From the UK Wrestlemania XXII
We’re in Chicago Illinois
You’re hosts are Tazz, Cole, J.R, Kingfish and Styles
Before the show starts one of the Destiny’s Child women sings the national anthem or something. I live in the UK so I fast forward.
Great video to start out showing all the main guys of Wrestlemania past and then a video hyping up tonight’s show.
World Tag Team Championships
(C) Kane and Big Show Vs Carlito and Chris Masters
Shame I missed all the build-up to this one. Apparently, something involving a door and a forklift was pretty funny. Kane and Show get some serious pyro that makes the display Mutoh got at the Fukoka Dome in 95 look like Gillbergs pyro. J.R. makes his first snafu of the evening calling this Carlito’s Wrestlemania debut when he was actually at Mania 21 and suffered a beat down from Roddy Piper and Steve Austin. Masters and Kane start out and Kane gets the better of that exchange with a dropkick. Wow he’s sure motivated tonight. Show comes in and does some pounding in the corner and a couple of open hand slaps. Man the crowd is pumped tonight. Show gets a slam and takes the direct approach of standing on him. Carlito comes in, getting a big chant from the crowd, and gets crotched on the top rope. Fans are popping for nearly everything here. Show press slams Masters and then press slams Carlito to the outside on to him. Kane even gets a top rope clothesline to them on the outside. Man I love it when these guys give a damn. Show stays in control back inside but he runs into an unprotected turnbuckle and takes a double flap jack for two. Carlito and Masters go for a double suplex but Show suplexes them and makes the tag to Kane. I’d call it a hot tag but Show was barely worked on so it doesn’t count. Kane gets a 10 punch, how often does he do that?, and some clotheslines in the corner. Kane heads up again and is caught in the Master Lock on the way down but Show saves to some slight boo’s. Carlito gets the back cracker on Kane but walks around into a Choke Slam and Masters saves. Carlito and Masters tee off on Kane but Kane fights back. Masters comes off the top but Kane dodges and Masters hits Carlito. Choke Slam finishes it after that
WINNERS – KANE AND BIG SHOW
*** – Energetic semi-squash to start out the show with some good bumping by the heels and some good stuff from Kane. Shame they took the belts off the them the next night.
Coach is backstage with Shawn Michaels. He promises to send Vinny Mac to hell
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Shelton Benjamin Vs Rob Van Dam Vs Ric Flair Vs Finlay Vs Lashley Vs Matt Hardy
Well this will be a bugger to call but I’ll try my best. Big slugfest to start with Lashley gaining the advantage. Lashley clears the ring but walks into a Shelton super kick. Matt grabs a ladder but has it kicked in his face by RVD and then RVD follows that with a body press to the outside. Shelton hammers Finlay and props a ladder up and dives to the outside onto Lashley, RVD and Hardy. Meanwhile, the senior citizens go at it as Flair knocks Finlay down and heads up but Matt catches him with a superplex and Flair sells it like the worst injury of his life. Guys help Flair to the back as RVD drop toe holds Benjamin onto the ladder but he moves on the Rolling Thunder and RVD hits it spine first. Lashley sets up the ladder and makes his way up but Benjamin stops him and they slug it out and Benjamin goes for a sunset flip but Lashley holds on. Hardy and Finlay help out and finally Lashley gets bombed down. Benjamin and Finlay go at it in the corner and Matt comes over and has a ladder thrown at him by Finlay. Finlay destroys everyone with the ladder at which point Flair comes back and they slug it out in the aisle. Seriously, Flair Vs Finlay would be awesome. Anyway Flair tries the ladder again but gets pulled down by Hardy and Benjamin. Flair clears the ring and makes a break for it but Finlay nails him with the stick thing and goes for the briefcase but Benjamin follows him up. Lashley knocks the ladder over and gets the Dominator on Benjamin. Lashley makes a climb but RVD dropkicks him off. Lashley looks really uncomfortable on the ladder and fair play to him so would I. Hardy sets the ladder up and gets the AHHHHHHH leg drop from the top of the ladder and makes a climb but Finlay pulls him off and takes a Side Effect off the top of the ladder for his troubles. Then to make his night worse RVD gets a splash off the top of another ladder onto him. Big ECW chant goes up for that. RVD makes a climb and Benjamin comes out of NOWHERE from the apron to slug it out with him. matt tries to grab the briefcase while the two brawl but Benjamin stops him and goes at it with him allowing RVD to knock them to the outside and get the win. BIG pop for that.
WINNER – ROB VAN DAM
**** – Not as good as last year but it was against some stiff competition. Still there were some pretty damn good spots in there and Finlay earned his pay check taking some bumps people half his age wouldn’t do.
Josh Matthews is with Mean Gene and Randy Orton crashes the interview and says he’ll win the title. Batista crashes THAT interview and says that he’ll be back very soon and will win his title back.
They have the Hall of Fame ceremony thing but Bret isn’t there due to the promise he made that he wouldn’t be on WWE TV again. I know he wants to be seen as a man of his word but the fans really want to see him. My God Verne Gagne is still alive? Speaking of which BIG “Eddie” chant goes up when Chavo and his widow Vickie come out. Nice to see how much people cared about him even now 6 months after he died. We’ll never forget
WWE United Sates Championship
(C) Chris Fucking Benoit Vs JBL w/ Jillian Hall
Lock up to start and that leads to a slugfest in the corner and JBL goes to a side headlock. Benoit pushes out of the headlock and goes for the cross face early but JBL fights him off so Benoit head butts him but JBL goes back to the headlock. Benoit counters that by going to a leg lock and pounds away with some forearms. Benoit gets some stinging chops in the corner but runs into a boot but arm drags him and goes for the Sharp Shooter. JBL kicks him off and bails and uses Jillian as a distraction to set up an eye poke. Back inside JBL clubs at Benoit and boots him in the face. JBL gets some stiff shots in the corner but misses a splash and gets German Suplexed for his troubles. Benoit heads up but gets crotched and JBL mocks Eddie Guerrero. Damn you Benoit doesn’t need this cheap stuff to get heat JBL. We’re seeing the devolution of JBL as he’s going back to cheap heat tactics in lieu of actually trying to draw heel heat on his own merit. JBL goes to the three amigos but Benoit fights back but runs into a big boot for two. JBL goes after the spine and goes to the nerve pinch. They’re in that for a long time. Benoit finally back drops out of it and mounts a come back and does his version of the Three Amigos and heads up for the Swan Dive for two. Man that move was beautiful. Benoit ducks the Lariat but JBL uses the ropes to block the German’s. Benoit counters the lariat again with the cross face but JBL rolls through and grabs the ropes for the three count
WINNER – JBL
**1/2 – Benoit tried to get it going but JBL just slowed it down with all the rest holds.
Hardcore Match
Mick Foley Vs Edge w/ Lita
Edge brings a baseball bat to start but Mick dodges that and hammers away with some rights and a face crusher. Edge is strung up in the tree of woe and takes an elbow to the face for his trouble. Edge gets a right hand and tells Lita to get him the dreaded metal cookie sheet. Edge wears him out with that and then dropkicks a road sign into his face. Edge preps for the spear and gets it but then falls to the floor in pain. Foley removes his flannel to show he was wearing barbed wire around his waist. Now THAT’S some smart thinking outside the box stuff. Edge is bleeding from his shoulder and Foley whips him with it and rubs it on the wound. Dude that’s SICK. Foley wraps Edge in the ropes and then goes outside where he gets Barbie out from under the ring steps. Lita climbs on Foley’s back so Foley gets the Cactus Clothesline sending all three to the outside. Again that’s brutally original I love it. Foley gets two from a neck breaker on the floor but is hip tossed onto the steps in another sick looking spot. Edge, the caring person that he is, then throws Foley into the steps and Foley takes the bump with extra mayo. Edge then sets a table up on the outside and lays Foley on it but Foley rolls off so Edge slams his head onto the ramp for two. Back inside Edge grabs some lighter fluid and starts putting it on Foley but Mick fights back and gets a pulling piledriver for two. Foley grabs a cookie tray and tries the con-chair-to but Lita provides a distraction and Edge gets the DDT on the cookie tray for two. Edge grabs Barbie and it’s time for some sick shots with that. Foley gets busted and has the wire rubbed along his face. I’ve seen matches in Japan where that’s been 10 minutes of the match right there. And no they weren’t any good. Edge gets frustrated as Foley keeps kicking out so he goes outside and sprays some thumbtacks on the mat. Edge tries to slam him on them but Foley gets a back suplex instead. Foley pulls out Mr Socko and to give it that little extra edge he wraps it in barbed wire. Both Lita and Edge get that and Lita bleeds for added effect. Foley regains control of Barbie and busts Edge open with it. Edge is bleeding a gusher so Foley of course rubs the wire in HIS face. Foley grabs the lighter fluid and sprays it on the table but Lita nails him with the baseball bat and sets the table on fire. Edge then spears Foley through the table. FUCKING HELL! SICK SPOT MAN!!! Obviously, that ends it for Edge
WINNER – EDGE
**** – Awesome match with some really inventive stuff and an INSANE finish. Put the title on EDGE NOW. Edge continues to bring the awesome by selling the injuries all the way to the back and twitching like the situation deserves. Foley gets a big standing ovation as he leaves too and he earned that one
Then in the moment of the night Booker T and Sharmell talk about all the freaks being attracted to them so of course they walk down a corridor filled with Burchill, Million Dollar Man, Eugene, Gene Snitsky licking Mae Young’s feet and then Goldust dressed as Oprah. Basically they all tell him to find his inner freak so he can win. Booker isn’t impressed with their advice.
Booker T and Sharmell Vs Boogeyman
Booker gets the advantage to start and hits all his trademark moves but Boogeyman no sells it all and makes out with Sharmell with worms in his mouth. Ugh that’s just gross dude. Anyway Boogeyman finishes it soon after with a choke lift slam. Absolutely atrocious on all levels as it wasn’t even funny bad. I don’t even get the point of the feud anyway if only to show how funny a double team act Booker and Sharmell can be.
Women’s Championship
(C) Trish Stratus Vs Mickey James
Wow Mickey gets the monster babyface pop. I bet people see things from her view, I mean sure she was clingy but she loved Trish and saved the title for her numerous times. Lock up leads to Mickey getting some slaps in so Trish hammers her with some forearms and a thez press. Trish kicks away in the corner and does some chops as well. Chops don’t work on women for obvious reasons. Trish hammers Mickey and sends her outside. This is some nice bumping from Mickey. Trish misses a kick and hits the ring post. Mickey sends her leg into the post again but gets hit with some forearms. Big slugfest ends with Mickey going to the leg and then DDTing it for two. Nice. Mickey stays on the leg and works it over in the corner. Got to love psychology in a women’s match. Mickey goes to the half Boston Crab and does some screaming to show she’s insane and all. Mickey does the old “rest the leg on the ropes and then stomp it” spot which looks nasty and the fans are very behind her. She goes to the leg again with a strange lock where she rests the leg on her shoulder and Trish counters that with her head scissors. Trish does some more forearms and gets booed. Clothesline leads to another and she fires off a spine buster for two. Crowd popped big for that kick out. Trish goes for a splash in the corner but takes boots to the chest and Mickey heads up. Trish goes for the Stratosphere but Mickey catches her leg and drops her leg on the top and the fans go insane. Wild reaction there. Trish gets a fluke inside cradle for two and gets a Liger Bomb for two. They’re pulling out the good stuff tonight. Trish does the matrix move but Mickey goes low to counter the Bulldog but walks into a big forearm. If this was a Misawa match that would be a near fall but because it’s a women’s match Mickey kicks her leg out and Trish lands on her knee. That was cool. Mickey goes for the bulldog but screws it up so kicks her for the win instead.
WINNER – MICKEY JAMES
***1/4 – Wow that was one of the most physical women’s matches they’ve had in ages. Soundly worked, good psychology and the right person went over. You’ll receive no complaints from me.
Time for the McMahon family promo as Vince prays to God. First line “God you don’t like me and I don’t like you”. Shane and Stephanie’s look at each other when he says he has a Herculean physique makes the promo. Vince basically says he’ll win and he’ll send HBK to hell
Casket Match
“The Worlds Most Boring Man” Mark Henry Vs Undertaker
Slugfest to start with Henry slowly pounding away but he runs, well more like slowly walks, into a big boot and Taker does the old “try to clothesline the fat ass down” spot and of course that ends badly with him getting choked. Taker takes the fight outside where Henry no sells getting sent into the ring steps. Henry does some more choking and finally Taker mounts a comeback with some right hands and heads up for Old School but gets brought down and the boring pounding continues. Henry has a casket attempt but that goes nowhere and Taker starts another comeback. After some arm work Taker heads up and finally gets the Old School and Henry still doesn’t sell. Henry and Taker both end up in the casket and Henry pounds away but Taker starts choking him. Yay more choking just what this matched needed! Henry gets a power slam and stupidly goes for a cover. He tries to roll Taker in to the casket but Taker fights back. Henry continues his boring and slow offence but makes the mistake of trying a 10 punch and gets Last Rided down. Taker throws Henry outside and gets the flying no hands plancha which is still on of the coolest moves he does and that finally gets a reaction out of the crowd. Back inside Tombstone ends it as Henry is easily rolled into the casket.
WINNER – UNDERTAKER
½* – For the high spot. Hopefully that will end the Mark Henry push
No Holds Barred
Vince McMahon Vs Shawn Michaels
Vince poses next to a picture of him on a magazine to start so HBK comes outside and beats the living shit out of him even knocking J.R. over on the commentary table. The “We Want Bret” chants start up but he isn’t here because he’s a man of his word no matter how much we want him to appear. Got to respect him but I wouldn’t think any less of him. Michaels hits Vince with the picture and starts jawing with him. the Spirit Squad show up and beat him down but Michaels is able to fight them off. That leg drop Ken Doane does is awesome I should add. However, after sending them outside Vince clotheslines Shawn down. Vince does some pounding in the corner and some choking for added measure. Vince whips and chokes Shawn with a leather belt but Shawn fights back and grabs the belt himself and does what everyone from Ted Turner to Ultimate Warrior has wanted to do and whip him like a dog. Shawn gets a slam and heads up with the elbow and it’s time to tune up the band! However, Shane makes his run in and nails Shawn with a kendo stick and produces some handcuffs. This would have been the perfect time for a Bret Hart run in but that’s not happening. Vince pulls down his pants for Shawn to pucker up but Shane ends up taking it and Vince takes a low blow. That’s so f*cking Freudian. Shawn sends Shane outside and handcuffs him to the ropes. Shawn then wears Shane out with the kendo stick. Shawn gives Vince a MAN SIZED chair shot to bust him open and goes for a super kick but changes his mind and pulls a ladder out. Vince takes a ladder straight to the temple and Shawn gets some more weapons to wear Vince out with including some trash cans. Shawn sets Vince up on a table and heads up the ladder but again changes his mind. He goes outside and gets a BIGGER ladder and then puts a trash can on Vince’s face. that’s just mean. After some crotch chopping Shawn drops the elbow and then finishes him off with the Sweet Chin Music.
WINNER – SHAWN MICHAELS
** – As a match it was all melodrama but it was fun to see Vince get beaten up if anything else. Vince flipping the bird on the stretcher is a nice touch.
World Championship
(C) Kurt Angle Vs Randy Orton Vs Rey Mysterio
Rey has P.O.D sing him to the ring. Orton nails Angle with the belt to start and hits Rey with a big dropkick for two. Angle comes back with a some multiple German’s and in one awesome spot German Suplexes both Orton and Rey at the same time. Orton gets the O-Breaker for two but runs into a belly to belly suplex. Angle sets Randy up top as Rey attacks him then in another neat spot Angle throws Rey up who brings Orton down with a rana. Angle gets another suplex for two on Orton and clotheslines Rey for another two. Rey gets the mother of all kicks in on Angle for two and gets some boo’s from the crowd. Oh that’s not a good sign. Rey goes for the 619 but Angle catches him and locks in the ankle lock. Rey taps but Orton distracts the ref so he doesn’t see it. Angle and Orton slug it out with Angle winning that with another suplex. Angle keeps suplexing both guys and Angle Slams Rey outside. Angle gets the ankle lock on Orton and he taps but Rey distracts the ref this time. This match has been all Angle thus far. Rey breaks the ankle lock with a springboard leg drop on Angle for two. Fans booing Rey is very unsettling. Rey gets sent in to the turnbuckle should first and goes for the Angle Slam on Orton but Orton flips out with an RKO for two. Orton stupidly heads up top and that ends badly for him as Angle gets the pop up suplex. Rey misses the 619 but gets it on the second attempt and gets the seated senton for two. Orton comes in with both guys down and sends Angle outside and gets his gut wrench neck breaker for two. Randy preps for the RKO but Angle comes out of nowhere with the Angle Slam for two. He goes for it on Rey but Rey arm drags out and gets the 619 and springboard rana on Orton for the title win
WINNER – REY MYSTERIO
**3/4 – Man I can’t believe how short that was. Hopefully they’ll have a better one when Orton gets back from his suspension. Rey gets a babyface reaction when he wins and he celebrates with Chavo and Vickie like he should seeing how much Eddie did in legitimising him in their feuds. Rey’s celebration really makes the belt look like it means something.
Playboy Pillow Fight
Like I’ll review this. Torrie wins by something I can’t be bothered to call
WWE Championship
(C) John Cena Vs Triple H
They openly say that they expect Triple H to get cheered because of the “old school” (i.e. smark) audience. Both men have amazingly pretentious entrances with Triple H coming out on a throne and Cena coming out with a machine gun. CM Punk has a blink and you’ll miss it appearance two dressed as a gangster. That new song “Bow down to the king” certainly is a tune to say the least but that Conan get up looks ridiculous. They do the ring introductions in the ring to give this the big match feel. J.R. immediately throws in the football references. I wonder how long it will take for him to say “Smash Mouth”. Lock up leads to a Triple H headlock and he out wrestles him to a pop from the crowd. Lock up again leads to Triple H going to the arm and kicking Cena away to another pop. Fans start the “Fuck You Cena” chant. Jesus Christ are we in the f*cking Bingo Hall or something? Triple H continues to dominate Cena as the fans continue to cheer him. You know the rebellious part of the fans have been doing this for three years now and just putting him in there with Cena this was begging to happen. Cena finally loses it and takes HHH apart with some right hands and a back body drop for two. Cena gets a cool 3 handled credenza for two and goes to a chin lock. HHH powers out but Cena fights back with more right hands. HHH takes the Flair bump over the top to the outside. Cena stupidly follows and takes a thumb to the eye but blocks a piledriver on the floor with a back body drop on the steel ramp. Back inside Cena continues to punch away but he takes a high knee and the crowd go nuts. Triple H pounds away on Cena and chokes him. Cena is sent shoulder first into the steps and HHH gets a cover inside for two. Triple H gets a vertical suplex and a knee drop to the head for another two. They really should have just had Cena heel it up here instead of playing him as the face continuously. Triple H gets a mega lariat for two. Seriously, Kobashi Vs Triple H would be awesome simply for the intrigue factor alone. Triple H gets a neck breaker for two as Cena starts another comeback as the fans continue to show him no love. Triple H goes to a neck vice staying on the head and upper body weakening it for the Pedigree. And people wonder why he’s getting cheered? Fans always get behind winners and Triple H is just that a winner. Marks respect him because of how much he wins and smarks will cheer him over Cena because they know he’s the superior worker of the two. Triple H goes to the side chin lock but Cena powers out and gets some shoulder blocks in the corner. Triple H runs into a lariat from Cena then in a seriously surreal moment they have a slugfest with the fans going “BOO” “YAY” after each punch. Cena gets the Proto Plex and goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle but Triple H pops up with a spine buster and the Cena haters REALLY like that. Cena makes the Ultimate Warrior comeback with the shoulder blocks but HHH gets the sleeper but Cena suplexes out of that and gets the shuffle. Cena locks in the STFU right in the middle but HHH makes ropes. Cena goes for the F-U but Triple H throws him into the corner and bumps the ref at the same time. Crowd know what’s coming now as Triple H gives him a crotch chop to a HUGE pop. Of course it’s Sledgehammer time and Cena fights him off but HHH nails him and gets the cover for only two. The fan reaction here is just amazing seeing half the arena happy the another half furious. Cena counters the Pedigree and gets the F-U for only two. At this point the rebellious portion of the crowd are going crazy. Wow what an atmosphere. Cena goes to the top and of course misses with a cross body but he’s able to counter the Pedigree with another STFU and after holding on for a considerable amount of time HHH taps
WINNER – JOHN CENA
*** – HHH carried him like a pro and the crowd reaction really had to be seen to believe. They really should have let HHH have his moment of glory here because God knows it’s been a while and it’s not like Cena is a guy like Booker, RVD or Batista who needs the rub from beating HHH.
The Inside Pulse
Wow well that show pretty much entertained me all the way through. On the Wrestlemania scale it’s probably somewhere around the middle area but just as a pay per view it was a damn good 4 hour show. It needed a Triple H title win to send all the fans home happy but besides that all the right guys went over. I can recommend this one.
