies (with comical music) are fourth.

Fran and Barry arrive, as do Lori and David and Double D. Eric and Jeremy give us our first “rapido” of the season. It’s just not The Amazing Race without it.

Viaduto Santa Efigenia. Wanda and Desiree maintain their lead, with the hippies, Eric and Jeremy and Fran and Barry close behind. Lori and David arrive as well. John and Scott are lost.

Meanwhile, Monica and Joseph find the clue, and Michelle and Lake are ahead of “the black team”. Very PC, Lake is. But Yolanda and Ray do arrive, ahead of the sisters.

Wanda and Desiree find the cluebox, and it’s a

Detour – Motorhead or Rotorhead
Motorhead – Travel one mile “through Sao Paolo traffic” and assemble a motorbike.
Rotorhead – Travel 3 miles and locate one of three buildings, and travel to it via helicopter. There are a limited number of teams allowed to travel to each building, which are different distances away from the heliport.

The women decide on Rotorhead, as do the Hippies, Eric and Jeremy, and the Nerds. But Fran and Barry can’t find the cluebox.

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Fran and Barry STILL cannot find the cluebox, and Double D have caught up to them. They try to help the older couple, but they get blown off. They find the clue, and decide to do “the first task”.

John and Scott are still lost. Wanda and Desiree pass the designated entrance. The Hippies and “the Frat Boys” are neck and neck, and they also miss the entrance. Meanwhile, Lori and David arrive first. They start looking through the manual as the Hippies and the Frat Boys arrive.

Hippies and Frat Boys decide to go to Hotel Luis Gonzaga, while Lori and David decide to head to the Atrium V. All three teams are neck and neck. Meanwhile, Wanda and Desiree arrive and decide to go to Hotel Melia, which is actually the farthest away from the heliport.

Double D have apparently gone “American Chopper”, and try to enlist some help with no success. I’m thinking that showing some more cleavage would help them.

Fran and Barry are still looking as Monica and Joseph arrive. They both find it and decide on Motorhead. Fran thinks that it wasn’t there before. Joseph “muy rapido’s” his taxi driver.

Michelle and Lake arrive and LAKE decides on Motorhead, as do Yolanda and Ray. Lisa and Joni are at the bridge. Meanwhile, John and Scott decide to walk. Scott tries to find the train station.

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Lisa and Joni are stuck in traffic, and think it’s different from where they live, but they live in HOUSTON, and I can tell you from experience that they know what traffice’s life. Eric and Jeremy land on a rooftop and look for clues. The Hippies are right behind. They find the clue, which tells them to travel 5 miles to Santa Cecilia and locate a warehouse – 114A. Once there, they will experience a traditional ritual, light a candle, and get their next clue. The Frat Boys tell the Hippies that they’ll see them at the Finish Line.

Lori and David are next to land and find their clue. Wanda and Desiree arrive at a posh hotel and speak in Spanish.

Monica and Joseph overshoot the garage. Joe is a wee bit frustrated.

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We’re back with Monica and Joseph and some Zeppelin-esque music. In the garage, Double D quit and head to the copters as Fran and Barry arrive. The girls decide to observe the older couple first, see that they’re not doing too hot and decide that switching is the best option.

Michelle and Lake arrive at the garage and Barry observes. Lake lets them because they’re ahead of other teams anyway. Yolanda and Ray arrive and we get a show of Yolanda’s firm ass and Brazilians appreciating said ass. Meanwhile, John and Scott and the sisters are still looking. John and Scott find the clue first and they decide on Rotorhead. The cougars are a bit behind and decide on Rotorhead.

Frat Boys and Hippies are first to land and grab some taxis as Monica and Joseph (“mojo”) arrive. Lori and David land and head out just ahead of Wanda and Desiree. MoJo find the building as Lake has some assembly problems. He does finish and they’re off. But the other two couples are still having problems.

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Back, and Fran and Barry decide to switch tasks and head to the heliport. Meanwhile, Double D arrive at the heliport and take off. And John and Scott FINALLY arrive. Monica and Joseph land and head out, crossing paths with the Cougars. And John and Scott arrive as the Cougars find a location and head to a waiting helicopter. Fran and Barry head out next. And John and Scott find a location and we head to an

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Frat Boys find the warehouse, and they party like it’s 1999. They’re told to travel 2.5 miles to Stadia el Pacamenbu (a World Cup soccer stadium), the Pit Stop for the first leg of the Race, where presumably the teammates must dive and pretend that they’ve been shot. The Hippies are close behind. Meanwhile, the Nerds complete the task and head out. Wanda and Desiree are in fourth, as the Brazilian men continue to leer at Yolanda. But the team finish the task, and head out.

Double D arrive at the Atrium and head back to the heliport. Fran and Barry find their clue, so it looks like a race between the Cougars and notDanny/Oswald. And we’re already getting elimination confessionals from John and Scott, so I’m not holding out much hope for these two at this point.

Double D land, with Fran and Barry close behind. Meanwhile, Michelle and Lake light a candle, get their clue, and head to the Pit Stop. Monica and Joseph are next to complete the task. Monica gives a very Eastern bow. The Cougars land and can’t find a taxi, ahead of Fran and Barry and John and Scott. And of course this is the perfect time for an

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Back, and it’s gonna be “close” to avoid Philimination. But first, team number one is… Eric and Jeremy!! And as the winners of this leg, we get to see a ball-juggling Brazilian and Ten. Thousand. Dollars. Each. I bet they spend it on strippers.

Team number two are BJ and Tyler. They’re fueled by the Race.

The third team to arrive are… Wanda and Desiree, followed by a misdirected Lori and David, who did better than I anticipated.

Back to the warehouse, as Yolanda and Ray complete the task. Double D are stuck in traffic, but we’re not particularly worried about them. Fran and Barry complete the task, and take Double D’s taxi.

Michelle and Lake are team number five. Lake collapses. Monica and Joseph arrive as team number six.

The Cougars go the wrong way as John and Scott are stuck in traffic. Scott tries Genie power, and NOW I really hope they lose.

Yolanda and Ray arrive in seventh. Team number eight are Fran and Barry, and Danielle and Dani arrive in ninth.

So we’re doen to two teams. The Cougars arrive first, so only a colossal f*ckup will eliminate them. John and Scott finish the task, and the producers rachet up the tension. And team number ten are…

Lisa and Joni!!

John and Scott are the last team to arrive, and they are the first team to get Philiminated this season. And I’m honestly quite surprised. I thought they’d go much later.

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Next week, chemistry brews between Double D and the Frat Boys (yeah, I’m shocked too), and Fran embraces her inner Tarzan. Or not.

Kevin has been an Insider since 2003, writing on a variety of topics ranging from The Amazing Race to Mixed Martial Arts. His current hobbies include Fantasy Football, Sporcle, travelling, making liberal use of his DVR and wondering what the heck he's gonna do when his two daughters are old enough to date. You can follow Kevin on Twitter (@starvenger).