Ever since the show featuring Matt Cappotelli’s public revelation that he had brain cancer, OVW has been the best tv show in wrestling. This week’s show featured not only the semi-finals of the OVW Title Tournament, but also the return of Charlie Haas to WWE-affiliated programming, Shelly Martinez’s sex crazed character go after Paul Birchall, and probably the funniest promo I’ve ever seen. This is also the last show of the February series for OVW television, which includes the Cappotelli appearance, the Albright heel turn, the quarter-finals, semi-finals of the torunament, and the return of Mr. Kennedy. The entire February series is available on DVD or VHS at www.ovwrestling.com.
CM PUNK AND BRENT ALBRIGHT WON THEIR SEMI-FINAL MATCHES TO ADVANCE TO THE FINALS THIS TO DETERMINE THE OVW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
The semi-finals were set to tease either Punk vs Albright in the finals, or tag team champions Miz vs Chris Cage fighting each other in the finals. Kennedy confronted Punk about interfering in Albright’s match, but Punk assured Kennedy he wouldn’t do such a thing. Punk asked Kennedy if WWE would also request Spirit Squad not interfere in the Punk vs Cage match later in the show, but Kennedy started talking about how Spirit Squad is Mr. McMahon’s pet project, they’re kinda untouchable. When Punk left the room he was in, it was revealed he had attacked, tied up, and taped the mouths of Nick Nemeth and Ken Doane of the Spirit Squad. Nemeth was all tied up and had Punk’d written across his forehead. So Punk did not interfere with Brent Albright’s semi-final match with The Miz, which was an excellent match. Albright reversed out of the Mizard of Oz and hit the half nelson Exploder suplex for the pin. Later, Jeter and Mondo and Nick Mitchell were in a bathroom vowing revenge on Punk when Punk came out of a toilet stall. The Spirit Squad was going to jump him, but Punk reached in his jacket like he had a weapon. Punk said, “you wanna interfere in my match, just follow me through this door!” Punk then revealed his weapon, a smelly substance that I think was raw liver or some kind of uncooked disgusting meat. Punk threw it down on the floor and walked out the door. Mitchell picked up the substance, and Mondo said, “that looks like the stuff that gets eaten by The Boogeyman!” That’s when the bathroom door flew open, and Boogeyman appeared. Punk had trapped The Spirit Squad in the bathroom with Boogeyman eating the smelly substance, now his lunch, as a way to block the door! Punk went on to face Chris Cage in the semi-finals. Excellent match, with Brent Albright at ringside the entire match. When Punk pinned Cage, Albright attacked Punk and whipped him with the heavy leather strap viciously to build up to this week’s Punk vs Albright finals for the OVW Heavyweight Championship.
MR KENNEDY AND THE FUNNIEST PROMO I’VE EVER SEEN
The tv show opens with a newscast hosted by Mr. Kennedy, who read the news about the semi-finals like he was Brian Williams on NBC News. Kennedy, who is billed as the WWE representative for the OVW Title Tournament, ran down the semi-final matches of the night, and said WWE is interested in expanding OVW into the Hispanic community, so the new co-host of the news is El Presidente Osama Rodriguez Alejandro. On tv, it was a little hard to hear the new newscasters, because the balance in the sound with the audience is not so good. But it was still just a lot of fun to watch this unfold. Then, Kennedy read the big news story of the day, which is the fact that The Spirit Squad have vowed that CM Punk will never make it to the finals of the tournament. Osama was supposed to translate, but was looking at his script like he couldn’t find the right translation, and then just smiled and broadcasted, “tu madre is a big puta!” This got a roar from the live crowd watching on the OVW tron. Then Kennedy said, “as a matter of fact, The Spirit Squad has vowed Punk won’t even finish his match with Chris Cage tonight!” Osama then talked about “uno Punk and cinco maricone bendejo cheerleaders,” and that’s when Kennedy said, “you’re not really repeating what I’m saying, are you?” Osama said, “don’t worry, it’s ok, because I am going to be Dictator of Los Kentukos. I’m your Presidente!” and then went into introducing himself as only he can. This has to be seen.
SHELLY MARTINEZ’S STAR TURN CONTINUED AS CHARLIE HAAS RETURNED TO WWE-AFFILIATED PROGRAMMING
The match between OVW Television Champion Aaron “The Idol” Stevens and challenger Paul Bichall continued to be built up as Idol’s sex crazed valet Shelly Martinez did more crazy fatal attraction promos. Elijah Burke vs Senor Roberto Dawber was the first match of the tv show, and Dawber was accompanied to the ring by Sosay, who was announced as Press Secretary for the Osama Rodriguez Alejandro Revolution. During the match, Shelly ran to ringside and attacked Sosay, and beat her violently. Burke pinned Dawber, but Shelly then climbed on top of the OVW Announce Desk and cut a crazy promo to Al Snow. Later, Shelly burst into a locker room promo and talked about Paul Birchall, and how if Birchall just took Idol up on his original offer, Birchall could have had Shelly for one hot night with no strings attached. But Birchall decided to take Shelly when he wanted her, so now there are strings attached. Shelly plays the fatal attraction psycho b**ch to perfection. Idol said it’s time to go to another plan, and a wrestler with a towel over his head was sitting in Idol’s locker room. That wrestler turned out to be Charlie Haas, who had an excellent match with Paul Birchall, who came to the ring in his new Smackdown Pirate regalia. Haas kept going for the Olympic Slam, but Birchall would counter it every time. Haas was really intense in the match. Birchall won with the C-4, and Haas looks great, best shape he’s been in since he was in Team Angle.
A GREAT MOMENT WITH THE HIGHLANDERS
As Mr. Kennedy and El Presidente Osama Rodriguez Alejandro were looking for CM Punk to warn him not to interfere in Brent Albright’s match, they ran into the Highlanders. As one Highlander would talk to Mr. Kennedy, he’d say, “I understand Mr. Kennedy,” and then the taller Highlander would yell out, “Kennedy!” The Highlanders were part of a dark match teaming with Seth Skyfire against Deuce Shade, Domino, and the always entertaining Kasey James. When The Highlanders came out, people were imitating their promo style. The other dark match of the night saw Roadkill pin Jack Bull, with Roadkill getting a big pop coming out and a “Roadkill” chant after the match.
CM PUNK VS BRENT ALBRIGHT FOR THE TITLE THIS WEEK
This Wednesday at the Davis Arena in Louisville will feature the final round for the OVW Heavyweight Title with CM Punk vs Brent Albright for the championship that was vacated when Matt Cappotelli relinquished the title. Directions to the Davis Arena are available at www.ovwrestling.com.
MATT CAPPOTELLI UPDATE
Matt appeared at a local church this weekend and talked about his faith. I know some people who were there, and they all say even people who didn’t know who he was, were all moved very much by him and he was received very well by the people at the church.
