“Our thoughts and prayers are with the Dana family and all of Rahal-Letterman Racing. It’s a very, very sad day.” – Dan Wheldon, 2005 IRL Champion
“This is a very black day for us… This is a great tragedy.” – Bobby Rahal, Car Owner
Sunday, March 26th, 2006 has taken its place in the tragically long list of dates which see racing fatalities in the auto racing world. Paul Dana, driver of the #17 car for Rahal-Letterman Racing in the Indy Racing League, died Sunday shortly before noon from injuries sustained in one of the most horrific accidents in years. Paul Dana was only thirty years old, and leaves a wife behind. For Dana, Sunday was to be the start of one of his dreams – to race for a top level racing team.
Paul Dana began his racing career in 1996, though for several years he wrote as a journalist in the sport. Dana, a graduate of Northwestern University, was an accomplished race car driver before his IRL Career, winning in several prominent series (such as the Skip Barber Formula Dodge Series, and the Indy Pro Series). He only logged three IRL starts, but managed a top ten finish in his debut race in the IRL… at Homestead-Miami Speedway. The track was also the site of his pole victory during his final year in the Indy Pro Series, which he ended up finishing second in the overall points race. Sadly, he could not escape two terrible accidents that would alter, and eventually end his life. Dana was seriously injured in a May 2005 practice crash at Indianapolis, during testing for the Indy 500. He suffered a broken back in the accident, and would not race for the remainder of 2005.
On Sunday, Paul Dana was set to make his debut with Rahal-Letterman Racing, the team famous for fielding former Indy 500 winner Buddy Rice and racing prodigy Danica Patrick, along with its talk show co-owner, David Letterman. He participated in the Sunday morning practice with others, and was only mere hours away from resuming his IRL Career again.
He never made it to the green flag.
At 10:03 AM on Sunday Morning, Ed Carpenter’s Dallara-Honda slid up into the wall in Turn 2, and began to slide back down the track. The caution lights, which help alert drivers of an accident or debris on the circuit, activated as usual, and cars entering the first two turns began to slow in order to avoid Carpenter, who by this point was stopped near the bottom of the Turn 2 exit. Paul Dana entered Turn 1, at speeds ranging from 175 to 190 MPH depending on various estimates, and failed to slow down for the wreck. He passed Buddy Lazier and Scott Sharp into Turn 2, and exited the turn along the bottom racing groove. Here, the story becomes cloudy, undeterminable, unfathomable. Some suspect that Dana’s inexperience led to the accident, while poor communication between Dana and his crew could have led to the incident. Such questions are irrelevant at this point in time, and may never be truly relevant in the wake of such a tragedy. What we do know, is that coming out of Turn 2, Paul Dana had put himself on a beeline for the stalled car of Carpenter. Through one source, officials concluded that Dana only began to brake mere tenths of a second before the collision. He didn’t see Carpenter until it was too late.
Dana careened into Carpenter’s car at extremely high speeds. Carpenter’s car immediately fishtailed violently across the backstretch, coming to rest off the track near a retaining wall. Paul Dana’s car went airborne after the impact, and nearly disintegrated around him. No camera replays would show the entirety of the accident, for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, the apparent severity of the accident left it up to our minds to imagine how bad the accident must have been. Emergency crews were on the scene within moments, and helped lift both drivers out of their demolished cars. Soon thereafter, Carpenter and Dana were airlifted to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami. Carpenter would escape the crash without serious injury, or so it seemed at first. He would be held for a few days for observation, and would be later diagnosed with a bruised lung. We have little information on the injuries that Paul Dana suffered, but we do know that he was pronounced dead shortly before noon at Jackson Memorial Hospital.
The loss reverberated through the racing world. Stunned drivers at Homestead-Miami were understandably in shock as they attempted to continue with their normal race activities. ESPN News cut in to cover the story throughout the day, while various officials held a press conference at the track to announce the terrible news. In Bristol, site of NASCAR’s Nextel Cup Race last week, the FOX Pre-Race Show crew broke into their coverage to announce that Paul Dana had passed away. Rahal-Letterman pulled out of the race altogether, out of respect for their teammate.
Paul Dana’s death is the first in the IRL since Tony Renna died at Indianapolis during a practice run in 2003. Of the top racing series in the world (CART, Formula 1, IRL, NASCAR), Dana’s death was the first on the day of a race since 2001, when NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt was killed on the last lap of the Daytona 500. Dr. Jerry Punch was present at both races, and was charged with the difficult task of putting into words the gravity of the situation. Through his tone, race fans could tell that the situation was as bad as had been feared.
In the wake of this accident, there is sure to be tons of speculation as to the reason for the accident. In time, some answers may become apparent, though they matter little in the grand scheme of things. The safety of Indy Cars will undoubtedly be questioned in the coming weeks, as league officials will be forced to examine new measures to try and prevent a tragedy as grave as Sunday’s. Unfortunately, the danger of racing is the sport’s worst kept secret – no matter how much protection you provide the drivers inside the cars, racing side by side at speeds in excess of 150 MPH on such a confined surface puts drivers at risk from the drop of the green flag to the waving of the checkered one. It’s a fact of racing that wont be changed any time soon. Tragedy wont spare legends or rookies, as evidenced by the tragically long list of race car drivers who have lost their lives doing what they do best. Still, race car safety has come a long, long way in the last century of racing, and numerous accidents in the past five years have produced no ill results, whereas the same accidents twenty five years ago would have resulted in fatalities.
At the same time, no amount of safety measures can erase the tragedy that took place last Sunday morning at Homestead-Miami. Paul Dana’s story coming into Homestead-Miami was not so different from thousands of other rookie stories, which makes the wreck all the more painful to think about in retrospect. Dana was a race car driver, who was looking to break into the IRL and fulfill one of his lifelong dreams. He held a passion for the sport, like countless others do as they themselves attempt to break into auto racing. Somehow, that makes it feel even worse. Some people may say that the “storybook ending” to this sad episode would likely involve one of his teammates winning at St. Petersburg tomorrow. But there can be no good ending to a tragedy that is anything but “storybook”. The only thing you can do is shake your head at such a terrible event, and wonder what the racing world just lost. From all of us at Inside Pulse Sports, our heartfelt condolences go out to the family and friends of Paul Dana.
By Steve Price – Deputy, Mayberry P.D.
Saturday, April 01st, 2006 – Volume I, Edition V
Exclusive to Inside Pulse Sports
What’s up, my do-gooder huckleberries? If you can’t surmise by now that I am Your very own Host with the Most by this point in time, you have no business laying eyes on the greatest column on God’s green earth! Well, second greatest behind Eric Szulczewski. Well, okay, third greatest behind Nick Pomazak. Well, maybe behind Trent Pusey and Rokk Adams, too…
Anyways, we are about to embark on a very special weekend here at Inside Pulse, as the world of sports, sports and entertainment, and sports entertainment prepare for some mighty big events. For you wrestling fans out there, we’re sitting on the proverbial “Christmas Eve” right now, as WrestleMania XXII (or 22, pick your poison) is little more than twenty four hours away. The WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony takes place tonight, and if haven’t heard by now who is being inducted in this year’s class, you have no business calling yourself a WWE fan. For fans of the more “traditional” sporting fare, the NCAA Final Four kicks off today with George Mason and Florida getting it on in Indianapolis, with the late game, UCLA versus LSU to follow. Major League Baseball kicks off tomorrow night with the White Sox and Indians in Chicago, followed by a 3-fer on ESPN and ESPN 2 on Monday (featuring the Real Sox taking on Texas). Naturally, NASCAR is all over the place on this racing weekend, as the boys take their act to tiny Martinsville, Virginia. And if you thought that some drivers were pissed off after last week’s race at – mmm, Bristol – then you haven’t seen a damn thing yet. Plus, we have heaping helpings of the NBA and the NHL on this weekend, as both leagues wind down their respective regular seasons. Lorena Ochoa bent the field over and did the proverbial spanking/raping of the field at the Kraft Nabisco Championship, but Wie is four strokes back at the time of this writing on the first major of 2006 on the LPGA Tour. Of course, the big one kicks off Thursday in Augusta, which I’m sure Eric will get into on Tuesday. Since we have no golf writer, lucky you, we’ll get into some Masters notes in a moment.
(Memo to self: Is there anything else worth noting this weekend? Besides the lesbian soft-core pornography on Showtime later tonight, that is?)
NHL – Senators and ‘Canes and Flames, Oh My!
Could a headline get any more gayer than that? Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, of course. As my hero, my idol Ron White says, “We’re all gay, buddy. It’s to what extent that you’re gay.” If you understand where that line goes, you do have business reading this column. Scooter. But I digress…
My boys in Raleigh, the Carolina Hurricanes have clinched the Southeast Division title, in what was essentially a formality. Losing Erik Cole hurt, but the ‘Canes managed to rally behind the stout goaltending of Martin Gerber and clinch their division with a 3-2 win over Florida on Friday night [March 31st, 2006]. Head coach Peter Laviolette remarked that the mission was not over with, hinting at the impending NHL Playoffs. Carolina joins Ottawa and Detroit in the teams currently locked in to the playoffs. At this point in time, Edmonton has a four point lead over San Jose for the 8th and final spot in the Western Conference playoffs, while the race for 8th in the Eastern Conference is a bit more crowded at the bottom. Tampa Bay, New Jersey, and Montreal all Atlanta by six points, with a little over two weeks left in the regular season. The New York Rangers, Buffalo Sabres, Dallas Stars, Calgary Flames and Nashville Predators are fairly safe in their playoff berths, while Minnesota, Florida, and Toronto are just about eliminated from any post season play.
The playoff picture is fairly clear at this point, since most of the teams still in the hunt have over half their remaining schedule against + .500 teams. Minnesota and Toronto each have the easiest schedules remaining, but Minnesota is eleven points out from Edmonton and Toronto is nine points out from Montreal, with four of its remaining ten games on the road. So, if the playoffs were to begin today, this is how things would shape up.
Eastern Conference Playoff Picture
1. Ottawa Senators versus 8. Montreal Canadiens
Oct. 11: Senators 4 at Canadiens 2
Oct. 27: at Senators 4, Canadiens 3 (OT)
Nov. 29: at Senators 4, Canadiens 0
Dec. 20: at Canadiens 4, Senators 3 (OT)
Jan. 7: at Canadiens 4, Senators 1
2. Carolina Hurricanes versus 7. New Jersey Devils
Oct. 15: Hurricanes 6 at Devils 1
Dec. 17: at Hurricanes 4, Devils 1
Feb. 3: at Devils 3, Hurricanes 0
April 11: New Jersey at Carolina
3. New York Rangers versus 6. Tampa Bay Lightning
Nov. 10: Rangers 5 at Lightning 2
Dec. 22: at Rangers 4, Lightning 2
Jan. 3: Lightning 1 at Rangers 0 (OT)
Mar. 25: at Lightning 4, Rangers 3 (OT)
4. Buffalo Sabres versus 5. Philadelphia Flyers
Dec. 19: Sabres 2 at Flyers 1 (OT)
Feb. 2: at Sabres 4, Flyers 2
Mar. 11: Sabres 6 at Flyers 5
April 7: Philadelphia at Buffalo
1. Detroit Red Wings versus 8. Edmonton Oilers
Nov. 3: Oilers 4 at Red Wings 3 (OT)
Nov. 17: at Oilers 6, Red Wings 5 (OT)
Mar. 18: Red Wings 4 at Oilers 3 (OT)
April 11: Edmonton at Detroit
2. Dallas Stars versus 7. Vancouver Canucks
Oct. 16: at Canucks 5, Stars 2
Jan. 4: at Stars 3, Canucks 1
Mar. 11: Stars 2 at Canucks 1
Mar. 13: at Stars 4, Canucks 2
3. Calgary Flames versus 6. Colorado Avalanche
Oct. 10: at Avalanche 7, Flames 3
Nov. 12: at Flames 5, Avalanche 3
Nov. 21: Flames 3 at Avalanche 2 (OT)
Jan. 24: at Avalanche 7, Flames 4
Mar. 12: at Avalanche 3, Flames 0
4. Nashville Predators versus 5. Anaheim Mighty Ducks
Oct. 8: at Predators 3, Mighty Ducks 2 (OT)
Nov. 1: at Mighty Ducks 4, Predators 1
Jan. 1: Mighty Ducks 4 at Predators 2
Mar. 24: at Mighty Ducks 6, Predators 3
I still like Ottawa and Carolina to fight it out for the Eastern Conference, though Tampa Bay has proven to be playoff-worthy, and Philadelphia is extremely talented, if underperforming this year. Dallas would be my pick to represent the Western Conference, if only because Detroit has had a rough time against Edmonton this year, and the Red Wings do not seem… there’s something I don’t like about Detroit’s chances. Saying this, expect them to win the Stanley Cup in 2006.
Golf – Countdown to Augusta
Golf is really the last major sport (popular in America at least) that escapes coverage here at Inside Pulse Sports. Partly because watching Golf feels like watching Home and Garden Television, except with even less action. Then again, there are a handful of tournaments that do spark the attention of the casual viewer. Though I make it a point to watch the Wachovia Championship every year (Charlotte Bias! Bastard Bias!), there’s this little tournament held in Augusta, Georgia that’s kind of… important. Spring officially arrives next Thursday when the PGA hits Augusta for the 70th Masters Tournament, and the course looks a bit different from previous years.
Close to four hundred and forty yards have been added overall since 2002, with an additional 155 yards being added leading up to this year’s Masters. Six holes have undergone significant transformations, with the Par 3 fourth now extending up to 260 yards, the Par 4 seventh and its new distance of 460 yards, and a water hazard running the length of the 16th. Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus both expressed displeasure over the changes to Augusta in Golf Digest. Augusta now totals 7,445 cumulative yards.
While the Tiger Bandwagon will slowly start to rev up during the course of the week, two players are making a statement right now. Stephen Ames, winner of the 2006 The Players Championship, recently accepted an invitation to play at the Masters. Ames won at Sawgrass by six strokes, shooting a 67 for the round en route to his second career win. Meanwhile, the 2004 Masters Champion, Phil Mickleson leads Jose Maria Olazabal at the BellSouth Classic at Sugarloaf. Mickleson is being painted by some as the favorite heading into Augusta, though usual suspects like Tiger Woods, Vijay Singh and Ernie Els will get a lot of love. I’m no golf expert by any stretch of the imagination, but here’s two guilty pleasure picks: Retief Goosen, who finished second at Sawgrass and placed 15th at the Ford Championship at Doral last month, and Chris DiMarco, the perennial second-place finisher it seems over the past two years.
NASCAR – “Thunder Valley” and the “Paper Clip”
You know, in the past I’ve been fairly critical of NASCAR and its asinine decisions in the past, but I can’t stay mad at them too long, considering the stretch of races that we have coming up. It can be argued that we are just beginning the best stretch of races in the NASCAR season. I mean, we had Atlanta two weeks ago, which can have some really good racing on occasion. Last week was the first big race on 2006, post-Daytona, the Food City 500 at Bristol, where it is impossible to have a bad race. Just check out the upcoming schedule to see how hard this time of year rocks:
1. Martinsville
It’s the paper clip, for Christ’s sake! Part of what makes the Martinsville spring race so fun is the fact that Bristol (another hearty helping of “good” racing) is that so many drivers are already pissed off at one another from the week before. For those not in the know, short track racing tends to produce a *ton* of wrecks. Last week’s Bristol race nearly reached the fabled twenty caution flags plateau, and instigated a number of simmering feuds, including an altercation between Matt Kenseth and Jeff Gordon. Martin Truex Jr. and Gordon also had a scuffle of sorts. Martinsville is nearly the same size as Bristol (a few hundredths of a mile shorter), but is flat compared to the nearly vertical banking in Thunder Valley. Speeds are greatly reduced, and space on the track is at a premium. Thus, if we saw some feuds begin at Bristol, they will continue in full force at Martinsville.
2. Texas
Texas is probably my least favorite of these seven tracks, which doesn’t mean that I hate the place. Far from it, actually, as Texas is really the only (relatively) new track on the tour that warrants a second date, in my own humble opinion. Texas Motor Speedway, more than Atlanta, is almost an exact clone of Lowe’s Motor Speedway in Charlotte, and can easily be mistaken for Lowe’s on first glance. The racing there is ok – good, and is perhaps better than Atlanta.
3. Phoenix
The “Jewel of the Desert” is home to the backstretch dog leg, and is the first night race on the 2006 schedule. My love affair with the city of Phoenix is almost as bizarre as my love affair with Saturday Night’s Main Event, so if you live in Phoenix and are reading this column, there’s a handy bit of advice to hold onto. Phoenix International is what I like to call the “prototype” for a mile long track. A lot of people like Dover, and I do too to an extent, but Dover can be boring at times. New Hampshire is like VD – it’s irritating and sickening and a pain in the ass, but Phoenix is somewhat unique, thanks to its dogleg “d-oval” shape and its geography in the desert of all places. Plus, night racing adds a degree of coolness to the proceedings, for reasons that are not readily apparent.
4. Talladega
Spank the monkey and put the children to bed, because Talladega is the second home of restrictor plate racing on the schedule. If you like sixteen cars racing side by side and flipping over each other, then you’ll worship the ground that Talladega sits on. The largest track on the NASCAR schedule, Talladega is famous for “the big one”, and its extremely hard to believe that we wont see the next massive pile up come April 30th.
5. Richmond
Oddly enough, Richmond is almost left out of the discussion during this time of year, with so many great races around it. It’s a shame, too, because Richmond (the third of the true short tracks on the circuit) is a damn fine race to watch. The management at Richmond International have taken the same approach that Atlanta Motor Speedway did years ago; namely, stir shit up and try to increase their standing in the NASCAR community. Of course, Richmond is trying to be a big time player in NASCAR, though with the inclusion of tracks in Vegas, California and Chicago over the past few years, Richmond keeps getting shunted down the food chain. But I digress… Richmond is the first of what will be four consecutive weeks of night racing, as Darlington and Speed Weeks are all under the lights. It’s a growing trend in NASCAR, with Phoenix under the lights before Richmond and Daytona in July after it.
6. Darlington
Quite possibly the track with the coolest nicknames on the tour, Darlington Raceway – “the Lady in Black” and the “Track Too Tough to Tame” – is the last holdover of the “old NASCAR”, in this way: it is the oldest track on the NASCAR Schedule, and the most storied. Forget the “egg” oval design that makes our Darling a bitch to prepare for, or the insane finishes that this baby can produce. Darlington joins Charlotte as the last two NNC holdovers in the bygone ‘Carolina Era’, and needs to be saved at all costs. Sadly, Darlington’s days may be numbered, as Las Vegas is undergoing a major track reconfiguration in an attempt to woo NASCAR into bringing a second date to the track. There are encouraging signs that point towards the saving of Darlington, namely the installation of the lights for night racing (always a plus to boost revenue), and the inexplicable but welcome upswing in ticket sales at the track recently. For those not familiar with your North/South Carolina geography, Darlington is in the middle of f*cking nowhere, in between the graveyard of expanse that highlights a Charlotte – Fayetteville – Myrtle Beach corridor. You know, the more I type, the more I want to do something in relation with the schedule in NASCAR.
7. The Nextel All Star Race and the Coca Cola 600 – Charlotte
Ah, and so we finally arrive at one of my favorite tracks (see also: Bias, Steve’s Charlotte). Lowe’s Motor Speedway is one of those unique 1.5 mile quad-ovals that can be considered the “cookie-cutter design before the cookie cutters existed”, as both Atlanta and Texas share similar track layouts to Charlotte. The track has been the subject of a lot of talk over the past few years, namely to the “levigating” fiasco that tore up more tires than spike strips in GTA: Vice City. The track has also been the bed partner of Jimmie Johnson over the last three years or so, which pisses off noted Johnson-haters like myself. Nevertheless, Lowe’s Motor Speedway is a unique little gem that holds arguably the second most important race in NASCAR, behind the Daytona 500. We’ve gone over this sixteen billion times in the past, but for a quick review, the Coca-Cola 600 goes head to head with the Indianapolis 500 on Memorial Day Weekend, which makes it an important weekend to attempt to beat out the competition in ratings. The Indy 500 took the prize last year, thanks in part to the involvement of Danica Patrick.
The Nextel Cup, as noted earlier, races in Martinsville tomorrow, but a more important trend seems to be looming over the horizon. It’s no secret that NASCAR has, for the last five or so years, been expanding out of the southeast into other corners of the country. The first victim was North Wilkesboro back in 1996, when its two dates were sent to Texas and the bastard spawn of Satan, New Hampshire. Years before, Riverside Raceway in California was upended, and the newer Infineon circuit was established in Sonoma. Rockingham was next on the hit list, along with a race from Darlington. In their places came “Cookie Cutters” like Las Vegas, Kansas, and Chicagoland. Places like California and Phoenix got second dates, as well.
Now, we’ve been over this before, but it bares mentioning that a determined group of people are trying to reverse this trend. A group are lobbying hard to bring NASCAR back to North Wilkesboro, while Darlington ownership are doing everything short of sacrificing virgins to keep the Nextel Cup in the upstate. However, several tracks are looming large on the horizon, and NASCAR is most assuredly going to push for the Nextel Cup to visit newer, better locations. These locales include:
1. Seattle, Washington, site of a .75 Mile short track currently under construction.
2. St. Louis, Missouri
3. Mexico City, Mexico, site of the Autodromo Hermanos Rodriguez road course and a proposed short track site.
4. Nashville, Tennessee, site of a monster Superspeedway
5. Milwaukee, Wisconsin, home of the “Milwaukee Mile”
Nashville and Milwaukee are not considered prime targets for Nextel Cup expansion any time soon, but the Seattle, Washington track under construction looks to become a player in a Busch Series date soon, and could take the success of a Busch Race and launch a campaign for a Nextel Cup date. The real intriguing possibilities are for placing races in Mexico City and St. Louis. Though Autodromo is probably not the most desirable choice of racing locales for the Nextel Cup series, a proposed short track design by car owner Felix Sabates may gain momentum as time goes on. Gateway International Raceway in St. Louis is a very nice 1.25 mile circuit that, oddly enough, shares a similar design with Darlington Raceway. That could play out in a decision to move Darlington’s final date, for all the wrong reasons of course. The long-rumored Nextel Cup race in New York City has been a topic of debate for years now.
In order to make way for the new, you have to jettison the old. Darlington’s one remaining race would probably be the first to go, but what other tracks are in danger of losing a race or two? Believe it or not, Dover may be losing a race in the future, if track owners seek to move one of its races to Nashville (though recent developments have shunned this idea). Martinsville would be a prime target to lose a race, especially if the rumored second date in Las Vegas comes to fruition. Martinsville would almost certainly lose its October race to Las Vegas during the Chase, since the schedule already takes them out west to Phoenix and Texas shortly thereafter. The road courses are firm in their one date apiece, so no real ground to break there. Places like Texas, Phoenix, California, and New Hampshire are pretty much guaranteed to keep their two dates. Daytona, Talladega, Bristol, Charlotte and Pocono are untouchables, and Indy’s lone NASCAR date makes that particular race, the Brickyard 400 more important in the long haul. Thus, if tracks like Chicagoland and Kansas want to expand, places like Martinsville, Darlington, and potentially Atlanta need to watch out, because the Cookie Cutters have a way of siphoning life out of the more entertaining circuits.
WrestleMania 22 Quickie Predictions
– Triple H def. John Cena by Pin Fall to Win the WWE Championship. * *
– Randy Orton def. Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio by pinning Rey Mysterio to Win the World Heavyweight Championship. * * 1/2
– JBL def. Chris Benoit to win the WWE United States Championship. * * 3/4
– Carlito and Chris Masters def. Kane and the Big Show to win the Tag Titles. DUD
– Mickie James def. Trish Stratus to win the Women’s Championship. * 1/4
– Shawn Michaels def. Vince McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match. * * * ¼
– Undertaker def. Mark Henry in a Casket Match. – * *
– Boogeyman def. Booker T & Sharmell in a Handicap Match. DUD
– Edge def. Mick Foley in a Hardcore Match. * * * ½
– Ric Flair wins the “Money in the Bank” ladder match. * * * * (Match of the Night)
– Torrie Wilson def. Candice Michelle… is this even a match? DUD
Quick Shots
– #11 George Mason vs. #3 Florida, tip-off at 6:07 PM EST on CBS
– #4 LSU vs. #2 UCLA, tip-off at 8:47 PM EST on CBS
– Bret Favre announces today that he’ll return to Green Bay for one more season if the Packers commit to “building a winner”.
– Duke G J.J. Redick is named the AP Player of the Year.
– WR Nate Burleson signs a deal with the NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks, reportedly worth $49 Million over seven seasons.
– White Sox starting pitcher Jose Contreras is signed to a three year, $29 Million extension.
– Svetlana Kuznetsova def. Maria Sharapova to win the Nasdaq-100 Championship.
– Cleveland Indians at Chicago White Sox, Sunday night on ESPN (MLB Season Opener)
– Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announces that a full investigation is being launched to examine rampant steroid allegations against current baseball players, with a key interest obviously focusing on Giants OF Barry Bonds. The investigation will be headed up by Disney guru George Mitchell.
Pimps on the House
Pomazak!
Nguyen!
Cameron!
Szulczewski!
Tierney!
Padilla!
Last Call
So, my friends, we come to the end of another long and excruciating journey into the mind of a deranged redneck writer. We’re back with another half-assed attempt at a column on Tuesday, the regular day, and we’re back in two weeks with full results from the Masters and the first week of the 2006 Major League Baseball season. Plus the requisite NASCAR and NHL bits. Peace, homies.
