The NeelDown iMPACT Zone
– From Orlando, Florida
– Hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West
– Planet Jarrett kick things off with Jarrett saying Sting is gone again, causing “boring” chants, then brings out Big Poppa Chump. Steroid Monkey calls some people in TNA backyard wrestlers and calls them fat. The cameras make us know well that Shelley is taping this on the Shelley Cam. Poppa Chump says that wherever Jeff Jarrett goes, he goes. Steiner on the microphone drowned out by all of the crowd’s disrespectful chanting made it dull as hell.
Maverick Matt v. A Jobber in the Rough v. Sonjay Dutt – Team US X Cup Qualifyer
Bentley attacks Skipper and gets a quick slam for two. Bentley misses a charge but gets a second rope crossbody for two. Skipper gets up and hits a spin kick for two. Dutt springs in with a double dropkick and tries a headscissors on Skipper but Bentley kicks them down. Dutt gets a sloppy ranna sending Bentley to the outside, Skipper dumps him then, and Skipper springs out with a corkscrew plancha. See, this is why they NEED to get Skipper away from the awful Jobbers in the Rough gimmick and get him back to his top-cage tightrope walking X Division days. Bentley gets the superkick on Skipper, Dutt goes off the top with a 450 for the win. Wait — isn’t Dutt always advertised as being from India, and represented India in the World X Cup? Yeah, whatever. Good opener from the second-rate X guys. **3/4
Winner: Sonjay Dutt
– Footage of Simon Diamond at White Sox spring training where Ozzie Guillen nails Diamond with a chair. Diamond says that “any ten-year old with an iPod can do that.” Tenay, that young and hip technology wiz that he is, promtly asks “I think you mean Photoshop, not an iPod you idiot.” Oh boy.
– Team 3-Diminsional sing the Canadian Anthem, changing the lyrics to bash Team Canada, and D’Von sings that Coach D’Amore is fat. Bubba gets a good laugh out of it. Apparently he laughs at fat jokes, but only when they aren’t directed at him.
Abyss v. That Former Raven Fan Guy That They Have Nothing Left For
Black Hole Slam promply finishes things at about twenty seconds in. Well, at least that gives Riley a non-pre show or Xplosion match for a while. Early MOTYC, at ease. -*
Winner: Abyss
LAX v. Norman Smiley & Shark Boy
A bunch of brawling, and then VICOUS SHARK BITE ON THE ASS leads to the Big Wiggle but Smiley gets nailed with the slap jack. Shark Boy dodges a flapjack shot and it hits Machete, or however you spell it. That gives Sharky the pin — whoa, did Sharky actually just pin somebody? Well that gives him a win, so he should be satisfied for a couple of months before he gets his next one. -*
Winners: Norman Smiley & Shark Boy
Alex Shelley, America’s Most Worthless & Not CM Punk v. AJ Styles, Ron Killings, Rhino & Christopher Daniels
Rhino starts with Shelley and gets scoop slam for two. Daniels comes in and we get the first rerence of the night that he is the new X Divison Champion. Daniels and Styles get a doubleteam leg sweep clothesline for two on Storm. Moore comes in with a suplex for two. Styles botches the springboard inverted DDT spot, but pulls it off anyway, sloppiness aside. Killings comes in and cleans house and gets a leg lariat on Moore then a front suplex, Harris makes the save. Everybody brawls everybody, Killings gets a plancha on Shelley and Storm to the outside. Harris nails a lariat on Daniels back inside but Rhino nails him with a Gore. Styles Clash on Moore ends it. Bleh match, at least some of the guys got their spots in. ** Rightfully, that was also Not CM Punk’s last TNA match if the WWE contract rumors are true.
Winners: AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Ron Killings & Rhino
The NeelDown: Bleh post-PPV match of Impact. No appearence by the champion was surprising.
