Opening video recaps last week’s SmackDown and VELOCITY, just, with a massive lack of recapping Velocity. Isn’t it odd that MNM can Main Event Velocity one week and then Main Event SmackDown the next? Tonight: MNM and Mark Henry with Melina and Daivari verses Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, and World Heavy Weight Champion Kurt Angle.
Opening Contest: Lumberjack Match: Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Lashley verses Finlay
If memory serves (which it probably doesn’t), then the last time we had a Lumberjack Match on SmackDown it was for the United States Title between John Cena and Rene Dupree. Though, keep in mind, there’s probably been about ten since then. Lashley big boots Finlay out of the ring to start but Finlay elbows down Funaki and London and Kendrick remain clear. Lashley clubs on Finlay and take it to the corner. Lashley gets a School Boy (from Lashley, of all things) for a two. Lashley clotheslines Finlay down a few times, before doing his shoulder back toss. The bad guy lumberjacks console Finlay. HA! Hilarious. Lashley gathers up the good guy Lumberjacks and it’s West Side Story time! In the ring Finlay gets the upper hand with some clubs. Finlay gets some knees to Lashley’s face before nailing some headbutts. Lashley with a reverse atomic drop and Jordan tries to drag Lashley out of the ring which gives Finlay the upper hand, before Finlay sends Lashley into the steel pole and the heels take advantage. Back in the ring Finlay gets a two count twice. Finlay sends Lashley outside and the Lumberjacks attack him. Back inside Finlay ashley gets out of it by sending Finlay into the corner, but Finlay clotheslines Lashley back down. Another two count for Finlay. Finlay with some more stomps and clubs, but Lashley begins to raise, before Finlay sends Lashley outside! The heels get right on Lashley and then send him back inside. Erm, okay. Finlay with some elbows in the corner before raking at the eyes. Finlay goes to run at Lashley but Lashley jumps out of the way and Finlay goes into the turnbuckle! Lashley with some elbows and forearms, a overhead Belly to Belly. Lashley with a clothesline into throw down in the corner for a two. Lashley nails Finlay with the impressive delayed Suplex before nailing a Military Press onto the Heel Lumberjacks! Lashley gets attacked by the heels while punching Finlay, but Lashley takes down Sylvan, Regal, Noble, Vito, a Gymini Guy, Kash, Animal, the other Gymini Guy, before rolling Finlay back inside, before he continues and takes down Nunzio, the first Gymini guy, before going back inside. Sylvan comes in with a steel chair but Lashley spears him down, only to turn around into the Shalalee for the victory!
Winner : Fit Finlay
I enjoyed this. Though, I can admit, this still rather sucked. About eight minutes of club, knee, headbutt, Lumberjacks, club, knee, you get the point. 1 out of 10.
Later tonight, another Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Matt Hardy verses Animal . . Oh man.
Commercials. Meanwhile, I’m resisting putting The Movies or Devil May Cry 3 back on. Man is that game fun.
WrestleMania. Sixteen Nights Away. And STILL no Mickie Vs Trish, Cruiser Weight Title Match, SmackDown Title Match.
MNM, backstage, check out Candice’s Playboy. Meanwhile, Melina perves on Vince McMahon’s Mucsle and Fitness. EW! EW! EW! Who could think Vince McMahon is hot in any . . . just . . . EW! Melina runs over to Kristal and compliments her but then tells her that Melina’s the pinnacle of the WWE Divas. Along comes everyone’s favorite Pirate and . . . Man, Nitro’s a bad actor . . . Kirstal and Paul share a sexual innuendo afterwards.
Orton, meanwhile, gets ready for a Three Way Interview tonight.
Commercials.
Second Contest: William Regal and Jillian Hall verses Paul Burchill and Kristal Marshall
Match starts between Marshall and Hall. They lock up after some shoves, with Hall taking it to the corner and nailing a knee, punch, and ramming Marshall’s head into the corner. Hall with a Handstring Elbow. Cool. Irish whip and Marshall nails a headscissors. Regal comes in only to be slapped by Marshall. Burchill in and gets heaps of kicks in against Regal, crossbody gets a two. Burchill with a scoop slam and leg drop for a two. Regal mounts a small comeback, which is quickly stopped by Burchill. Burchill goes for a Monkey Flip but Regal throws him down and gets a knee to the side of the head. In the corner, Regal continues the knees. Regal then nails some elbows. Irish whip into Elbow. One count by Regal. ‘Regal Sucks’ chant starts up. Burchill kicks Regal away from him, trips him down and nails a Moonsault Splash for a two. Marshall tackles Hall down and the two roll around before Hall pokes Marshall in the eye. The two are up and Hall runs at Marshall but Marshall moves and Hall goes out of the ring. Regal gets nailed with the C4 for the victory after Burchill reverses a Double Arm DDT attempt.
Winners: Paul Burchill and Kristal Burchill
I really couldn’t have cared. 1 out of 10. The only difference between this and Finlay vs Lashley; the time. Oh, and, I did still enjoy Finlay vs Lashley.
Backstage Shamell throws a fit, saying she doesn’t want to go out to the ring OR stay backstage. Booker T gives her a box with something in it, which we don’t see what.
Rey Mysterio gets ready for the Three Way Interview.
Commercials.
Peter Gabriel’s Big Time is the Official Theme Song of WrestleMania.
Hall of Fame Stuff, which I’m already getting sick of for this year.
Third Contest: Booker T with Sharmell verses “The Fire” Jeremy Young
Not often Booker T gets fed a jobber, is it? Sharmell comes out wearing a Bee Keepers Outfit AND her Crown. Classic. She’s a good actor and keeps pleading for Booker T to come out. Booker takes Young into the corner and nails chops and punches to him. Clothesline in the middle of the ring by Booker. Suplex by Booker followed up by a stomp. Booker picks up Young and sends him back down with a chop. Heel kick by Booker T. Another chop by Booker T. Booker T sends Young head first into the turnbuckle and nails some chops and stomps to Young. Yawn. In the middle of the ring, Young gets some offence but gets nailed by a Spinebuster by Booker T. ‘Boogeyman’ chant starts on up. Scissors kick by Booker T and it’s over.
Winner: Booker T
-4 out of 10. I didn’t give it a Minus 5 because Booker hardly gets a squash. Boogeyman’s music hits and Booker challenges him to fight while Sharmell has a tantrum at ringside. Booker T tells her to go under the ring, which “is the best place to go” but Boogeyman turns out to be under there.
Kurt Angle gets ready for the Three Way Interview.
Commercials.
Recap of Henry / Taker over the past two weeks.
Video clip of Orton RKO’ing Cena on RAW.
The Three Man Interview between Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton. Orton brings up Angle’s health and brings up a good point with saying “OH MY GOD, you won the Olympic Medal with a broken neck, it’s the same old song and dance, you’re tough. We get it” the guy’s got a point there, before jumping right to Mysterio. Angle defends Mysterio. The three bring out pretty good points. Orton claims Angle to be a paper champion. Angle’s a Six time world Champion already?! Seriously?! Orton’s pretty good here. I’m loving it. Thankfully this segment eats up a good ten minutes.
Up next! . . Matt Hardy verses Animal. . . Yay.
Commercials.
Fourth Contest: Money In The Bank Qualifier: Road Warrior Animal verses Matt Hardy
Animal has new Music, for those keeping score. Hardy gets punches to start and, by the way, Animal looks like the Village People plus a few decades. Hardy with some clothelines, the third knocks Animal down, before laying some punches into Animal. Hardy goes up top but Animal trips him by kicking the ropes. Animal kicks Hardy back down and slams his knee into the apron. Animal then slams Hardy’s knee into the apron before dropping some elbows onto the knee. (It’s right now where Michael Cole says that he’s sick of the WWE Fans wanting to relive the glory days of the Legion of Doom. I can think of quite a few who think differently) Hardy gets to his foot but Animal goes for a scoop slam, but Hardy nails a reverse DDT! Side Effect by Hardy for a two count. Another Side Effect. In the corner Hardy nails some punches and a knee . Hardy accidentally nails the referee as Animal gets the brass knuckles and punches Hardy and gets the victory! However, the Referee sees the Brass Knuckles and reverses the decision.
Winner: Matt Hardy
Animal attacks Hardy after the match. Sigh. Well, wasn’t as bad as it could be, it was short as least. So 3 out of 10 because it was harmless. Now the Money In The Bank Entrants are: Shelton Benjamin, Rob Van Dam, Ric Flair, Fit Finlay, Matt Hardy, and the final Qualifying Match Next Week on SmackDown – which will be a Battle Royale!
Commercials.
It’s during the next match that I fell asleep. Not to say the next match isn’t good, it is what it is considering the participants. It’s just . . well . . . So far there’s only been one successful segment throughout the entire show. I know, occasionally I’m tired when I do this report, but I wasn’t tired at all when I started this episode. Is it lackluster? No. It’s just there. This entire episode seems to be half between “because we had to put a show on” and half “to build up SNML and WrestleMania” and while it’s so far passing on building up to the events, it’s being too successful as a “fill two hours” episode. Which is a pity, too, because SmackDown always has so much opportunity.
John Bradshaw Layfield comes on out and we get a heaps old (with some new bits) Stone Cold Steve Austin video done by H-Blocks or Rage, I forget which. By the way, JBL has a beer cooler with him. He joins the commentary table.
Fifth Contest: Orlando Jordan verses Chris Benoit
Jordan attacks Benoit to start, but Benoit quickly gets the upper hand with some punches and a shoulder toss. Chops in the corners by Benoit as the two travel halfway across the ring. Snap suplex by Benoit. On the outside Benoit and JBL have their mandatory tension moment, albeit nothing happens. Benoit takes Jordan back into the ring and nails a knee to the head. Jordan goes for a neckbreaker, Benoit goes to reverse it into an Armbar but Jordan gets to the ropes and Jordan takes Benoit down with a Slamming Arm Bar. Hiptoss by Jordan into an armbar variation. JBL hypes up Benoit. Benoit escapes the armbar thanks to the fans and a hiptoss, before the two exchange punches. Benoit gets the upper hand and nails some elbows to Jordan’s face before nailing two of the Three Amigos but Jordan escapes it only to be nailed with two of the Triple Germans by Benoit. Jordan gets a sunset flip but Benoit rolls out, locks on the Sharpshooter, and Jordan taps out.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Afterwards, JBL nails Benoit from behind with the beer cooler. 1 out of 10. Not Benoit’s greatest, at all.
Up Next, Finally, the Main Event. Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton verses MNM and Mark Henry.
Commercials. Anthony Mundine sucks like nothing before.
Another recap of the last two weeks between Henry and Taker. The real feat is that Henry didn’t crush the table he was standing on.
Josh Matthews interviews Mark Henry. Henry talks about fearing the casket and the Taker’s WM streak, but Henry fears nothing. Well it’s a solid argument, but it’s still Henry on the microphone Henry calls out UnderTaker for SNML.
MNM and Melina make their entrance. As does Mark Henry and Daivari. I’ll say this about those five, they do make a rather good team.
Commercials.
Main Event: MNM and Mark Henry with Melina and Daivari verses Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, and Kurt Angle
Orton slaps Nitro down, very catty of him. Angle and Nitro start off. Angle uses his amateur skills to take Nitro down into a reverse bear hug but Nitro gets his feet to the ropes. Angle works the arm in the middle of the ring while Daivari yells “Get out of that hold”. Duh. Nitro slams Angle down using his arm lock before Nitro locks in one of his own, before kneeing Angle in the ribs. Nitro stomps on Angle in the corner and it’s Banshee Moment for Melina. Nitro tags out to Mercury. Mercury runs in but is quickly arm dragged by Angle. Mercury slams Angle into the corner and punches Angle’s injured ribs. Mercury goes up top and jumps off with a double axe handle but Angle nails him with an over head Belly to Belly. Tag out to Mysterio who nails Mercury with the seated senton. Myserio gets a lionsault onto a standing Mercury which gets a two. Mercury tags out to Nitro. Mysterio gets Nitro in the leg wrap around Bulldog position, before dropkicking Mercury and slamming down Nitro which gets a one count. Sweet ass head scissors by Mysterio for a two. Mercury knees Mysterio from behind at the apron. Melina distracts the referee for some reason while Henry is tagged in. Orton distracts the referee, nice touch, while Henry steps on Orton. Henry slams Mysterio into the corner but Mysterio escapes, kicks Henry in the gut, and goes up top and nails Nine Punches until Daivari grabs Mysterio’s head and drops his throat onto the ropes. Mercury in to mount punches on Mysterio. Fans begin the mandatory Eddie chant while Orton points up to the sky. Classic. Back breaker by Mercury and Nitro nails a leg drop over the top rope for a two. Melina squeals, obviously, which leads us into a Commercial Break.
Commercials, as you assumed thanks to the Commercial Break.
Mysterio is escaping a reverse bear hug but Nitro as we return, before Mysterio gets a small package (with a distracted referee) after a failed suplex attempt by Nitro, which gets Mysterio a zero count. Nitro slides Mysterio outside were Melina slaps him around a bit. Wow, deadly. Daivari slides Mysterio back in and Nitro gets a two count off . . the slaps. Another Eddie chant. Melina gets a head scissors on Mysterio while his head is on the apron. Tag out to Mercury as the two nail a double gut buster. Mercury with an elbow drop for a two, broken by Angle. Mercury with a sunset flip, though that gives Mysterio a dropkick to Mercury. Mercury drags Mysterio back to his corner and tags out to Nitro, who gets an elbow drop. Tag out to Henry. Henry headbutts Mysterio down. Henry stretches Mysterio’s face. Mysterio tries to get a quick crawl back to his corner, but Henry drags him back and drops an elbow. Henry whips Mystertio into the corner, who comes back into a Military Press by Henry. Henry goes for a splash but Mysterio moves out of the way, kicks Henry back down and tags out to Angle! MNM in! Angle clotheslines down Mercury then Nitro, German to Mercury and Nitro, off go the straps! Angle Slam on Mercury for a two count broken by Henry. Henry sends Angle into the corner, but Angle avoids the thump and Angle Slams Henry! Tag out to Mysterio who nails Mercury with the 619, but Orton tags in and gets the three count for himself! Nice touch.
Winners: Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, and Kurt Angle
Easily a seven, especially considering the rest of the evening. Nice match to put Orton over.
Well, that’s SmackDown for this week. Let’s see how badly this puppy bombed.
Fit Finlay verses Bobby Lashley: 1/10
Regal / Hall verses Marshall / Burchill: 1/10
Booker T verses Jeremy Young: -4/10
Matt Hardy verses Animal: 3/10
Chris Benoit verses Orlando Jordan: 1 /10
Mysterio, Orton, Angle verses MNM and Henry: 7/10
SmackDown 17 / 3 / 2006: 9/60
. . . Ouch. Very ouch, baby. I just hope it was me and not this actual episode that was bad. Until Velocity, which should be up soon.
