The Velocity Report

Archive

This week’s edition of Velocity is done in mute, for those of you who care, because I thought I had my stereo silenced instead of my PayTV. Whoopsie Tootsie.

This week’s SmackDown video kicks us off, the one I thought was really nice, and Velocity starts with the Gymini’s Music hitting the PA System!

Opening Contest: The Gymini with Simon Dean verses Hooliganz
I really don’t like the name Hooliganz, but I can see how it relates. I would have chosen Sublime personally, I always do in EWR for these two (I downloaded EWR once more last night. Got to love nostalgia). Kendrick and tonight’s G1 starts off. G1 overpowers Kendrick and takes him down with a shoulder block. Kendrick gets a kick in and goes for a sunset flip, but G1 picks him up with a choke only to get kicked away from Kendrick and stumble into a kick from London. Tag out to London who quickly avoids a clothesline and begins his own series of kicks to G1. London jumps off the second turnbuckle with a crossbody but gets nailed with a shoulder gutbreaker by G1, who then promptly tags out to G2. G2 gets some knees to London’s gut followed by a flapjack for two. Elbow drops are followed up with a bear hug by G2, London escapes with elbows to the head but a club puts G2 back in control, before sending London chest first into the turnbuckles. Tag out to G1. Knees to the gut, nice ones too, by G1 for a two count. Rear choke hold applied by G1, before he again nails some knees, followed by a double arm suplex. Tag out to G2, who is quick to lock in a reverse bearhug. London nearly escapes by stomping on the toes and elbowing the head, but G2 throws him back into the corner and lays some kicks. London begins to nail forearms and punches, but G2 quickly put an end to it and tags out to G1, and the two nail a double team flapjack for two, broken by Kendrick. G1 sends London into the corner, before London stumbles back to G1 and jumps up and nails a high Moonsault Kick (though it didn’t really look like it connected too well), and both competitors are now down. Tag out to G2, and tag out to Kendrick! Missile Dropkick to G2! Running elbow smash to G2! Sidekick to G2! Sidekick to G1! Jumping knee to the face of G2! Kendrick elbows G1 off the apron! Kendrick nails the Sliced Bread No. 2 on G2, but London kicks down G1 and has begun punching the heck out of him and sitracting the referee! The referee pulls off London, before going to count the pinfall as G1 throws London out of the ring, but the pinfall only gets a two count. In the corner Kendrick goes for the Ten Punch on G2, but it’s broken by Simon Dean! G2 throws Kendrick into the ring, and the Gymini throw Kendrick up in the air and let him slam down for the victory!
Winners: The Gymini

Not as hot as what some of their matches have been, and I’m kind of smelling a break up happening between Kendrick and London sadly, but a pretty good match none the less. 7 out of 10.

Still to come: Big Vito Vs Funaki

Commercials

We get a video of the opening interview of SmackDown, between Long, Orton, Angle, and Mysterio.

Commercials.

We NOW get a recap of (get this) Kid Kash and Jamie Noble Vs The Mexicools from SmackDown. Shocked? Yeah, I know, who thought they’d show that match?

Commercials. Anthony Mundine is such a tool.

Second Contest: Orlando Jordan Vs Ace Steel
I don’t buy OJ as a Bisexual, but then again, I don’t buy Jennifer Garner as a super secret sexy agent working for the CIA and I still watch Alias. Odd how things work, isn’t it? Lock up to start and Jordan starts with a headlock, insert irish whip here, and Jordan knocks Steel down with a shoulder block. Another lock up takes them into the corner, with Jordan being forced off of Steel before giving Steel a knee, a punch, before beginning a blatant choke. Steel gets some hiptosses and begins to work the arm with a wristlock, which Jordan reverses into a irish whip and throws Steel over the top rope, but Steel lands on the apron and punches Jordan before going to start a sunset flip but Jordan moves and Steel slides into the ring and Jordan kicks him in the gut while his feet are still on the second rope. Nice. Jordan rams Steel face first into the turnbuckles, before nailing a nice gutbuster and locking in, of all things, a bear hug. Steel begins the punches on Jordan only to have Jordan kick him in the gut and go for a scoop slam, Steel falls behind and continues punching Jordan. Irish whip and Steel gets a shoulder for two. In the corner Steel gets a running dropkick, and runs back into the ropes only to be caught with a spinebuster. Jordan nails a forward STO for the victory.
Winner: Orlando Jordan

Bland. Not to say it wasn’t good. Quite the opposite, it was good, but there was no spark with it. Sigh, oh well, 5 out of 10.

Commercials.

WrestleMania Card run down. You all know the card by now right, yeah? Good.

Recap of Mysterio Vs Angle from SmackDown.

Up next is the Main Event: Big Vito Vs Funaki!

Commecials

Main Event: Vito Vs Funaki
What a main event. Cough. Vito continues to wear the suit most horrid to the ring. Bastard.There’s a “Funaki Rulz” sign in the crowd at least. Vito goes right after Funaki to start, but the two end up circling for a few moments. Lock up sends Funaki into the corner and Vito nails the knees to the gut, and clubs the back of Funaki’s neck a few times. Headlock applied by Vito leads into an irish whip segment ending in Funaki getting two hiptosses and a dropkick. Funaki worms the arm a bit, nailing an elbow to Vito’s arm, before Vito nails an armdrag – though Funaki keeps the hold on. Vito forces Funaki into the corner and nails some knees to escape. In the other corner Funaki flips over Vito, but gets punched down for his efforts. Vito clubs away at Funaki in the middle of the ring before nailing a clothesline for two. Suplex by Vito is followed up by a leg drop for another two. Rear choke hold is applied by Vito and . . . ny DVD cuts out. Shit. Well it wouldn’t be good to rate the match on what I saw, all two minutes of it, but I think it’s obvious enough to say that the ending was obvious; Vto pulls out a big move and defeats Funaki easily, or Funaki pulls out a surprise move and defeats Vito only just. On the upside, the two were doing just fine before my DVD cut, and were actually doing a better job than I expected. I’ll try and get the copy of Funaki verses Vito off WWE.com before next week’s Velocity report, though. So I apologise to those three die hard Funaki and Big Vito fans who were depending on me, you’ll just have to wait until next week.

Well, here’s the current standings for this week’s Velocity;
Hooliganz verses The Gymini: 7/10
Orlando Jordan verses Ace Steel: 5/10
Incomplete Velocity 01/04/06: 13/20

Maybe it’s just me and my bias towards these Gymini and Hooliganz (name still sounds weird), but nothing below average this week, just nothing ground breaking. I suppose that’s exactly what Velocity and Heat should showcase though, nothing ground breaking, just enough to get the talent across and such. Leave the groundbreaking on the shows that actually need it. Until SmackDown people, Ciao Y’all.