The NeelDown iMPACT Zone
– First off, a very special update on my partner and yours, Jed Shaffer, whose wife gave birth to the long awaited twins yesterday! Everybody be sure to give him a bunch of congratulation e-mails, if you haven’t already.
– This is the first time I’m watching Impact after missing the episode from last week, due to the apartment I was at in Chicago not getting Spike. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything great, with the Hall of Fame ceremony on and everything.
– From Orlando, Florida
– Hosts are the two annoying babyface commentators
AJ Styles v. Abyss
Styles jumps him to start and gets the textbook dropkick then a ranna which Abyss sells nicely. Chokeslam is blocked by a bite but Abyss gets a palm thrust and drops him flat. After the shitty Spike commercials, we’ve got Abyss in control. It must be the leather Jim Morrison like slacks. Styles counters the Black Hole and gets an enzigiri and headscissors then springing forearm for two, but falls victim to a Torture Rock, but he gets the rope. Rarely do you see THAT in an opener. Abyss tries a crossbody from the top … and misses. Pele Kick hits, but Styles gets crotched on the top due to Mitchell and gets tossed. Abyss gets the tack bag as anticlimactically Christian arrives with a tire iron. Of course this is TNA, so somehow the fully capable referee doesn’t see it. Anyway, the match I guess gets thrown out. **
Winner: No Contest
– Up next is the continued suffering storyline that is the LAX against Bullet Bob Armstrong, with the Armstrong v. Konan arm wrestling contest, which Hernandez interrupts when Armstrong is about to win. Ah, and here I thought Konan was going to cleanly win and or lose.
Jobbers in the Rough v. Shark Fuckin’ Boy & Normal Smiley
I kind of find it comical that TNA rants and raves about the whole White Sox-Diamond deal yet the White Sox were at WrestleMania. Anyway, onto the jobbers versus jobbers match where Steiner (in Shawn Michaels shirt rip-off of a cross with heart on it, like the awful tattoo) and AMW attack as Jarrett talks about how West and Tenay make him sick. Well, Jeff, you’re not the only one. That one gets scratched too, I guess. Well, at least we should have an actual winner in the X cup qualifier -*
Winner: No Contest
– Oh great, Poison has a greatest hits record out. Apparently, since I stopped caring, not that I ever did, they covered We’re An American Band. I bet Grandfunk Railroad was absolutely thrilled.
– Smiley fell as Steiner’s next victim and is stretched out. Oh man, no Xplosion opener for him next week.
Alex Shelley v. Roderick Strong v. Chase Stevens
This is a world X cup qualifier. Strong and Stevens go back and fourth and Stevens gets a lariat for two. Shelley adds a spin kick to Stevens and chokes him out. Strong helps by adding a backbreaker for two. Shelley completely misses an ass stom, but gets a moonsault anyway, which gets two on Stevens. Stevens fights off the double team but gets dropkicked by Strong for two. Spike TV Casino Cinema is apparently more important than this match, or at least DW thinks so, which is sad. Stevens continues to fight them off but gets superplexed by Strong. Shelley turns on Strong and gets a Shurani, Sliced Bread #2, Dudley Dog and gets the win. About time Shelley went over, although I’m kind of thrown off track since Shelley and Dutt both got two chances to qualify, oh well. **1/2
Winner: Alex Shelley
– Main event time: Sting blabbers about how he loves TNA, ect. I think a “boring” chant started up, or maybe it was a “Goldberg.” WCW is dead, guys. Team Jarrett heads out but every TNA face comes out to defend Sting, so they back away.
End of show.
The NeelDown: A fairly solid effort this week, though most of the matches were just feul for the ongoing Lockdown feuds, as two of the matches got scratched due to run-ins. Replay might be worth a catch. Don’t forget to write.
