They’re on seemingly at random. They’re not all Oscar-winning classics – in fact, some of them are laughably bad. But if you’re travelling for work, there’s nothing better than turning on the television in your hotel room to find an infinitely watchable movie on the small screen. These are the movies that, even if you happen across it in the middle of the movie, you’ll probably watch the rest of it. They are also likely movies that you’d never, EVER consider renting to watch at home – although there’s a chance that you might have bought the DVD.
So with that in mind, I present to you (in alphabetical order) my Top Ten Favourite Movies on TV. Be afraid.
Aliens – Combine a sci-fi flick with your standard horror plot and you get Aliens. Oh, you know it’s true. But the difference here is that James Cameron worked hard to make us think otherwise, and the truth is – it works. Bonus: If you get the director’s cut.
Bloodsport – Van Damme? Check. Bolo? Check. The guy who played Ogre? Check. Cheesy soundtrack? Check. Poor plot (even though it’s based on a true story)? Check. Finally, enjoyable fight scenes? Oh hell yeah. This film works on TV because despite the all-around bad acting (you’d never believe that Forrest Whittaker would become a decent character actor based on this) the fight scenes make it worth watching. Bonus: the 80s Asian mullet.
The Breakfast Club – Probably my favourite of the John Hughes movies, this is actually pretty funny to watch when you get the edited version. It’s an interesting reminder about how uptight we were in the 80’s compared to today. See also: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Bonus: Try and figure out who has had the best career of the five principal actors.
Groundhog Day – This seems to be a polarizing movie. Guys seem to enjoy it, while women can’t understand what the appeal of it is. Still, this is a movie that I’d be willing to rent from the video store – well, except that I bought the DVD. Bill Murray carries this movie and makes it fun to watch. Bonus: Makes for a great drinking game.
Happy Gilmore – Probably the best Adam Sandler movie where he acts like an idiot. You get the usual random Sandler stuff, the standard “fish out of water” story, and Joe Flaherty. Bonus: Sandler gets his ass kicked by Bob Barker.
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad – There’s just so many gags in this movie that you need to rewatch it to see them all. Plus, it’s a fine example of a spoof comedy that’s done RIGHT. I defy you to watch this movie and not laugh. Bonus: O.J. Simpson.
Major League II – Remember the storyline of Major League? Well, recycle it, add a token amount of “character development” and some new characters, and you’ve got Major League II. Revel in the motley cast of characters once again try to beat the odds, with predictable results. Bonus: President Palmer as Pedro Cerrano.
Office Space – Sure, it’s a true cult classic, but there’s just so much that’s enjoyable about the movie that it’s a great viewing, every time. Maybe it’s the fact that we live in a cubicle-dominated world, or that everyone knows a Lumbergh that makes this fun to watch. Bonus: Sure beats work.
The Replacements – If you have HBO, you can watch this movie at least once a day. Why is this movie on here? Well, despite the cookie-cutter sports movie plot and characters, it’s actually an enjoyable waste of 90 minutes (if that makes any sense at all). First you’ve got Keanu Reeves giving a typical Keanu performance, except that since he’s meant to be a quarterback, you just assume he’s had a few concussions before and his acting actually looks believable. You’ve also got incomprehensible things such as replacement cheerleaders and unionized players crossing the strike line at random intervals. Yet somehow it all comes together and lets you forget about how bad the movie truly is. Bonus: The Sentinels doing the Electric Slide.
Rumble in the Bronx – I have no idea why, but I generally find this movie on every 3-4 months or so, in either the dubbed version or the Cantonese version. Nevertheless, it’s Jackie Chan trying to kill himself for our entertainment, in yet another movie with a paper-thin plot that sets up the fight scenes, and that’s never dull. Bonus: Watch the dubbed version carefully. Some of the scenes were quite obviously filmed in English, yet for the sake of consistency, they were also dubbed over.
IP Linkage:
– Mathan talks about ‘Black. White.’ I don’t think we get that show up here. Instead, we’re subjected to ‘Falcon Beach’. On the other hand, you don’t get ‘The Rick Mercer Report’ down in the States. And no, it’s nothing like ‘The Colbert Report’, despite the similar titles.
– If there was one saving grace to ‘Apprentice: Martha’, it was Jim Bozzini showing the rest of the candidates how to “play the game”. And lucky for you, he’s now at IP giving us his opinions of a so far dreary season.
– Farah can read my mind, as I was going to post an article about my favourite TV Themes. Mathan’s column about it was 6 months ago, so I figured we were due. Too bad Farah was thinking the same thing.
The Week In Hindsight:
Thursday:
‘My Name is Earl’ (NBC)
‘The Office’ (NBC) – Hooking up with a girl the day before Valentine’s Day: $100+. Text messaging a coworker’s daughter: $0.10 each message. The look on Ryan’s face when Kelly starts talking about having babies/Stanley berates him for “hitting” on his daughter: Priceless.
Friday:
‘Deal or No Deal’ (CH, NBC)
‘Las Vegas’ (Global, NBC) – Fun episode where they make the card counting team look very, very obvious. The writers seem to have taken a lot of notes from Bringing Down The House. Oh, and former Idol contestant Tamyra Gray gets her annual “guest star appearance on a TV show”
‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’ (CTV) – Repeat of the rather intense episode featuring the kid from Desparate Housewives as a neo-Nazi.
Saturday:
Watched some of the Leafs-Rangers game (the rare HNiC game featuring the Leafs NOT in Canada) and a bit of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (the movie, not the short-lived TV show), but my friends and I went clubbing, which was kind of interesting because the club (Mink, in case any Torontonians need to know) had something called “BarNet” which consisted of ads and models walking down a runway. Now why you need this in a club playing hip-hop, house and dance music I’ve no idea, unless it’s to distract you from the scantily dressed bartenders. Not that I noticed them – I’m married, after all.
Sunday:
‘Grey’s Anatomy’ (CTV, ABC)
Monday:
Quick note here – As of this writing (Tuesday morning) I’m trying to download ‘Prison Break’ since my wife and I attended her first concert ever and I forgot to set the VCR (yeah, I don’t have a DVR). But thanks to the digital marvel of “timeshifting”, I managed to tape the western feed for ’24’ and about half of ‘Prison Break’. Unfortunately, because it’s Global, it also means I had to tape the Apprentice. I mean, I know Murtz likes the show, but I just can’t get into it despite Trump acting like every underinformed CEO of small companies that I’ve worked for.
Oh, the concert? Oasis. Nothing special really – a rather short set (16 + 5) and pretty much the song selection you’d expect from these guys. My wife (it was her choice, by the way – I’d rather have gone to see Coldplay) was shocked at how standoffish and arrogant Liam Gallagher was. Me, I was simply surprised that he and Noel only had 10 feet in between them onstage. BTW the opening band Arctic Monkeys, rocked harder than Oasis. They’re apparently big in the UK, so we’ll see if that translates to success here.
‘Prison Break’ (Global, Fox)
’24’ (Fox)
Tuesday:
‘American Idol’ (CTV, Fox)
‘The Amazing Race’ (CTV, CBS)
Wednesday:
‘Lost’ (CTV, ABC) – OK, how long have they been on the island now? And is Jin truly the father?
‘Iron Chef America’ (Food Network Canada)
‘American Idol’ (CTV, Fox)
‘CSI: New York’ (CTV, CBS)
Bits and Pieces
– Adam Vinatieri? A Colt? weird.
That’s it for this week.
