The NeelDown Video Review: WWF SummerSlam 1999

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The NeelDown: WWF SummerSlam 1999

– Quick fun fact: It was back to the Amazon used Marketplace to find a cheap copy of this tape, and as I opened it when it got shipped the other day I find that it still has its Blockbuster “be kind, please rewind” ect stuff on it. So, if any Blockbuster workers are reading this with a missing/stolen tape, don’t look at me.

– From Minneapolis, Minnesota

– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

Jeff Jarrett v. D’Lo Brown – Intercontinental & European Championship
If you’re confused by that title, this was the “two titles on the line” match after the buildup during Jarrett’s he-man woman-hater persona, where he just lost the IC title to D’Lo on Raw a few weeks ago. Jeff bans the puppies from ringside to start, so she comes out with D’Lo. This gives Jarrett time to attack but then he gets dropped with a hiptoss and forearm. Jarrett slips out of a slam but gets caught in a snap powerslam and then another for two. Spinebuster by Brown gets two, then Jarrett goes with the sleeper which D’Lo gets out of with a suplex. Crowd is definitely behind D’Lo due to the puppies, and Jarrett blocks his high crossbody with an elbow. Jarrett’s dropkick sends Brown outside where he follows up with a baseball slide. Jarrett sends him into the steps and they brawl into the crowd, which Tim White l doesn’t like, but D’Lo promptly tells him to shut his “monkey ass up.” I think it Jarrett or the official said anything like that to him, things wouldn’t be so pleasant. Jarrett sends him into the apron and works the arm back inside. Jarrett get what looks like a tornado single-arm DDT, if that makes sense. Nicely executed move. Brown rolls the snake eyes and gets a powerbomb for a double-KO. Up and Brown gets a tilt-a-whirl slam and leg drop for two. Back suplex by Brown and he goes for the Low Down, er– actually he went for some sort of modified moonsault, which misses. Jarrett threatens Debra with the guitar but Mark Henry comes to the rescue, takes the guitar, and smashes it over D’Lo’s head giving Jarrett the pin and both of the titles. Of course the Debra turning face ploy was only part of the storyline. Good stuff from both guys as an opener. ***
Winner: Jeff Jarrett

Edge & Christian v. The Hardy Boyz – Tag Team Turmoil match 1
E&C gain control to start and Edge gets a Russian leg sweep on Matt. Double hiptoss by E&C gets two. Spin kick on Matt, back drop on Jeff. Gangrel adds a cheap shot giving Matt a schoolboy for two. It’s pretty odd here seeing the Hardyz have to use those kind of antics to gain control. Hardzy LOSE THE SHIRTS, and Jeff gets a split-legged moonsault on Christian for two. Hardyz get some of their usual double team stuff for two. Swanton Bomb, with extra hangtime, gets two. Christian gets a double reverse DDT and gets the hot tag to Edge to cleans house until he gets tossed by Matt. Jeff and Edge run across the barricades and jump off with colliding forearms. Matt moonsaults out onto the bunch. Back in Christian gets a top rope elbow on Matt eliminating the Hardyz from the tournament. Good fast-paced stuff here. ***
Winners: Edge & Christian

Edge & Christian v. Viscera & Mideon – Tag Team Turmoil match 2
Viscera pummels Christian to start and they get a lazy double elbow. Mideon drops a knee for two. Christian dodges a second rope elbow and makes the tag to Edge who takes care of the Satan minion, but Viscera nails a ROLLING HEEL KICK! Good Lord, that’s the most endurance Big Vic must have ever done. Viscera gets dumped and Edge finishes with a Spear on Mideon. Just there for other teams in the Turmoil purposes. 1/2*
Winners: Edge & Christian

Edge & Christian v. Droz & Prince Back Hair – Tag Team Turmoil Match 3
The heels take turns with shots and Albert hits a neckbreaker, pin is broken up. Droz gets tossed, Christian chop blocks Albert for two. Man these last two teams have slowed things down. Edge nails the Edge-O-Matic for the win. 1/4*
Winners: Edge & Christian

Edge & Christian v. The Acolytes – Tag Team Turmoil Match 4
Acolytes attack to start but Edge ends up getting a missile dropkick on Bradshaw. Bradshaw, learning from his mentor, doesn’t sell it well and comes back with a powerbomb for two. Edge gets a spin kick on Farooq but somehow Farooq ends up with the tag, to Bradshaw who eliminates any chances of a tag. Farooq gets a backbreaker on Edge for two. Farooq makes the first rest hold of the whole series so far, which Edge thankfully gets out of quickly but runs into the THROW DOWN SPINEBUSTER, the ole cocky stepping on the chest cover only gets two, however. Edge nails a DDT and we get dueling tags, Farooq gets tossed, but crouches Christian up top, he nails Bradshaw with a tornado DDT forever but it only gets two. Edge throws Christian onto him for two. The Hollys make their way out, thinking it was over, and meanwhile Bradshaw nails Christian with a Clothesline From Hell for the win. **
Winners: The Acolytes

The Acolytes v. The Hollys – Tag Team Turmoil Final Match
Hollys attack, but Crash falls victim to a dominator. Double shoulder on Bob gets two. Bob gets a suplex on Farooq and Crahs blind tags himself in and runs into a lariat. Yawn. Farooq tosses Crash who gets pummeled by Bradshaw. Swinging neckbreaker on Crash gets two. Hardcore tags himself in who lariats Farooq, but Crash accidently pins him himself, and they get in a pushing contest, then Hardcore turns around into a spinebuster giving the Acolytes the win. Pretty weak finish to what looked to be a fine little turmoil, but leaving the Hollys as the last team wasn’t a good idea to begin with, plus the finale was a joke. The Acolytes go over again, and get another title shot tommorow on Raw. Yippie. 1/2*
Winners: The Acyoltes

– Road Dogg comes out to claim that he wants his title back tommorow at Are Ay Dubbaya, but Y2J comes out to save SummerSlam! This is Chris Jericho’s first WWF PPV, and he talks about “Raw Is Boring,” and “SummerSham,” Road Dogg’s spelling (thank you), and his Stevie Wonder haircut. Jericho comments that the nWo sucks, and Road Dogg most definitely sucks, and says that he will no longer have to bore these people. Dogg counterattacks with his usual stuff, despite Jericho just orally abusing him for those said antics. Great heel stuff by Jericho here.

Al Snow v. Big Bossman – Hardcore Championship Match
Snow leaves Pepper in the back in her cage because she’s too scared to come to ringside, unlike Head. Road Dogg, on guest commentary, says that Snow better bring Queen Latifah out. Okay … thanks Road Dogg. Snow hides on the set to start and crossbodys Bossman on his way out. They brawl to the back where Road Dogg is doing live commentary following the action. Bossman gets Pepper’s cage, which she is in, and nails Snow with it then tosses Pepper. Snow find a RANDOM CHALK BOARD OF DEATH and smashes it over Bossman. Bossman retaliates with a crutch and then sends Snow into Pepsi machine. Snow sends him into a van. The brawl into the street, much like all of their encounters. King comments that this is “like the Blair Witch movie.” I honestly have no idea at all where they came from, or what the hell that has to do with the two crossing a street. Snow gets tossed into some outdoor dining tables and gets pinned for two. They brawl into the restaurant and then into the men’s restroom. Snow bring out the URINE CAKE but ends up getting pummeled. Hey, one of the bar workers has a Raw is War t-shirt on. Talk about coincidences. Snow tries a chokeout with a chain, but that doesn’t work, so he gets a moonsault from the bar through a table. Road Dogg nails Bossman and Snow drops some pool balls on his crotch scoring the pinfall on top of a pool table. Far too long and the usual stuff with really nothing knew couldn’t keep your interest. Usual bad garbage match. 3/4* Afterwards, Snow beats down Richards and Meanie.
Winner: Al Snow

Ivory v. Tori – Women’s Championship Match
The genius buildup behind this one was when Ivory spraypainted “slut” on Tori’s back from Heat. Ah, that classic women’s division. Tori gets a quick powerslam to start and Ivory bails. Tori gets a suplex and dropkick for two, but the match is still so pointless that I got distracted by the “I Poop Too Much” sign held up. Some usual women’s stuff follows, Tori gets a crossbody for two. Tori botches a sunset flip and that’s enough to get her pinned. Surprisingly a little better than expected, but still completely worthless. *
Winner: Ivory

– Meanwhile The Rock harasses Michael Cole in the back.

Ken Shamrock v. Steve Blackman – Lion’s Den Match
More appropriately, this takes place in a cage to the left of the stage, with weapons available on the top. Shamrock takes him down and then steals the numchucks. Blackman gets them back and chokes him with them from behind but Shamrock takes him down working the arm then sends him into the cage. Blackman gets a kendo stick but Shamrock blocks the shot. Blackman gets some sticks, but me, King, or JR don’t know what they’re called. Blackman beats him down with them and then goes back to the choke. Shamrock jumps off the cage with a forearm. Blackman gets a DDT. Shamrock comes back with a slam. Blackman gets an enzigiri and gets another kendo stick. I guess this is escape the cage rules, although they are just trying to kill each other. Shamrock kills him with the kendo stick thus KO’ing Blackman and getting the win. Not even sure where to begin in rating a match like this, I found it to be pretty boring and drawn out, but the setup and idea was cool. We’ll go with **
Winner: Ken Shamrock

Shane McMahon v. Pop Quiz – Greenwich Street Fight Match
The Mean Street Posse take front row seats for this one on a couch. By the way, this is the self-proclaimed Love her or Leave her match, dealing with Stephanie. Test destroys him to start. This goes on for a while, and spills out into the crowd. Shane tries turning the tide with a clothesline back to ringside, but he just ends up getting slammed. The Posse make some suggestions to Test he does not like, so he throws Shane into them. The Posse gang up on him and end up handing Shane a bunch of weapons that he wacks Test with, like a mailbox, monitor (um … where did that come from)? And a framed portrait of the Posse, which he shatters over Test. Ooh, that could have been ugly if something went wrong. Shane gets two after all that and gets a reverse elbow. Shane misses a corkscrew moonsault, God forbid they ever let him hit any of his spots not involving ladders and arena sets, and Test capitalizes with a powerbomb but Rodney has the ref distracted long enough for Shane to kick out. Test BIG BOOTS the ref and then dumps Shane and wacks him with the dreaded Do Not Enter sign. Abs, Gas and Rodney are back to take out Test and they lay him over Hector’s table, where Shane hits the top rope elbow throught it. JR insists and swears up and down that is suicide!! We get it, Jim. The Posse roll them back in and Test kicks out of the cover. The Posse bail Shane out of a couple of pins. Patterson and Brisco come down to take out the Passe and Test gets the Pumphandle and elbow for the win. ***1/2
Winner: Test

Kane & X-pac v. Undertaker & Big Show – WWF Tag Team Championship
Big brawl to start and things get settled with UT working on X-Pac’s arm. Wow, UT working something. Kane comes in and clotheslines Taker out where X-Pac hits him with an axe handle. Back in Kane gets the flying clothesline on Taker for two. For the record, Kane is ‘kickin it retro tonight with the black sleeve. It isn’t long before Taker is tired of selling and hits a DDT. Big Slow slowly…makes…his way in. He dominates for a while until Taker comes back in and does the same. Kane and Taker collide with clotheslines for a double-KO. X-Pac gets the hot tog and spin kicks Taker for two. Big Slow knocks him down before he can really amount anything, which, oh joy, lets UT go back on the attack. Big Slow presses Pac to the outside and then back on. Taker goes low on Pac. Slow adds a HEADBUT TO THE CROTCH and then a sleeper, yawn. Kane blocks the Chokeslam attempt on X-Pac and Pac adds a low blow. Taker gets the tag and gets low blowed, and here comes Kane to clean house. Taker gets sent into the post leaving the champs and Slow, Bronco Buster does nothing as Slow then just gets up and Chokeslams him. That gets two, but it doesn’t matter as Taker is back and magically cured from the post shot, and a Tombstone ends it giving he and Slow the belts. Rather odd finish, as we never really saw what happened to Kane to prevent him from breaking the pin, or even being down for that matter. Mediocre-ish, if anything else. **1/4
Winners: Undertaker and Big Show

Steve Austin v. Triple H v. Mankind – WWF Championship Match
Austin and Mankind use teamwork to beat down HHH to start and it goes outside where HHH takes some table and step bumps. The double team spills inside but then Austin turns on Mankind, and we’re back outside. Austin stays in control for a while until HHH goes on the attack of him, meanwhile Chyna sends Foley into the post. Austin chokes HHH with a cable as Jesse Ventura has some words with Chyna. HHH wacks Austin in the legs with a chair. HHH goes to work on Mankind while Austin is out, and gets crotched by Chyna. That’s enough for The Body to send her to the back. Well, it was peaceful to have Austin down for a while, but now he’s back and brawls HHH up and down the stage, but Austin’s knee buckled and HHH goes to work on it. Like he did when Mankind beat Chyna from Raw, HHH chopblocks Austin. Mankind GOES HEEL and helps HHH get some double teams in. Mankind gets a legdrop for two, and because of that HHH gets pissed and turns on him. Mankind misses a… I don’t even know what the hell that attempt was… a half-assed somersault off of the apron. All three of them spill out into the crowd, where Austin goes back over, but back at ringside gets sent into the steps. Austin blocks a Pedigree and catapults HHH into Foley. Austin stunners Mankind, but HHH promptly breaks up the pin by wacking Austin with a chair. Another shot to Foley, but Ventura won’t count the pin. Of course, such a feat against a heel like this is bringing JR to orgasmic levels. Shane McMahon hits the ring and argues with Jesse, meanwhile Austin sneaks up and Stunners him. Jesse then ejects Shane to the back by tossing him. That whole spot was a little pointless, and not needed if anything, but oh well. Back to the match, and HHH and Austin get dueling clotheslines for a double-KO. Oh, you knew that wasn’t the last of the KO’s. Socko is out and it’s a double Mandible Claw. Stunner on HHH, Socko breaks the count. Pedigree on Austin, Mankind breaks the count and then gets the double-arm DDT on Austin. Totally wasn’t expecting that finish, not only that Foley won or that Austin made that clean of a job, but how it ended. They kept it at a good pace at least. Surprisingly a very solid main event. Afterwards HHH and Chyna continue to destroy Austin’s knee, as they carry it out as though Mankind never just won the title. ***1/2
Winner: Mankind