Welll this column is your standard “After Wrestlemania” column which you’ll see from, like, everyone…but it’s mine so you know it’ll be fantastic…on with the show…
Big Show and Kane def. The Cool Lockers:
– Blah blah, but the wrong team won. It seems that they’ve been trying to turn somebody face out of Carlito and Masters, but they’re doing such a weird job of it the fans don’t know what to think. That’s not cool. Also, it makes the break up of a tag team more dramatic and helps the face/heel spector of it the split when they’ve been a team for a while and people care about them. As a match, it was pretty standard.
Money In The Bank:
– Once I saw that this would go on second I was worried it wouldn’t compete with last years. Actually that worry started when Lashley got in but for the guys put together a hell of a spot fest. Surprise surprise, Shelton stole the show again, effectively ending the need for Big Momma and the IC Title. As for RVD winning, it’s a good move but I don’t get everyone’s instant thought that he’d use it at ECW ONS2. Unless they did the whole “WWE is here to stop ECW” and then he called the champ out. But hey, whatever dude.
Hall of Famers:
– This will be my one chance to say this so I will: Bret Hart is a little girl. One site said it was a “cheap shot” (not that they’re credible) to say Bret was comfortable being there. Bullshit. They should have called him a little bitch that always talks about “the fans the fans the fans” and then got the hell out of dodge because he couldn’t be like EVERYONE ELSE and accept his HoF moment at Wrestlemania. To hell with the guy, and this is coming from someone who used to be a fan.
JBL def. Chris Benoit to win the US Title:
– Oh poor Benoit. He gets a new contract and jobs to JBL. He should be careful to. Rumor has it that if you drop a title to JBL, you drop dead within 2 years. It’s kind of like seeing the ring, but a longer life duration afterward. Oh, and John, on a personal note, just from all of us IWCers to you, since you wanna shoot cowboy, nice bitchtits.
Edge def. Mick Foley:
Well Mick certainly has something left in him. Funny I was just re-reading Flair’s book and had gotten to the part where he calls Foley a glorified stuntman. I’m all like “Nah, he was pretty good in the ring also.” Then he gets speared through a flaming table. I’m all like “Ok…I guess you got me.” Great fun match though. But that bleeding from Lita’s mouth…not from barbed wire. Wear protection kids!
Boogeyman def. Booker T:
– Wow…ummm…yeah…ummm…next!
Mickie James def. Trish Stratus:
– See Alan, my word is the word of the Lord. Seriously though, great match from the ladies. Don’t all focus in on the botched ending, look at the whole match. People always get past the guys botching endings and give megastars. Do the same here. As an aside, Victoria = SMOKING HOT at the Hall of Fame ceremony. SMO-KING-HOT!
Undertaker def. Mark Henry
– Other than Taker’s crazy dive, this was blah and typical. I would’ve rather watched Yokozuna in this match with Taker. No, NOT THE ROYAL RUMBLE one…I’m crazy, sadistic.
Shawn Michaels def Vince McMahon:
Why couldn’t they have broken out this Shawn Michaels full time after the Hogan feud? Shawn was at his best here, pulling out the usual HBK Wrestlemania great match. The best thing they could do right now is to have Shawn work with Cena and turn him full time heel. I know he supposedly wants a limited schedule, but he won’t pass up main event money for two months.
Rey Mysterio def. Randy Orton with help from the spirit of Eddie Guerrero to win the World Title:
…and it’s being defended on Smackdown against Orton on Thursday. So, after the crowd reaction to his win was slightly anemic, Vince said “SHIT SHIT SHIT, Thursday Orton wins it! Damn I knew I shouldn’t have changed EVERYTHING!” Good for Rey, but he won’t have it for long. Additionally, like I said when talking about SNME, it’s like watching a balloon slowly deflate with Kurt Angle.
Torrie Wilson def. Candance:
– Yea whatever.
John Cena def. Triple H to retina the WWE Title:
– Ummm…ok. While the crowd is split and everything, Cena is, at the very least, garnering a STRONG reaction from the fans, which WWE can work off of. I’m guessing that is the route they have chosen. While I actually thought Triple H DESERVED a run with the title, you never know what they could do tomorrow. Additionally, part of this result may have to do with a certain head writer being preggers…VERY PREGGERS…and wanting daddy to be around when baby doom is born. Just saying…oh and also, what the hell was with the “themed” entrances? That was just…weird…
Overall, like I said in the roundtable, this wasn’t the worst show ever. It actually surprised me and many in terms of quality because expectations were low. But they pulled it off…again.
Until next week…ADIOS! (Wallce…you’re fired…bring that on, bitch.)
