Smack YOU! Smackdown Review Good Friday 14th March 2006

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We’re in Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen bay Wisconsinnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Your hosts are Tazz and Cole

They show a crown and throne in the ring for the KOTR and Booker T and Sharmel show up. You known I really don’t like the idea of them having individual matches on a different show as the whole point of the KOTR is that it’s a one night tournament where endurance is just as important as talent. I mean just look how the babyface finalist is almost guaranteed to pick up an injury at some point in the night to build up tension. Booker gloats about the restraining order but then complains about losing to Gunner “Something” last week. He says he’ll prove in KOTR that he’s the best wrestler in the company and reads out a list of superstars who won. Sharmel says he was born to be a king and that no one can beat him in the tournament. He asks everyone to bow to the king and goes to try on the robe and crown. Laughably the crown doesn’t fit him properly. Man outside of matches heel Booker is hilarious. Shame his heat segments are exhaustively boring. Anyway Lashley interrupts the proceedings by spearing Booker and slowly making his way to the back.

Johnny Nitro w/ Melina and Mercury Vs Spanky w/ Paul London
Nitro gets a knee to the gut to start but Spanky gets some clotheslines and sends Nitro onto the apron. Nitro lands on his feet from a Spanky suplex attempt and throws him throat first into the middle rope and goes to the chin lock. Nitro throws Spanky outside where he’s double teamed by Melina and Mercury. Nitro gets cocky and misses a charge in the corner and eats a missile dropkick. Spanky gets a cool looking face crusher and a spinning heel kick to the face. Spanky goes up top but is thrown off by mercury for two. London suicide dives Mercury and Spanky gets a victory roll out of nowhere.


*1/2 – Wow who’d have thought it Spanky gets two consecutive wins on Smackdown?

Burchill is backstage and laughs his arse off when he sees Regal in drag. We don’t see yet. Oh no we’ll have to come back after the commercials to see that

“The Rated Argh Superstar” Burchill Vs Rasheed Brown
Lady Regal of course makes his/her debut. It was funnier when he was a drag queen. Anyway Brown soon ends up on the wrong side of a C4 and that ends things.

Kristal is with Kurt Angle. Angle congratulates Mysterio and blames Orton for the loss. He says he’ll take all his anger out on Orton tonight in the KOTR

They do a classic KOTR thing showing highlights of the awesome looking Bret Hart Vs Bam Bam Bigelow final from 1993. I’ve seen Bret Vs Bigelow before but not that individual match

Matt Hardy Vs Animal
Matt should really upgrade to AMD Sempron 64, not only is it faster than intel but it’s future proof. Sorry I work in a PC shop and I’m still in sales guy mode. It’s hilarious some of the idiots you get in places like that. One time someone came in complaining that their printer wasn’t working and demanded a refund. Do you know why it wasn’t working? There wasn’t any f*cking ink in it and they didn’t know. There was another time that a guy came in saying that he’d downloaded porn off the internet and it had f*cked up his PC so he wanted us to fix it. We were like sure for 70 quid so he ended up getting someone else to do it. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to buy stuff like that. Oh yeah the match! Matt gets it with the Twist of Fate after an uneventful scuffle

They show a video telling the story of Rey’s title win.

Recyclus is backstage saying he doesn’t endorse Miz and they show another Miz video

WWE United States Championship
(C) JBL w/ Jillian Hall Vs Chris Fucking Benoit
Before the bell Teddy Long shows up and makes this match a cage match. JBL isn’t too pleased obviously. Benoit wastes no time laying into JBL in the corner. JBL protects himself from the cage and gets some right hands but Benoit fights back. JBL goes to escape the cage but Benoit pulls him down and knocks him off. Benoit makes a break for it but JBL back suplexes him down to stop that. JBL gets a swinging neck breaker but Benoit shrugs it off and gets a snap suplex. Benoit goes for a Sharpshooter but JBL kicks him off and gets a short arm clothesline before dropping some elbows. JBL punches away in the corner and makes an escape attempt but Benoit stops him. Benoit is playing the unstoppable pissed off crippling machine here which he was BORN to play. They fight up again and after some shared head butts JBL throws Benoit off and tumbles down himself. JBL tries the Three Amigos but Benoit stops him a dos and tries the Sharpshooter but JBL fights him off frantically. JBL does some mount punching but Benoit goes to the arm bar and hammers that mother. JBL rolls away but Benoit gets the real Three Amigos and heads up with a big Swan Dive going just over half the ring. Benoit goes to climb again but JBL recovers and Russian Leg Sweeps him to the mat as we go to a commercial


We’re back with Benoit trying to climb again but JBL grabs his ankle and then gets a fall back electric chair drop for two. JBL tries a sleeper and locks it in but Benoit fights it and gets a back suplex to counter it. JBL goes for a short arm clothesline but Benoit counters that with some German Suplexes. However, he runs into a big JBL boot and is out. JBL tries to climb but Benoit just catches him and tries to German Suplex him off the top. Benoit actually gets it too! That was awesome. Benoit makes a break for the door but Jillian tries to slam it on his face. The ref stops that but Jillian slams it anyway, hitting JBL by accident! Benoit slaps in the cross face and JBL is tapping but Jillian distracts the ref. JBL uses a low blow and just sneaks out of the door to win.


*** – It was basically the Wrestlemania match in a cage with some inventive spots. Benoit is wasted as JBL’s job boy however.

More classic KOTR. This time Austin’s win in 96. I can understand omitting Mabel’s win but ignoring Owen Hart’s win wasn’t very fair.

They show clips of Daivari’s freak attacking Taker from last week. Apparently, he’s called The Great Khali. Daivari tries to put the new guy over saying Undertaker is no more etc. Fans start chanting “USA” showing a total lack of imagination. Is it me or is this guys left hand longer than his right? He gets on the mic and basically sounds like an Asian Giant Gonzalez.

The Gymini w/ Simon Dean and A-Trains music Vs The Mexicools
Psicosis and Jesse start out and that doesn’t go well for him. Crazy gets hammered as well. Psicosis gets beaten on for a while but finally makes the hot tag to Crazy, who is still getting good reactions, who’s the house en feugo. Gymini do the switch for lack of an original idea and gets a T-Bone Exploder Suplex for the win. Basically a squash

KOTR Opening Round Match
Kurt Angle Vs Randy Orton
I’m surprised they haven’t hyped the fact Angle has won the KOTR yet. I mean he did win it in 2000 after all and they’ve just decided to ignore that for some reason. And when is this supposed suspension for Orton meant to start? I mean here he is still getting a big push on TV wrestling in high profile matches. Man I want WWE to hire and suspend me, I could make a mint. Orton tries to use Angle’s anger to his advantage but that doesn’t work and Angle destroys him and throws him outside. Angle clearly couldn’t be a Jedi. Orton kicks Angle into the turnbuckle shoulder first and works it over with some stomping in the corner. Orton stays on the arm and upper body but Angle rolls through a sunset flip and tries the ankle lock but Orton kicks him away. Orton gets a big dropkick for two and goes back to the arm and shoulder. Orton turns that into a chin lock but Angle fights back. Orton gets a elbow and a falling arm bar for two. Orton locks in a top wristlock as the commentators finally mention that Angle is a former KOTR winner. Orton knocks Angle outside and tries to suplex him back in but Angle suplexes him out instead. Back inside Angle gets the Rolling German’s and goes for the Angle Slam but Orton flips out and gets the O-Breaker for two. Orton stalks Angle for the RKO but Angle somehow counters that with the ankle lock and locks the legs and that’s all. Angle won’t release the hold to start but finally does, then he goes back to it. Ah this could be the excuse for Orton’s disappearance.


** – Angle goes back AGAIN for more ankle lockage because he’s a psycho and all and Orton actually gets some slight sympathy heat from a portion of the crowd. Not much but it was audible.

Man this weeks show was really bad. All the matches save a couple were squashes and the angles weren’t up to much either. First pretty bad Smackdown in a while.