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The NeelDown iMPACT Zone

The Columbus Blue Jackets suck.

This e-mail is fake. It was just to get Lambert all excited that one of his readers actually e-mailed me in response to his latest At Ringside, or At Rinkside, whatever. You can read that here Now, for some real stuff from the mailbag…

I read the NeelDown and had misses Saturday’s Impact, but stayed up to watch the Monday replay, and yeah, dude, the Shelley Cam was the bomb. You had the descriptions dead on. Bobby Roode’s was the best.

See? I’m not the only one who enjoyed that.

– From Orlando, Florida

– Hosts are Don West and Mike Tenay

America’s Most Worthless v. The Naturals – NWA Tag Team Championship
AMW get in a double team backfire to start and the Naturals whip one of AMW into the other who is hanging in the tree of woe, then roll out and pull one into the other for a low blow. That TNA, always utilizing new double team maneuvers for their tag division. That takes us into the advertisements, would have made more sense to just do them before the match started, but you take what you get. Bulldog over the knee by Stevens gets two on Storm, but after some distraction Storm gives him an incredibly weak boot for two, then a backbreaker for the same. AMW isolation ensues, to all of our great interest, until the Naturals get back into it and a flapjack on Harris gets two. Stevens nails a dropkick and Douglas powerbombs Storm for two. Gail Kim provides some distraction as Team Canada invades, Roode Northern Lariats Douglas setting up the Death Sentence, and that’ll do that one. Usual spotty stuff from the Naturals, usual snoozefest title match from AMW. **
Winners – AMW

Chris Sabin v. Alex Shelley v. Sonjay Dutt – World X Cup Qualifier
A bunch of creative double teams to start, things settle down when Sabin takes down Dutt, but Shelley spoils thing for him with a dropkick. Shelley scrapes the eye of Dutt and sets him on Sabin’s shoulders, then plants him with a DDT. Shelley dumps Dutt and chokes Sabin on the rope. Oh come on, this is the X division, a three-way, no choking in the ropes! Shelley gets a scoop slam but misses a frog splash and eats canvas, Dutt nails him with a dropkick but misses a corkscrew then gets sent into the corner. Sabin comes in and drills him with an enzigiri, Dutt comes in and gets nailed with a big lariat by Shelley. Sabin nails a SPINNING powerbomb on Shelley, Dutt breaks up the pin, which reminds me, I guess that little Sabin-Dutt tag team experiment is over. Dutt nails a swinging neckbreaker on Shelley and a running moonsault for two. Those two exchange hammerlocks and Shelley nails a piledriver, pin broken up by Sabin. Shelley with a brainbuster by Sabin, but Sabin no-sells and nails him with an enzigiri and then the Cradle Shock and Sabin goes over for the X cup. That was just f*cking great stuff from the second-rate X division guys, and undoubtedly the best Impact match in a long time. I’ll give it ***1/2, above that with more time. Kind of wish they would have put somebody else besides Sabin over too for a change.
Winner: Chris Sabin

– Jeff Jarrett shoots on Sting for quitting on the fans and everything else he was saying before the LAST PPV promo.

– In Global Impact, Chris Sabin gives AJ P a mock X division championship belt at Chicago White Sox spring training.

– Video interview with Monty Brown and Christian Cage. Brown mumbles, Christian says that his ribs are at 100%. Brown switches to saying that he has played in a Super Bowl, and Christian says that he was no Lawrence Taylor.

The Jobbers in the Rough, Not CM Punk & Maverick Matt Bentley v. Team 3-Dimensional, Rhino, & Ron Killings
Hey! Impact has been on for 45 minutes and not a squash yet! It’s a modern-day miracle. Oh, wait, looks like the main event is headed towards that direction. When was the last time the Diamonds got main event time? Rhino pummels Young and Bubba comes in to take control, so Young tags out to Moore who gets a German suplex from Bubba. D’Von comes in but gets kneed by Moore who tags in Maverick Matt who gets elbowed. The Diamonds split leg D’Von into the post. It just came to me that the last time the Diamonds main evented (non-Xplosion) was the Raven Clockwork Orange contract signing thing. And Raven is now fired! Hah, I get me. D’Von gets a suplex on Young and gets a tag to Killings who comes in and takes Young, Bentley, Skipper and Moore out. Single arm DDT on Young gets two, everybody gets in and starts brawling, ring spills out and leaves Bentley and Bubba, Bubba blocks the superkick and gets a slam setting up the Wazzzup headbut, but Tracy breaks it up, so they do it to Traci instead. Unless there was recently some kind of plastic surgery in order that I didn’t get the memo about, I don’t see the point in that. Getting the tables is blocked, and the Diamonds get a double DDT on Killings for two. Skipper misses a top rope leg drop and Rhino Gores him. Axe kick on Young finishes things. A bunch of nothing, really, with really no relevance but to give a bunch of misplaces faces a win preparing for the eight-man war against Planet Jarrett. Bleh. *

Show ends in a Destination X preview, which for the record is Christian v. Monty Brown for the NWA title, a Steve Borden appearances, 8 man war, LAX v. James Gang, Joe v. Styles v. Daniels Ultimate X for the X title, and probably some other stuff I forgot. The Roundtable should be up by now, check there.

End of show.

The NeelDown: Remarkebly, there wasn’t a TOTAL squash this week, an Impact record, although the main event was pretty close to suffice. Nothing much this week but build for Destination X.