Smack YOU! Smackdown Review 17th March 2006

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Sorry for the delay I had a busy Friday.

We’re in anywhere USA

Your hosts are the usual guys

Lumberjack Money in the Bank ladder match
Finlay Vs Lashley
Pretty much the entire Smackdown mid card is surrounding the ring here. I personally think neither guy should get another chance. They both f*cked themselves last week so they should just have to go without. Lashley knocks Finlay out to the where the Cruiserweights are and of course he no sells them and gets back in. Lashley does some power stuff and Finlay jaws with some lumberjacks and gets rolled up. I think they should actually use lumberjacks, preferably German ones, in these matches. It would be ridiculous but I’d get a kick out of it. It’s not like it’s any stupider than a midget division or stupid Japanese B Movie effects in pointless Randy Orton feuds. Seriously, that Bob Orton bleeding thing has extra meaning now doesn’t it? I bet they’ll start a storyline where Bob Orton deliberately blades to give guys blood diseases. That would be MONEY. Oh right the match, errm not much happens and Finlay gets a chin lock on Lashley for a while. This whole thing is stupid. Lashley should be turning Finlay into a putrid pile of potatoes and moving on. By the way as you can no doubt tell from my name I’m part Irish so I had a damn good ST Paddy’s day. Much Guinness was drank I can assure you. Plus, Ireland won the 6 nations rugby tournament. Come on! Oh Lashley mounts a comeback at some point and the crowd is less than enthused. Lashley gets a cool one armed delayed suplex. Now THAT’S a strong man not some clumsy idiot who can lift a car a centimetre off the ground. Lashley ends up throwing Finlay onto the heel lumberjacks and then heading out an attacking them. Finlay starts begging off and uses a referee distraction to hit Lashley with his stick thing to qualify

WINNER – FINLAY

½* – Finlay celebrates with all the heels post match. So now we have two great bumpers RVD and Shelton and two old school guys, Flair and Finlay. Now I can’t see Flair and Finlay doing that many insane things. This MITB has a lot to live up to and by the looks of things it won’t reach last years. On the bright side it’s right open at the moment and I can see any of those current 4 winning.

Wrestlemania “Big Time Moment” the gimmick battle royal from Mania X-Seven

Melina is backstage and she goes up to Kristal and says she looks beautiful and stuff. She says that Kristal has to learn that she’s the top diva in WWE. DAMN STRAIGHT! Burchill comes over and MNM laugh at him so he draws is sword and they bail.

William Regal and Jillian Hall Vs Burchill and Kristal
Burchill gets some serious canned heat on his entrance as WWE seem to desperately want to fool us into this pirate gimmick being over. Kristal and Jillian start out and Jillian gets the better of that. Jillian gets a handspring elbow but Kristal gets a head scissors. Regal comes in and takes a slap. I love how Regal is secure enough to let stuff like that happen to him. Burchill comes in and does some nice stuff and let’s out an “ARRRGGHHHH” Screw you I think it’s funny. Burchill is sure enthusiastic this evening but he takes some knees in the corner and then some forearms. Regal gets Burchill in a headlock but that doesn’t last long and Burchill mounts a comeback. Burchill gets a standing moonsault press and on cue the women come in for some cat fighting. Jillian ends up flying outside and C4 finishes Regal soon after. Seriously all he needs to do is add the standing SSP and he will get over. Cole teases calling the move “Walk the Plank” if that happens I will lose hope with humanity

WINNERS – BURCHILL AND KRISTAL

*1/2 – I’m telling you Burchill is seriously good.

Meanwhile, Sharmel is acting all afraid about Boogeyman. To be fair if I had a crazy black man who likes to paint his face and eat worms after me I’d be a little worried too. I’d probably hire Zeus and hope the force of two of the crapest wrestlers in history meeting would cause a vortex that would suck both guys into it for eternity.

Booker T w/ Sharmel Vs Jerry Young
Sharmel is wearing a bee keepers outfit. THAT’S the best Booker T could come up with to protect his wife? No wonder he’s not known as the brightest wrestler going. Sharmel looks hilarious in the bee keeper outfit though and the tiara on top is a nice touch. This is a squash. Fans chant for Boogeyman a little during the match and his music comes on post Booker victory. Booker and Sharmel hide under the ring and sure enough Boogeyman shows up and chases them away.

Now it’s time for a three way interview between Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton. Orton asks Angle what his health is like and Angle says it’s not too good but he doesn’t care and he’s always in pain. Orton has a go at Angle and asks tears some strips of him. Angle stands up for Rey and Orton retorts with calling Kurt a paper champion. Angle shoots back with saying Orton’s reign was only a month long. Orton calls Rey a charity case and Rey retorts with saying that his dream will come true. Rey is clearly the fan favourite here between the three. Cole asks if they can work together. Rey says he has Angle’s back and Angle says the same. Angle says that at Wrestlemania he will treat Rey like any other challenger.

That was quite fun actually and there’s no better arrogant jerk than Orton.

Money in the Bank Qualifier
Matt Hardy Vs Animal
With Mania being in Chicago I don’t think it’s totally out of the question than Animal could win here which would be pointless as Matt could be really useful in a ladder match as he has past experience and no doubt could come up with some really inventive spots when working with Shelton and RVD. Animal goes after the knee to start as the commentators go on about how shocked they were about Animal’s heel turn. I mean come on he’s a ROAD WARRIOR. Matt mounts a comeback and gets two from a Side Effect. Matt gets another Side Effect and pounds in the corner. The ref catches an elbow and Animal uses brass knucks and hides them in his arm pit. The ref of course raises Animal’s hand and calls for the DQ.

WINNER – MATT HARDY

¼* – this was awful and just made Matt look stupid.

JBL comes down to the ring and as that happens they show an awesome Stone Cold video to “Hell Yeah” which was a great song.

Orlando Jordan Vs Chris Benoit
JBL is a real hoot on commentary it should be added. Benoit annihilates Jordan without any form of difficulty. Jordan goes after the arm which is a smart idea as it takes away the cross face. JBL must be on some form of drugs here as he’s hyper as hell. He’s like Roddy Piper on speed except he’s legible. Benoit fights back with the Three Amigos but only gets as far as Dos so he gets some German’s instead. JBL starts talking about how he was fired in Germany what he doesn’t mention is that that got him his WWE Title run. Anyway Benoit gets the win with the Sharpshooter and JBL comes in and gets a cheap shot. JBL’s eyes were all over the place and he was talking at hyper speed. Seriously, he looked like he was on drugs

WINNER – CHRIS BENOIT

* – Nothing much but good for what it was

More Miz videos

Mark Henry gets promo time. He says he fears nothing etc. What I don’t get is what’s the point of having Daivari with Henry when he never actually gets a chance for promo time?

MNM and Mark Henry w/ Melina and Daivari Vs Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton
Angle has the dreaded taped ribs. Remember when DDP had those things for like a year? Man that was one slow healing injury, almost longer than Bob Orton’s arm injury. Talk about brittle bones. Angle and Nitro start out with Angle going to the arm but Nitro goes to the ribs. I think Melina and Tatanka should have a screech off. That could get a 7.0 rating I’m sure of it! Angle fires off an over head suplex and tags in Rey who gets a springboard moonsault for two on Mercury. Mysterio fights off an MNM double team and gets an awesome spinning head scissors but he ends up getting put in the heel corner and stood on by Henry. Henry misses a charge in the corner and Rey goes to the 10 count but Orton distracts the ref so Daivari can pull Rey off. Fans start chanting “Eddie” as MNM get an awesome version of Demolition Decapitation for two as we go to a commercial

Commercial

We’re back with Rey getting hammered as MNM continue to do some cool double teaming. Rey gets a desperation sit out dropkick on Mercury but he gets dragged back into the heel corner. Henry comes back in and does his exciting array of elbow drops and stomps. Get MNM back in there ASAP! Henry misses his big splash and Rey uses the chance to get a kick to the head. My God it’s like Akeem is main eventing! Anyway Angle gets the hot tag and unleashes all sorts of piss and vinegar. Angle defies gravity by Angle Slamming Henry. Rey 619’s Nitro and Orton uses the chance to tag himself in and get the win

WINNERS – ORTON, MYSTERIO AND ANGLE

*** – When it was Rey or Angle Vs MNM it was great but Henry dragged it down big time.

Not exactly a great show wrestling wise but all the main angles got pushed and fans seem to be responding to Rey. I still can’t see him winning at Mania but I can see them at least going with the “Gallant Loser” ending for him which can be still be quite moving. Just look at Rocky I for proof of that, although secretly we all prefer Rocky II because he wins.