“Thanks for voting for contestant 11”, were the last words I heard until I fell asleep with my phone in my hand on redial. Well, actually I was hoping I was calling Ace himself to see what he’s up to. It’s no wonder Simon’s in love with Ace, he’s finally got the “American Idol” he’s been looking for when he created the show. I know, I know… it’s not a beauty contest… but it’s an IDOL contest and I certainly am not gonna have a poster of Kevin Covais or Bucky Covington on my wall! I’ve already redecorated my room and my school locker with Ace Young. And I’ve been writing I heart Ace all over my notebooks. Wait. I’m not 14.
Simon’s looking for that “X” Factor, which apparently means X-rated because everyone (men and women) want him… even Simon and Randy… but I think they want him in a different way… someone that would sell posters and t-shirts and frozen food and most importantly, make it on the cover of Tiger Beat and Teen Beat magazines. Merchandising and screaming teenagers is what Simon had in mind. How do I know? Cause my bizarre crush for him tells me so. Simon’s eyes are like Richie Rich’s frickin’ dollar signs when he thinks about Ace. He KNOWS that he’s the most marketable for this show.
How the hell did this kid bump out my 8 year crush on Mark McGrath? Pretty powerful stuff. I haven’t been this stupid about a music idol since Ricky Martin. Not the ‘we-kick-you-out-when-you-turn-16-Menudo-Ricky’ but the ‘Cup of Life Ricky’. And I was in love with George Michael when he was in Wham! So, what are you trying to say? I like ambiguously gay men?
I KNEW they’d save Ace’s performance till the end so they’d get crazy ratings. Fox ain’t no dummie. And neither is Simon.
OK, Ok… enough about Ace. Let’s get onto the others who are hoping to get their name in lights:
Girls
Mandisa
Why do I wanna call her Mandinka… like that Sinead O’ Connor song? Oh yeah, cause she looks just like Sinead. But her version of Heart’s “Never” didn’t quite live up to the soul that Anne Wilson can bring. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “DeeDee, lemme git this straight… this big, soulful, Simon-forgiving, black woman didn’t have as much soul as a big, white, woman from Seattle Frickin Washington!?!?” Yup. The only thing Mandisa and Ann Wilson have in common is too obvious to point out.
Kellie Pickler
A crowd favorite. Not mine. Sweet. Not the best voice or song choice. I’m having my doubts about her making the top 6 chix.
Becky O’Donahue
Becky Becky Becky. You’re a beautiful girl. You have a voice… for deaf people with 20/20 vision. Your stunning, drop dead gorgeous looks will take you far. Unfortunately, this competition is run by women and gay men. This is why Ace will win.
Ayla Brown
She did a really good version of this song. I think this was one of the best performances of the night. Definitely, yep, she’s in the top 6 of the girls.
Paris Bennett
Ok, if it’s not Ace, it’s Paris. I love this little girl. Such a sweetie. Sounded just like Gladys Knight. She may have been a little too over the top, facial expressions, pointing, toot tootin’ like a choo choo train. But we all love Paris.
Stevie Scott
I couldn’t figure out if you’re opera. Enya, or Daryl Hannah’s character Madison from “Splash”. Better luck next time. Oh, wait… there IS NO next time.
Brenna
I actually think she did a good job singing Stevie Wonder. Her attitude, for some reason, has kept the judges liking her (for ratings?). However, like I said, this show’s demo is mostly women and gays and women don’t like her sass. Doubt she’ll make the top 6 girls.
Heather Cox
She’s cute. The song wasn’t. Surprised she lasted.
Melissa McGhee
Looks just like my friend Maggie, so I like her. But for some reason, she was forgettable. I didn’t even remember she was in the competition. She needs to really turn it up if she wants to last.
Lisa Tucker
I like this girl. She’s cute, classy, great voice and good family… and only 16! She’s really impressed Simon, which is huge.
Kinnik Sky
I love “Get Here” by Oleda Adams, and I really enjoyed the performance. There were a few glitches, but overall it was a good performance. Damn, that girl can give Angelina Jolie a run for her money in the lip department!
Katharine McPhee
Fox knows what they’re doing. As Ryan said, “Save the best for last”. It would’ve been funny if she sang Vanessa Williams, huh? But that version of “Since I Fell For You” was incredible. This girl can sing with such ease. I wasn’t nervous for her at all. She exuded such confidence, that you have confidence that she’s gonna hit every note perfectly. And she did.
Boys
Patrick Hall
Ok, so it’s ok for Brenna to sing a song by a guy (Stevie Wonder) but apparently, many people were voicing their opinions about Patrick singing a song by a chic (Melissa Etheridge). Even Simon noted it. And technically, if Melissa’s a lesbian, does that really matter? Nope. He still sung it like crap.
David Radford
David. Just sing all Harry Connick, Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin songs and be done with it. Whenever you sing anything else, like, oh, I dunno… Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”, it’s uncomfortable.
Kevin Covais
Does he have a lisp? Yeah, he does! No American Idol of mine lisssspppsss… Kevin, nice guy. American Idol you are not.
Bobby Bennett
Copa-frickin-cabana? The song choice alone was his one way ticket to get off the show. I like his sense of humor and positive attitude. But he looks like he’s in a fat suit.
Bucky Covington
Surprisingly good performance. I do want to do an ambush makeover on his sorry ass 1980’s hair band split ends! His teeth are worse than Elliott’s. But he did choose a great song for his style. Way to not get the boot, Buck!
Chris Daughtry
He’s in the top. And I do believe Paula has a crush on him as well as Ace. I swear Paula’s got a great job. But Chris’s version of Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” was one to beat.
Will Makar
If Peter AND Bobby Brady, Donny Osmond, the kid from the Wonder Years, and John Mayer had a kid, THIS is exactly what he would look like. He’s such a cutie that his adorable smile and looks will put him in the top.
Gedeon McKinney
I don’t know which black power leader Gedeon was channeling when he was explaining which song he was gonna sing, but I swear this kid is reincarnated from the 60’s… and he sang “Shout”. Simon didn’t like his smile. I thought he did a good job and made me want to rent “Animal House” and throw a toga party.
Sway
Simon was totally off with Sway’s excellent rendition of Earth Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”. As soon as he said that was the song he was gonna sing…I got worried. I like Sway and to hear the high notes worried me. But he completely pulled it off. In a purple velvet jacket. In a sideways chapeau. Nice style Sway. In the top.
Elliott Yamin
We can’t figure this enigma out. Looks like something from Narnia or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or a scary Leprechaun movie. Looks like the before picture for serious dental work. Sings like a star. Good job Elliott. When mine Irish eyes are CLOSED!
Ace Young
Father Figure. You have 4 other brothers. I want to meet your father, shake his hand and tell him job well done. Ok, and your mom, too. Actually, let’s do this over Thanksgiving dinner with ALL of your brothers. Talk about a delicious dinner!
Taylor Hicks
I like Taylor. He’s a great spirit. But I think he’s way too pigeon holed into one genre of music: whackin’ your arms and hands against your body as hard as you can while you’re body’s feelin’ the music through spasms. Watch us all find out later that he’s got something wrong with him…
Bye Bye, Miss American Pie.
It was sad to see Becky go. She was the only thing giving Simon something to look forward to looking at each week. And she was the only hope for bringing in the straight male audience. I think Bobby and Stevie just chose the wrong songs and Patrick didn’t pull his off well enough.
This week should be good. I predict Heather and Brenna out for the girls and Kevin and Gedeon out for the boys.
I hate to see ’em go!
