The NeelDown iMPACT Zone
Who would have thunk it?
– Orlando, Florida
– Hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West
Norman Smiley, Buck Quartermine, Shark Boy, & Cassidy Riley v. Jeff Jarrett, AMW, & Abyss
Yes, it’s an 8-man tag opener. And yes, this is the epic return of NORMAN SMILEY. Huge brawl to start and the ring clears out leaving Abyss to Torture Rack Shark Boy. Smiley looks like he’s about 60 years young. He gets a tilt-a-whirl slam on Jarrett but then runs straight into the Black Hole Slam followed by The Stroke for the victory. You know, when Jarrett is bullying around the “new guys” (Jay Lethal previously), the Strokes always seem to look a little better. 1/4*
Winners: Jeff Jarrett, AMW, & Abyss
– Planet Jarrett gather on the ramp as Jarrett has the Shelley Cam.
– A Michael Shane interview with JB is interrupted by Planet Jarrett who further promote the viewing party but then realize the tape is missing.
Lance Hoyt v. Kenny King
King gets a dropkick to start but gets caught with a punch off of a springboard. Big boot by Test — or Hoyt I mean, and hits the Texas Tower Bomb, which I guess is what he’s calling his finisher now, and that’s all she wrote. Squash number one is in the books. -*
Winner: Lance Hoyt
Team Canada (minus Heintz 57) v. Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin, & Sonjay Dutt
Oh, they just KNOW how much I love all the multiple person tag matches, don’t they. Sabin takes Petey down to start and gets an Oklahoma Roll for zero. Middle rope missile dropkick by Sabin gets two. Lethal comes in with a lariat for two. Enjoy the offense while it lasts, folks, because we all know as soon as Petey tags out it will be a bunch of X-division domination. Roode comes in with a German and backdrop suplex for two. Now that ain’t ‘something you see everyday. Petey gets the tree of woe national anthem and Roode is back in. Double J comes out and wants the tape from Showtime. Back in the ring Lethal lands a modified enzigiri and Petey and Dutt are in, Roode cheapshots Dutt but he fights out of it with a hip toss and dropkick by Petey. Spinebuster on Petey, and a lionsault for two. Sabin gets a tornado DDT on Roode and Lethal gets a flipping plancha on the outside. Dutt has Williams schoolboyed but the ref is distracted, Petey follows with the Canadian Destroyer which Dutt sells greatly for the win. Good and fun mid-show match. **3/4
Winners: Team Canada
– Christian Cage interview with JB, and Jeremy Lambert, who is currently planning to move to Canada and propose marriage to him since he is blatantly gay for him, must be marking out like a little schoolgirl watching the Laguna Beach finale right now. Well, that and WAS UP WAS UP WAS UP. Abyss interrupts allowing Monty Brown to attack from behind. They brawl around for a while and Brown POUNCES him off the stage on onto the railing.
– The viewing party part. II time, which shows Sting coaching his son’s football team and walking with his daughter. Then it shows the family walking across the street, which Shelley makes a Beatles reference to the Abbey Road album art with the band walking across the road (shoeless Paul) calling them JOHN GEORGE PAUL AND STINGO!! Eventually Sting catches Shelley and tells him to tell Jarrett that he stepped over the line and that he would be at the next PPV. The Planet is flabbergasted, which is pretty funny, seeing Roode biting his towel and AMW looking shocked while pouring the beer in their mouth.
AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels v. Samoa Joe & Not CM Punk
Hmm, where does Moore fit in with these guys? Back and fourth to start and Styles gets a hip toss slam but gets dumped on the apron, only to spring back in with a headsccisors. Styles gets the textbook dropkick on Moore for two. Joe comes in and atomic drops Styles then the ass senton. Knee lift and Moore comes in who accidentally runs into Joe and then falls victim of a spin kick by Styles. Joe comes in to try a double team but Daniels fights them off to the outside where Styles splashes them. Meanwhile Moore gets a slingshot headbut for two. Moore throws in a random chop but then Daniels plants him with a single-armed DDT, Joe comes in with a hard lariat to block the Angel’s Wings attempt on Daniels for the win. Not as good as it could have been. **1/2
– Jarrett says that he has Sting’s number on speed dial.
The NeelDown: Mediocre show at best this week. And best of all, no feedback proclaiming that I am a “j@ckazz bitch n**ga.”
