Welcome to a very special edition, but first…
THE MAILBAG IS THE ROXOR!1!!1
hey guys,
I hate Vince. Since he’s getting older and apparently changes in his body are turning his prominent business into a train wreck. His decisions are questionable (if not downright awful) and it’s clearly showing.
1) Eddie Guerrero. Enough. Let the man and his family rest in piece.
Welcome to the club. Like the Triple-H haters club last week, we have jackets on back-order. The price to get one is by hating Vince, or in other words, being a wrestling fan.
2) Tim White isn’t funny. A lot of people are affected by suicide and to let this continue because you think it’s laughable (Vince’s words) that’s sick
No beef with that. Let’s just be glad it’s only an online feature.
3) The decimation of the CW, Women’s and Tag Team division. They used to all mean something, but Vince would rather have midgets on TV than people who can wrestle. Let Cheney loose on Vince.
Based on Octagoncito and the gang being on Velocity for the last few weeks, I don’t think we have to worry about the Junior’s Division on television anymore. And yes, all of those divisions suck. Notably RAW’s tag division, which I don’t even know still exists.
If they held open call for the chairman position, I’d guess Helen Keller could do a better job than Vince has now.
Looking forward to next weeks column.
Johnny
I don’t know if you guys get sick of the same people sending in e-mail, but
I felt compelled to write in yet again after this week’s.
Not at all, in fact, we encourage it.
First of all, THANK YOU MARK NEELEY, for seeing what Against All Odds really
was! I also saw the show, and agree with your review. Too many people are,
like you said, saying it was a good show for the Joe match and Christian
winning the title. And yeah, Christian should have at least won the title
in a match that wasn’t a joke. Neeley brought up a good point in that there
was only one way Jarrett could still win after missing a top rope Stroke,
and that would be the guitar shot, and after he kicked out of that the gap
was closed.
You’re welcome. I’m glad someone else sees it from my point of view also.
Jed, when you go home and watch it, prepare to be bored until you get to the
triple threat.
Many agreements with both of you for giving high praise to the WWE employees
for speaking up on the Eddie Guerrero situation. This was a matter that
seemed to slip by a lot of columns, but I guess this is why your guys’
column is one of my top priorities to read.
We felt it was a good oppurtunity to do it.
By the way, who comes up with those closing statements? They do make you
think…
– Craig Z
I, Neeley, come up with those. However, I can’t say they are all original. But if I like something I see, I usually throw it in there. But that doesn’t mean they are all that way. For example, the closing statement in the column two weeks ago had the Big Show Stacker 2 slur from PWI magazine, but the Eugene in the Rumble spot I made up myself.
The View From The Cheap Seats is a great column.
Particles to build up only wind sinking to low grounds… endothermic reaction. The Beatles once ruled the world and now well music is on such a downfall… like a downward spiral going straight to hell.
It will only be a matter of time now.
I was wondering if you guys could send me a grasshoper costume. Nothing fancy, but I trust you, with some Chinese stars, 50 or so, bundled up like how I buy my comics. My size is Medium. It adds purpose to existence.
What do you guys feel about hazing? It needs to be STOPPED !!!!!!!!111oneone
The My Lai Massacre was horrible.
I…
Don’t know…
Just where I’m going…
Cuz when the blood begins to flow…
And it shoots out the dropper’s neck…
When I’m closing in on it…
El Coyote wavelength
Okay, before you ask, yes, this IS a real e-mail. This has already raised a lot of suspision in the Super Secret Writers’ Forum as well as elsewhere. We are clueless. However, I do have an update. Matthew Michaels has supposedly sent this El Coyote Wavelength guy a grasshopper costume. [Insert whatever joke you can think of here]. We’ll see how it goes…
Hi there…
Has anyone any idea where the royal rumbe 2007 is likely to be held.
With regards
Mark Lee
Nope.
_______________________________
The well-beaten (like a dead horse) path to WrestleMania
Jed: With WrestleMania upon us in short order (and a slow news week), Mark and I thought it would be a change of pace to look at where the Road To WrestleMania might be leading.
We all know what’s booked so far: Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon, the three title matches, plus at least 3 people in a Money In The Bank match. Edge vs. Foley is all but locked in. The path they take in between now and then is almost meaningless … promos, ambushes, you know the drill. What I’m gonna talk about is the matches that aren’t booked yet. What might be, based on the current booking and, maybe, a little luck.
Money In The Bank: Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. ?
The return of MITB is … well … I’m not a big fan of “throw-them-together-because-we-have-nothing-to-do-for-them” clusterf*cks, mainly because, as a writer, it pisses me off that they couldn’t find something to do for a large group of people. If this year’s MITB mirrors last year, that means SIX PEOPLE will be tossed in simply because they were too lazy to book these people into programs. That’s lazy. Now, assuming we get six, we still have some open slots … tossing in three Smackdown people makes the most sense. Over on that side, we got Finlay and Lashley open … problem is, neither has been around long enough to be believable contenders. Neither is the one other person with a notable storyline and a title reign to his name, Orlando Jordan. The problem is, after that, the roster gets REALLY thin: The Mexicools? Regal? Steven Richards? Scotty? And if they make it Raw-exclusive, they have a whole new set of problems: Carlito, Chris Masters, Kane, Big Show … after that, we get into Snitsky, Goldust, Eugene, and a fleet of jobbers too numerous to mention. Look for them to split it with Smackdown, and toss in Finlay, Lashley and Jordan, simply because they have no one else. I’d like to see RVD go over, but I think it’ll come down to a battle between the Goldberg-esque push of Lashley vs. the workrate of Shelton … and Vince loves his big men …
World Tag Championship match: Kane & Big Show vs. Carlito & Masters
The tag titles are beyond dead on Kane & Big Show; their victory broke up Cade & Murdoch, the Heartthrobs got fired, they just beat Viscera & Venis … they’re down to ad hoc teams now. Personally, I’d prefer them MAKE a new tag team for this … Rob Conway and Johnny Parisi would gel well. But, since Carlito & Masters have nothing better to do, this is about the only option left for them. Cheating tactics will remove the belts from the champs, but won’t resuscitate them.
Oh, and for all the people who say TNA’s tag division is just as shitty as WWE’s, re-read the previous paragraph. TNA’s tag division is only shitty right now because it’s totally static, but they HAVE tag teams: AMW, Naturals, James Gang, LAX, 3D, Canada, Diamonds and Gen NeXt. You can’t find that many tag teams on one WWE show.
Cruiserweight Title: Helms vs. ?
Probably a pre-show match. Since he’s faced nearly EVERYONE in the division, it’s hard to pick an opponent. Turning Noble would be nice (and a nice nod to the Three Count/Jung Dragons feud), but they won’t do that. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a four-way here: London, Kendrick and Kash. If so, Helms walks away with it. If it’s a one-on-one match, Helms drops the belt to whomever he faces.
Tatanka & Matt Hardy (& ?) vs. MNM & Animal
You know they’re going somewhere with this. Somewhere bad. If Hanky Boy comes back, I’ll shoot them all. Shoot ’em dead. This’ll probably stick as a handicap match, and unless there’s a miracle, it’ll suck. Hardy will get a PPV win here, although it’ll be worth slightly less then an issue of Amazing Fantasy #15 used for toilet paper.
Booker T vs. Boogeyman
Ugh. It’s all I can say. For some reason, they’re nuts for the worm-eater. This is a dead-end feud with a dead-end character. Sadly, the WWE doesn’t want to see that. Booker’s jobbing for sure.
Undertaker vs. Mark Henry
Henry’s contract comes up this summer. Three guesses as to how he’s written out of the fed, and the first two don’t count.
Trish vs. Mickie vs. Candice
Mark: And now to my part-fantasy booking…
Money In The Bank: Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. ?
Assuming that it will follow last year’s pattern and consist of six wrestlers, the other spots are limited. Internet rumors floating around the IWC seem to be pointing to Lashley or Finlay, or both, entering from SmackDown. That makes a little sense, except for the facts that: 1. Neither of them are fit for a ladder match, 2. Neither of them have been around long enough to win the MITB and recieve a title shot, and 3. It would ruin the Lashley-Finlay fued they have been focued on building up since the Royal Rumble, where Finlay cost Lashley his undefeated streak and gave JBL a cheap win. Wouldn’t they rather save that for another match in itself, rather than throw them in this cluster?
So that still leaves the last three spots wide open. I believe Carlito will demand a rematch on RAW next week, or something along those lines, and regain his spot in the match over Flair. Or, he’ll face someone else to get a spot, leaving Flair in. So let’s say that happens, and Flair remains, so now we only have two spots to fill, and we are left with the deadweight of the RAW roster, with Edge out, and assuming that Kane and The Big Show won’t be defending their tag titles. I don’t see Big Show in a MITB match, Kane was in last year’s, so I’ll cancel those two out. So who else? Throw in the winner of the Lashley/Finlay match that I am about to fantasy book, Orlando Jordan so he can have a little stint before they send him to the trash can with the bi-sexual gimmick angle, and Chavito Guerrero and you’re set, with Rob Van Dam going over.
Fit Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley
This match would be a perfect oppurtunity to settle this minor feud, and get both of these hot two new guys off to a good start. As I mentioned previously in the MITB rant, the winner will recieve a spot in the MITB match to fill in SmackDown’s last spot for their three spots. Bobby definitely goes over here though.
Booker T vs. Boogeyman
Here’s the token Boogeyman match that they just had to get out at WrestleMania, and basically saying that now that Booker is out of the US title picture and we have nothing to do with him, we’ll feed him to Boogeyman to join the heel list of JBL, Orlando Jordan, ect. Short and stupid, but let’s just be glad the feud will be over. Well, then we just have to look forward to another Boogeyman feud just the same way, so it doesn’t really matter.
Underseller vs. Mizark Henry
I use the term Underseller here because to be blunt, there is no chance in holy hell that Undertaker is going to job to Mizark in this match and end his WrestleMania undefeated streak on that one. This one has been expected for a while now presuming that Undertaker didn’t get added as a fourth person in the SmackDown main event for the Championship, and what happened on SmackDown just sealed that gap. Sleeper alert!
World Tag Championship match: Kane & Big Show vs. Carlito & Chris Masters
I know this match totally f*cks up my thoughts on Carlito regaining his spot in the Money in The Bank ladder match, but I also picked Kane and The Big Show to not be a part in the match, so they must defend the titles, and there’s nothing left to do with Chris Masters. So Flair retains his spot over CCC, let’s presume. Now would be a fine chance of giving the belts to Carlio and Masters, the unlikely former-enemy duo who can finely dethrown the slopped together team of Kane and Big Show, who are unstoppable with no competition. Time to move Kane and Big Show back to singles, even though that’s where they were the whole times they held the tag gold anyway.
Trish vs. Mickie James for the Women’s Championship
Okay, we all know this anticipated fued is long overdue. The kick on RAW might just prove to have been the final straw, even after a MATCH wasn’t enough. The perfect time to finally put an end to it is at WrestleMania, and there you have it.
Tatanka & Matt Hardy (& ?) vs. MNM & Animal
Had to give the SmackDown tag champs MNM some room, and the (spoiler alert) heel turn of Road Warrior Animal built up just that, so now you can take the slopped together tag ream of Hardy and Tatanka (and we all know how I feel about this team), and another guy to even the odds since MNM will be tagging with Animal, and call it a free match.
The Grade Book
Jed gives an A to: The WWE DVD division, for finally getting the job done in one try with the new Hulk Hogan DVD. Many times, I’ve picked up a WWE DVD compilation, salivating at all the matches and promos and segments I’d get to relive or see for the first time, only to discover glaring omissions (the Bret Hart and Ric Flair DVDs are criminal in this regard). But the upcoming Hulk Hogan set looks to set that course right; 4 discs of the Hulkster, going as far back as his original WWWF run, matches in the AWA, just about every WrestleMania match he ever took part in, and several WCW matches to boot. Whether you like the Orange Goblin or not, the fact remains: for a DVD collection, this one hits on all counts. We can only hope future collections are this good.
Mark gives an A to: Stacy Kiebler, for after having fun on Dancing With The Stars, pretty much shot on WWE with her little interview segment, saying she is meeting with Vince and not coming back, and topping it off saying “Triple H is the one making all the money.” Hey, she can be out having fun, or being used as a waste on RAW, actully it’s SmackDown currently, isn’t it? Take your pick.
Jed gives a B to: Stacy Keibler, for daring to bite the hand that feeds her. Her recent comments about the lack of reimbursement for travel and lodging expenses, the lack of healthcare, and the complain that Triple H “makes all the money” are rather odd, considering both the source (sorry, Eric, but Your Beautiful And Beloved’s sudden morphing into Eva Peron does seem out of character) and the fact that she’s, oh, you know, still employed by them. Her comments amount to little more then saber- rattling, especially since the comments about health care have been the unsuccessful platform on which Jesse Ventura has supported a wrestlers’ union … and the comments about Triple H making all the money qualify as a News From The Department Of The Obvious … but she deserves props for at least not staying mindlessly attached to the company teat.
Mark gives a B to: TNA for succesful sales on their first house show, or at least what has been announced so far. Also for post-Against All Odds for Jeff Jarrett rightfully stepping out the NWA world Heavyweight Championship picture.
Jed gives a C to: The WWE for their “Wellness Program”. Everyone and their mother is weighing in on this one, most people saying “too little, too late”, or “doesn’t have teeth” or something to that effect. I admire the WWE’s effort here … I like the million-and-one reasons for possible testing (which, thankfully, includes “because we bloody well feel like it”) … I even like the three strikes, you’re out policy (although it could be a little tougher … maybe mandatory rehab with offense #2). But the “baseline” test is a huge problem. Problem #1 is that it doesn’t establish a baseline at all; a baseline is the point or scenario where all systems are normal, the “zero” state at which all other testing conditions can be compared against (cue “juiced up IS their baseline” jokes). If they piss hot, they’re calling this a baseline? No, call it what it is, which is Problem #2: it’s a free pass. After so many hard luck stories like Regal and Eddie and Chris Candido, and the litany of deaths which need not be repeated, free passes shouldn’t even be considered; every strike should count. It’s that, or we get another ten-bell salute.
Mark gives a C to: The WWE for their hot feuding of Triple H-John Cena thus far and getting people actually interested in it. What I mean by this was the interview from RAW, with the “your best move is pumping up your Rebooks” slurs and such. And it was nice to see the arena’s Cena boos to carry over quite nicely.
Jed gives a D to: All sides of the Roderick Strong & Austin Aries/TNA issue. People are taking sides on this one like the Murder In Montreal. “Oh, the punishment is unjust!”, “TNA had a right to do it!”, blah blah blah. Far as I’m concerned, both sides are as dumb as a sack of doorknobs. On one hand, you have Strong & Aries; guys, was the ONE RoH show they asked you to miss really gonna make the difference between your making your car note or not? These guys are working around the indies and Japan non-stop. Missing one RoH show, while regrettable, would not be the end of the world, especially when you’re enjoying a nice push in a national promotion. The Naturals had to be pulled off TV because of injury, and they haven’t gained traction since. Plus, come on … why WOULDN’T you wanna leave ahead of a storm? But then, on the flip side, we have TNA suspending them for two months. Scale back their push for a few shows, I understand; that could even be worked into their “we get passed over” storyline down the road. But not using them at all does little but free up three nights a month for them for the next two months, and forced TNA to rewrite scripts; who does that punish? Only themselves, at a time when the logjam at the top of the X-Division is becoming painfully obvious. Every time TNA takes a step forward, they find a way to shoot themselves in the foot that took the step. Maybe they are WCW Lite after all.
Mark gives a D to: The WWE for their booking of the main event at the return of Saturday Night Main Event, setting up another SmackDown vs RAW match that I’m not interested in, in the handicap match of Cena and Triple H against the *World Champion*, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio.
Jed gives an F to: The WWE for their release of The Dicks. Yes, you read that right; it’s not who it happened to so much as the fact that it’s a symptom of a greater illness. I have never seen The Dicks. Don’t know what they look like, don’t know if they have the workrate of The World’s Greatest Tag Team or Kronik. But what I do know is this: they were long-time developmental projects. The WWE invested a lot of time and money in crafting these guys in OVW to make them TV-worthy. Then, when they get called up, they get saddled with a heat-killing gimmick of Red Rooster caliber. I’m sure the release was couched in the nicest terms possible, but between the lines, you can see quite clearly the “they couldn’t get over” excuse. This kind of behavior has, sadly, become a hallmark of the WWE recently: witness the axing of Mark Copani after the abortion of the Muhammad Hassan character, and the blame game the WWE played afterwards. You can’t expect someone new to the national stage to make something out of a nothing gimmick; you have to give them time and put some effort into developing them before raising the white flag. You never know where the next superstar might come from. Imagine if they’d taken this approach to The Ringmaster, or Rocky Maivia, or Deacon Batista.
Mark gives an F to: The WWE for their further wastefulness of RAW’s tag team divisions. Now, we all know this is true for both brands, but at least SmackDown has a focal point of the tag division in MNM. On RAW, it’s the unstoppable duo of Big Slow and Kane (rarely seen in a tag team match, though). I’m not saying Val Venis and the Love Machine are exactly formidable tag champs, but for God’s sake, drop the titles. Also for booking Ric Flair in the Money In The Bank ladder match, although my prediction is that Carlito will get the spot back from him.
_____________________________
And that about sums it all up.
TheViewFromTheCheapSeats@gmail.com
– Mark & Jed
