Welcome back to ringside everyone. Before we start I must ask Mark Neeley, where is my John Cena autograph? THE CHAMP IS STILL HERE!
News & Shit
Saturday iMPACT! Rating: 0.6
Yes, the rating was down. Of course it was down you retards. No matter how good of a show TNA put on (and they tried, they really did) they were going to be outdone by Bret Hart and Eddie Guerrero under the circumstances. TNA tried their best as they featured a 4 Man X Division Match and Sting but they didn’t stand a chance. I honestly don’t think that anything TNA put on was going to be good enough. Hell, it could have been Styles vs. Daniels vs. Joe in a Iron Man Match, and it still wasn’t going to beat WWE on this night. The second Bret Hart and Eddie Guerrero were announced, no matter how bad the speeches were (and boy did Bret’s suck), WWE was going to win out on this night. Good try by TNA, but we all saw this coming (and if you didn’t, you’re a “TNA Sheep” according to Neeley).
Hey look, Samoa Joe gets a DVD
So the line up for Unstoppable: The Best Of Samoa Joe was released. Will I buy this? No, I will torrent it because that’s how I roll. The better question is, why does Samoa Joe have his own DVD already? He’s been with the company since June and he’s accomplished a lot and everything but his entire DVD set is nothing but PPV Matches and Impact Squashes. I own every TNA PPV, if I want to watch The Best Of Joe, I’ll just watch his matches on my PPV DVDs. TNA should have put out another Best Of Styles DVD, Best Of Abyss, or Best Of Jarrett DVD. All three of those men have played huge roles in the company since the early stages. Those DVDs should have also features matches from the 2 Hour PPV Era, not just the 3 Hour Stuff. I understand that TNA wants to get away from the NWA name and they didn’t start that until they went to 3 Hour PPVs, but a lot of great moments happened during the weekly PPVs, don’t let us forget them.
Joe vs. Daniels vs. Styles…Again
No, you want see this match on PPV, Impact, or on DVD. Hell, you probably won’t even see this match period. Guess what, I will. TNA has once again teamed up with UWF to put on a house show in Farmville, Virginia. Now Farmville is a nice 3-hour drive away from Raleigh, and I plan on making that drive. I’ve never seen Joe, Styles, or Daniels live, now I get to see them all in one match. Also on the card, Christian takes on Abyss, another match that should be very good. Styles vs. Joe vs. Daniels, unless you live in Orlando and have seen this match 3 times, eat your heart out.
THROW HIM THROUGH THE TV!
You know what really sucks? When somebody comes to your house and kicks your ass. It’s not as bad if you get beat up at school, in a parking lot, at the park, ect… But when somebody takes the time out to come to your house, just to beat your ass, that sucks. Now I know that wrestling is scripted and that if Abyss really attacked Christian at his house, he would have thrown him through the TV. Still, when you get your ass beat in your own house, that sucks. This whole storyline with Abyss and Christian is good and bad at the same type. It’s nice that they’re doing some different with this storyline and that Alex Shelley is involved but when the Champion hasn’t appeared at the arena since Destination X, you can tell it’s just a “transitional feud”. They’re getting Abyss out of the way for Christian and then they’ll probably move Jarrett back into the title picture and back into a feud with Christian.
Lets say TNA has some common sense though. How about after the Christian/Abyss feud, you move Christian into a feud with somebody like AJ Styles. That way people get a dream feud of sorts and AJ moves away from the X Division, allowing others to get a push. Christian wins their match at Hard Justice and then moves into a feud with the still unbeaten, Samoa Joe. That’s right, Joe vs. Christian heading into what PPV? Slammiversary, which would also be the anniversary of Samoa Joe in TNA. Then you put the title on Joe on the anniversary of Samoa Joe. Then everyone is happy that Christian got a very good title run and even happier that the belt is on arguably the best wrestler in the world.
Speaking of Samoa Joe, he faces Christopher Daniels on the first Thursday Night episode of Impact. This has bad booking written all over it. Ok, it’s Daniels vs. Joe and we can expect a good match but here’s the problem. Joe is facing Sabu at Lockdown and Daniels is facing Liger for the X Division Title. Having Joe beat Daniels for the X Division title makes no sense at this point because Sabu isn’t that “X Division type guy” and Daniels vs. Liger doesn’t have as special of a meaning without the X Division title on the line. So here’s the problem, does Daniels beat Joe on a TV Show? Smart money would say no, but what other options do you have? A run in finish is the most likely scenario but that in itself is lame. I really don’t want to see two guys battle it out on the premiere episode of Thursday nights and then end it in a DQ. When you have two good wrestlers on such a big night, you don’t job them out with a DQ finish. You let them go out there, dazzle the new audience, give them longer than the World Title Match at Wrestlemania, and end it with a clean finish. So TNA is in a dilemma in my opinion: They either have Daniels end the undefeated of Joe on TV and not on PPV, they give the belt back to Joe less than a month into Daniels run, or they piss me off and end it in a DQ.
Oh, don’t get me started on Team Jarrett vs. Team Sting. Ok, so we know it’s Jarrett, Steiner, and AMW vs. Sting and 3 others. If you believe mic time on Impact, then Styles, Killings, and Rhino will team with Sting. If you believe me, then Luger, Killings, and Rhino will team with Sting. Of course, Styles > Luger but what’s the shock value in having the teams already announced. Then again, what’s the shock value in Lex Luger coming in to hit a clothesline and botch a torture rack? If they bring in Luger and they keep Steiner, please for THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP THEM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. If you’re dying for a transcript of that match, here you go: Suplex, suplex, clothesline, suplex, clothesline, clothesline, suplex, clothesline, Steiner recliner, torture rack, run in finish. Eat your heart out work rate freaks.
Why the hell are Team 3D and Team Canada continuing their feud? Team 3D got screwed out of the belts at Final Resolution and have yet to get a rematch. How retarded is that? Instead of facing the champions, they face the team that screwed them over a million times. They beat them at Against All Odds and they beat them in the Cage Match…YET IT’S STILL CONTINUING. It’s retarded booking at its best folks. It also shows that TNA’s tag division is no better than WWE’s. Sure TNA has AMW, LAX, Naturals, Team 3D, Team Canada, and The James Gang. But they use them all so badly that it makes them no better than the teams in WWE. James Gang and LAX have been feuding for over a year now (dating back to when Kip James entered TNA and started the rift in 3LK), Team 3D and Team Canada have been feuding since Team 3D entered TNA, The Naturals have been up and down the card, and AMW is taking on whatever is thrown at them whether it be real teams or throw together teams.
Come on, I have to mentioned WM
So Wrestlemania came and went and here are some quick thoughts on the show by yours truly:
*Why didn’t they just put the titles on Carlito and Masters? Maybe the WWE Tag Division is worse than TNA.
*Shelton Benjamin owns you. Everyone bumped well in this match and kudos to everyone in it. A face winning it sucks though as a face being the good guy that he is, will most likely announce when he wants the match instead of using it at random like Edge.
*I am “uncomfortable” with mentioning the no show by Bret Hart
*JBL looked sluggish and this Eddie shit needs to stop. Benoit tried to carry it, but failed.
*Edge vs. Foley was sick. I’m glad they used the Flaming Table spot and I don’t have to call shenanigans on WWE. Sick match and awesome spots.
*Black on Black Crime sucked.
*Mickie and Trish might have been the best WWE Women’s match of all time. Ending blown spot aside, still a great match. And Trish sold the leg injury better than Taker has sold his entire career.
*Taker vs. Henry sucked. Everyone marking out of Taker hitting the suicide dive, shut up. He’s done it before.
*Michaels and McMahon was sick. My favorite match of the night and Vince knows how to take some abuse.
*The World Title Match was like 9 minutes, shows you were Smackdown stands in WWE. Rey is more or less a transitional champ (in real terms, not in WWE terms)
*It really shows you were SD stands when the “Pillow Fight” was on after the World Title Match.
*If Cena was really “gangsta” wouldn’t he have just shot Triple H?
*CM Punk was the best part of the Main Event.
There you have it, a TNA perspective of the Main WWE Show.
YouTube Match of The Week
Ok, you get no match this week. You get Eric’s least favorite entrance and the best part of the Main Event:
This will be the only time you see CM Punk in a WWE PPV Main Event, so enjoy it.
The E-Mail Bag
Yes, it’s back because I got some e-mail worth putting in the column.
My dear Mr. Lambert:
Two points, really:
1) The chances of the Impact Zone Crazies starting up a “You Killed Liz” chant when Luger’s in the ring would be at least 75%. They’re a pretty smarkish audience, after all (although how that explains Lance Hoyt is beyond me). What the hell happens if that occurs? How the hell is Tenay going to sell that? We all know that West is going to go totally silent, so it’ll be up to Tenay to do something. If he tries to blow it off ala Ross, he’s going to lose a lot of respect from the IWC and the general audience. Given the intimacy of the venue, this would end up worse than Brock/Goldberg. I’m certain that TNA has this in mind, and would avoid signing Luger under any consequence, even with Borden’s begging. However, you have to remember that when Savage had his cup of coffee in TNA, Jarrett wanted to bring in Luger to feud with Savage using Liz as a basis for the feud.
2) Thank you for bringing up the point you did with Neeley about shows being skewed when you have to form an opinion on them. I went through this identical discussion a couple of months ago. Before he came on board, Murray was one of my Raw Regulars. When he wanted to go to Wids and Fingers to do a column, he told me that he wanted to do it from the perspective of the “average fan”. I told Steve that he wouldn’t be able to do that. Once he started writing, his perspective would change from that of “the average fan” because of the fact that he was now forced to express an opinion, and that opinion would, by necessity, differ from that of the readers. At first, he didn’t understand what I was trying to say, but then he thought about it and the light came on in his head. He asked me what to do about it, and I told him, “Just be yourself. Your opinion is perfectly valid. If it doesn’t match that of the ‘average fan’, so what?”
Maybe I understand this better than most writers because there’s actually scientific theory behind it, something that I was studying twenty years ago at exactly this time. It’s the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which in its most basic terminology, can be summarized as “the act of observing disturbs the observed”. The closer we look, the more we deviate from the “mean” result. Whenever I blow off something, I know that my perspective changes. I ended up watching Impact on Tuesday, and all I could say was “Thank God I didn’t have to write anything about this.” Our watching these shows takes on an aspect of obligation that most viewers don’t have, and we by necessity have to spot places for praise or censure that mere viewers don’t, and then we have to express them for the benefit of the audience and get them to understand what we’re trying to point out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We have to accept that. Which means that I won’t be pummeling you over the head about the main event of WM17, so be thankful for that.
Eric
Yes, it is THAT Eric.
On his first point, he’s right. The TNA crowd will be all over Luger for one reason or another. As for Tenay, he’ll always have my respect because he has to put up with West on a weekly basis, that takes a lot out of him I’m sure. As I mentioned earlier, if they pair Steiner and Luger together in a match, it will be worse than Goldberg/Lesnar, 100 times worse.
On his second point, HA, I win Neeley. But Eric is right. His opinion, Neeley’s opinion, and my opinion are all correct whether it differ from the “average fan” or each other. An opinion can’t be wrong, it can just differ.
Thanks for not crucifying me over Flex/Wifebeater.
Plugs
Instead of plugging people and telling what they talked about. Here’s a list of people who gave their opinions on Wrestlemania:
The End
Gone until next week and when you read next week’s column, I’ll be watching Joe vs. Daniels vs. Styles. Drop me a line at AMPLine4Life@aol.com and join me next time At Ringside.
