Welcome to InsidePulse’s Live Coverage of TNA Impact. After a hard rating last week due to WWE HOF, TNA returns with Sting on the mic this week. As a quick note, TUF3 is going to be a great lead in for TNA when they move to Thursday. I just watched the show (and I watched it when it originally aired on Thursday) and it’s awesome. If everything goes well, this could work for TNA. Now lets get ready for TNA Impact. New stuff in italics.
We begin with a recap of the Abyss/Christian feud followed by the TNA Impact opening video.
*Abyss vs. AJ Styles:
-Somebody tell me why in the hell this match is opening show.
-Also, Abyss needs a good squash right about now to continue to build him as a title contender…he’s not going to squash AJ.
-Tenay says this is a PPV quality match, yeah on paper it should be on PPV, if you give it 5 minutes then it only deserves Impact. Please give this a good 10-15 minutes.
-AJ starts with the duck and kick strategy
-Holy hell, on Thursday night, Joe vs. Daniels and Sting wrestles. Talk about going all out.
-Hurricanrana by AJ.
-AJ takes a page out of the Alex Shelley playbook and bites the hand of Abyss to excape a chokeslam.
-Press drop by Abyss
Commercial
-Mithcell calls for the….DOOMSDAY! of AJ Styles (If they made a shirt that said “It’s Time For The….” on the front and “DOOMSDAY!” with a detonator on the back, I would buy it in a heart beat.
-AJ escapes the Black Hole slam with a leaping kick
-Springboard forearm by AJ
-Abyss transitions the Styles Clash into the Shock Treatment, eat your heart out Kane, Taker, Show, Dalip, and all others random WWE big men.
-Abyss goes for a middle rope splash but misses
-PELE PELE PELE DON WEST MARKS OUT LIKE HE’S NEVER SEEN IT PELE HE HITS HIT OUT OF NOWHERE
-AJ goes to the top but Mitchell trips him with the cane
-Abyss gets the tacks from under the ring
-We cut to the back and…THE CHAMP IS HERE
-Don West calls a tire iron a crowbar. Christian gives Abyss a gut shot with the tire iron.
-Christian chases after Abyss and Mitchell. Security holds Christian back.
*Winner – Nobody
Christian accepts the match with Abyss at Lockdown, like we didn’t see that coming. Christian asks Abyss if he’s prepared to die…because he is. YOU SEE, MY COLUMN TITLE ALL MAKES SENSE. WHY AM I NOT SHAWN MICHAELS PARTNER AT BACKLASH!?!?!?!
Team 3-D spouts off at Team Canada, yeah, it’s the same promo you’ve heard for the past 2 week from these 2. Brother Ray hints at ANOTHER 6 Sides Of Steel Match at Lockdown against Team Canada. Didn’t we just see that the other week?
Commercials
Blah, now its time for the arm wrestling match with Konnan and Bullet Bob. Seriously, give this storyline up. Unless it leads to Low Ki coming in, it’s going nowhere very very fast. This will probably be worse than those stupid Diva arm wrestling contests WWE used to have. Since this is a complete waste of time, I’ll rant on whatever I feel like ranting on right now. I’d like to see Homicide take on Cena in a Street Fight. Why? Because Cena tries to be so “gangsta” while Homicide (according to Joe and Punk) is a true “gangsta”. The James Gang and Homicide get tossed out, wow, more waste of time. See, they could have just had Konnan slam Bullet Bob in 3 seconds, win, and given another 5 minutes to Abyss/AJ. Of course Konnan does the whole “lock up, pull away act”. OMG I’M SO ENTERTAINED. Some dude named Hernandez attacks Bullet Bob from behind. Who in the hell is Hernandez? He’s not Low Ki so I really don’t care. Thanks for wasting my time TNA.
Commercials
Borash is in the office of Zybsko. Zybsko announces Daniels vs. Liger at Lockdown. Why is Mark Johnson getting a bigger push than half the X Division? Mark Johnson says that TNA Management is bringing in a new guy.
*Diamonds In The Rough vs. Shark Boy & Norman Smiley
-Tenay and West show pictures of the White Sox beating up Simon Diamond. “They must have the same iPod, TNA management has” I really don’t see what an iPod has to do with this but whatever.
-It’s jobbers vs. jobbers….WHAT A CONCEPT!
-No wait, Steiner and AMW come out and beat the hell out of Smiley and Sharky. YOU SEE THIS NEELEY! DO YOU SEE THIS! SHARK BOY DOES ONE INTERVIEW WITH YOU AND SCOTT STEINER GETS TO SUPLEX HIM AROUND! IT’S YOUR FAULT!
-Steiner throws the one move he knows how to throw, so much talent.
-Steiner expands his moveset by putting Smiley in the Steiner Recliner
Commercials
*Alex Shelley vs. Roderick Strong vs. Chase Stevens:
-So Strong is back while Aries continues to sit out
-Oh, winner of this match is the last member of Team US for the World X Cup
-If anyone not named Alex Shelley wins this match, you’ll hear about it in the next column
-Shelley goes for a slingshot dive to the outside but misses
-Shelley goes for a slingshot dive into the ring…but misses
-Strong hits a sweet backbreaker variation on Stevens
-Shelley and Strong hit some awesome combo moves on Stevens
-Seeing as how Shelley and Strong are dominating Stevens, Stevens will win this match.
-Shelley leaps off the top but Stevens catches him with a dropkick on the way down
-Yakazu kick by Strong on Stevens
-Whiplash by Stevens on Strong
-Wow….Tenay announces an arm wrestling match at Lockdown with Konnan and Bullet Bob. They can’t be serious about this shit
-Strong Hold by Strong, Shelley hits the shining wizard to break the hold.
-Shelley hits the Sliced Bread #2 on Strong for the win.
*Winner – Alex Shelley
Commercials
Are you ready? BECUASE IT’S SHOWTIME FOLKS!!!!! If he doesn’t pick Killings, Rhino, and Styles, I’ll be shocked. Sting came back to wrestling because…he loves wrestling. No wonder he went to TNA and not WWE. Bitterness is a silent killer than only kills people, philosiphy by Steve Borden. Scott Steiners suplexs get rid of ring rust according to Sting. If that’s the case, Scott Steiner should start throwing out suplex left and right to Randy Orton. Sting says he will announce his team…on Thursday night. Sting challenges Jarrett for a one on one match on Thursday night. Do I smell Bait and Switch? Well, here comes Jeff Jarrett. But it’s not just Jarrett, it’s team Jarrett. Here comes Rhino, Killings, and AJ leading a charge of random TNA workers.
End Show
