.jinn rules. No other way about it, .jinn rules. If you can find any of their four songs on the internet (they’ve only got four songs on their first EP, and I cannot wait until they release Part B), then you have no idea what you’re missing out on. Their cover of “I Will Survive” is to die for.
SmackDown this week! Yay! Cough. Video for Kurt Angle verses The Under Taker tonight. Nice enough video clip considering the gist of it is “it’s Kurt Angle verses Under Taker. Watch it. Duh. It’s a rematch”. I’ve still yet to watch their No Way Out match. Usual video opening and this week, we’re not listening to the commentary. If a backstage skit comes up, then I may listen to it. Either way, like it matters.
Opening Contest : Booker T with Sharmell verses Tatanka
The match the world has been squeezing it’s nipples for . . Wait, is that good or bad? Video recap of the incredibly slow worm segment from last week. Just one day you know he’s going to drop Maltesers from that and people will be having heart attacks like it’s going out of style. Sharmell is on commentary this week. So expect it to be a bit clipped. Lock up and Booker T begins to work the arm, until Tatanka works the arm and Booker T gets to the ropes. Headlock by Tatanka leads into the usual shoulder block. Tatanka with a hiptoss. Booker T gets the upper hand and nails a chop to Tatanka, and another, but Tatanka begins nailing his own chops which are quickly stopped by a eye poke by Booker T. Elbow smash by Booker T for a two. Chop by Booker T. Booker T with the arm hook, before going for a kick, but Tatanka ducks it, and begins punching and chopping Booker T. Tatanka with a suplex for a two. Booker T with a kick to the gut before he sends Tatanka’s face into the turnbuckle following up with punches and chops of his own. This of course leads to an argument between Booker T and the referee, in which time Tatanka kicks Booker T in his own gut and begins the attack. Irish whip by Tatanka is reversed by Booker T, and when it looks like Tatanka might possibly nail a Tornado DDT Booker T drops him throat first into the ropes. Booker T nails a superkick to the throat of Tatanka for a two. Booker T with some mounted punches on Tatanka before nailing a snap mare and locking in a rear choke hold. Tatanka fan favorites out of it and after avoiding a crescent kick by Booker T nails a chop, a punch, and an irish whip into clothesline times two. Scoop slam by Tatanka. Back body drop by Tatanka who begins to do the Native thing, and goes up top! Tatanka jumps off going for the Tomahawk Chop but Booker T ends up nailing the crescent kick! Booker T with a kick in the gut into Scissors Kick, and Booker T sets up for the Spinaroonie but the Boogeyman makes his way on out! Booker T begins to yell at Sharmell, when Boogeyman raises from behind the security rail with a mouth full of . . bubbles. Sharmell screams and Tatanka gets a roll up for the victory.
Winner : Tatanka
Boogeyman does his thing in the ring while Booker T and Sharmell make an escape and Boogeyman eats his worms. We get a few recaps of Tatanka pinning Booker T too. Say Four out of Ten. I don’t know why, but I found this match oddly fun . . Maybe it was actually seeing Booker T wrestle and Tatanka take on someone similar to his own size, or the fact that I’m finally sitting down with an air conditioner on me and I’m pleasantly relaxed. It HAS to be something, it sure as hell couldn’t have been the match. Either way, add another point for pushing Boogeyman.
Tonight: Bobby Lashley verses Fit Finlay! Sweet.
Commercials. WrestleMania Legends special this Wednesday on Biography Channel. Hogan, Rock, Foley, and Austin. Interesting.
Tale of the Tape for Kurt Angle verses Under Taker. Why didn’t they have this on No Way Out, yet they have it on SmackDown?
We get Kurt Angle getting ready, which leads us to a recap of Theodore Long announcing the Triple Threat for WreslteMania, which in turn leads us to Randy Orton making his entrance . . .
Commercials.
Second Contest : Randy Orton verses Super Crazy
Interesting pairing here, though I would have preferred Psicosis in Super Crazy’s spot. Psicosis, by the way, isn’t in Super Crazy’s corner for those playing the home game. Circles start and Orton quickly gets the dropkick. In the corner Orton nails punches to Super Crazy’s head before kicking his lower body. Rear choke and face stretch using the ropes as well applied by Orton for a few seconds. Snapmare and knee drop gets Orton a two count, before he locks in a sleeper hold. Super Crazy fan favorites out of it, but Orton tightens it and clubs away at Super Crazy’s chest for another two. Sleeper hold applied once more by Orton, but Super Crazy yet again fan favorites out of it with elbows, only to be mat slammed by Orton. Orton with a leg drop for two. ANOTHER sleeper hold applied by Orton, and Super Crazy gets to the ropes this time, but the referee doesn’t see it! Super Crazy officially gets out of it this time with punches and elbows, into the ropes, ducks under Orton, and dropkicks his knee. Dropkick to a kneeling Orton. Orton rolls out onto the apron and Super Crazy nails a springboard dropkick, which not only sends Orton into the security rail, but makes Jericho’s look rather tame. Super Crazy up and with a flip out onto Orton on the outside before sending Orton back into the ring for a two count. Super Crazy goes for a Tornado DDT only to be sent to the apron by Orton, but Super Crazy takes advantage by sending Orton throat first into the rope. Super Crazy upstairs on the top turnbuckle, jumps off with a moonsault, as Orton begins to stir. Orton whips Super Crazy into the ropes, but Super Crazy nails another Springboard Dropkick! Two count for Super Cazy! Orton with the eyepoke, goes upstairs to the top turnbuckle, but Super Crazy kicks him! Super Crazy gets a few punches in before being thrown into the middle of the ring, as Orton jumps back on to the canvas. 360 Degree Clothesline by Orton, who sets up for the RKO! RKO to Super Crazy for the three count.
Winner : Randy Orton
As Kryten off Red Dwarf says “It’s about as expected of ‘Tails Of The Unexpected'”. Ah, robot sarcasm, god bless it. This started off as your usual squash match, but quickly turned into your disjointed fun match. I’m interested to see what Orton and Crazy would have been able to do with a full thirty minutes, or simply just twenty. Six out of Ten because I found the match fun once the Sleeper Hold’s ended. Plus, I’m a sucker for those Springboards and 360 Degree Clotheslines.
Up next : Matt Hardy and Who The Hell Knows verses MNM. I, of course, know. You, of course, know. So who the hell is it that doesn’t know?
Commercials
And we’re back to see Benoit attacking JBL’s hand last week, as well as medical stuff. New WrestleMania Match : United States Championship : Chris Benoit verses John Bradshaw Layfield. SWEET! SUPER SWEET!
We’re back to MNM making their entrance, and . . .
Commercials. Well, at least we found out a WrestleMania match.
Third Contest : MNM with Melina verses Matt Hardy and Road Warrior Animal.
Melina looks horrible tonight. And everyone knows how hard that is for her to do, since she’s just like Trish Stratus – absolutely fabulous. Speaking of Trish Stratus, that was one of the funniest celebration ceremonies I’ve ever seen, if not most unique. Hardy and Mercury start. Lock up and Hardy very quickly gets a School boy for two. Hardy with an arm bar on Mercury, but Mercury punches out of it. Hardy gets a backslide pin for another two. Mercury tackles Hardy into the corner and lays knees into him. Mercury goes for an irish whip which results in a failed dropkick, as Hardy grabs the legs once Mercury is on the canvas and gets a pinfall bridge for the two count. Tag out to Nitro, with MNM double teaming Hardy in their corner. Scoop slam by Nitro before a SWEET leg drop. Imagine if the Spinarooni was an actual wrestling move, okay people, but pretend that Johnny Nitro does it. Thank god I’m listening to music : it looks like the Banshee’s at it again. Nitro goes to capitalize, but Hardy trips him and slingshots him into the corner and nails a clothesline. Tag out to Animal. Another flipping leg drag, just like last week’s, except this one a bit less as good. Big boot to Mercury by Animal, before Nitro rakes the eyes and lays punches into Animal. Nitro gets a run up on Animal who lifts Nitro up and drops him groin first onto the top rope. On the outside, Animal punches Nitro down hard and slams him into the security rail. Mercury goes for a cross body from the apron, but Animal catches him and slams him into the apron as Hardy argues with the referee. Melina jumps on Animal with a sleeper hold, before jumping off and pushing Animal into a superkick by Nitro. Animal gets on the apron to try and get back into the ring, but Nitro nails a knee and sends Animal back onto the mat outside. Nitro argues with the referee as Melina gets a cheap shot kick into the gut of Animal! Merucry pushes Animal into the ring as Nitro gets a two count. Tag out to Mercury, as MNM nail Animal with a double team russian leg sweep for two. Tag out to Nitro. MNM nail duex leg drops – Mercury to the right leg of Animal and Nitro to the throat for a two count. Nitro chokes Animal at the ropes a bit, before distracting the referee and allowing Melina to get a head scissors in on Animal. Hardy in and MNM begin double teaming Animal. Mercury in . . BUT HE DIDN’T GET TAGGED! That’s low, even for MNM. Cough. Animal with a punch to Mercury but Mercury clotheslines him back down. Tag out to Nitro who goes up top. Animal gets to his feet as Mercury throws Nitro to Animal, but Animal reverses the cross body into a powerslam! Tag out to Mercury, as Animal tags out to Hardy! Hardy punches Mercury down, shoulder body press! Hardy with a diving elbow to a kneeling Mercury, and Hardy begins setting up for the Twist Of Fate! Hardy with the kick, gets Mercury in the DDT position but Nitro in trying for a clothesline but Hardy ducks! Punch to Nitro! Mercury tries to capitalize but Hardy jumps over Mercury with a reverse DDT, as Nitro tries to attack Hardy but Hardy kicks Nitro in the gut, and nails the two with DDTs! Mercury with a reverse DDT and Nitro with a normal DDT! Sweet. Side Effect on Nitro! Twist of Fate on Mercury! One! Two! NO! Broken up by Nitro! Animal in, and clotheslines Nitro out of the ring. Animal signals for the Doomsday Device, but Hardy wants Animal to go up top! Hardy puts Mercury on top of his shoulders but Nitro runs in and attacks Hardy’s knee at the last second as Animal jumps off and Animal, Mercury, and Hardy crash. Superkick to Hardy, followed by the Snapshot gets Mercury the One, Two, Three.
Winners : MNM
Rather good match. Eight out of Ten. Hardy is beginning to work really well together with MNM, and this could lead to a new E&C / Hardys esque goodness in the ring. Afterwards Animal and Hardy get into a shoving match, but Animal attacks Hardy’s knee before slamming it against the ring post.
Still to come tonight : World Heavy Weight Championship : Kurt Angle verses The Under Taker, AND Bobby Lashley verses Fit Finlay is up NEXT!
Commercials.
Fourth Contest : (Fit) Finlay verses (Bobby) Lashley
Sigh, this is confusing. Every other week it’s Fit Finlay and Lashley, then every other it’s Finlay and Bobby Lashley. Bastards. Lock up and Lashley is clearly the stronger of the two, but Finlay the sneakier with a kick to the gut, which is followed by a kick to the knee, uppercuts, and Finlay goes for a running attack by Lashley nails a ‘reverse’ atomic drop, although I really do think it should be the other way around. Lashley with the Belly to Belly, before violently whipping Finlay into the corner and nailing a clothesline. Finlay goes for his little weapon, but Lashley nails punches into Finlay. Irish whip and Finlay gets a kick to Lashley before nailing a short arm clothesline and a knee drop which slams Lashley’s face into the canvas for a two count, in which Lashley throws Finlay off. Lashley with – I believe – a sambo suplex, though we were just finishing a replay, for two. Finlay on the outside has a fit, throwing chairs into the ring, and rolls in with one, but Lashley nails him with the chair first!
Winner Via DQ : Fit Finlay
Afterwards, the referees and security have to force Lashley and Finlay off each other. Four out of Ten because I found this one fun too, even if it wasn’t average ratings area. Man, what is it with me tonight?!
Commercials
We return to see a recap of the Kristal / Jillian Hall Lingerie Shenanigans from last week. And next week, these two face each other in a match. I’ve yet to see Jillian wrestle, and let’s see if Kristal has potential. Side note : her name is actually Kristal Marshall, the match promotion says, while in the match promotion bit, Jillian Hall looks HORRIBLE. Ugh, you have no idea, the make up artists have made her look terrible! I’m nopt being over dramatic either.
Paul Burchill and William Regal segment. Burchill says he has his first singles match next week, and that he wants Regal to be his opponent.
Video for Kurt Angle verses The UnderTaker.
Kurt Angle’s making his way out! UnderTaker makes his way out . . I really don’t care.
Main Event : World Heavy Weight Championship : The UnderTaker verses Kurt Angle (Champion
Angle gets some punches in after about thirty seconds, but Taker then gets his fair share in. Armdrag by Angle, who begins to work the arm. Taker reverses it and begins working Angle’s arm instead. Taker with the Military Press Arm Bar. Taker goes up for the Old School but Angle stops it early on and punches Taker in the corner. Oh, and stomps too. Taker gets the upper hand and continues to work the arm in a battle of the blandness. More corner work and Michael Cole really does his best to save this match, but not even a “Last Ride but Angle escapes” bit can save it so far. Big Boot sends Angle to the outside.
Commercials.
On the outside, Taker is stripping the announcer’s table as Angle stages a come back thanks to the steel stairs. Taker with a clothesline. Taker sets Angle up on the apron and does his leg drop on the BACK of Angle’s neck, nice little touch. Back in the ring Taker gets a two count. Taker with a forearm choke, before choking at the ropes, and doing a foot choke in the corner. Angle with a powerslam out of almost nowhere, although it was a pretty sweet powerslam, and it gets Angle a two. Angle begins to pound on Taker, nailing a suplex for a two. Body scissors by Angle, which gets Angle a two, but Taker escapes the body scissors with punches. In the corner, Taker goes for the running big boot but Angle avoids it and Taker goes outside to the apron. Angle tries to knock Taker off, but a running attempt results in an elbow to the face by Taker. Taker goes up top with Angle going for a Belly to Belly, but Taker pushes him off. Angle runs at Taker before he can jump off and begins punching and uppercutting Taker, before nailing a superplex for two.
Commercials.
We’re back to see Angle with Taker in a choke hold. Albeit a bad one. Taker escapes, but Angle trips him and lays some mounted punches. Taker back up but Angle clotheslines him out of the ring, before sending Taker into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Angle gets a two count. The two exchange punches, which Taker wins by sending Angle into the corner and nailing some body splashes. Taker picks Angle up and nails the snake eyes, fails the big boot, as Angle nails a release German suplex! Angle attempts the Angle Slam, but Taker pushes Angle into the ropes and nails the big boot for a two. Taker signals for a Chokeslam! Taker grabs it but Angle counters it with an Ankle Lock! Taker kicks Angle off and sets Angle up for the Tombstone – but Angle reverses it and sets Taker up for the Tombstone! Taker reverses it and goes for a clothesline but gets an Angle Slam by Angle! One! Two! No! Angle takes off the straps and sets Taker up in the Ankle Lock! Taker reverses it with a flip and nails Angle with the Chokeslam! Taker goes near Angle, but Angle drops him down in the Ankle Lock!!! Taker reverses it with the Triangle Choke, and Angle looks to be pulling a Mickie James **drums**. Angle flips over Taker with a Pin Bridge for a two count, but Taker flips out, still with the Choke locked. Angle’s arm is dropped once. Angle’s arm is dropped twice. Angle’s arm is dropped no more times, and his foot gets to the rope. Taker drags Angle to the middle of the ring, goes for the leg drop, but Angle gets the Ankle Lock! Taker kicks off Angle, Taker goes for a clothesline, but Angle goes for an Angle Slam, but Taker locks in a Dragon Sleep variation, but Angle reverses it with a DDT. Two count for Angle. Angle GOES UP TOP!!!! FINALLY!!!! Angle jumps off with the moonsault, but Taker rolls away and sits up! The slicing of the throat and Taker sets Angle up for the Tombstone and nails it! Taker sets up for the pinfall, but Mark Henry attacks!
Winner Via DQ : The Under Taker . . And STILL Champion : Kurt Angle
Henry places Taker on the Announcer’s table and climbs the Spanish Announcer’s table. Mark Henry nails a splash onto Taker as the SmackDown Announcer’s Table Breaks. Cole does his best Styles impression but fails miserably. SmackDown ends with Mark Henry celebrating. If ONLY this match had been so much shorter and . . funner. As it was, this match would have been a perfect SmackDown weekly Main Event if it started with the brawl aspect of the first segment, added the middle segment in about say one third or so of the time, and then had more moves in the ending segment. Since tomorrow’s Velocity will be a repeat of tonight’s SmackDown, then I’ve decided I’ll go into this match in more detail and why I feel it should deserve a lower rating, only the fact that they were able to pull off a watchable (albeit boring) match and they were putting effort into it. I’m giving it a Four out of Ten. I’ll go into more tomorrow for sure, I promise . . Either way, here’s tonight’s ratings.
Booker T verses Tatanka 4/10
Super Crazy verses Randy Orton 6/10
MNM verses Animal and Matt Hardy 8/10
Finlay verses Bobby Lashley 4/10
Under Taker verses Kurt Angle 4/10
SmackDown 03/03/06 27/50
I gave the extra point for Boogeyman. Remember? Oh well, I suppose that kills Theodore Long’s idea of having Gregory Helms wrestle on SmackDown every week. Although I hold out hope that a house show match may have been tapped for Velocity’s purposes. Until tomorrow, Ciao Yáll.
