SmackDown opens up and reminds us of the WWE’s very high production values, and recaps last week’s SmackDown. One heck of a video as far as I’m concerned, but that may just be the music talking. It turns a bit obvious once we get to Mysterio costing Angle his match last week, but the majority of the video is good.
Mysterio’s music starts off, no SmackDown opening vignette or pyros, just Mysterio. Mysterio speaks about WrestleMania, and calls out Randy Orton. Instead of Randy Orton though, Mysterio gets Kurt Angle. Angle tells Mysterio that he’ll be the one to be calling out Orton after what he conspired to do a few weeks ago re: Mark Henry and the table, before telling Kurt Angle that he’ll be walking out of WrestleMania as the Champion and that nobody defeats him. Except for all the people that have defeated him. Angle calls out Theodore Long, but instead gets Randy Orton, wearing a surprisingly tight t-shirt for those playing the home game. Orton tells Angle and Mysterio that they’ve got their panties in a bunch. Orton plays the cool, calm, and cocky guy and suggests Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio against Randy Orton in a Handicap match, asking the fans who wants to see Orton defeat the Paper Champion Kurt Angle and embarrassF the Charity Case Rey Mysterio. Orton then says he’s not wrestling tonight, what with the title match coming up this weekend. Makes sense. Orton then says he’s going to go pack his bags, and NOW Theodore Long comes out. Long says the handicap match sounds good, Orton says Long is taking sides. Orton has a good point with Long playing favorites, with Mysterio still being in the title match. Angle intervenes and Mysterio takes it the wrong way, thinking Angle is agreeing with Orton saying he doesn’t deserve to be in the WrestleMania title match. Angle and Mysterio ends up arguing, before Orton suggests Mysterio verses Angle tonight. Orton says what better way to prove that Mysterio deserves to be in the title match than to defeat Angle, unless Kurt Angle is . . to scarred. Mysterio and Angle both end up accepting the challenge. Long makes the match official, before telling security to escort Orton out of the arena! Nice touch. Rather much the obligatory final pre-WrestleMania promo, but the four all played their characters to a T. Problem is the entire segment went for about ten minutes.
Still to come: Tatanka, Matt Hardy, and Bobby Lashley verses Fit Finlay and MNM with Melina.
Commercials.
During the commercials, Randy Orton left the Arena while ranting and being all annoyed. He drives off in his rent a car and I don’t even know if he bothered to do up his seatbelt. Shrug.
Opening Contest: Chris Benoit verses Road Warrior Animal
Previously, Animal gets on the microphone and rants about how he doesn’t have a place at WrestleMania. Lock up to start and Animal pushes Benoit down. Lock up again and Animal takes Benoit into the corner and slaps him before putting some knees to the gut and nailing a hiptoss. Benoit gets some chops and forearms in, before some double forearms, and then punches Animal out of the ring. Animal and Benoit exchange punches, before Benoit reverses the back body drop and nails the Triple Germans. Sharpshooter doesn’t get locked in and Animal gets a big boot, before going for the brass knuckles again! Animal goes for a punch but Benoit nails a Crippler Crossface for the victory.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Weak match, but it only went for about two minutes, and was a basic way to remind people that Benoit will be at WrestleMania. Didn’t hurt to watch, but it wasn’t anything remotely good; -3 out of 10.
Backstage Benoit runs into an applauding JBL and Jillian Hall. JBL claps for about a minute, and JBL continues to hype up Benoit, and reminds Benoit how he defeated another great technical wrestler of our generation Eddie Guererro. Benoit says that he’s glad JBL’s hand is healed up, because he’ll need it when he taps out on Sunday.
Still to come: Rey Msterio and Kurt Angle.
Commercials.
WWE 24/7 Presents . . This Week In WWE History. Some footballer guy participating in a Battle Royal at WrestleMania two. Right . . What a MASSIVE impact! Cough. This brings us to William Perry being inducting to the Celebrity wing of the Hall Of Fame by John Cena.
Second Contest: John Bradshaw Layfield with Jillian Hall verses Daniel Cross
Gee, a squash match. Benoit gets a massive veteran for his squash, and JBL gets a nobody. Lock up and JBL takes Cross to the corner and lays some punches and knees, before taking Cross back into the ring with a club to the back of the neck and kicking Cross down. Clothesline From Hell knocks Cross down, and JBL picks him up and nails another for the victory.
Winner: JBL
An ever so obvious -5 out of 10. Basically a way to remind us all that JBL had a broken hand and doesn’t have one anymore. I think his man boobs are bigger today too, actually.
Hall of Fame video.
Up Next: the Six Man Tag Match!
Commercials
Mike The Miz! He’s at the WWE Studios and punks out the receptionist a bit and then causes havoc around the building. Ha, what fun.
Booker T and Sharmell make their way out in matching red. And Booker T’s wearing his wrestling attire . . Damn, I’d already written down the Six Man Tag Match header. Bastards.
Third Contest: Booker T with Sharmell verses Paul Burchill
Tonight, Booker T has longer hair than Sharmell. Burchill looks like he got a bit of a haircut too. Lock up to start and Booker gets a headlock which leads into an irish whip and Burchill getting a drop toe hold and hiptoss. Burchill works the arm before locking in a headlock which then leads into an irish whip moment, but Burchill gets a standing moonsault on a laying down Booker T for a two. Burchill gets a spinning crossbody from the second turnbuckle, before the lights go red and the Boogeyman’s music begins! Where is he? Where is he?! Booker T leaves Sharmell alone for a bit as he looks under the ring – BEHIND YOU SHARMELL! HE CAME OUT FROM UNDER THE RING! NO, DON’T TURN AROUND YOU . . . I told your dumb ass not to turn around! Boogeyman picks up Sharmall and begins carrying her to the back and she STILL holds onto her tiara as the bell rings.
Winner Via Count Out: Paul Burchill
For what it was, a quick way to remind us about Booker T and Sharmell verses Boogeyman, there was a lot more wrestling than expected. But only about a minute’s worth . . -2 out of 10.
Commercials.
During the commercial break, Booker T ran around backstage looking for Sharmell, yelling while still be rather cautious.
Fourth Contest: Tatanka, Matt Hardy, and Lashley verses Finlay and MNM with Melina
Quick recap of Lashley in the Last Chance Battle Royal. Melina looks a bit as if she’s going to fall out of her top tonight. Hear the rumors about her being in Wrestler’s Court? Classic. And, of course, Finlay has his shillelagh with him. Mercury and Hardy start off. Hardy begins by working the arm, but Mercury gets him with a forearm. Hiptoss by Hardy and headlock, but Mercury gets a blind tag to Nitro. Tag out to Lashley. Lashley clotheslines MNM, and throws Nitro out of the ring and challenges Finlay to come into the ring. MNM attacks from behind before being met with a duel suplex by Lashley. Tag out to Tatanka, who goes up with with a forearm to Nitro. Dropkick to Nitro, chop, and then a flipping clothesline. Scoop slam by Tatanka before a leg drop for a two, just barely. Finlay gets a kick to the back of Tatanka and Nitro kicks Tatanka down before Banshee moment by Melina. Finlay clubs away on Tatanka before sending Tatanka’s face into the canvas with a knee drop for two. Short arm clothesline followed by a thumb for two by Finlay. Tag out to Mercury. Kick to the gut by Mercury, but Tatanka gets some chops in, Mercury gets the upper hand with a kick to the cut and reverse neckbreaker for a two. Tag out to Nitro, who nails an over the rope elbow drop. Nitro chokes Tatanka at the ropes (where we get a nice shot of how muscular Nitro is), and Finlay gets some cheap shots in. Cobra clutch by Nitro and Tatanka begins to fan favorite up! Elbows to the gut and Tatanka nails a back body drop! Tag out to Mercury, but Tatanka gets a tag to Hardy! Hardy knocks Finlay off the apron, knocks down Mercury, shoulder toss to Nitro, and the Bulldog Clothesline to MNM! Side Effect to Mercury for a two, broken by Nitro! Lashley takes care of Nitro, and Finlay begins to take it to Lashley! Lashley with a T-Bone to Finlay! Lashley spears down Nitro, stopping the Snapshot attempt by MNM! Twist Of Fate by Hardy gets the victory.
Winners: Tatanka, Matt Hardy, and Bobby Lashley
Not too bad, very face paced towards the end. Tazz is picking Fit Finlay for his Money In The Bank pick. 7 out of 10, though we’re still in the minus points for tonight’s episode.
Commercials.
We’re back with the ring set up for a Eulogy, before we get Mark Henry coming out. What is it with Eulogies and Wrestling? Henry reminds us all that he’s the World’s Strongest Man, and announcing that he’s paying respect to what will be lost soon – Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania. Henry runs down the thirteen men who have competed against Undertaker at WrestleMania. Henry runs down the fact that he’s taken out Batista, and pinned Angle last week, and how he’ll be the one to defeat the Undertaker at WrestleMania. Nice promo, believe it or not!
Still to come tonight: Rey Mysterio verses Kurt Angle
Commercials.
Fifth Contest: The Mexicools verses Kid Kash and JAMIE ‘BY GAWD’ NOBLE
Noble! Noble! Noble on SmackDown, baby! Kash attacks Crazy from behind, knocking him out of the ring where Noble drops him face first onto the Juan Deer, while Kash takes it to Psicosis in the ring. Noble attacks Psicosis from behind and Kash and Psicosis start us off, with Kash squashing Psicosis’s face into the canvas. Tag out to Noble. Irish whip to Psicosis who comes back into an elbow by Noble. Knees to the back of the head by Noble before Noble knocks Psicosis down with a forearm. Tag out to Kash. Kick to the gut of Psicosis is followed by a kick to the chest for a two. Kash sends Psicosis into a big boot by Noble, before tagging out. Double team shoudler block to Psicosis, before Kash knocks Crazy off the apron. Crazy distracts the referee which allows Noble to choke out Psicosis. Suplex by Noble for a two count. Camel clutch applied by Noble, with Noble raking the nose a bit. Noble lets go of the hold and nails an elbow drop to the back of the neck. Noble sends Psicosis into the corner for some chops and kicks before nailing an irish whip. Psicosis gets a foot up into Noble, and tries to leave the corner but Noble clotheslines him back down. Noble goes up top and jumps off with a Crossbody but Psicosis dropkicks his gut! Tag out to Kash and Crazy! Shoulder toss to Kash followed by dropkicks! Springboard dropkick to Noble, knocking him off the apron. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to Kash, Noble escapes the Tilt-a-whirl attempt and nails a necbkreaker. Psicosis nails Noble with a spinning heel kick knocking him out of the ring, before jumping out of the ring onto him. Kash with a reverse back body drop, sending Crazy face first into the ring before going up top. Psicosis distracts Kash for a while, before Crazy joins Kash up the top and nails a TOP ROPE C-4 for the victory!
Winners: The Mexicools
7 out of 10 for the Top rope C-4, and the fact that it’s bloody Cruiser Weights getting time on the SmackDown before WrestleMania.
Backstage, Booker T is in a dark hallway and finds worms near a door! Booker T yells at the door, asking if Sharmell’s in there, before moving on the trail.
Still to come tonight: Rey Mysterio verses Kurt Angle
Commercials.
Booker T continues looking down the dark hallways and hears Sharmell screaming! He walks down the worm infested staircase and pushes open the door to see Sharmell surrounded by worms and standing on top of a box. The two hear Boogeyman laughing from somewhere, before Booker T picks up Sharmell and carries her out of there.
Rey Mysterio makes his entrance, which obviously equals . .
Commercials.
Main Event: Rey Mysterio verses Kurt Angle
This came around quick, didn’t it? Didn’t even get a WrestleMania Card Recap. Lock up in the corner and the referee forces Kurt Angle to get up. Angle takes Mysterio down with an armbar before nailing a knee to the shoulder and then locks in another variation of the armbar. The two are up, Angle still working the arm, and Mysterio kicks on the legs and goes up on the ropes with an armdrag. Mandatory Eddie Chant starts. Angle takes Mysterio down in a headlock. Irish whip shenanigans results in Mysterio setting up for the 619 and Angle just escaping it. Angle kicks Mysterio in the gut and nails an elbow to the back of the neck, kicking Mysterio while he’s down. Irish whip by Angle lets Mysterio nail the Headscissors. Irish whip into the corner reversed by Mysterio who nails a headscissors. Mysterio goes for a baseball slide but Angle moves and throws Mysterio into the security rail as we go to a Commercial break.
Commercials.
And we’re back to see Angle kicking Mysterio while he’s down and choking him with his foot. Scoop slam by Angle for a one. Angle stalks Mysterio a bit before kicking him in the gut once more. Angle gets a reverse bear hug on Mysterio while he’s down, but Mysterio gets up and nails some elbows to escape only to get nailed with a kitchen sink knee for two two counts, before Angle then gets a body scissors to the gut of Mysterio, even getting a slight pinfall count. Mysterio begins to mount a comeback with a big boot to the face of Angle, but Angle nails a over the head belly to belly. Suplex by Angle or a pair of two counts. Snapmare by Angle before locking back in the reverse bearhug, before getting a Bow And Arrow variation. Mysterio gets up, continuing the elbows to Angle, before Mysterio nails the Bodyscissors into Bulldog. The referee begins a ten count, but Angle gets up. Mysterio fights back against Angle, getting a springboard crossbody for a two, but Angle takes it to Angle and gets a sunset flip – Mysterio rolls through and gets a dropkick for a two count! Mysterio goes to the apron and nails the seated senton, pin with bridge gets Mysterio a two count. Angle gets a German Suplex and the straps come off! Angle slam reversed with a sunset flip by Mysterio, but Angle tries for the AngleLock! Mysterio kicks Angle into the ropes, Mysterio goes for a 619, but Angle grabs the legs and locks in the AngleLock for the submission victory!
Winner: Kurt Angle
7 out of 10, and the perfect way to put Mysterio over as an underdog for WrestleMania. Angle leaves and poses in the entrance way with Mysterio licking his wounds (not literally) in the ring, but Orton rolls into the ring! Orton nails Mysterio with an RKO, and Angle has a sick smile on his face as Orton gets on the microphone! Orton tells him it’ll happen to him at Mania, and Angle comes into the ring! Brawl ensures and the RKO is reversed and Angle gets the Angle Slam before locking in the AngleLock and Orton taps out! Angle poses as SmackDown fades out.
Over all, kind of a paint by numbers episode of SmackDown. Quickly putting over the United States Championship guys, reminding us that Gregory Helms is injured and that there is still a Division, and doing the usual for the WrestleMania Main Event. Let’s take a look at the stats;
Chris Benoit verses Road Warrior Animal: -3 / 10
John Bradshaw Layfield verses Daniel Cross: -5 / 10
Booker T verses Paul Burchill: -2 / 10
Tatanka, Hardy, and Lashley verses Finlay and MNM: 7 / 10
Mexicools verses Kid Kash and Jamie Noble: 7 / 10
Kurt Angle verses Rey Mysterio: 7 / 10
SmackDown 31/03/06: 11 / 60
From a wrestling perspective this is the equivalent of Mona Lisa being drawn in Crayons . . You know what I mean? . . . The important thing is I understand what I mean. Anyways, until Velocity, Ciao Y’all, and happy WrestleMania Weekend!
