The Velocity Report


No special opening this week, it’s Velocity, of course there isn’t.

Opening Contest: Simon Dean verses Gunner Scott
Scott gets a rather extremely dead reaction, you’d think a victory over Booker T, being OVW Champion, and the Chris Benoit segment would have done something for him. Oh well. “Simon Sucks” chant starts us off, and some technical lock ups start us off, with Scott having to release when Dean gets to the ropes. Lock up and Scott gets a hammerlock, Dean goes behind and locks in a hammerlock as well which is reversed by Scott who sends Dean out of the ring. Scott brings Dean up onto the apron, but Dean gets a shoulder to the gut. In the corner Scott gets a dropkick to the gut, before nailing a fireman slam, drop toe hold, and a small package into two. Backslide pin for one. Dean gets a low kick in and whips Scott into the corner, before going up top and hitting with an elbow for two. Dean kicks away on Scott and gets him up to his feet, Scott reverses an abdominal stretch attempt with a school boy which doesn’t get a count, and Dean nails Scott with a double axe handle. Bow and Arrow variation by Dean, and Scott escapes it and follows up with a failed sunset flip attempt, which allows Dean to nail a Surfboard Facebuster for a two. Dean misses an elbow, and Scott nails some punches into Dean followed by a running forearm. Clothesline by Scott, elbow to the face, and clothesline in the corner. Dean runs off the ropes and into a Belly to Belly for the victory.
Winner: Gunner Scott

Kind of weird ending, not to say it was abrupt, everyone watching knew it was coming, but it was still weird. Well, I really liked this match none the less, pretty good by Velocity standards. Seven out of Ten.


JBL / Chris Benoit Cage Match Recap.

Commercials. I finally saw Robot Chicken . . And I am in love with it.

WWE Rewind: the Kendrick verses Nitro (or, as known to me, Twink Porn) match from SmackDown.

Second Contest:Orlando Jordan verses Adrian Lynch
“Jordan Sucks” chant starts us off. Lynch work the arm, but Jordan gets a hammerlock and attaches a headlock, before going behind again with the hamerlock and taking Lynch down to the mat. Lynch gets a headlock on Jordan, which leads into our irish whip moment where Lynch comes out top, nailing three hip tosses into a no count pinfall, followed by a clothesline from Jordan. Swinging neckbreaker by Jordan, which the fans even cheer for. Jordan locks in a rear choke hold, which Lynch begins to fan favorite out of with elbows, off the ropes and back into a kitchen sink knee by Jordan. Jordan nails some forearms to the back of Lynch’s neck and locks in another rear choke hold, and Lynch begins to get another fan favorite escape using the crowd ever so subtle “Jordan sucks” chants, Jordan sends Lynch into the ropes and comes back with a Small Package, which doesn’t even get count, big boot right into Lynch’s face. Jordan sends Lynch off of the ropes and back into a Spinebuster, following up with the Fame-Asser (or, Ouser, whatever you prefer . . Romero calls it a Scissors Kick. Dumbass) for the victory.
Winner: Orlando Jordan

You know there’s a problem when a Velocity squash goes on for about five minutes. Bland, long, and boring, but I’ll be nice because I kind of liked the beginning. -Two out of Ten.

Commercials. By the way, for those that give a damn, we get TNA Pay Per Views starting in May. I expect them to fail yet again.

Recap of Daivari and The Giant Khali interviews.

Third Contest: Vito with Nunzio verses Chris Guy
Vito still has terrible fashion sense, and even gets some microphone time and eventually says that 2006 is going to change for him. It’s April. Douche. Vito starts off with a Clothesline, then begins punching the heck out of Guy. Vito locks in a sleeper hold, before slamming Guy down while still using the sleeper hold (no, it’s not the Sleeper Slam, it was done differently) and keeps it locker, before just slamming Guy down using the hand. Leg drop by Vito for a two, and Vito reapplies the sleeper hold. Guy gets some elbows and punches to the gut, goes off of the ropes and reverses a kitchen sink with a school boy for two, but is meet with a big boot. GREAT Spinning Inverted DDT gets Vito the victory.

Lately Vito has been doing one or two watchable things, which isn’t what he’s become known for. This was by no far good, but I’ve always been a fan of extremely long applied submission holds, and I loved Vito’s finishing DDT. I’ll be generous then, and only five it a -One out of Ten.


Recap of Angle / Orton from SmackDown. I loved this week’s episode of SmackDown.


Main Event: Kid Kash and Jamie Noble verses Scotty Too Hotty and Funaki
I cannot be arsed doing the ‘By Gawd’ bit today, so I’ll just put extra effort into writing this bit. And Kash looks a bit gay today, though not as gay as Animal or MNM. Noble and Hotty start off, Noble goes behind and turns Hotty around into a snapmare for a one count. Noble takes Hotty down with a hammerlock and gets a pinfall out of it for one. Noble shoves Hotty into the corner, and Hotty slams Noble’s face into the turnbuckle for a ten count, Noble stumbles back into a punch by Funaki, and a punch by Hotty sends him down. Tag out to Kash, who runs right into a hiptoss by Hotty, and Hotty tags out to Funaki who comes in with a double axe handle to the shoulder of Funaki. Kash and Funaki nail each other with arm drags, which Funaki wins, but Kash gets a knee to the gut and tags out to Noble. Irish whp by Noble, Funaki kicks Noble in the chest and tags out to Hotty. Hotty in with a clothesline, punches Noble down, dropkick to Kash, and Noble gets a kick to the gut of Hotty. Noble sends Hotty into the corner, but Hotty reverses it and Noble ends up in the corner, and Hotty looks to be going for the Bulldog – but doesn’t get Noble, instead, knocks Kash off of his corner’s apron, which gives Noble a chance to attack Hotty. Noble throws Hotty out of the ring, where Kash slams his arm against the steel steps, back in the ring Noble stomps on the shoulder, nails a few punches, before sending Hotty shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Tag out to Kash. Kash forces his knee into the shoulder of Hotty in the middle of the ring, and continues to work the arm, but Hotty gets up with punches to Kash, but Kash knees Hotty in the gut. Hotty sent into the corner, Kash runs after him, but Hotty moves and Kash slams into the corner. Tag out to Funaki. Funaki jumps over the top rope with a crossbody on Funaki, punching Noble and Kash down, atomic drop to Noble and Enziguri to Kash, bulldog to Noble! Knee to the gut of Kash in the corner, Funaki attempts the Tornado DDT but Kash throws him off and Noble nails a clothesline. Clothesline attempt by Noble misses Hotty, who runs off the ropes with a elbow to Noble. Kash attacks Hotty from behind, and Funaki rolls Kash up getting a two count before Noble nails a leg drop to the standing Funaki (not as weird as it sounds), Superkick to Noble by Hotty, Kash throws Hotty out of the ring, Funaki goes for a backslide on Kash, but Kash escapes and nails the Dead Level for the victory!
Winners: Jamie Noble and Kid Kash

The more these two teams work together, the more enjoyable they become to watch. While this wasn’t as good as their previous matches, it was certainly a massive improvement in terms of working together, much like Sharmell and Booker T on SmackDown these four no mesh together. Six out of Ten.

Gunner Scott verses Simon Dean: 7 / 10
Orlando Jordan verses Adrian Lynch: -2 / 10
Vito verses Chris Guy: -1 / 10
Kid Kash and Jamie Noble verses Scotty Too Hotty and Funaki: 6 / 10
Velocity Saturday 15/04/06: 10 / 40

Happy Easter, for those that do the Easter Celebrations. Until SmackDown, Ciao y’all.