This Sunday the WWE’s year begins and ends with Wrestlemania. I want to watch it because it’s Wrestlemania, but outside of name recognition, I’m not terribly sure I’m excited about this one. I don’t think it’s the actual line-up of this one, but the lack of promotion for the matches.
Torrie Wilson is fighting Candice Michelle in what is deemed in my house as the annual “Does anyone want anything from the kitchen” match. Last year it was Trish vs. the biker chick who won the diva contest and I already forgot her name (if you’re keeping score). WMXX’s match was the Playboy tag match. What a coincidence, I don’t give a crap about the Playboy matches at Wrestlemania. I don’t think I could care less about these matches. Give me a good ladder match (Jericho vs. Benoit at the 2001 Rumble comes to mind right away) over T&A (or TNA for that matter) any day. Remind me why I’m not seeing Paul London wrestle at Wrestlemania again?
I swear we’ve seen the basic idea of the Boogeyman vs. Booker T feud before in 1992. Yeah, it seems oddly familiar to The Ultimate Warrior vs. Papa Shango. Back 13 years ago, we’d be cheering the Book and not the Boog. Wait, I AM cheering for Book and not the Boogeyman. At the same time I’m waiting for Booker to look in a mirror and see the Boogeyman, but no one else in the room sees the Boogeyman except Booker and, of course, the camera. When Booker T loses this match I’m going to be a very upset wrestling fan. I understand that he’s getting up there in age and we’ve been talking about him possibly retiring for years now because of back and knee problems, but there HAS to be a better feud for him than the Boogeyman. Even JBL is fighting Benoit and he’s got a broken frickin’ hand!
Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James. You know, I’m actually looking forward to this one. In the past 3 years, Trish has been a part of two of the three best slow burning feuds I can name: the very long developed Jericho/Christian/Trish/Lita feud, the Batista turn on HHH and the Mickie James crush turned psycho. I know I’m leaving out Chris Masters vs. how fast my Tivo can fast forward, but we’ll get to the Masterpiece later. Mickie can wrestle and it’s about time that Trish was put into a feud with someone who can carry a decent match. I wish they turned her psycho a bit earlier to develop the character more. We’ve seen the Mickie filled with love, I want to see more of the Mickie filled with hate. If the writers have brains to them, Mickie’s walking out of Mania as a champion. Otherwise there’s nowhere to go with her character. This seems like an angle that can use a little help in direction on the writers side from Mick Foley in my opinion. Hopefully we’ll see more Trish vs. Mickie matches in the future because they might have found a mixture of two women who can really GO.
Then there’s the tag match fit for Heat. Carlito and Masters go up against Kane and the Big Show. Why do we care? No seriously, why do we care about this match? Carlito and Masters haven’t proven themselves as a tag team at all and they’ve had them stab each other in the back time in and time out. Someone explain why it’s better to have Ric Flair in the Money in the Bank match instead of Carlito. Or why RVD and Carlito aren’t fighting over the IC title right now, as they’ve had heat for months while RVD wasn’t even on television. I like Kane and the Big Show as team, but they might be the only team RAW has right now. Carlito and Masters just seem like two guys to me. Anyone want anything from the kitchen?
Oh Chris Benoit. Lady luck has not looked down upon you and smiled. On Saturday Night’s Main Event you played second fiddle to Austin and JBL’s beer drinking competition, and now you have to fight JBL on the biggest stage of them all. I wish I could care about your match. I really want to care… but you’re wrestling JBL. Why couldn’t we see you wrestle Booker T and JBL fight the Boogeyman? Why Bret? Why?
Who cares about The Undertaker fighting Mark Henry in a casket match? If Orton wasn’t going to beat the Taker last year, Mark Henry ain’t gonna do dick this year. Why is Mark Henry being played as the underdog here? He might have gotten ONE MOVE off of the Undertaker through a table, but he’s the one talking about “not being afraid” of this, that and the other thing. If you’re going to acknowledge that Taker hasn’t lost any Mania matches yet EVER, then why should we expect him to if he’s not fighting a marquee match? The only thing on the roster that should be afraid of Mark Henry are Mark Henry’s knees. And maybe the top rope.
Then we have Mr. Money in the Bank. And his opponent, until last week, the cuddly lovable Mick Foley. Now he’s fighting Cactus Jack. Or Mick Foley summoning the energy of Cactus Jack. Or Mick Jack and Cactus Foley. Something hasn’t been sitting right with me about this whole feud. Maybe it seems rushed, maybe they’re protecting Edge a little too much, but there just seems to be something missing here. The way Foley got involved – did it HAVE to be refereeing the John Cena/Edge match? Edge was on a tear of abusing the road agents and disrespecting his elders. I don’t understand why this couldn’t have eventually lead him down the road to Foley. He went through a few retired wrestlers, Slaughter, Michael Hayes, Hacksaw and Flair (I know he’s not retired). Why not have fed him Arn Anderson, Ricky Steamboat and a few other guys until Foley eventually called for enough being enough. That would have at least given Foley a real reason to want to fight. How many times are we going to see Foley being reluctant to fight a younger guy and then eventually snap and bring out Cactus Jack’s name, but not actually deliver on BEING Cactus Jack, instead being a slightly more hardcore Mick Foley? I really don’t believe that Mick Foley is looking for his “Wrestlemania Moment.” I would believe it if Foley was attempting to show Edge respect for the business and those who are “retired.” The match could be a good one, but I just don’t care that much to be honest.
The “Money in the Bank” match just seems like a way to fit more guys on the card. Last year’s match was good because you had five smaller guys fighting with one big guy. Fit Finley? They HAVE to be marketing him to a younger crowd, not the slightly older people who remember his horrid WCW hardcore run. I mean, weren’t the nerves in his leg torn to bits by a table spot gone wrong? Ric Flair? His second ladder match ever? They couldn’t find anything better for Flair then to participate in this? Somehow I don’t think that Finley, Lashley or Flair are going to be pulling out all the stops with high risk spots during this one. Shelton, RVD and Matt Hardy have the opportunity to steal the show this year, but let’s see if they can overcome the slower, more lumbering opponents in the ring with them.
Wrestling has changed a lot since 1998, even since 2002. Unfortunately, the formula for a McMahon story arc hasn’t: take one part big return to TV, dashes of heel to start and one cup of get mad at top face for any reason whatsoever. Blend. Add heaping tablespoons of try to make superstar quit, dashes of security whenever possible, feel free to add family members to the mix as well, and serve half baked with attempted humiliation, handicapped matches, and crossed eyes. Bret Hart’s not getting involved in this and I’m tired of something that’s nearly a decade old getting rubbed in the faces of a crowd that got over this years ago. Let it rest, not because it’s a sore spot for your crowd, but because most of them weren’t watching wrestling back when Montreal happened. I just want to know why Linda hasn’t gotten involved yet.
Angle and Mysterio would have been a great main event for Wrestlemania. Rey beat the odds to win the Rumble and he and Angle can really go. Adding Orton to the mix doesn’t sit well with me. The Eddie comments haven’t made me want to see Rey beat up Orton, they’ve made me want to walk away from this because of the bad taste it left in my mouth. They’ve left those issues at the wayside and focused on Rey being too small, Angle hurt and Orton as the future of the company. He’s the future alright; I think everyone remembers his meteoric rise to the top of RAW, only to crash and burn within a few months with a terrible title reign left with no program except losing to the Undertaker at Mania 22. Angle’s got a streak of great Mania matches with HBK, Eddie and Brock. Let’s hope he can keep it going.
Then our “Main Event” – even though Rey won the Rumble and should by all rights be in the “Main Event” – is Cena vs. HHH, which has been made very clear through WWE programming. This has been made into a fight over the title, not a personal fight, as the great main events of the past have been. It’s got less emotion in it than Cena vs. JBL did. That’s pretty hard to do.
The general theme of Wrestlemania 22 is a lack of preparation. With three matches announced within 2 weeks of the event, you couldn’t possibly expect people to care about them. Overall, it’s a very non-personal Wrestlemania. Henry cost Taker a title, Orton said some offensive stuff to Rey about Eddie, and got his title shot, Foley “cost” Edge his title, Benoit hurt JBL, HBK won’t be the old HBK and Vince is pissed, the Boogeyman… uhhh…. something with Booker T, Candice threw pillows at Torrie, six guys want a title shot and two teams were made to fight each other. Wrestlemania in a nutshell.
I’m not saying that I’m not going to watch it, but I am saying I don’t care as much as I could.
See ya in four.
