So this is what happened.
It was country night. Ew.
And there was Kenny Rogers. Double Ew. But he was fine. Though he could give Joan Rivers a run for her plastic money.
The thing with the themed weeks is that it unfairly separates certain contestants from others.
Imagine “Hard Rock” week, or “Michael Jackson” week or “R&B week”. Pretty obvious who will deliver and who’s gonna go home, huh? It’s all a matter of timing of the weeks. I was actually surprised at a few things: Ace. One of those things that Simon said in the auditions “sometimes you make up your mind before you even open your mouth”. I had pretty much picked him to go. And he was the biggest surprise of the night. And Bucky. Thought he’d be in his cotton picking element… and he sucked.
Onto the recent happenings:
My love for Simon was gleaming this week as he hates country music, too.
The funniest thing was that Chris Rock, Whoopie Goldberg and Rachel Bilson were in the audience on country night. What a hoot-inanny.
It’s apparent that Chris and Ace are roommates. They have been sharing clothes, (with Bucky sneaking in a tee or two) song artists, and stylings. They both chose Keith Urban songs, and both Chris & Ace chose to take it down a few and pull up the romantic chair and sing directly to me. Mmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmm. It’s like dippin’ an Oreo in a cold glass of milk. I have never heard these songs before and I’m praisin’ the Lord above (with a little help from Mandisa) that there was no banjo or twangy-boot-scootin-itchy-scrachin’-heart in either of their songs. Amen. Praise the Lawd Jesus Christ Almighty! Oooh. I’m a little indulgent.
Taylor – Country Friggin Road
The joke is over, Taylor. You’re a tool. You made Kevin Covais look like a star. By far the worst of the night. But since you have some sort of brainwashing machine on the nation, your Soul Patrol has not only kept you out of the bottom 3, but you probably got the most votes of the night. Ugh. So bad. There’s got to be a show called Vegas Idol or Crusieline Idol that you can sign up for.
Mandisa – Any Man of Mine
Our beautiful diva is gone. Then again this is country and not her forte. And all of this God and religion hype… didn’t the country bumpkin who won last year sing “Jesus take the Wheel”? I don’t know country music, so I don’t know what this song is about… but unless it’s something like “Aw, Jesus… can’t somebody take the wheel?”… she’s preachin’ the praise, too. Let Mandisa sing about the Lord if Carrie can sing about Jesus.
Elliott – If Tomorrow Never Comes
Once again. Elliott right on. However, there is something a little too dull about this karaoke pro turned Idol wannabe.
Paris – How Do I Live
She’s so cute. But did sound a little off. I think my favorite with her is that she’s got great style, a great wig collection, and great wardrobe. You never know what she’s gonna wear or how long her hair is gonna be. I want to see her with a mullet wig.
Ace – Tonight I Wanna Cry
I was ready to not even vote for you, Ace. I was ready to break up and then you send me a dozen roses. We’re back together like one of those on again off again couples like Kim & Marshall Mathers.
Kellie – Fancy
This girl proves why I don’t like country music. It’s the stereotype that propagates stupidity and idiotic lyrics. Lost mah girlfren’, lost mah job, corn ain’t growin’ this season’, what’s calamari and saLmon? And her ho-down dance moves. Ugh. But the sad thing is that Kellie sang it well, she’s cute as a button and has a crazy mad fan base. Not to mention a place in Simon’s heart.
Chris – Making Memories of Us
Can do no wrong. Almost made me like a country song. I’ll even let you sing this at our wedding, too!
Katharine – You’re Bringing out the Elvis in Me
Will someone fire her stylist? She’s getting a little to cocky for my taste and possibly America’s. I think she’s losing her fan base and ultimately the competition.
Bucky – Best I Ever Had
Poor Bucky. He wants to wear his cowboy hat so badly. No, Buck, you don’t look hot like the Marlboro man… you look like you’re gonna be outta here in no time. Y’know, just because it’s country night doesn’t mean you get out your Sunday best and saddle up. I don’t recall you wearing a poodle skirt on 50’s night.
Next week is Queen. Let’s see if Miss Cleo can get some of the songs right.
Ace – Somebody to Love (George Michael covered it and there’s a great falsetto at the end) or most definitely Bicycle Race / killer queen falsetto/ Barcelona: falsetto/ opera = his parents were opera… he’s falsetto… not a popular song. / Heaven for everyone (sounds like GM) Basically most songs are good a good fit for Ace. Guaranteed quote from the week from the judges: “Ace this is your week to shine”
Chris – Under Pressure / We will rock you
Elliott – crazy little thing called love/ We are the champions/ killer queen
Taylor – Fat Bottom Girls (he’s such a tool)/ Crazy little thing called love/ Flash (although it’s all falsettos = Ace), Radio Ga Ga
Bucky – We will rock you/ I’m in love with my car (stupid enough to resemble a country song)
Katharine – I want to break free/ I want it all/ The show must go on
Paris – Don’t stop me now/ You’re my best friend
Kellie – You’re my best friend/ Tie your mother down (has enough of a country twang)
Leaving us: Bucky
It should make for an interesting week. Please let it be better than the past 2!
