Monday Night Rabble

Archive

Welcome all to the show

that gets me yelled at

for ordering dinner for

my fiancee….

It’s time for:

T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E

Before we begin – it’s time for our new feature:

PENNY CANDY FOR THE RABBLE

Funniest moment of the night, Vince on the TitanTron ordering the 6 man tag main
event, ending with him sniffing the jacket he has slung over his shoulder and doing
the patented Simpsons “Sideshow Bob Shudder of Disgust”. Priceless.

I really think Vince isn’t happy unless he can at least twice a year have a Canadian
wrestler seem incredibly naive. We all know Vince hates Canadians, only marginally
less than he hates minorities. I mean seriously, how else do you explain Trish not
immediately seeing through Mickey’s heartfelt offer to conveniantly replace the
conveniantly attacked Torrie on Saturday? I figured it out the moment Mickey
appeared onscreen. (BTW, Mickey looked better tonight then ever. No tacky bubblegum
ring outfit, and a normal tasteful hairstyle. She’s actually, hawt, who knew?)

Maria’s pigtails were… *whimpers* … Sorry, I just spontaneously orgasmed.

Shane once again showed why he could easily cripple Vince if he joined TNA or
started his own company. Shane risks getting crippled in that ring when he performs.
He goes full-tilt like the boys. Frankie and I agree if Shane sold all his stake in
WWE, and started his own company, half the roster would tell Vince to f*ck himself
and follow Shane.

Spike TV, I BEG you, throw money at TNA, give them 2 hours, put them head to head
with RAW, if ONLY to get Vince off his rich lazy ass and make him work again.
Without direct competition Vince is lazy and wrestling sucks when Vince is lazy.

Ah f*ck, I’m rambling again, so I’ll shut up. Until next week, I’m your lucky Penny.
You know, like those round brown things in your change.

(The opinions of Penny are Penny’s alone. You can yell at her by emailing me.. I’ll make sure she gets it)

Now let’s get to the show!

Tonight – Joining us are:
THE BILL
A CHRIS
AN ERIK
SOME JENNA
OUR DANI
AND YOUR – ME! James Hatton

So what happened at Saturday Night’s Main Event? Absolutely nothing! That’s why I didn’t Rabbleize it. I watched it… oh yes, there was a crew of Rabblites watching the show – but on the thought that it might not be that great of a show I skipped it altogether. I was right. Shane screwed Shawn, that’s how we start this show.

In the ring though – Spirit Squad – Introducing a full brass band, as they are in Memphis Tennessee to introduce – Shane w/ Vince McMahon.

The confetti explosion that goes on for the next five minutes makes it impossible to see what is going on in the ring.

Vinnie tries to get some applause for Shane, all to boos.
“…yay shane…” – Dani

So Shane is sporting a nice bruise right under his right eye apparently from the table that smacked him.

So the scorecard reads McMahon – 3 — Michaels 0.
“Jesus – 2006” – Me

So Vinnie is going to make it 4-0 at Vince’s greatest creation.

So Vince grabs the mic and announces that Wrestlemania was one of his greatest creation is —
“The XFL” – Hernandez
“The WBA” – Me
“Hiding Steriods” – Hernandez

—Shane. Awww..
“What about Steph?” – Dani

Vinnie then goes through all of the stops that has lead to Shawn vs. Vince. Vince wants us to know that Shane and Vince did NOT screw Shawn Michaels…. Shawn Michaels screwed Shawn Michaels. At Wrestlemania, Vince is going to bring Shawn to where once was, a useless bastard. So Vince is making his match versus Shawn ‘No Holds Barred’.
“Bring on Zeus!” – Me

So tonight, on Shawn’s Highway To Hell tonight he has to face Triple H
“In a match we were promised to never see again…” – Me

Hey, wait.. the champ is here?
“A cheap way to get Cena heat!” – Dani

Vince isn’t happy he’s been interrupted. So unless Cena is here to help celebrate he should get on out.

No, Cena is here to discuss how Shawn gets to face Triple H – and he doesn’t care what Vince does. He makes a few obvious gay jokes then wants Trips in a match tonight. Shane interrupts, asking John Cena who the hell he thinks he is. Following up with a close face to face with Shane.
“Ok, HBK & Cena versus Trips & Shane would be pretty hot” – Dani

The crowd goes on a ‘Cena’ chant.
“I’M GETTING CHEERED!” – Me
“WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!!” – Chris

Vince then makes the match Dani just proclaimed, much to the chagrin of Shane.
“Dad…. what did we talk about….” – Me
“Do you see my face?!” – Bill

COMMERCIAL

In the back Vince explains that everytime Shane is in a match he wins! So Trips walks into the back and wants to know what the hell is going on. He never agreed though to a match with John Cena, and wants to know if there is a plan.
“I’m writing you out of the will…” – Dani

Vince of COURSE has a plan… and Trips gives a great deadpan ‘I feel much better’.

Now though it’s time for Carlito who Joey refers to as one of the ‘two young studs’ who is going for the tag title at Wrestlemania. Ewww….

His opponent in the natural Wrestlemania progression, Kane!

CARLITO vs. KANE
Burnt Apples…

Bell rings and —
“Wrestling.. 23 minutes into the show” – Hernandez

–Carlito hits some punches, hits the ropes and gets shouldered down hard. Carlito goes head ot the buckle and a big punch drops him to the mat. Kane tosses him to the ropes, and a grab and a weak ddt drops Kane.

Kane sits up, and drops Carlito down, and both guys are looking a little messy. Kane picks and drops Carlito down hard face first to the mat followed by a choke and a toss to the corner. Kane picks up Carlito and hits the backbreaker.
“WWE even realizes how boring this match is by putting a tickertape at the bottom” – Dani

Carlito now with the stomps to Kane. Double ax. His own bootchoke and as Kane gets up to his feet he eats a couple shoulderblocks and as he goes for the ten hits, he gets choked annnnnnnd dropped. Kane now with punches to Carlito – a toss to the corner followed with a clothesline, a second round of em and a side suplex. Kane goes up to the top and leaps for the clothesline, but eats a dropkick from Carlito who heads up to the top rope himself.

Moonsault landing ALMOST on his feet –
“He’s spanish – he’s flippy by genetics” – Dani

– as he charges in eats a boot and goes for the chokeslam, stopped with a thumb to the eye. Carlito goes for a springboard leap off the top rope and he gets caught this time for the chokeslam. That’s it.

WINNER: KANE

Tonight we’re going to have a Triple Threat IC Match – RVD/RIC/SHELTON

COMMERCIAL

In the back Carlito and Masters are arguing. Shocker. Tonight Masters is going to show Carlito how it’s done versus the Big Show.
“I doubt that” – Me

Entries into the Hall of Fame: Bret Hart, Sensational Sherry, Gene Okerland, Verne Gagne, and Eddie Guerrero. — Just in case you forgot.

But now who else is getting inducted:
THE BLACKJACKS
Bobby Windham aka Black Jack Mulligan
Black Jack Lanzo

Inducted by Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan. Good times.

Now though it’s time for Ric Flair…
“WOO!” – Bill

So Ric grabs a mic aaannndd–

COMMECIAL
“aww..” – Hernandez

He and here it’s time for good ol’ Swampy… RVD!

Finally the IC Champion who nobody is stopping now, apparently.

RIC FLAIR vs RVD vs SHELTON
IC Title on the line…

Ric chops Shelton and that starts that. RVD with punches to Benjy, a nice standing kick dropsShelton and Ric picks him up. Knee rise on Shelton and RVD/Ric share dropping on his face. Double back bodydrop.

Ric goes for the pin and RVD stops it. Tosses Shelton to the ropes and RVD clotheslines him over following up with Ric chopping RVD down. RVD tosses Ric to the ropes and the spinning legdrop. Ric crawls out and RVD goes for the leap over the top rope onto both Ric AND Shelty….
“Hey look – Ric is bleeding” – Hernandez
“He has given RVD and Shelty hepatitus” – Bill

COMMERCIAL
“Is this REALLY the right time for a full Mania commercial” – Me
“Next year’s Wrestlemania Theme – The Safety Dance” – Bill

Show is back and outside Shelty drops Ric Flair while RVD watches on the inside. Shelt comes back in the ring, and it seems RVD is bleeding too.
“Aww papercuts from all the confetti” – Hernandez

Double underhook from Shelty and in rolls Ric. Ric pokes the cut of RVD followed by getting eyepoked by Shelton.
“Awww poking the cut, that’s mean!” – Hernandez
“Why not just pour lemon juice in it….” – Bill

In the ring now Shelty and Ric and they go punch for punch until the inevitable Flair Flop. Fireman’s carry drop from Shelty and he goes for a slow pin. Veritcal suplex to Flair. Pin stopped by an RVD dropkick. Spinning heel kick from RVD and a belly to belly with a bridge for a twocount.

Ric stops another pin attempt and RVD with a big kick to Ric – RVD with a spinkick to Shelton. Split leg moonsault to Ric for TWO! Shelton runs in, and eats ANOTHER spinning heel from RVD…. Shelty is out! Roll-up from Ric for two! BIG SPINNING KICK TO RVD! That’s like 30 kicks to everyone’s head from RVD!
“This match is just mean!” – Hernandez

RVD goes for the frog splash… BIG MISS! OUCH! Flair goes for the figure four! He’s got it locked in – and Shelton PINS FLAIR! GETS IT! Hot ending to the triple threat.

WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN!

Here comes Foley!

COMMERCIAL

Here’s the retrospect on the last two weeks of Edge and Foley, and here’s Foley to discuss.

“A few things I’d like to say to Edge” – Foley
“Wooga wooga” – Hernandez

“Like him or hate him, Edge speaks the truth…” – Foley
“Except to his wife” – Hernandez

“…he speaks the truth when he called me a teddy bear, a muppet. He was speaking the truth and I’ve never got my big Wrestlemania moment. A few weeks ago I would have announced your town name, mentioned a book that none of you are going to read, and then prance around here with a hand puppet.” – Foley
“So that’s what I’m going to do here tonight…” – Me
“HERE IN MEMPHIS TENNESSEE” – Hernandez

Foley then discusses how his blood poured on Saturday Night tasted like Chinese Food because two hours later he wanted more.
“Took him a second to get to that point.” – Bill

So interrupted… it’s Lita wearing a tiger print corset and red pants. So far, winning.
“Soooo Hi Mick. Edge sent me on another whoring mission” – Bill
“It’s a good bit… we can do it right here” – Chris

Then Lita talks and god knows she shouldn’t do that. Dani thinks she doesn’t look good. She’s outvoted.

Lita asks for the nice, good, Mick Foley to speak her peace. She wants Mick to call off the whole hardcore match. Edge has a better idea. The two of them have a wrestling match.
“..wrong federation” – Hernandez
“You could play a game of Touch Football” – Bill
“Giving Lita the mic… a bad idea guys.. a very bad idea” – Chris

A ‘Whup That Trick’ chant begins… wow. Mick wants to know if this is the spot where she slaps him so Edge can run in from behind. Begs her to slap me… err I mean him.
“A Ken Shamrock Moment” – Hernandez

So she does. Again. Then Edge charges in, and Foley turns to see him and he puts the mandible claw RIGHT on her. Edge though does not even bother to go in.
“God I feel bad for Lita” – Coach
“I feel bad for Mick’s fingers, think of what’s been down that throat” – Bill
“One half of Team Extreme – One half of Edge & Christian” – Hernandez
“Think she ever did a Dudley?” – Me
“Why not.. I think she dated Danny Doring at one point” – Hernandez

So now in the back.. here comes Torie
“Wow, I didn’t realize she was wearing a bra” – Hernandez
“She really kinda isn’t” – Chris
“One jump and she’s done.” – Hernandez
“She’s a reasonable portrayal of a woman…” – Chris

COMMERCIAL

Oh guess what was added to Wrestlemania.. a ‘Playboy Pillow Fight’ … rah.

Now here comes Torrie.
“Now Vince’s fluffer moment” – Hernandez
“Everytime she comes down.. new dog.” – Bill
“It’s in her contract, she gets to snuff the dog” – Chris

TORIE WILSON vs. VICTORIA
Unnecesssary……

Now interrupting is Candice coming down on a big bed with four strapping lads.
“Those are the Undertaker’s druids” – Bill

The bell rings as Candice watches on.

Torrie with an armdrag from Victoria as Candice throws pillows at Torie and Victoria grabs her for the widow’s peak. Wow. Woo that was lame – even ‘IF’ it did give me tonight’s Letch Award Winner in Candice with her red latex corset and fishnet kneesocks.

WINNER: VICTORIA
SINNER: CANDICE MICHELLE

Now though it’s time for something completely different….
“POWDERED TOAASSSSSST MAAAAAANN” – Bill

COMMERCIAL

Masters in the ring, but now it’s time for the big show…. done all in lowercase to be exceptionally ironTiple H
“Tjereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

CHRIS MASTERS vs. big show
Heel wins?

Masters locks up and gets tossed by Show. A big bot and then a punch to the back followed by some Big Show chops. Big Show tosses Chris to the corrner and hits him with a boot. A clothesline or two only dazes Show. Then a sidekick drops Masters. A clothesline or two then the shouldercheck.

Masters bails and Big Show goes for a boot through the audience, but it is deflected. Masters grabsa chir and just as Showis going to bring Mastersin… EL KABONG

DQ: BIG SHOW

So then Masters beats on Show a bit….
“Steroids are bad” – Chris

In the back though Mickey James is on her way down to the ring, skiping… and she might actually have a chance for the Letch Awad,,,, we’ll see

COMMERCIAL

Now though, it’s time for Mickey James. She’s got a surprise o=o and there is a ox in the middle of the ring.,… and as the box is revealed – it’s Ashley!
“Hottest girl in a box ever’.

So Trsh runs don to save Ashley and gets pounded hard in exchange. Well that was easy to watch.

COMMERCIA

It’s time to play the gameeee – Song
“That’s right folks it’s time to go home..” – Hernandez

And instead of letting me hear Shane’s song – they go to a damned video package of Shawn’s match on Saturday.

COMMERCIAL

Now we’re back – and the Champ Is Heeere… with Shawwwwn.

Shawn goes charging after Shane and he bails through the audience. The security team go and try adn seperate them while Cena and Triple H are inching in the ring to get each other.

Shane leaps off the top turnbuckle onto Cena… and Cena with a HUGE closed fist on Shane.

Awwww and because of the closed fist, Cena has been asked to leave the match from Mister McMahon.
“Ahhh, the Dutchess of Queensbury Rules” – Me

So now this match has been turned into a handicapped match.

SHAWN vs. HHHHHHHHHH & SHANE

Shawn is being held by security, Trips takes a cheap shot and the bell rings.

Shane in the ring with Shawn and a bunch of McMahon fists and Shawn is already down… so those kicks to the gut shouldn’t bother him TOO much. Trips gets the tag and a choke with his shirt.

A big fist drops Shawn while Vince coaches from the outside.
“He does this in Triple H’s bedroom too…” – Me
“I NEED A GRANDCHILD DAMMIT!” – Chris

A huuuuuuuuge spinebuster to Shawn from Trips and a tag to Shane. Shane drops an elbow and another field goal kick to Shawn’s gut. Tosses him to the ropes and a back elbow for two. A tag to Trips now.

Trips sends him to the corner and now Shawn fights out of it for his own chops. Sends Hunter to the ropes and the kneelift drops Shawn hard. Trips sends him to the outside, and while he talks to the ref, Shane hurls him to the turnbuckle.
“Aaaaaaand bleeding.” – Me

Tag to Shane as Trips brings him back in the ring. Shawn is in fact NOT bleeding… but he blocks Shane’s big fists for one of his own and now they go back and forth to each other, and Shawn gets the upperhand – following up with the BIG KICK UP! In runs Trips for a reverse atomic drop – big fist to Shane and Trips – clothesline sends Trips over the top. Bodyslam to Shane.
“How is he doing this?” – Coach
“Muscle memory” – Bill

Shawn hits the big elbow! Pounds on his chest.
“Invoking the Warrior” – Me
“GET HIM A TOWEL!” – Chris

J E S U – and Trips grabs his leg…. pulled on the corner.
“Should have stored his finisher for later use.” – Chris

Hunter now in the ring and sends it into Shawn’s netherregions. He sets up for the Pedigree, and John Cena gets in, tosses Shane. Shawn tosses Trips and the security come in and Cena and Shawn clear the ring of security! It is a nice look as Undertaker’s druids fall EVERYWHERE!

So at the top of the key – Vince with team watching on announce that next week John Cena is going to face…… VINCE MCMAHON!

In the ring – Shawn and Cena talk.
“Shawn is looking at him with love…” – Chris

And in the end, we come reallly too close to a kiss for comfort.
“Mickey James nothing…” – Hernandez

And that is another Rabble come and gone. What did we think?
“Good this week” – Bill
“It was very McMahon” – Jenna
“Fun show – just hope they keep it up for next week.” – Hernandez
“Fun show – no chance in hell they can keep that up for next week.” – Chris
“A solid couple of matches in there – a hot cluster ending… not so bad with Wrestlemania already in the books” – Me