The RAW Events
— Spring Break is finally upon us!!!! Thank goodness too, because last week couldn’t have been any longer with no help thanks to the test from hell! But spring break, where all you do is have fun, sleep late, drink, maybe catch a ‘girls gone wild’ in the making and who knows… maybe even direct one! Let the fun begin!!!
Beaumont, Tx.
Hosts: Joey Styles, King and The Coach
The MAIN Events
– Women’s Title Match: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria w/ Candace Michelle
Victoria takes the quick lunge at Trish, I mean common, who wouldn’t? But lets be honest here, Trish isn’t gonna lose the strap here. Victoria takes the majority of the match, but Trish comes out in the end as Torrie comes in and gets shot in to give Trish the 1-2-3. (getting a nice view of her thong in the process!)
Winner: Trish Stratus (5)
– Edge w/ Lita vs. Goldust
Well Goldust may have a winning streak on HEAT, but he’s suffering from the no entrance theory tonight, with Edge getting a huge pop surprisingly. Hmm. Back and forth action to get things going before Edge starts to pounce on Goldust. Power slam ends the momentum as Goldust hits the down low uppercut and atomic drop, following it up with a clothesline. Shattered dreams is set up before Lita stands up on the apron, giving Edge the spear for the win.
Winner: Edge (3)
– Texas Tornado Cage Match: Handicap 4 on 1: Shawn Michaels vs. The Spirit Squad
HBK pretty much gets the holy hell beat out of him once the match starts. Things of course break down eventually for SS and Shawn pumps up, maybe he’s on steroids!!?? Shawn nearly makes it to the top of the cage, but instead jumps back down for the flying elbow and then the band starts up. Shane interrupts and nails Shawn with the steeeeel door and helps SS get the pin. Shane takes out the peeing incident on HBK after the match going coast to coast with the missile drop kick onto the trash can into HBK’s face.
Winner: The Spirit Squad (4)
– Intercontinental Title Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam
Shelton’s mama wont be here tonight as she has open heart surgery, as he will dedicate the match tonight for her while Ric Flair comes down ringside to announce the match. Lock up starts as Benjamin pulls in the arm twist and drag. Things start off slow as the action finally pulls up to the top rope as Shelton tosses RVD off the top before going to break. Benjamin breaks his own momentum as he misses a drop kick and RVD follows back with a clothesline and sidekick. Whip to the rope and spinning back kick nails Benjamin right in the face. Rolling thunder only gets 2! Windmill kick hits and RVD goes up top as Benjamin is on the apron, hitting him off with a sidekick and following it up with a crossbody outside. Shelton brings in the title as Flair hold it back, but RVD misses the opening as he hits Flair accidentally off the apron and Benjamin rolls him up with the ropes for the win. Lots of interesting things in this match, but could have been better as it didn’t live up to the expectations I was holding it up too, still easily best match of the night.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin (1)
– Chris Masters, Carlito & HHH vs. Big Show, Kane & John Cena
Or the match otherwise known as the most overhyped entrance match. Typical tag team gets the get go in the beginning. As HHH gets the tag in once Cena is tagged in, but the game goes back to tag in Carlito as Cena cleans house. Stare down and Carlito gets the advantage. Tag in to Masters and vertical suplex connects as Carlito comes back in for the double team. Big Show gets the tag and this time, he cleans house nearly picking up the pin. Kane goes airborne and takes out Masters, and suddenly HHH is fed to the big men. Double Chokeslam is nearly hit, but a double chair shot by Masters and Carlito hit the champs, leaving HHH and Cena alone with the DQ. HHH pretends to hit the ring, but the game backs down as Randy Orton runs in and RKO’s Cena to end the show.
Winner: Big Show, Kane, & John Cena (2)
Quick HEAT
— Vince comes out with Son and complete with security, along with some guy in a white coat as the gloat over their wins over HBK last week. On top of that, they accuse Shawn of being on drugs! Gasp, no! Boy do these guys like poking fun at themselves. So WWE will enforce HBK to take a public urination test, because the WWE is clean and plays fair… unlike Barry Bonds and the MLB, zing! So Shawn is now a junkie. And is forced to take a whiz in front of the crowd, talk about pressure! But as always, Shawn performs and fills a whole drinking cup with the lemonade. And the inevitable happens and HBK tosses a face full of urine in the McMahon’s face.
— Cowboy Troy makes his way ring side to the announcing table as we get a Rated “O” for overrated Mick Foley
— Edge calls out Cowboy Troy on why he decided to come out now and try to steal his thunder. But he will be the star at WrestleMania, proving it with an award winning movie trailer, rated “R” And Mick Foley will be the guest on Saturday Night’s Main Event in the cutting edge that will be rated “H” for hardcore.
— WM Raw Main Event Contract signing: The Coach will overlook the proceedings tonight in the signing. HHH plays it cool at the table while Cena has the mad-dog look over his face. Same ol’ stuff here as HHH says the WWE title comes back home… yawn, you know if Tony Almeda dies today in 24, I’m gonna be pissed. Oh yeah, contract is signed and then Kane, Big Show, Carlito, and Masters comes down for a brawl to set up tonight’s main event.
— Maria is backstage working out… and damn! I think she is slowly becoming the hottest Diva backstage. Anyway, Trish interrupts, asks for Torrie, and finds her backstage unconscious. Back to Maria please….
— WWE Hall of Fame Inductee: Vern Gagne
— Saturday Night’s Main Event: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. JBL in a beer drinking contest
— Vince announces that Jim Ross will return to call the Shane vs. HBK match this Saturday
RAW Analysis
— Dammit, can you believe that… the killed off the second coolest character in 24 behind Jack Bauer!?!?! How the hell could they kill of Tony, and he got such a bullshit fade away too. They should have just let him go in the car explosion. Sigh. It doesn’t even help matters that this hasn’t been my ideal day either and it keeps on going and going with people getting me pissed off!! Oh, huh… Raw just ended. Oh. Sorry. Ok what happened, what happened? Well I guess that sums it up, nothing to remember except that they put Edge at the beginning of the show and that this was just a lame lead up to Saturday Night. So if you missed this show, don’t sweat it. Watch Saturday Night instead. Wow, I’m really not in a good mood. How much things can change in just under an hour. I’m gonna try and cool down, Till the main EVENT Saturday, I’m out, peace.
