Obviously, every writer in the IWC has discussed WrestleMania 22, and I’m no exception. The slight twist is that I’m offering a rare glimpse of my own “fantasy booking”, something I normally avoid. I’m going to analyze the show match by match and compare the choices WWE made (many of them last minute decisions) to the way I might have booked the show.
TODAY’S ISSUE: Vin Tastic versus the WWE Creative Department at WrestleMania 22.
World Tag Team Championship Match (RAW), Champions Kane and the Big Show vs. Carlito and Chris Masters
What they did: Carlito received a nice pop from the Chi-town crowd (a crowd that would prove to be uniquely vocal all night long) and debuted a new color scheme, as did his partner, all gussied up for the big show. Speaking of the Big Show, when he and Kane came out and Kane hit his pyro, I thought for sure I’d start the night at 1-0, since I predicted a title change in this match on the Roundtable. How wrong I was! It was obvious the crowd also wanted to see the straps change hands, as they voiced heavy disappointment when Show freed Kane from the Masterlock.
Unfortunately, Kane pinned Carlito after a chokeslam to retain the gold in a short match. Although they planted a seed of dissention between Carlito and Masters following the miscue that cost them the match, it didn’t go anywhere on this night.
What I would have done: If there’s ever going to be any hope of a tag team division, those belts need to get off the lumbering oafs, and on to some wrestlers. I’d have had the rookies do anything and everything to leave Chicago as the new champs. I’d also have given them 6 more minutes to tell the story of the big monsters dominating, but the plucky youngsters finding a way to win, by any means necessary.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Interpromotional), IC Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. RVD vs. Ric Flair vs. Fit Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley
What they did: This was an entertaining spot-fest, with a few “holy shit” moments, and was a lot of fun. It served its purpose well, and the right guy won the match to boot. You can call RVD Mr. Money in the Bank, v2.0 from now on.
What I would have done: One thing: if Ric Flair needed to kayfabe an injury (and I don’t know if he did or not, but it seemed to be a storyline injury) in order to get out of the mix, then maybe he shouldn’t have been in there in the first place. However with the excitement of the match, and the correct result, I’m not complaining one bit.
United States Championship Match (SmackDown!), US Champion Chris Benoit vs. JBL
What they did: This wasn’t too bad, and I expected JBL would win. The match itself had its slow points, including JBL’s nerve hold/chinlock combo. All things considered, it was a pretty fair match, I guess. I’ll be happy with the result if it leads to Benoit reentering the main event scene, and JBL cutting a gem of a promo or two as the “New Voice of America” or something like that. More to come.
What I would have done: Can we please let Eddie Guerrero rest in peace already? I would NOT have allowed JBL to repeatedly mock Guerrero in the ring. I certainly hope Vince doesn’t develop some bizarre Bret Hart thing about Guerrero, adding Eddie’s tragic death to the list of things he just can’t leave alone.
Hardcore Match (RAW), Edge vs. Mick Foley
What they did: First of all, they let Joey Styles replace JR on play-by-play for this one match, acknowledging that Styles is more suited for the hardcore environment. I was pleasantly surprised with how this match managed to entertain. Mick hit the patented Cactus Clothesline with Lita riding on his back! Very cool. They did a nice “reverse echo” spot, as Edge introduced the thumbtacks but then took the bump into them himself, as opposed to all the times Foley’s own weapons have been used against him in the past. The “hardcore Socko” spot worked for me, and Styles’ famous call of “Oh my Gaaaahhhhdd!” was quite welcome following the flaming table spot leading to the finish. Edge’s victory was the only way to go.
What I would have done: The only thing I might have done differently would have been to make Mick fully morph into Cactus Jack during his recent barbed-wire licking promo, similar to the build to the 2000 Royal Rumble. Still, this one was just about perfect.
Bathroom Break Match (SmackDown!), Boogeyman vs. Booker T and Sharmell
What they did: They wasted everyone’s time with this one. After weeks of what could laughingly be called build-up for this match, the only thing it delivered as a payoff was a disjointed mess, proof of Marty Wright’s inability and lack of experience between the ropes, and another nail in the coffin that once was Booker T’s career.
What I would have done: I’d have allowed the WWE Tag Team Champions, MNM, to defend their championship against a good, young team (the Hooliganz, perhaps).
Women’s Championship Match (RAW), Champion Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James
What they did: Damn! This was nearly the match of the night. These two came into Chicago in the midst of a very solid storyline that makes sense, a storyline that has been allowed to develop at a natural pace. The match featured great intensity (note Mickie’s facials throughout the match – priceless!) and true ring psychology. Mickie worked Trish’s leg over for the majority of the match. She competed at Trish’s level, and seemed relaxed and focused. After the botched Strausfaction attempt heading toward the finish, they quickly improvised the Chick-Kick spot instead, keeping the integrity of the “beat her with her own hold” part of the story. Great match, and I couldn’t agree more with the result.
What I would have done: Nothing different, since this was outstanding! If they booked the tag team division this well, casual fans might start wandering back to check out the product again.
Casket Match (SmackDown!), Undertaker vs. Mark Henry
What they did: Ugh. They did nothing of note, nothing interesting, and nothing my dead uncle Vito didn’t see coming from 10 miles away. The only noteworthy part of this was Michael Cole’s HORRIFYING statement that Undertaker’s victory will place him back into the TITLE PICTURE! Let’s hope not…
What I would have done: I would have utilized the deep talent pool of cruiserweights on the roster in an invitational, or an elimination match, or a six-man tag, or something. What a waste.
No Holds Barred Match (RAW), Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels
What they did: This was every bit the overbooked, crazy brawl it needed to be. The storyline of the match was the “re D-Generation” of Shawn Michaels, as he proved he still possesses the fire from so many years ago. HBK wanted to do way more than win the match, he wanted to punish, brutalize, and humiliate Vince McMahon. He did every bit of it, and got the duke. Some were concerned that Vince might actually put himself over in this match, and with McMahon, anything is possible. Thankfully, he counted the lights instead.
What I would have done: I would have kept McMahon out of tanning salons for about two weeks leading up to the match. Is he made out of bacon now, or what? Also, I wouldn’t have let McMahon flip the bird while strapped to the stretcher. He just HAD to prove that although his body was broken, his evil spirit survived HBK’s onslaught. What an ego on that guy…
World Heavyweight Championship Match (SmackDown!), Champion Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton
What they did: These three put on a very entertaining match, and hit a few cool spots, like the double German suplex that launched Mysterio across the ring. They allowed Angle to keep his heat in defeat by forcing both Orton and Mysterio to tap out at different times in the match, but unfortunately for Angle, the referee witnessed neither submission.
What I would have done: Like the US title match, my feelings about this result are somewhat contingent upon what happens next. If this is the feel-good moment that marks the end of Rey’s journey and the end Eddie Guerrero’s name being used as a focal point of storylines, AND if Orton takes the title from Rey within two months or so, then I can agree with Rey’s victory here. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have put the belt on Rey.
Playboy Pillowfight Match (RAW), Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michele
What they did: They allowed me a chance to go lose a few beers and grab a new one before the other main event.
What I would have done: I would have given all the time from this “pillowfight” to the previous match. It seemed Angle, Orton and Mysterio were just getting going when the match ended, and a few more minutes would have benefited the trio.
WWE Championship Match (RAW), Champion John Cena vs. HHH
What they did: Well, they surprised the hell out of me and most of the IWC, I’d have to think. Not only did the King of Kings NOT regain his title here, but he actually tapped out to the STFU, marking the third consecutive WrestleMania main event championship match that HHH has lost.
What I would have done: I would have skipped the “King Conan” and “Al Capone” entrances, for starters. I also would have listened to the Chicago crowd, even if it meant calling an audible mid-match, and put the title on HHH here. Cena’s not going to be able to pull off this tweener bit he’s going for now, and he’d benefit from recreating his role as the scrappy underdog chasing the big, bad champ.
Speaking of entrances, anyone who’s unsure about which brand Vince sees as superior need look no further than the differences between ring entrances and announcements in the two main event championship matches. If you saw the show, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
WrestleMania has come and gone. WWE disappointed me a few times, surprised and entertained me other times, and performed exactly as expected the rest of the night. For any other show, on any other night, it wasn’t worth the $50 that I paid. However, as my good friend Black Jack would agree, it IS WrestleMania, the biggest show of the year. That does count for something.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
p.s. – Some numbers, like “21”, “31”, “41” et cetera, are written and pronounced in a logical way. “21” is literally the combination of a “20” and a “1”. Twenty-one. That makes sense. But what the heck is an eleven? Why isn’t the number “11” called “ten-one”?
