The Lost Art of Heeling it Up

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LET’S HEEL IT UP!

Thanks to everyone who sent feedback last week! I continue to be impressed by the variety of interesting opinions people have about the whole Wankster vs. Conan the Son in Law saga. The feedback, as it so often does, has led me to the topic of this week’s columns: Does anybody know how to play heel anymore?

If you’d like to contribute to this (or any other pertinent) discussion, here’s the link: mr.gordi (at) gmail (dot) com

COOL HEELS SUCK

As I’m sure you already know: Wrestling’s most recent boom period was largely fueled by the emergence of cool heels on the US scene. The nWo in WCW and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the WWF, became the most popular wrestlers in their respective promotions while doing pretty much the same things that had made them hated as heels. Largely by doing so, they made wrestling cool again. It was something unexpected, something largely new, and something that everyone probably enjoyed greatly at the time.

The problem is, pretty soon everybody wanted to be a cool heel. That’s the way it is in wrestling, as it is in most pop culture. People love to jump on bandwagons. At one time, every young wrestler wanted to be a Road Warrior. We saw how that turned out. A couple of years ago it seemed that every young wrestler wanted to be a high-flying pretty boy. That’s worked out pretty well for TNA. I’d guess that in the 1920s everyone wanted to be the next Farmer Burns or something. Now, with the advent of Samoa Joe and Necro Butcher and the return of Finlay, I’m hoping for a generation of wrestlers who want to be tough, ugly, ass-kickers.

Sometimes copycatting works out well. Chris Benoit did in fact grow up to be a modern version of the Dynamite Kid. Hulk Hogan took Superstar Graham’s concepts to the next level. The Boogeyman has obviously been watching his Jack Brisco tapes very carefully.

Most times, though, people are better served just being themselves. It’s hard to come up with a bunch of great examples, because most of the wrestlers who tried too hard to be something they’re not ended up fading away into a well-deserved obscurity. Chloe, for example, should just accept that she’s never going to be the next Mathilda.

My major complaint this week, however, was going to be that far too many wrestlers on the current scene are wasting everybody’s time and energy by trying to recreate the magic of the early Attitude Era.

In short, Randy Orton is not The Rock, John Cena is not Stone Cold, Edge is not Beaver Cleavage, and HHH will never be Ric Flair, no matter how hard WWE “creative” tries to convince us otherwise.

I was all set to go off on a rant about how, since everyone wants to be a cool heel these days, the true art of playing a pro wrestling bad guy has been lost forever.

Then I sat down to think about it, and I came up with this:

Half a Dozen Great Heel Performances From the Past Year or So That Just Popped Into My Head When I Actually Sat Down and, You Know, Thought About It For a Second:

Eddie Guerrero, vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. SmackDown 6/23/05: Well, hell yeah, Eddie never forgot how to really be a heel, probably because the “cool” part came so naturally to him that he never needed to fake it in the first place. He needed to be a great heel here, since he was working on continuing his program with Rey, and there was no way that the overly melodramatic storyline they were working with was going to generate any heat on its own. So, Eddie stands on his former best friend’s head, and draws some real boos leading into what would be an outstanding series of matches.

Jimmy Rave, ROH Steel Cage Warfare 12/3/05: Rave was a completely annoying little dickhead throughout this match, from alternately sneering and whining at the fans, to running from Roderick Strong like a coward, to attacking people when their backs were turned, to bumping like a rag doll, to tapping like a little bitch, Rave heeled it up like it was 1979. I don’t think it was a fluke, either, since Rave had a similar performance against AJ Styles in their 7/23/05 Street Fight.

SUWA, vs. KENTA, Pro Wrestling NOAH 9/18/05: I already posted a YouTube of this match in a column a few weeks back. (By the way, if you go to YouTube and search for Inside Pulse, a whole ton of great matches will come up).

Here’s why you need to see this: SUWA threatens the geriatric legendary ref Joe Higuchi, tears up the proclamation that Joe was reading, uses a weapon, gets disqualified, and still goes on to wrestle a match that would warm the heart of any wrestling fan who enjoys seeing someone get kicked, really hard, straight in the crotch.

Finlay, vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. SmackDown 3/20/06: I’ve been watching tons of Finlay, Regal, and Benoit matches the past couple of days, and I know I’m not the only one. I am not as devoted a fan of Finlay’s wrestling as many of my internet friends, but I have never had the slightest difficulty in accepting him as a legitimate badass who genuinely enjoys hurting people. That’s an important quality in any heel, and it’s on full display here as he kicks the snot out of Rey, then traps him in the ring apron and kicks the snot out of him some more. Even better, Finlay sells like a champ for Rey’s big moves. That’s something that too many would-be badasses don’t get. They’re so busy trying to get themselves over that they forget that the heel is supposed to make the good guy look like a killer, too. Finlay does get it, though, and he is also enough of a prick to act all smug and triumphant after Randy “Good Riddance” Orton’s interference gets him the victory. If this kind of match is at all common, I’m going to have to start watching SmackDown again.

El Hijo Del Perro Aguay, Mr. Aguila, Hallowen, &Damian 666 vs. Pierroth, Apolo Dantes, Mascara 2000, & Universo 2000 CMLL 10/15/05: This is what I’m talking about. This is, in fact, exactly what I’m talking about! The grumpy old rudos come in to this match to stomp some respect into the younger rudos because”¦ because the younger guys have been acting like cool heels, playing to the crowd, and that isn’t how proper Rudos do things.

Bryan Danielson vs. Roderick Strong ROH Vendetta 11/5/05: Dear Lord I love this match! It goes over three quarters of an hour, and most of it is American Dragon in full on bad guy mode, either jawing with the fans, yelling at the ref, stalling and stooging, or arrogantly toying with his opponent. Whenever Strong gets any kind of offense in, Danielson gets a look on his face like he is deeply offended that something like that could have happened. This works like a charm, so that every time Strong does gain an advantage the crowd pops for it. In the end (and you might want to skip to the next paragraph if you haven’t seen the match) Danielson pulls out an awesone tribute to the finish from Gary Goodridge vs. Paul Herrera, knocking Strong out cold. He then taunts the fans, then mockingly shakes his unconcious opponent’s hand”¦ then stomps on him! I can’t wait for the next time someone tries to tell me that Danielson is bland or that he lacks character in the ring. He is a flat out great heel, and this is a flat out great match.

So, I guess there’s no reasonable way for me to even try and claim that this particular part of the wrestling sky is falling. The world of pro graps is full of old-fashioned bad guys who are really good at what they do. It’s just Cena and Trips who don’t have a clue how it’s done.

It’s getting late (I stayed up to watch Danielson vs. Strong again. It was every bit as good the second time)… so I’m only going to recommend two of the dozens and dozens of great columns from the last couple of weeks.

If you’re in the mood for a little pro-WWE sunshine, you might want to check out Steve Murray’s new column I disagree wildly with many of his opinions, but I very much enjoyed reading them. Also, if you missed Burnsie’s WrestleMania Fallout Special, here’s another chance to catch a great piece of writing. Reading this column, for me, was just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day I kept saying, “I’ll go a little later. I’ll go a little later.” And then when I got there, they told me he’d just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he would ever come back again, he said he didn’t know… Don’t you make the same mistake!

THANKS FOR READING… and special thanks to Bix and goodhelmet for their role in making this column possible.