Great-ing Gimmicks of the Past: WCW’s Kiss My Ass Match

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This can’t end well.

Great-ing Gimmicks of the Past: WCW’s Kiss My Ass Match

History
This one started on January 29, 2001. Ric Flair had been gathering an army (called the Magnificent Seven) to take control of WCW with members like Rick and Scott Steiner, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, Elizabeth, and their enforcer Road Warrior Animal. Tonight Flair had an extra spring in his step – you see, he had a Major Acquisition to announce.

The Acquisition turned out to be Dustin Rhodes. Things didn’t work out that well, however, as Dustin trash-talked Flair until Animal came out to teach him some respect. That brought out Dustin’s backup – his father, Dusty. The Rhodeses cleared the ring and ran off Flair and Animal.

Dustin was back on Nitro the next week. After freaking out Ric Flair when he saw him on a monitor, Dustin hit the ring with a microphone in hand. He talked about how he wasn’t through with Flair, only for Flair to show up on the Turnertron and fire him.

Apparently Flair wasn’t the determining factor, however, because Dustin was back in action the following Nitro as he took on Rick Steiner for the US title. Dustin easily chased Steiner out of the ring, only for Flair and his security guards to appear. This distraction allowed Steiner to hit the ring again and pound on Dustin for a while. After he finished, security dragged Rhodes out.

Later in the night, Mike Sanders was trying to make a deal with Dustin. You see, Flair wanted Dustin to take on Rick Steiner for one good reason – Kevin Nash had grabbed David Flair and that was one of his demands. If Dustin won, he’d be reinstated (and Kevin Nash would get a shot at the World title later on). Rhodes refused and muttered about how good it was to have Kevin Nash as a buddy.

Sanders kept begging and finally Dustin agreed, with one condition – if he won he’d get another shot at Rick Steiner at Superbrawl Revenge, with the US title on the line. Sanders said sure.

The match was on next. Dustin took quick control, so Flair sent out Animal after the referee went down. Dustin easily took out Animal, but the distraction gave Steiner a chance to take control. That brought out Shane Douglas (who’d been rejected for membership in Flair’s group) who clocked Rick and allowed Dustin to get the win.

On Thunder, Dustin and Diamond Dallas Page had a tag team match against Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. Page talked about teaming with Dustin back in Florida, and they promised to win.

The match was set for the main event. Jarrett got the pin after Steiner interfered. After the match, Scott Steiner came out and attacked Page with a lead pipe. Hugh Morrus and Brian Adams ran in to try and make the save but they were cut off by Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell.

Of course, none of that really mattered, because Dustin lost his match at Superbrawl.

Jarrett decided to up the ante the next night on Nitro, as he waddled out to the ring in a Dusty Rhodes costume. The American Dweem cut a promo between bites of chicken, then gave four nameless jobbers Bionic Elbows, then fell down and couldn’t get up because he was so fat. That brought Dustin out to attack, who was then intercepted by Rick Steiner. That gave Jarrett a chance to grab a guitar and blast Dustin with it.

Jarrett took on Crowbar on Thunder. Jarrett won the match and was setting up Crowbar for the Shattered Dreams when Dustin ran out to break it up.

On Nitro, we had Jarrett and Dustin one-on-one. With Ric Flair as the special guest referee, by the way. Needless to say, much of the match consisted of fast counts for Jarrett and slow ones for Dustin. In the end, Dustin grabbed the guitar and was ready to clock Jarrett, when Flair hit a low blow on Dustin which let Jarrett hit the Stroke for the win.

Dustin was missing on Thunder, but Nitro saw Jarrett taking on Dusty Rhodes. Well, someone in a Dusty mask and costume, anyway. Jarrett picked up an easy win, and then Dustin ran out and attacked. That allowed Dusty to pull his mask off, revealing Ric Flair – who then joined Jarrett in attacking Dustin. Jarrett hit Dustin with a chair, so Dusty himself walked out and ran Jarrett and Flair out of the ring. Flair said that if Dusty wanted a WCW contract, then he and Dustin had to fight Flair and Jarrett at the next pay-per-view, Greed. The Rhodes family accepted.

Jarrett opened up the next Nitro by heading down to the ring for an interview. Dustin intercepted him, gave him the Shattered Dreams, and pointed out that he’d be kissing Dusty’s big white ass. (The stipulation had been added earlier.) Later in the night, we got both teams’ thoughts about the match.

On Thunder, Jarrett and Rick Steiner used a Ric Flair video as a distraction and attacked Page and Dustin.

Page and Dustin took on Jarrett and Steiner in the main event. Jarrett blasted Rhodes with his guitar, then hit the Stroke for the win. That brought out Chuck Palumbo, Sean O’Haire, Konnan, and Hugh Morrus to try and even the odds. And that brought out Luger and Bagwell to try and even them up again.

That brought us to Greed. We got our first glimpse of the Rhodeses as Dusty received an order of about 240 burritos (Dusty counted, not me). Dusty gloated to Dustin that his butt was going to be ready for the match later.

The semi-main event saw the Rhodeses vs. Jarrett and Flair. The stipulation was that the loser had to kiss the winner’s behind. In the end, Dustin wound up pinning Flair. So that meant that Dusty dropped trou and gave Jarrett a stinkface.

Flair was griping about having to kiss Dusty’s ass the next night on Nitro, as Dusty bragged again about putting still more burritos away. I believe that the following picture, (pictures courtesy of DDT Digest), sums up the situation for everyone else in the locker room quite well.

Finally Jarrett and Flair made their way down to the ring. Dustin came out first, then introduced his father, who brought his ass out. A picture’s worth a thousand words, so…

That’s right. Dusty brought out a white donkey with “Dusty’s Ass” written on its rear end. Dusty also pointed out that the donkey had just finished consuming about 300 burritos. Flair and Jarrett grabbed Dusty and prepared to send him into the donkey’s rear end. Dustin broke that up and both Jarrett and Flair got their faces shoved into the donkey’s nether regions.

On the next episode of Thunder (the last), Dustin opened the show by bringing out some gifts for Flair. He had chapstick, mouthwash, and a room key in case Flair wanted to have some fun with the donkey.

Flair showed up on the Turnertron in a furious mood. He swore to make Dustin’s life a living hell and made a main event of Dustin vs. Jarrett and Scott Steiner. Dustin replied by holding up the Horsemen hand sign and asking Flair what it meant. Flair said that it was the Four Horsemen. Dustin said that was wrong – it represented four words. Kiss my daddy’s ass.

The main event ended when Steiner clocked Dustin with his lead pipe and covered for the win.

And that was that. The next Monday’s final episode of Nitro didn’t have a match or even a mention of Dustin.

Analysis
Well, it’s easy to see where Vince McMahon gets his booking ideas from. The problems with this angle were many. First, Flair and Dusty had put on some classic matches. The problem was that those were about a decade in the past, and both men had lost a step or two along the way.

The Kiss My Ass stipulation is one that Vince himself would begin using later in the year. However, WCW did use an unusual way to get out of showing Dusty’s wide, wide keister on the air. Overall it was harmless, and helped to mark time as the promotion prepared to close.

Where Are They Now?
Ric Flair would remain at home throughout the Invasion storyline, returning the next night after Survivor Series as co-owner of the WWF with Vince McMahon. Flair remains with the WWE today on the Raw brand.

Jeff Jarrett and his father Jerry founded NWA-TNA the next year. Jarrett remains there today, and is currently involved in a feud with Sting.

Dusty Rhodes opened his own small independent wrestling company in Georgia called Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling soon after WCW closed. In January of 2003, he made his way to TNA, where he became the Director of Authority by the end of 2004. The following May Dusty left TNA when fit became obvious that he would soon be losing his position as head booker. In September of 2005, he made his way to the WWE, where he works behind the scenes on Smackdown.

Dustin has also returned to the WWE as Goldust. Today he works on the Raw brand, where he is currently being paired with Gene Snitsky as a tag team.

Next Week
An angle Shane Douglas wishes had never happened.