The NeelDown SNME Zone
– So you get the big return SNME and the NeelDown iMPACT Zone, all in one night! Woo hoo!
– Hopefully everybody read SK’s SNME rant archive in preparation for this.
– Live from Detroit, Michigan
– Hosts are (the big return of) Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler & Tazz
– We get an opening segment of all the wrestlers commenting on their matches tonight, including JBL ripping off a mustache saying that his name is not Earl. Pretty nice set up and pyro for the big return.
Triple H & John Cena v. Kurt Angle, Randy Orton & Rey Mysterio
Okay, what dimwit on the creative team scheduled this one as the opening contest? I guess that means we have the whole show to look forward to the classic Shane McMahon street fight. Cena and Orton start, Cena fires away so Orton pokes the eye. Angle is quick to blind tag himself in and he comes in and gives Cena a German. Angle nails an overhead suplex and tries the Angle Slam but Cena slips out and gets a spinebuster for two. How many times did we see a sequence like THAT happen during Angle’s late stint on RAW? HHH comes in falls victim to a trio of Germans. Mysterio makes his way in with a senton and sunset flip for two. Backslide gets two. HHH thumbs the eye and tags to Cena who gets a huge BOO, which despite being in against Mysterio, is not a good sign going into Mania. Huge “CENA SUCKS” chant starts up as Mysterio hits a fakeout 619, but then gets flattened by a HHH lariat. Of course, unlike the golden days, this SNME isn’t taped, so there’s no editing with canned heat. Mysterio takes a knee on the apron and falls outside where HHH tosses him into the barricade. That gets two back inside and Cena refuses a tag. That results in Mysterio running into a spinebuster, but Angle breaks the count. HHH slows things down with a sleeper which doesn’t last long as Mysterio gets out and they go up top where Mysterio knocks him off and gets a moonsault. Orton and Cena gets a hot tag and as Cena starts to get some of his usual stuff the crowd begins to verbally abuse him. JR finally makes mention of it, saying whether you like Cena or not he has heart, or some shit like that, which is something the other announcers would never make note of when he was gone. Cena gets the FU on Orton but HHH runs in and Pedigrees Cena, leaving Orton to cover Cena, but Mysterio pulls him off, and then things get ugly. HHH Pedigrees Rey, some other various finishers follow, Orton goes for the RKO but Cena dodges it and turns it into a schoolboy for the win. Oh, what a joy, HHH hits a bunch of Pedigrees in a sloppy match with a rollup finish. Cena getting destroyed by the fans didn’t help much either for WWE’s sake, neither. **
Winners: HHH & That Heel Who Thinks He’s A Face
– Booker T fakes an injury in the back to try to get out of fighting Boogeyman, and it works, the match is canceled That probably means it will be booked for Mania
– The Cutting Edge is next, where in the ring is a table with a garbage can lid, kendo stick, and chair, with a street sign and some other “hardcore weaopons” on the canvas. Edge says that he has turned from the hardcore icon to a Muppet. Yes, a Muppet. Usual good promo from Edge, saying that promoting his new book and dancing around with a sock is very impressive. Guest Foley comes out with some tacks, as Edge lights the table on fire. That gets put out by a ringside worker, and Foley takes him down. Foley empties the tacks and tries shoving Edge into them, but Lita wacks him with a chair allowing Edge to shove him into the tacks. Foley gets up smiling and runs after Edge on the ramp with a chair, and then hits a neckbreaker. Foley returns the favor from Raw with a conchairto.
– Booker and Sharmell are celebrating in the showers but Boogeyman pops out of the ceiling so Booker mistakenly runs away without limping, so I guess the match will still be on for tonight. Ah, man.
– JBL comes out for the beer drinking contest and cuts a great heel promo and bashes the Detroit mayor, and tells the people to stop cheering because they elected them. He tells them that their labor unions are a disgrace to America, they lose jobs to Japan and Mexico, and that their sports team couldn’t win a scrimmage Austin interrupts with a truck reeling out smoke from the tires. Ooh, we’ve never seen anything like this before. Austin wonders why JBL challenged him. I guess he wasn’t watching the SmackDown where JBL explained the whole thing out clearly. Austin goes on to say that he drank a bunch of beer today, yadda yadda yadda. This is what we call a time waster. JBL says that he went across the river and got Canadian beer, where they have real beer, and real hockey. JBL says that they have one minute to drink the most. They turn back to back and drink, with JBL pouring a lot of his out instead of drinking it. Austin finds out and JBL throws some in his face then heads up the ramp, but Chris Benoit runs out and rolls him back in so Austin can drench him in beer and then gets a Stunner. Well, that went about as pointless as expected, with Austin making his yearly big appearance involving beer and Stunnering somebody new.
Victoria & Candice Michelle v. Mickie James & Trish Stratus
Phew, for a minute there I was worried that they forgot about having matches. Although, I’m not sure if this really fits the bill either. Trish pounds on Candice and Vikki takes her down from the apron, Candice chokes. Candice’s strategy is apparently to pin by sitting on her opponent. Victoria comes in and applies a front facelock, she makes a tag but it doesn’t count, the heels try a double suplex but Trish turns it into a DDT. Trish nails the Stratusfaction… and it’s over. Gee, call me on it, but I kind of expected them at least to give them more than 90 seconds on a show like this. 1/4*
Winners: Trish Stratus & Mickie James
– Afterwards Trish doesn’t accept Mickie’s kiss so Mickie gives her the Chick Kick and Stratusfaction. OH, THEY FINALLY MADE THE HEEL TURN, BY GOLLY!
– Mizark Henry calls out Undertaker, who comes out after a twenty minute entrance and they brawl. Mizark gets sent into the steps. Daivari gets chokeslammed onto the casket and them Tombstoned as well. Poor Daivair, whether it’s that or be Angle Slammed from the ring to the floor, he just can’t catch a break.
Shawn Michaels v. Shane McMahon – Street Fight
Michaels attacks on the stage to start and then wacks him with a chair. He sets up a table but Shane sends him into the post. Vince makes his way down to enlighten us. Shane sets a ladder up in the ring and Vince sets Michaels onto it, but he fights him ouff and climbs up on the other side of the ladder. Michaels hooks him and drops back with a superplex through two tables. That sends us into the main event advertisements and we come back to Michaels getting a scoop slam and climbing the ladder but Vince comes in and WACKS him lightly with a kendo stick. That buys Shane time to throw the ladder into Shawn for two. He nails a sloppy running ladder shot for two. Shane then gets a bow and arrow stretch. Michaels gets out and goes after Vince allowing Shane to get a DDT for two. Shane wacks him with a chair and sets him up seated with a trash can. Shane tries the leap from the oppisite side but Michaels rolls off and it nails Vince. Ooh, we never saw that one coming after six minutes of Shane offense. Michaels comes back with the usual offense and nails the flying elbow. Superkick follows but Vince pulls the ref out on the count. Michaels goes out and rolls Vince in allowing Shane a low blow and then he locks in a Sharpshooter, and Vince calls for the bell, Lillian announces that the winner is Shane by submission. Oh, what an astonishing finish to a slow match. That gives Shane his annual big spot for a while. It was really a whole lot of nothing aside from the big table spot with all the various Vince interference and chair shots and what not. *1/2
Winner: Shane McMahon
End of show.
The NeelDown: Well, for a big return they could have done better. This whole show’s purpose was to pump up WrestleMania 22, and that’s what it did, however boring us the first however and a half with what seemed like just one match, a dissapointing one, and then the spotty main event.
