Smack YOU! Smackdown Review 31st March 2006

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Well we’re in the home stretch to Wrestlemania let’s see if WWE can shamelessly hype it enough to get some decent buys shall we?

We’re in Kansas City Tonight

You’re hosts are Tazz and Cole

Rey Mysterio kicks us off with the big babyface pop but not quite on par with babyface Wrestlemania challenger pop he should be getting. Rey talks about his dream coming true at Wrestlemania and targets Randy Orton with some hate but Angle answers the challenge instead. Angle says he wants to hurt Orton even more so he should get the shot and he empathises the everyman for himself rule at Wrestlemania. Angle shows some intensity and does his best D-Mob impression by saying “Nobody beats me”. Angle gets some jeers as Orton finally comes out with his new nWo shirt rip off this time parodying the Wolfpac style. Hopefully he’ll do the cool looking tie-dye one next. Both Angle and Mysterio want Orton so he throws an open challenge for a handicap match. Hello Randy you’re the heel start acting like it. Finally Orton changes his mind. That’s my boy. Orton is AWESOME as insincere heel dick head. Teddy Long comes out to stop him and Orton calls him “good guy general manager” OOOOOO shoot comments got to love that. Orton is just ruling it on the mic recently. Angle dismisses Orton’s attack on Rey and that makes Rey ask whether Angle is taking him lightly. Angle says Rey would be tougher than Orton but “NOBODY BEATS KURT ANGLE!!!” Angle and Rey have a little splat and Orton suggests they fight tonight and they both agree! Teddy makes the match and then has security throw Orton out so he doesn’t interfere. That’s why Teddy is awesome as he gives the fans a match that’s good as well as putting the heels in their place. Of course in kayfabe land Teddy Long keeps hiring Mark Henry so he’s no brain surgeon.

Chris Fucking Benoit Vs Animal
Animal does some bitching pre match about not being at Wrestlemania and says he’ll beat him down etc. Animal does some pounding in the corner and gets a hip toss. Benoit fights back with chops and some running back elbows. Animal bails to regroup before coming in for a slugfest which Benoit wins and fires off three German’s. animal powers out of the Sharpshooter and goes for the brass knuckles but Benoit counters that with the cross face and Animal taps out


*1/4 – Well THAT would have never happened in the Road Warriors heyday. Benoit again proves himself to be one of the top 5 in the world by carrying the washed up Animal to an energetic and fun TV match.

JBL is backstage and congratulates Benoit and then drops the Eddie Guerrero line and Benoit does what Mysterio should have done and laughs it off before saying that JBL will tap out at Mania. THAT’S why Benoit is miles ahead of everyone else because the fans know that he is mentally strong enough to overcome that and Rey isn’t which is why Benoit will be the guy to finally dethrone Orton at Summer Slam

JBL w/ Jillian Hall Vs Daniel Cross
This is a squash sandwich with lettuce and extra mayo. Clothesline from Hell is followed by another for the win.

More Miz videos as he messes around WWE headquarters

Booker T w/ Sharmell Vs Paul Burchill
Ah I think this will be the end of the Burchill mini push. Lock up leads to a Booker side headlock. Burchill gets an arm drag and goes to the arm bar. Burchill gets a cool standing moonsault but he really needs to do the standing shooting star press as that would blow WWE fans away as only TNA and ROH fans have witnessed Amazing Red do that and he’s considerably smaller than Burchill. Anyway Boogeyman’s music comes on and he of course goes after Sharmell and carries her to the back. During all this Burchill wins by count out. Hey Burchill won and he actually got some reasonable offence in before the Boogeyman nonsense.

During the break Booker T looks around for Sharmell and can’t find her

Lashley, Matt Hardy and Tatanka Vs MNM and Finlay w/ Melina
It pains me that MNM won’t be at Wrestlemania but Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle will get to have a playboy pillow fight. My God Melina is barely staying in her outfit tonight. Hardy and Mercury got at it and Matt fights both him and Nitro off. Lashley comes in and cleans house and is about to attack Finlay when MNM attack him from behind. Lashley blocks a double suplex and suplexes both guys of MNM at the same time. Tatanka comes in with some stuff including of all things a dropkick. Leg drop gets two brother and Finlay gets a cheap shot in and that makes Tatanka 80’s wrestler in peril. Plagiarism is neither witty nor funny but it sure is useful at times. Tatanka tries a comeback but Mercury gets a neck breaker for two. Nitro goes to the chin lock and it actually rallies the crowd for a change. Tatanka suplexes out of it and makes the hot tag to Hardy who CHARGES across the ring to get Finlay. Matt gets a double clothesline and a Side Effect on Mercury but Nitro saves. Lashley and Finlay go at it and Lashley wins that with a suplex both in ring and on the floor. Mercury gets distracted and Twist of Fate gets it for the faces.


**1/2 – Really hot TV 6 man

Now it’s the highlight of my week as we get our mandatory Mark Henry segment as this time he holds a mock funeral for The Undertaker. Considering that they just had a video about the HOF including Eddie Guerrero and Verne Gagne this couldn’t be a worse time. He runs through the guys who tried to beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania, most of which were meatheads, and it’s weird seeing them mention A-Train on TV again as I thought they’d wipe him out of history considering they put all that time and effort in developing him and he never gave them anything back on their investment. Oh wait that sounds familiar doesn’t it? Hopefully Henry will suffer the same fate. Vince’s patience surely can’t be endless. Lame segment with no Undertaker run in which was clearly what the crowd wanted as the pay off

The Mexicools Vs Kid Kash and Jamie Noble
Hey it’s the Mexicans Vs The Rednecks! Kash ambushes Psicosis while Noble throws Crazy into one of the lawnmowers. Psicosis gets double teamed by team inbred for a while and actually gets some heat from the crowd. WWE really dropped the ball with The Mexicools back in December when they f*cked them over with the Rey/Batista title win. Granted the matches were awesome but MNM Vs Mexicools could have lasted till Mania at least. Crazy gets the hot tag and goes insaneo loco on the heels. All four guys end up and then the high spots start coming with Psicosis diving out onto Noble. Kash knocks Crazy down and heads up top but Psicosis delays him and Crazy gets the one man Spanish Fly for the win. FUCKING HELL GIVE HIM THE BELT NOW!


** – Super Crazy is so clearly the star of the team now and he continuously gets big pops.

Booker T continues the quest for his wife as there are worms all over the floor so he follows them. Clearly he’s forgotten the 11th commandment “A Brother shalt never follow another brother using a trail of worms” or something to that extent. The 11th commandment was one of the 20 that Moses cut because God asked him to trim the list down. 27th was “Thou shalt never repeat a blown spot” Rumours that Scott Keith helped write that one are unfounded.

Anyway after the commercial Booker keeps following the worms until he finds her standing on a crate or something above the sheer river of worms. Damn it just get the exploding sheep if you’re afraid it works in the game

Wrestlemania run down
Cena Vs HHH
Taker Vs Henry
Vinny Mac Vs HBK
Trish Vs Mickey
Foley Vs Edge
Benoit Vs JBL
Kane and Big Show Vs Masters and Carlito
Torrie Vs Candice
Booker and Sharmell Vs Boogeyman
Angle Vs Orton Vs Rey

Rey Mysterio Vs Kurt Angle
Lock up to start as the fans start the “Eddie” chant. Angle goes after the arm but Rey flips out it using the corner as the “Eddie” chants get louder. Angle goes to the side headlock but Rey fights out and drop-toe-holds him onto the ropes but Angle avoids the 619 attempt. The commentators say that Rey earned his title shot by winning the Rumble, which everyone seems to forget, so he deserves the shot. That in itself is a good enough reason for Rey to go to Wrestlemania. Anyway the fight spills outside and Rey is sent into the guardrail as we go to a commercial


We’re back with Angle taking Rey apart inside. Angle goes to a waistlock bearhug and Rey fights out but runs into a knee to the gut for two. Angle goes to the body scissors which goes well with Angle as the Angle Slam hurts the mid section. Rey tries to fight back but runs into a belly to belly suplex. Angle gets a float over suplex for two and goes to the camel clutch. Rey mounts another comeback with a bulldog and some kicks and punches. Springboard cross body block gets two as does the seated dropkick. I want someone to just win like that once to give a feeling that anything can happen. Rey gets some major hang time on a springboard seated senton for a “really” close two. Half the crowd thought Rey won there. Angle gets a German Suplex and it’s Angle Slam time only Rey rolls through but Angle counters to the ankle lock, which is countered to a 619, which is countered to the ankle lock for the win.


**1/4 – Awesome ending sequence there and Rey at least got some tight near falls before the defeat. Of course Randy Orton comes in with an RKO on Rey as well just to totally drill the point home that Rey will NOT be leaving with the title. Angle rushes the ring and goes at it with Orton. Angle Slam leads to the Ankle Lock and Orton starts tapping out. Smackdown ends with Angle on top.

Well the show did a good job of building up the three way and there was some decent stuff there. We’ll see though if guys like Super Crazy who are really starting to reach a new level are allowed to by the booking team. Now it’s a good time for my Wrestlemania Predictions

Cena Vs HHH
I don’t know what to expect here. Like I said I haven’t watched Raw in a good while and the only thing of this feud I’ve seen was John Cena’s work out video which made him look like a really hard working nutter. It only made him look good in my eyes but you see he’s going with the “I’m the working guy who made it big” thing and really they should concentrate on him being the only guy in the world who is afraid of HHH for the right reasons. They should play Cena as a guy who knows HHH is the big name star and instead of underestimating him like RVD and others they should just play him as a guy who will simply push HHH his own way. Make the fans think Cena is different to every other guy who HHH beats and then fans will root for him. The only exception to the rule was Batista who never feared HHH at any point and was supremely confident which was what got him over. That’s exactly why they have to take Cena in a different direction and have him be weary yet able to get the job done. If the fans see he can feasibly do it then they’ll believe in him. Anyway I can see HHH losing here because he really doesn’t need to win and he can always book himself into a title reign whenever he wants anyway. I’m going with Cena

Orton Vs Rey Vs Angle
I can’t see Rey winning here because he’s clearly been booked as the guy who got in because Teddy Long let him despite lasting over 60 minutes in the Rumble. They’ve jobbed him to Finlay, Orton, Henry and Angle in the space of two months and have done nothing for him as a credible babyface. Everyone says Orton wins and considering I reckon HHH might do the job then I think Orton leaves with the belt which is fair enough as he’s been an awesome heel this year. I just wish Rey would get his justice but these days heels always seem to get the last laugh unless they’re fighting Undertaker of course

Taker Vs Henry
I’m terrified that they are so desperate to get Henry over that they’ll sacrifice the win streak. It may seem ridiculous but don’t discount the fact that Mark Henry will ALWAYS be receiving a big push of some kind and this may be Vince’s way of finally turning him into his big star. Good God I hope not. Hopefully Taker will get the job done and end Henry’s upper card push

Money in the Bank
I really can’t see any guy winning it yet. Basically it would work much better if a heel won but the only heels on offer are Shelton and Finlay. I’m going with RVD because he’s pretty much highest on the pecking order, I never thought I’d say THAT about RVD in WWE, so it makes sense for him to win. They could use it to revive Matt Hardy’s career though but I don’t think that’s high on WWE’s list of priorities.

Masters and Carlito Vs Kane and Big Show
I have nothing but flagrant indifference to this. It would make sense for the heels to win as they are just ready to reach a higher place on the card and beating the perennial upper mid carders clean would no doubt be the first stepping stone to big things for them. Once again I see no point in the old guard winning might as well put the newer guys over because Show and Kane have done enough to stay in their respective roles till they choose to retire now.

Foley Vs Edge
If Foley churns one of his miracles out this could be good. Edge and Foley are great at telling a story in there and with some good booking I can see myself enjoying this. I’m going with Edge because once again Foley doesn’t need a win and Edge would only lose ground if he was defeated. Edge won’t gain much from a win but he will certainly entrench his semi main event placing and leave the door open for more main event opportunities.

Vince Vs Michaels
Well lets see if 2005’s wrestler of the year (well he SHOULD have been) can carry a 61 year old man who’s only real athletic talent is a power walk. I must admit to getting a kick out of Hogan Vs Vince from a few years ago but in honesty I think booking both a ladder match, hardcore match AND no holds barred match only dilutes the importance of them individually. Expect many a short cut here. I’ll go with Shawn and if we’re lucky Bret will swallow his pride and do a run in so we can all have our collective mark out moment.

Trish Vs Mickey
Best women’s angle in years. I don’t watch Raw but I’ve been following this feud on WWE’s site and it’s been good. Psycho fan freaks out idol with weird lesbian tendencies draws every time. I’ll go with Mickey because it just makes sense

Benoit Vs JBL
Not quite sure really. Either one winning would be fine and I’ll lean towards JBL as it looks like Benoit might challenge Orton for the title and he’ll need to be relived of the US Title to pursue that. JBL but it will be thanks to some tomfoolery

Pillow Fight
Who gives a shit?

Booker and Sharmell Vs Boogeyman
Easy Boogeyman win to pop the crowd before the main event

Well that’s it I hope you all enjoy the show.