Add Homonym Attacks! #16

Ad Hominem: Appealing to personal considerations rather than to logic or reason.
Ad Hominem Attack: An argument that focuses on a personal attack as opposed to the subject in question.
Add Homonym Attacks!: The process by which one inserts a homophone and it bites you.
(It also serves as the title to Inside Pulse’s representative column in the world of Critical Thinking, Science and Skepticism.)

But First
What the Fuck?! Nobody told me that Penn Jillette has a radio show. Everyday at 1 Central time on FreeFM, (in Chicago 105.9, formerly WCKG). For those of you who live in lesser places:

New York – 92.3 Free FM
San Francisco – 106.9 Free FM
Detroit – Free FM 97.1
San Diego – 103.7 Free FM
Chicago – 105.9 Free FM
Washington D.C. – 106.7 Free FM
Baltimore – 105.7 Free FM

You can also stream it at the show’s site: http://penn.freefm.com/

It is a good way to spend an hour. I wonder if Penn knows that they are advertising lasers to stop smoking in his commercials.

I learned from Penn’s show that Gordon Parks died. Gordon Parks was successful and talented photographer. He is most remembered, however, for being the man that directed Shaft, the Citizen Kane of blaxploitation. If memory serves his son is the guy that directed Superfly.

Randi is still recovering, so Dr. Phil Plait covered for him in last week’s commentary. Dr. Plait runs the wonderful Bad Astronomy site.

More Data for your BULLSHIT DETECTOR

We’re always trying to hone, to refine, to improve our bullshit detector here at AHA! Thus, we are creating a list of words to help sniff out such bovine excrement. So here are six more terms to look out for. (I just ended that sentence in 2 prepositions; TAKE THAT GRAMMAR!)

That is to say, the following words should make your Spidey-sense tingle.

Chakra Now a chakra is alleged, by Tantric philosophers and smelly hippies, to be an energy center. Not like a battery store, but some sort of part of the human anatomy which correlates to health, emotions, powers, etc. Of course we can’t actually measure these things scientifically or find them anatomically or in any way prove their existence. This makes it very easy for some New-ager to just make shit up in order to steal money from stoners.

Feng Shui The term itself means wind-water. Alas there is no earth, fire, heart, monkey, nor Captain Planer. When one runs into feng shui nowadays, you are generally looking at scam artists who are failed furniture movers/ interior decorators. They claim to be able to maximize your chi and sha by rearranging your living room. By simply moving your sofa, you too can live a happier life.

Being a man, I don’t see the appeal to this thing. I want to set up a room based on TV angles and minimizing glare. Then, I am more than happy to never move a chair again. Or better yet, that particleboard entertainment center. Man those things are comprised of f*cking darkmatter or neutron stars or I don’t even know what.

Hypo-allergenic The term was invented by advertisers in the 1950s. There is no test for it. There are no qualifying guidelines. I guess if your product were made out of peanuts and pet-dander you probably wouldn’t call it hypo-allergenic, but there isn’t much stopping you.

Quantum Now, my handy little Oxford dictionary included in WordPerfect 2002 says that quantum means this

quantum >noun (pl. quanta) 1 Physics an individual quantity of energy corresponding to that involved in the absorption or emission of energy or light by an atom or other particle. 2 a total amount, especially an amount of money legally payable in damages. 3 a share.
-ORIGIN Latin, from quantus ‘how great’.

But somehow, when marketers get a hold of the word, quantum means “magic.” I’m not sure what exactly would make a pillow or a necklace or a bracelet quantum. I don’t think Dr. Sam Becket could either.

Speed-reading Yeah, it’s called skimming. Anybody claiming that they can read 20,000 words per minute is a f*cking liar. He’s skimming. That’s like 80 pages per minute. I’m calling bullshit on the whole thing.

Subliminal My handy dictionary says

subliminal >adjective Psychology (of a stimulus or mental process) perceived by or affecting someone’s mind without their being aware of it.
-DERIVATIVES subliminally >adverb.
-ORIGIN from sub- + Latin limen ‘threshold’

Basically we are looking at things that affect us without our knowledge. The main problem with this idea is quite simple. We tend not to be aware of the things of which we are not aware. We cannot process that which we cannot process. There has never been any reasonable evidence that shows any sort of subliminal tapes, advertising, messages, etc. have any at all effective. Despite this lack of evidence, the FCC issued a ban on subliminal messages in 1974.

To be fair, the subconscious mind can pick up a tiny bit of what is hidden, BUT if you are listening to a secret message hidden in white noise, you pretty much just hear the white noise.

Outro
I’ll see you again in a two weeks. Make sure you support the Culture club. In honor of the drinking column, I give you the proper recipe for a

mai tai:

First you need a good rum. Originally the Mai Tai was made with Jamaian Rum aged 17 years. This stuff no longer exists. So try your best to get something halfway decent.

Anyway,s pour 2 oz Rum in a cocktail shaker. Squeeze over that the juice of 1 lime. Add a tiny bit of Curacao. Add a tiny bit of Orgeat syrup. Shake well. Pour over shaved ice in a double old-fashioned glass. Garnish with 1 mint sprig.

Nothing else belongs in a Mai Tai. If somebody tries to add pineapple juice, shoot them in the f*cking face.