The Crucifix

AIM
Sometimes when there is little to nothing to write about I take the initiative to CREATE something for you readers. This week you get the chance to witness me arguing with Matthew Michaels, a puny little soul, over whether or not the brands should merge. He thinks they should stay apart…I don’t…on with the show!

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: The brands should merge because having two brands is the height of stupidity. Everyone knows that they aren’t truly separate. Everyone knows everyone loves each other and having “Snickers Cruncher, Raw and Smackdown present…” is stupid and dumb and boring.

MM: That isn’t an argument for putting the brands back together.  It’s an argument for ways WWE should do a better JOB of keeping them separate.  For example, there should be NO mentions of RAW on SD or vice versa, unless it’s made clear that it’s a “paid advertisement” or there’s a storyline that crosses brands (i.e., someone from SD showing up on RAW w/o explanation).  That being said, they should also do a much better job of making RAW vs. SD moments “feel special.”  Last year from Summerslam through Armageddon was overkill to the point where this year’s Rumble and Money in the Bank weren’t as “special” as they should have been.  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse:
Wrong, they should just end the charade and merge the brands. A 4-year-old blind kid with two fingers and a broom handle could figure out that this whole thing is bullshit and needs to be ended. WWE should focus on making ANGLES special, not “interbrand moments”. Think about it. You have “Wrestlemania Moments”, not “inter promotional moments”. WWE is the company that let the WCW flop like a goldfish out of water (which is tons of fun to watch, btw); you think they could actually make this believable?

MM: Absolutely.  I take you back to the beginning of the brand vs. brand feud, with Bischoff as RAW GM and Stephanie as SD head.  Brock signing a SD-exclusive deal; Bischoff showing up at the Chuck and Billy wedding; the Unamericans all moving over to RAW; the Scott Steiner free agent war — ALL were fun moments and/or interesting television.  They made it overkill, and had to slow down…  and then they built things up to a very special HBK vs. Angle feud for last year’s Mania.  Then they went overkill again.  All they have to do is find that happy medium, and it’s a home run.  Plus, your point about “even a four year old knows it’s fake” is irrelevant, unless you want to argue that WWE should only feature shoot fights.  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: WWE should only feature shoot fights! And to counter you, there was no beginning to the “brand vs. brand” feud. WWE EXPECTED us to believe it happened and sheep like yourself bought into it. Bischoff as Raw GM would’ve happened with or without the brand split, it was only a matter of time. If you think Steph McHottie was fun to watch, I’ve got the Brooklyn Bridge for sale. Chuck and Billy’s wedding was ridiculous and not exciting. The only cool thing was Bischoffs make up. To bunch two things together: NOBODY ever gave a shit about the UnAmericans or Scott Steiner. Now that “special” HBK vs. Angle feud could have been built without any inter-brand stuff because it’s not like they were fighting for Smackdown or Raw pride. It was all about them. Last I checked they weren’t walking to the ring at Wrestlemania with a SD or Raw shirt on carrying their “brands” flag.

MM: The match was special because if HBK and Angle were both on the same brand, they’d have likely wrestled each other 10 times before Mania.  But hey, if you really wanna watch four hours a week of HHH and The Undertaker, be my guest.  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: HHH and The Undertaker are the two best athletes in WWE. I would HAPPILY watch them for four hours a week

MM: Touche. DONE.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060417/od_nm/sex_future_dc_1 <--- Only way MM can get a date! HAHAHAH!
Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: No…we are not done. I will not drive off a bridge rather than deal with your torture. Give 5 reasons why the brands should stay together. (If you watch a certain show, this is a message.)

MM: Ugh.  Arguing with GRUT is so much more fun.  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: Well f*ck GRUT and f*ck you panty girl…state your five bitch

MM: FINE.  1. The shows are on two different networks, and they’ve already had reported problems promoting Saturday Night’s Main Event on UPN.  

2. Even though every “young star” hasn’t been as successful as Cena or Carlito, with only one roster, there’s less room for wrestlers on TV, and less will get a chance to shine…  thus four hours of Taker and Hunter.  

3. Separate “competing” brands makes for easy storylines when they need something to make a PPV or a moment “special.”  

4. WWE makes more money with two brands, two sets of PPVs, house shows, touring rosters…  and if WWE makes more money, that’s more money for the wrestlers to make, and when wrestlers make more money, they’re happier, and when they’re happier they perform better.  

5. Two brands = two writing teams, and even though it all goes through Vince and Steph at the end of the day…  any creative group has ups and downs.  For the most part, during the couple of years they’ve had two brands, even if one show sucks, the other is much better.  I’d rather that then it all sucking.  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: Thank you for participating. While you suck and so do your reasons, it was a pleasure doing business with you.

MM: Anytime I can pleasure you or your readers…  

Dan Hevia, Master and Commander of Inside Pulse: You know you pleasure me whenever I say so.

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Now, you can see I won that battle. The brands should merge because:

1. It’s stale. It’s basically an outrageously long angle that they have run and it is now boring.

2. They can still have more PPVs and more house shows.

3. They wouldn’t have to lie to the shareholders every conference call and say “It’s working”

4. When someone dies, it doesn’t send a whole brand into upheaval.

5. Dan Hevia doesn’t like it.

So again, I win, MM loses and I will see you f*ckers next week. Adios!