Tommy P’s Friday Night Smackdown Coverage

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Greetings all. Steve Murray is off again this week. His wife and kids are down with the flu so he’s playing doctor tonight. I was going to do the Live Coverage tonight but the f*cking Orlando Magic games just have to be broadcasted on UPN every Thursday night. Anywho, I’m Tom Pandich. Typically, I’m the Raw guy but tonight I get to watch your little “Smackdown” brand. It’s… cute. No really. You’ve got the spooky guy fighting the black guy headlining your brand. Wait, you’re telling me two black guys are fighting two spooky guys? That’s really… cute.

Alright, if you haven’t checked out our WCW retrospective, you really should. Eric Szulczewski and David Brasear have absurdly comprehensive pieces up on the “month from hell” and the death of the “territories”. Steve Murrary (who filled in for me a week or two ago on Raw) does something every IWC writer loves to do, fantasy book. Speaking of books, Jed Shaffer hit us with a one-two punch of reviewing the book. Hurrah for that. Finally I did a piece I’m pretty proud of taking a look at the video game “wars” between THQ, Acclaim, and Electronic Arts and the WCW license.

Alright, here’s what you’re here for. We get the Friday Night Smackdown music that no one is that fond of. Michael Cole and Tazz are at ringside tonight from Memphis, Tennessee. Randy Orton comes out to start things off by popping out of the floor where Mysterio usually does. Orton starts off talking about how he’s the biggest star in the entire WWE. You know, if you don’t count Kurt Angle, Dave Batista, the Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, and hell, even the Boogieman at this point. Orton laments his loss at Saturday Night Main Event and claims that everyone is jealous of him. Blah blah blah.

Tazz and Michael Cole go over last week’s Money in the Bank qualifying matches. Finlay won by beating Lashley. Road Warrior Animal nearly beat Matt Hardy until the referee overturned his decision.

Last Chance Battle Royale

MNM comes first to the ring with their full entrance. They’re followed by Bobby Lashley and that takes us to commercial. We’re back and Simon Dean and crew are just finishing their entrance. The Mexicools come out next to a decent pop. Tatanka comes out next followed by “Pirate” Paul Burchill who might just be close to having Doink appeal with his hilarious gimmick. Road Warrior Animal comes down to the ring last with microphone talking about how he deserves respect. As soon as he enters the ring, Animal is dumped by everyone.

We get a minute or so without an elimination and then Scotty 2 Hottie gets dumped back to Velocity. Kid Kash hops up on the top rope and gets shoved out by Tatanka. Paul London has a close call. So does Nunzio. Paul Burchill finishes the job on Nunzio. Gymini gets tossed at the same time by Lashley and Simon Dean gets tossed a second later. We head to commercial as Smackdown’s #1 EVIL Announcer is tossed.

As we return from commercial, Paul Burchill is in trouble but he is safe. Sylvan gets superkicked out. Orlando Jordan gets dumped at the same time. Jamie Noble nearly powerbombs Brian Kendrick out but Kendrick counters out of it with a hurricanerana. They’re both tossed out quickly after that though. Psicosis and Paul London take each other out with London taking a nasty bump on his way out. Paul Burchill clotheslines Super Crazy out and then eats a few big chops from Tatanka. The final four are:

-Tatanka
-Mercury
-Nitro
-Bobby Lashley

Tatanka and Lashley team up to take out MNM. Tatanka does his little dance and gets dumped through the second rope. Lashley tries for a Dominator on one of the members of MNM but gets double teamed and hit with the Snapshot. Tatanka hits the ring and starts dominating on MNM. Tatanka gets caught on the apron but fights out of it and hits the double tomahawk off the top rope. Tatanka charges at Nitro who pulls down the top rope and Tatanka is walking on the trail of tears.

MNM is able to get a decent amount of offense on Lashley. They both hook on a double Boston crab which Lashley powers out of. Lashley hits a double clothesline on both members of MNM. He then hits a big belly to belly suplex but misses the spear and hits a ring post. Mercury holds Lashley and Nitro sets up for a super kick. Lashley ducks and Mercury is down. Spear to Nitro. Lashley puts Nitro in a press slam and tosses him into Mercury. MNM goes out together and that’s all folks.

Winner: Bobby Lashley

When we come back from the commercial we get a recap of the wonderful beer drinking contest from Saturday Night Main Event…. Ick. Kristal is in the back with JBL. JBL calls Kristal a tramp JBL says he’s going to put on a wrestling clinic with Benoit at Wrestlemania. Excuse me while I catch my breath from laughing. He’d fight Benoit tonight, but JBL has a broken nose. So instead, tonight Lord William Regal is going to take out Benoit. Regal has the sourest look on his face I’ve seen in years.

We pop back to ringside only to send it to the back with Mark Henry. Mark Henry talks about something, I zoned out. Let’s pretend it was about how delicious oreos are. We’re back at ringside and it’s time for CRAZY MEXICAN-AMERICAN RAP MUSIC.

Finlay vs Rey Mysterio: 19th Century Xenophobia vs 21st Century Xenophobia

Finlay loves fighting. Isn’t that special? Staredown to start out. Finlay forces Mysterio to the corner and breaks adding in a little love slap. Mysterio gets behind Finlay but Finlay works Rey over on the mat. A big Eddie chant starts out which is great since everyone in the IWC knows that nothing is better then reminding us that Rey Mysterio has apparently become Eddie Guerrero. Finlay works over Mysterio bludgeoning him with clubbing blows mixing in some nasty looking rear naked chokes. Finlay hooks on a Camel Clutch, but Rey makes it to the ropes. Finlay hits a big clothesline before Mysterio takes over briefly. Finlay pulls down the top rope and works over Mysterio on the outside.

Mysterio is in trouble as he gets tossed into the corner. Finlay charges but Rey Rey gets out of the way. Rey mounts Finlay and hits the ten punches in the corner. Finlay gets Irish Whipped into the other corner but counters. Mysterio catches Finlay with a head scissors and drops him. Split legged moonsault gets two. Finlay is up and tries for a powerslam which Mysterio escapes. Drop toe hold and it looks like a 619. Finlay pulls himself outside and gets jacked up by a baseball slide. Mysterio tries to hop outside but Finlay crotches Mysterio with the ring apron. Finlay wraps up Rey in the apron and gives him a beating. Mysterio takes a few shots on the steel pole. Finlay has officially jacked up Mysterio.

The action heads back in and Mysterio is trying to fight back but Fit Finlay wails on Mysterio. Finlay hits a few vicious looking European Uppercuts to the back and a nasty shoulder breaker. Finlay starts slapping Mysterio in the head and Finlay has been dominating the smaller man all match. Mysterio starts kicking Finlay from the ground and Mysterio gets some offense in. Mysterio tries flipping over Finlay but Finlay tries to counter with a sunset flip. Mysterio goes through that and hits a vicious looking kick to the head for two. Mysterio beats on Finlay with a bunch of offense. Finlay gets nailed with the sit down senton bomb. Mysterio tries for a crucifix but Finlay catches him and shifts him to a fireman’s carry. Finlay drops Mysterio with a monkey roll. Finlay hits a few haymakers but Mysterio drops him across the ropes. 619! Mysterio is setting up for the West Coast Pop but Finlay is going for his weapon and the ref follows. Here comes Orton. Mysterio launches but is caught in mid-air with an RKO! What a cool spot. Finlay gets the pin. Sure, it was an angle advancement match, but it was a damn good one.

Winner: Finlay

We come back from commercial and Theodore Long is coming down to sign a contract between the Boogeyman and Booker T. He calls down Booker T with Sharmell to the ring. We get a recap of Booker T being scared half to death at Saturday Night Main Event. Teddy Long yells at Booker T for faking so many injuries. Teddy Long is going to give Booker T a partner at Wrestlemania. Booker doesn’t care and says he’s not wrestling nobody. Teddy Long gives Booker T an ultimatum. Either wrestle the Boogeyman at Wrestlemania 22 or he is fired! Booker T is pissed but he says that at Wrestlemania, Booker T is coming to getcha Boogeyman. He’s going to defend his wife at Wrestlemania. He signs the contract and Teddy Long announces that Booker T’s partner is going to be Sharmell. Sharmell flips out as Teddy strolls out with the contract.

We come back and it’s time for a Miz Reality Check. Benoit comes down to the ring looking none to pleased. Regal comes down to the ring in JBL’s limo. Regal looks like he swallowed some sort of super lemon. Regal gets in the ring and… we cut to commercial. Awesome.

Chris Benoit vs William Regal: Battle of the Bad Teeth

We join the match in progress thankfully missing all of that boring “mat” wrestling. Regal has Benoit in an overhead hammer lock and his Lordship works the Canadian Crippler down to the mat. Benoit reverses and they work each other over. Regal bails and Benoit misses a baseball slide and Regal drops Benoit with a modified exploder. Regal then sets Benoit against the post and hits a vicious kick to the sternum. Benoit gets rolled back into the ring and Regal hits a suplex for two. Regal locks on a hold that Benoit fights out of. The two start whaling on each other with some stiff shots before Regal tries to hook on a chicken wing!

Benoit fights out of it and tries for a sharpshooter which Regal breaks. Regal fights back and tries for the chicken wing again. Benoit counters and hits a brutal dragon suplex. Benoit tries for the crossface, Regal fights back, but a few stiff shots to the head makes Regal go limp. Crossface and Regal quickly taps.

Winner: Chris Benoit

JBL is none to pleased with the results. A video package runs putting Mark Henry over as something besides a sack of potatoes. Angle/Henry is next and its time for a commercial. When we come back from commercial, Tazz and Michael Cole run through the card so far of Wrestlemania 22. Henry and Angle both come out and we go to commercial

Mark Henry vs Kurt Angle: Sisyphus’ Folly

We join the match in progress and the WWE champ is in trouble. Angle gets overpowered time and time again until Angle catches Henry with his head down. Chop block and Angle works over Henry’s left leg until Henry powers up. Angle hits the rope and gets caught by Henry who powerslams Angle for two. Henry works over Angle, essentially ignoring Angle’s attempts at offense.

This is pretty much the typical Mark Henry match. Hell, just reread the Finlay/Mysterio match to get the gist of what happened with this match. The only difference is that Finlay and Mysterio can both work. Henry slaps on a bearhug until Angle is able to break it, five minutes later. Angle gets tossed in the corner but catches Henry with an elbow. Angle nails a German Suplex and starts stomping a mudhole into Henry. The ref causes Angle to break it and Henry takes out both Angle and the ref. World Strongest Splash misses and Angle hooks on the Ankle Lock. Here comes Randy Orton. Here comes Rey Mysterio. Mysterio tries for the sitdown senton on Orton, but misses and hits Angle. Henry tosses Mysterio, hits the World’s Strongest Splash and ends this mess.

Winner: No one (No one wins when Mark Henry wins)

Post match Angle starts jarring with Mysterio and shoves him down. Angle then starts screaming at Orton only to get hit with a sitdown drop kick followed by a 619 by Mysterio. Mysterio looks pissed as the show fades to black.

This was a pretty entertaining show. Despite being an Angle Advancement match, Mysterio/Finlay was pretty excellent. The battle royale was as well booked as a battle royale can be. The five minutes we got of Regal/Benoit was a blast for technical wrestling geeks too. Ignore the main event, and this show was pretty solid. Thumbs up.