Saluti.
As always, if you have any questions about the show (background, history, etc.), or wish to share your opinions of a specific episode/character/plotline/etc, or if you vehemently disagree with one of my conclusions or opinions — please email me by clicking my name in the column title at the top of page. I’ll answer everything here in the column the next week.
First things first: if you aren’t familiar with The Sopranos, or if you need a refresher course on the history of the show (since it has been 21 months since the last episode), please read my column on the background of Tony Soprano. It concentrated on Tony’s character, but touches just about every large storyline that we’ve seen over the first 5 seasons. You should be able to find links to the recaps to the past few episodes at the bottom of the page.
From last week:
I asked if it was possible for Tony’s heart rate to be 215 bpm. Ron Motta wrote in to help out:
A few weeks ago, my two-month old son had open heart surgery to correct a defect (you’d never know it by looking at him now, though — he’s great). The first 24 hours after the surgery were awful, because his heart rate kept climbing (and yes, we saw that “tachycardia” alert flash on his monitor, too) and his blood pressure was dropping. It was the scariest moment of my life, but his heartrate was in the 210-220 range (I think it got up to 222 at one point). So, yeah, it can happen.
Damn. Thanks for writing, Ron — and I’m to hear your son’s doing great now. (I have two boys myself, 4 years and 18 months old; I can only imagine what you went through.)
Previously on The Sopranos:
- Dr. Bad News tells Carmela and Meadow that they are still “a long way from home” concerning Tony’s recovery
- Christopher and Bobby confront AJ about trying to buy a gun
- Silvio is the Acting Boss, and his asthma gets worse as his responsibilities get greater
- Sil rules that Vito and Paulie have to give Tony’s cut of a recent big robbery ($1M+) to Carmela
- Paulie complains about having to give his cut to “The Princess of Little Italy”, even while Tony is a “vegetable”
- Vito talks to Phil Leotardo about the possibility of not handing over his cut, but Phil tells he “can’t think that way”
- Carmela sees AJ on the news, and flips out on him
- Carmela goes to see Dr. Melfi, and admits she isn’t sure she’ll feel as strongly for Tony if he comes out of the coma as she does now
- Sil’s asthma gets bad enough to have him carried out of his house on a stretcher by paramedics
- Vito floats the idea of him taking over if Tony doesn’t make it
- Tony comes out of his coma, causing Vito and Paulie to rush getting Carmela’s cut to her ASAP; however, she catches the dejected look on their faces after they hand it over
- Camela to Tony: “I don’t know how you do it.”
Episode 69: The Fleshy Part of the Thigh:
Directed by: Alan Taylor
Written by: Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider
Tony is getting the dressing on his wound changed, which seems to be a very unpleasant experience (on the good side, the wood looks to be about 10% of the size we originally saw). The nurse informs him that he’ll be having surgery tomorrow to close the wound, which is “a good sign”. Once again, we get some exposition on the Ojibwe saying posted on the wall of his room: “Sometimes I go about in pity for myself and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky.” Tony, like myself, has assumed that Janice posted it there. (I’m still not 100% sure where they’re going with this saying – feel free to email me if you have a theory.) Tony: “Everybody keeps telling me how lucky I am.” Another patient rolls by: a rapper named Da Lux, who got shot seven times coming out of a club: “He’s still got all of his pancreas, though.” Tony admits to the nurse that he’s “been feeling… not myself since I came out of the coma.” The nurse suggests talking to someone, perhaps a social worker. Carmela shows up with a book on dinosaurs, and Tony tells her about his surgery tomorrow.
We meet Jason Barone, the new head of Barone Sanitation – due to the death of his father Dick (man, a whole lot of non-shooting deaths this season). Apparently, Jason has no idea of his new business’ ties to the DiMaeo crime family, since he’s questioning why Tony Soprano is the second-highest paid employee in the company. Well, methinks he’s in for a rude awakening.
Back to the hospital, Tony gets brought dinner — which he can’t eat, because of his surgery tomorrow (“It’s always something.” Nice, Tony – good to see you’re appreciating being, y’know — ALIVE.) Bobby and Janice are there, with Janice bitching about her daughter keeping her up all night crying (oh, boo hoo – welcome to parenthood; I haven’t had 8 interrupted hours of sleep in almost 4 years). In a bit of a twist, she denies being the one to post the Ojibwe saying. She leaves the room to return a cell phone call from her Nanny (“Between the reception and the language skills…”), giving Tony a chance to give Bobby shit about his choo-choo trains. Bobby tries to apologize for what happened, but Tony cuts him off, telling him to never mention Junior to him again. Tony: “You can’t hide behind this brother-in-law shit forever. You’re an okay guy, but each and every man is judged on his own merit.” Bobby has no response, other than to leave the room.
This leads to the entrance of Aaron Aarkaway – the whack-o that Janice dated a couple seasons back (You remember: “Have you heard the good news? He is risen.”) At least now, he seems capable of having a full conversation, and lets Tony know he was protesting downstairs against the firing a druggist in the hospital who refused to hand out birth control. (And if you don’t read the news – yes, this kind of stuff has been happening. This and the alleged “debate” on evolution have been two of the major hot topics for the Christian Right.) Aaron is here with the prayer leader of his church/cult/whatever, Bob Brewster. Bob tells Tony about the healing power of prayer and “accepting Jesus as your personal savior”, which Tony is much more receptive to than I expected. Carmela walks in, and seems happy about the idea of Tony praying. Her mood changes after Tony confronts Bob about Viagra and how it might relate to the birth control debate — and we also find out that Bob is at least somewhat familiar with the Bada Bing (at the very least, he knows what kind of establishment it is; an interesting development, since Bob earlier admitted to being “addicted to cocaine and strippers”.)
We get a quick view of the surgery, with a doctor quipping, “Oh my God – I just found Jimmy Hoffa.” Okay – somewhat predictable, but still funny. (And you know that joke’s been made a dozen times in real life by doctors in Jersey and New York.)
Meadow is reading the dinosaur book to Tony, when Paulie and Jason come to visit. (Jason seems more than a bit instantly smitten with Meadow – which, to me, simply proves he isn’t blind.) We find out that Jason had been working as a ski instructor prior to his father’s death. The three of them talk about Jason’s plans to sell the business to Chucky Cinelli (didn’t recognize that name at first; turns out he’s a front for Johnny Sack), with Tony and Paulie trying to convince Jason not to do anything until Tony gets out of the hospital. Tony: “Let me handle this, I don’t want to see you get hurt. The carting business – it’s a different corporate culture.”
Paulie is visiting a convent, where he sees his dying Aunt Dottie. Paulie is, of course, as clueless as ever, bringing her cannollies and some Nike slip-ons for her feet. He gets a monstrous clue-hammer dropped on him however, when Aunt Dot informs him that she was “a bad girl”: she slept with a G.I. long ago, got pregnant and had a baby. And the baby… was Paulie. His “Ma” was actually Dot’s sister, who adopted Paulie and raised him as her own.
Tony gets a visit from an attractive woman in a lab coat, who turns out to be “a utilization review expert” from his insurance company. In other words, her speciality is keeping the length of a hospital visit to a minimum. Tony, still having his wits about him, realizes this rather quickly – and the mood in room turns sour. “My bowels don’t work, I’m in pain — I just got out of surgery, for chrissake!” “Well, maybe your bowels would be working if you didn’t try to eat the sausage sandwich on 3/28.” Ooh, burn. She tries to pull the “I’m on your side” routine, reminding him that he would’ve ended up at a county hospital if they hadn’t found his insurance card “during the wallet biopsy”. Tony, in a remarkably unsurprising turn, is not amused by this phrase, or the concept behind it: “Get out of my room, you sick cunt.”
Carmela is helping Tony walk down the hallway, along with his IV setup, monitor, etc. (When coming out of major surgery like this, the staff will push you to start walking as soon as they can – found this out after my father’s recent quadruple bypass.) A call comes in from the doctor, which Carmela goes to take — leaving Tony sitting outside Da Lux’s room. The rapper is having a conversation with two men (with Tony obviously eavesdropping), whose role can be pretty easily determined by their speech: one is a friend, who has obviously been there for a while; another is either his agent or a rep from the record label, who tries to improve Da Lux’s mode by telling him that his new CD is “number 5 on the cart, arrow up”, and that his street cred has improved due to the shooting (“Which as you know, has always been something of a problem, since you had a job all those years.” — okay guys, that one was a bit much). Da Lux’s response: “Yeah, but it really hurts!”
Bobby is in another part of hospital, and overhears another budding rapper putting together some rhymes (“You guys writing a song? I always wondered how it was done.”) Apparently, Da Lux was going to produce this guy’s new album, but since his popularity has taken off (due to – yes, the shooting), that’s unlikely to happen now.
Paulie pulls up to his “mother’s” nursing home, and confronts her about the news he just got. She denies it at first, but Paulie comes back with “Don’t bullshit me! You’ve been bullshitting me my whole life!” She does admit it, and Paulie reacts pretty much like you would expect, calling her “a fraud, and a phony”, and his real mother “a hoo-er.” She tells him that she always loved him, but he simply walks away.
Bobby is smoking a cigar outside the hospital, and has a proposal for the budding rapper he saw earlier: “Maybe it would help you, if you got shot.” The guy is less than receptive, but Bobby promises it could be done in someplace easy, like “the fleshy part of the thigh. I’m a marksman!” He’s still less than convinced, however.
Paulie shows up to the hospital, and sees the priest that spent the night with Carmela way back when (I’ll just call him “Father Ziti”), who asks how Tony is doing. Paulie: “He’s in a lot better shape than those f*cking nuns you got up there!”
In his room, Tony is watching “Kung Fu”, when Paulie tells him that Phil Leotardo is visiting. Rather than meeting in the room, Tony decides to walk downstairs. On the way, he apologizes to the guy in the next room for snoring, who introduces himself as John Schwinn (not a bicycle heir), who worked at Bell Labs (Tony: “You guys invented stereo”). Da Lux rolls by on a stretcher, and Tony thanks him for giving a CD to AJ. Da Lux: “Tony Soprano? Original G.” Tony: “Yeah, whatever.”
Outside, Tony (who is actually trying to smoke a cigar) asks Phil if him being in a coma gave Phil carte blanche to try and buy Barone Sanitation. Phil blames it on Johnny, who is doing what he can to make money while in jail. Tony makes the point that he needs “to be taken care of”, since his W-2 comes from Barone (which he needs in order to avoid tax evasion charges and such), and he needs the medical insurance. Phil assures him that Johnny will take care of him, but says that Tony’s terms for the sale are unreasonable. Tony agrees to cut them down a bit.
Later in the elevator, Tony asks Paulie what’s distracting him so much today. Paulie informs him that his “Aunt Dot” just died. Tony apologizes, and asks a few questions that Paulie is obviously not in the mood to answer. T: “Are they really married to Jesus?” P: (frowning) “So I understand.” Back in the room, Christopher is waiting, along with the paramedic that brought Tony in. Tony mentions the “wallet biopsy” to him, and informs him that he has one week to come up with the $2,000 that was missing from his wallet. The paramedic protests and says he was only looking for Tony’s insurance card and just doing this job (Tony: “I heard a lot of that at Nuremburg.”). Carmela and AJ arrive, so everyone else excuses themselves. Tony’s happy to see that they arrived together. AJ says his mother apologized to him, and Carmela tells Tony that AJ got a job at Blockbuster. (So what’s the pool on how long it takes for him to get fired? Can I get 2 weeks?)
Later that evening, Tony, Paulie, and John Schwinn are watching a boxing match in Da Lux’s (rather large) recovery room. John gets into a long discussion about the “illusion of separate entities” in life, and how everything in the universe is connected, including a reference to Schrodinger’s equation. (Educate yourself – click those.) Interesting arc they ran here – they’ve already established that Tony has instant respect for anyone who thinks is intelligent, by his multiple mentions of Tony B’s 150+ IQ last season. So, having a guy from Bell Lab’s throw this out, even in this rather unexpected setting, almost guarantees that Tony will end up quoting (or very possibly misquoting) it somewhere in a future episode.
Phil informs Johnny of Tony’s new proposal, with the insistence of the W-2 and insurance. Johnny: “That selfish prick. I’m sittin’ in here, facin’ a shitstorm, and all he can think about is HIMSELF!?!” (Nice – hypocrisy is always an effective dramatic tool.) Johnny offers to let him keep his job for 2 years, 5% of the sale price… and a lease for a new. Tony, of course, does not react well to this: “He think, because I’m in this weakened condition, that he can take advantage of me?!?” Tony gets himself so worked up that he vomits – almost on Christopher’s shoes.
Jason is rowing along.. umm.. some river, when he gets a visit from Paulie and Patsy Parisi, who inform him that any loses Tony would take because of this sale will end up coming out of Jason’s profits. They also reference the fact that a ski instructor should be careful about his physical well-being – like his knees. Jason, proving that he’s still not quite getting this, says he’s “starting to feel a little intimidated.” (Well, duh.) Paulie reminds him that Tony told him not to sell until he got out of the hospital, apparently it’s now his fault. Oops. Jason does attempt to back out of his deal with Cinelli, but that’s just not happening.
Tony is looking in on a girl who arrived at the hospital recently with 3rd degrees burns on 80% of her body. Paulie’s reaction: “You wouldn’t believe the week I’ve had.” Nice. After another “what is your f*cking problem?” inquest, Paulie finally spills the truth about his mom to Tony. “Worst thing – I’m not who I am! It’s like my whole life is a joke. A big f*cking joke on me.”
We see a Barone Sanitation truck driving its route, and the driver has his young son in the front seat. Oh, damn – he’s getting his ass kicked for sure. And yup – he pulls up, only to find a Genelli truck waiting, with the driver informing him that he doesn’t have that route anymore. When the Barone driver resists, the Genelli driver (and a friend with a lead pipe) beat him rather severly.
Paulie shows up as his “Ma’s” place, where she asks him why he didn’t attend his mother’s funeral. Paulie says he hopes she “rots in hell”, and accuses his Ma/Aunt of taking advantage of all the things he’s bought for her over the years, while her “real children” never did a thing for her. He gets himself worked up enough to grab the 30″ plasma TV from her table, and toss it right around the window. (Ouch – hate to see nice electronics treated so shabbily.) Paulie storms out, and tells her that he never wants to see her again. She sits on her bed and cries.
Jason is back in Tony’s room, trying to defend himself for the beating of the driver, claiming that he had no idea what was actually involved in the business (well, yeah – we kinda all figured that one out, kid). When Jason claims it isn’t “fair”, Tony lets loose on him, telling Jason that he reminds him of his son. “Talk to the Katrina victims about fair.” Jason continues to say that his family completely kept him in the dark about all of this, but he’s getting no sympathy from Tony or Paulie.
Bobby meets up with the budding rapper, who hands over a bag of cash and agrees to “one shot, in the fleshy part of the thigh.” Bobby complains that there’s only $7,000 in the bag (he wanted 8), but agrees anyway. “I don’t want to know when it’s coming. You decide.”
Christopher is in Tony’s room, with the two of them having a short conversation on the significance of the human race in the history of the planet, when Hesh and his daughter-in-law show up. Tony asks about Eli (who got maimed in Episode 1), when Bob Brewster shows up again. Bob brings a copy of Born Again, whose author Bob describes: “A ruthless, powerful man who thought he was above the law. He committed crimes and then went to prison. And then he found Jesus, and everything changed.” Ooh, subtle. (Tony: “Yeah, so?”) Bob does a bit of damage to his credibility in Tony’s eyes when he notices the dinosaur book, and states with utter conviction that God created the earth 6,000 years ago, and people and dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time. Tony: “What, like The Flinstones?” (Again, if you don’t read the news, and you’ve had no exposure to evangelicals who translate the Bible literally – yes, there are plenty of people who think this way.) After he leaves, we get (for me) the most amusing conversation of the evening:
Christopher: “What’s he saying — there were dinosaurs back with Adam and Eve?”
Tony: “I guess.”
Christopher: “No way. T-Rex in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve would be running all the time, scared shitless. But the Bible says it was paradise.”
Hesh’s D-I-L: “You can disagree with the Evangelicals, but they’re great friends of the Jews. Because Israel is the Holy Land.”
Hesh: “You wait.”
Tony is walking with Vito, when he comes by John Schwinn’s room again. He asks again about John’s theory, and when John asks him why he’s so interested, Tony talks about his coma, He admits to remembering nothing about the dream he had while in the coma (damn, too bad – good stuff in there), but says that he remembers at the end “being pulled towards something”. John informs Tony of his prognosis: laryngeal cancer. “Yeah, I was thinking you could do me a favor, and uhhh – what’s the term: ‘whack me’?”
Paulie is waiting for Tony back in the room, and Tony asks why he didn’t go to his mother’s funeral. Paulie starts up on his speech about her, and his Aunt/Ma, and how he’s done with her too. And, in what I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes, Tony finally rips into Paulie, reminding him of how she raised him, bailed him out of jail, etc. Paulie makes the mistake of talking about Livia, and saying that “for all her faults, she never abandoned you.” This seems to be the final straw for Tony, who informs Paulie that “you go around in pity for yourself.”
Oh, here it comes – our budding rapper is walking out of a burger joint, and *blam* — down he goes. “My ass! God, he shot me in my ass!”
Back in the hospital, Carmela is talking about the package she got from Vito and Paulie last episode, and she feels “there was more there.” Tony: “Sure. So?” Carm: “Vito, especially, is somebody you should watch.” Okay, when did Carmela get blessed with powers of instant character judgment? The woman from the insurance shows up again; before she leaves, she tells Tony that John Schwin had his larynx removed.
Jason Barone’s mother comes to visit, and wastes almost no time pleading for her son: “It’s not his fault – it’s my fault. Dick and I purposefully kept him in the dark. Blame me, not him!” She tearfully pleads with Tony not to let anything happen to Jason, and Tony promises to her that nothing will. Paulie gets overwhelmed listening to her, and quickly walks out of the room – we see him in the hallway, wiping tears from his eyes.
Finally, Tony is leaving the hospital. They pause at the entrance to John’s room, who is lying in bed with a tube in his throat. After hesitating, Tony decides not to go in and say goodbye. On the ground floor, the paramedic walks up with an envelope of cash – but Tony decides not to take the money. Outside, Tony soaks in the sights, sounds, and smells – and tells Janice: “I’m supposed to be dead. Now I’m alive. I’m the luckiest guy in the world. AFter this – from now on, every day is a gift.” (Janice’s reaction: “Yeah. I’m going to get the car.”)
Back home, Carmela tells Tony that Phil Leotardo is here to visit. Tony tells Carmela that she’s the whole reason he’s still there, which she doesn’t really believe, but thanks him for anyway. Phil comes up to Tony’s room, and (after Tony puts on Boston’s “Foreplay” to muffle the conversation for any bugs that might be in the room), he makes the final offer: keep the job for 10 years, and 12% of the sale. Tony thinks about it, and agrees: “Truth be told, there’s enough garbage for everyone.” (Ooh – not a good sign: the old Tony would have never acquiesced this easy. And yeah, that Tony had plenty of panic attacks, but he also was an effective Mob Boss with the respect and/or fear of his underlings. Now? Hmm.)
Jason goes for another rowing trip, but doesn’t quite make it into the water – due to the pipe he takes to both knees from Paulie. Paulie informs the “Mama’s boy” that he’s now kicking up $4,000 directly to Paulie every month. “And if you ever mention this to Tony… [pulls out a pistol].. I’ll stick this up your ass, and pull the trigger ’til the bullets come out your eyes.”
And we go to the end credits, with an interesting choice of music: “One of These Days”, by Pink Floyd.
What did we learn this week?
– A career as a ski instructor in Deer Valley does not properly prepare you to run a sanitation business in mob country.
– Just a week after coming out of a coma, Tony is already thinking about when he can get laid again, and what kind of help (Viagra) he’ll need
– Hopefully, you did some clicky-clicky up above, and you now know more about quantum physics than you did this morning.
– Tossing the word “cunt” into a conversation, even by a guy who’s capable of using 20 different versions of “f*ck”, will always have the desired effect.
– Tony is trying to give other people a sense of perspective (the Nuremberg and Katrina comments), while really keeping none for himself, as usual.
– You can hire someone to shoot you in a non-fatal manner in New Jersey for $7,000. Breaking your kneecaps, however, is still free.
– Paulie has completely lost it. He’s dangerous, he’s going behind Tony’s back, and he’s now challenging Vito for the number one spot on the “Next guy in the crew to get whacked” list.
Next week on the Sopranos:
- Tony explains to Meadow that this experience has changed the way he thinks
- Tony tells Melfi in an unconvincing tone that “each day is a gift, and that’s the way it’s gonna stay”
- Phil Leotardo: “If he’s that weak, what else can they make him do?”
- Christopher and Tony argue about some business
- Junior, frantically: “I gotta go home!”
- Tony gets physical with somebody in his crew – but you can’t see who he’s wailing on
- “What doesn’t kill you.. makes you stronger.”
