Media!
Let’s begin this week with a youtube video full of Shamrock/Ortiz madness. “I’m gonna knock your hair black.” It’s not exactly “I’m gonna beat you into the living death,” but it’s still the best that Shamrock’s trash-talking gets.
I’ve uploaded the Chael Sonnen Real Estate commercial for you, so you nonPortlanders don’t have to be deprived anymore.
Mike McConnell has posted his tenth blog about Matt Hamill with convenient links to all his previous entries, as well. Not a lot happened with Matt this week, but the preview for next week’s show promises a Hamill/Bisping confrontation.
The Show
This week’s show, as usual, began with a recap of last week’s fight with some of the contenders giving comments on it. Bisping says he’s concerned, presumably about Noah’s skills and having to fight him eventually. Tait says that it was the “slowest armbar ever.”
Team Shamrock Training
Ken decides, once again, to let his team chill. They play golf. Ken says it’ll help them “get their aggressions out.” Golf. Kalib (the Canadian) picks up a golf club and, perplexed, says, “This isn’t a hockey stick.”
Team Ortiz Training
Tito says, “I never get tired. My cardio is my biggest thing.” His team runs stairs. They carry each other down long hallways.
Team Shamrock Training
Solomon closes this segment with “Golf? I don’t even like golf. That was bullshit!”
At Home
Solomon and Kendall have become friends. But oh, they are on opposite teams. They proclaim themselves “Team Dagger!” Forrest Griffin, in his He Said/He Said recap, says the objective of Team Dagger is to say “dagger!” in as many annoying ways as possible. This appears to be true, but I love it.
Rory is the clean freak this season. Remember, in his introductory interview on SpikeTV, he said he was a “neurotic Jew with OCD.” He’s finally living up to it. Ed likes it because it means that you can leave your dirty dishes in the sink, and since Rory can’t stand it, he’ll wash them. Solomon hates it: “I just wanna stomp him. Bang, bang! DAGGER!”
Team Shamrock Training
Ken lays it all out there and tells Solomon and Ross that their ground games suck. Ross takes offense and in his video interview, says “They don’t call me the Gladiator for nothing.” Ross thinks it’ll be either him, Solomon, or Ed picked by Tito to fight next.
At Home
Ed gets a little drunk and complains at length about Tito’s mistake. “I have more fights than f*ckin’ Ken does.” He and Josh sit at the table. Josh and Ed both train with Team Quest, so Josh is listening to Ed complain, drunkenly, like a friend would. Ed says, in a video interview, “Tito should’ve done his f*ckin’ research. Tito, you f*cked up. You picked the wrong dude, man. You don’t want me on your bad side.” I couldn’t tell if he was still drunk at the time.
Ed’s trying to incite Solomon and Rory, as he knows they aren’t fond of each other. Solomon really wants to fight Rory, and he thinks it’ll happen soon. He says, “The big, bad wolf, which is me, who’s come to blow your house down, punk boy!” which doesn’t translate well to text, but was hilarious onscreen. Solomon is rapidly becoming one of my favorite cast members. TEAM DAGGER.
Solomon talks about how he had a dream about beating Rory up, and mocks him. “Do your dishes! Ohh, you got blood on my shirt!” Classic.
Fight Announcement
Tito decides that it will be Kendall…. vs… Ross.
Solomon looks disappointed. Ed Herman turns redder than usual, bares his teeth, and you can just see his anguish. I’m surprised he didn’t scream. Because Tito, admittedly, looked right at him, before choosing Ross to fight Kendall.
Tito, in his video interview, reveals this: “I’m kickin’ myself that I didn’t pick this kid [Ed]. He didn’t give his all in training and I didn’t know who he was.” Tito regrets his decision (much like Ed thought he should), and says that, now that Ed is on Shamrock’s team, he’s going to play with him. He says he’ll pick him last to fight. This will drive Ed crazier.
A lot of people want Ed to get his ass handed to him in his first fight because of all this uppity talking. I, for one, don’t think anyone there could give Ed a beating, and furthermore, I like his talking. It’s going to be fun to watch him back it up.
Ross says he’ll smash Kendall up.
At Home
Nickels calls Ross “homes.” I laugh. Ross’ teammates say he’s thick-headed and not training the way he should be (in submission defense).
Team Ortiz Training
Kendall talks a lot about Hawaii and says he has to represent Maui. Hawaiians think Hawaii is like another country. Most people think Hawaii is like another country. Hawaii is sort of like another country.
At Home
Ross’ weight is 199 before bed. He’ll have to cut 15 lbs before the weigh in tomorrow. His teammates sort of freak out and insist that he stops eating and starts doing something. They’re concerned about his weight, and they’re concerned that he refuses to listen to their concerns.
Ross wakes up smiling the next morning. His scale says he weighs 191 lbs. He’s all “What’s up now, bitches?!” Well, he doesn’t say that, but that’s my American approximation of what he says in his video interview, which is sort of like, “They think I don’t know… I don’t know what they think of me.”
Kristian’s hair is being shaved off by Nickels and Ross is anxious to get to the gym and cut the rest of his weight. What with Nickels and Kristian busy playing salon and Tait nowhere to be found, Ross has to go cut weight alone. Good job guys, you’re real concerned about your teammate. Kristian says something about how his head was only partially shaved and he looked like a mangy dog, so Ross probably wouldn’t want him to go to the gym with him. As though anyone gives a shit what fighters who aren’t named Belfort or Arlovski look like.
Ross says, “I’m here alone. We fight alone. We stand alone. And I shall be alone.” Oooh, Gladiator Pointon.
At The Gym
Tito, Kendall, and Bisping are waiting for the van outside the gym. Ken shows up. There’s a lot of tension as he walks by. Bisping busts out a cheerful “Good morning!” to Ken & co., which was hilarious, but Tito stands stone-faced, staring away from Shamrock. When Shamrock is in the gym, Tito says “That guy still disgusts me. I just don’t understand how you can build hatred for someone so bad.” He relays a story about how he disrespects Ken because of how Ken treated his fans. Apparently, Shamrock refused a kid an autograph once.
Ross is pissed about living in the house, sharing bathrooms, etc. and says “I’m gonna channel all this pent-up aggression. Release the chi. Into Kendall’s face.”
Weigh In
Both fighters make weight. Tito says that Ross will get choked or knocked out, and that it’s a “tailor-made” match for Team Ortiz to win.
Team Shamrock Training
Ross says that he’s 5’8, while Kendall is 6’5 (in reality, Kendall is apparently 6’6). Ross said he dropped to middleweight because he hated fighting tall guys. Kristian says he’s not sure who will win. Ed says he hopes Ross wins, but he thinks Kendall will.
Team Ortiz Training
Is it just me, or do the Ortiz training sessions always look flashier and more exciting? Is it just me, or does Team Ortiz train a lot more than Team Shamrock does? Kendall says he’s going to take Ross down and elbow the f*ck out of his face.
At Home and TEAM DAGGER.
I assure you, as many times as I’ve typed “Team Dagger!” into this little window, it will never equal the number of times they actually said it on the show. In this segment, Solomon gives Kendall the low-down on what Ross has been doing in training. He says Ross is fast and throws leg-kicks. Solomon is a dirty traitor. I kind of like it.
Someone asks Ross what “really floats” his boat. I’d love to know the context of this question. Ross says that smashing Kendall’s face will float his boat.
Ross eats a ton of pizza, potatoes, and soup. Bisping doesn’t know if that’s a good idea, and everyone hates dairy. Kendall eats sushi.
Kendall (video interview) says, “Yes I wanna shut his ass up. He’s got me saying that ‘you know what I mean?'”
The Franklin Xyience commercial airs, during which I plug my ears and hum and shut my eyes. My boyfriend keeps saying, “But he’s a MATH teacher! Why do they make him out to be a nutriton teacher or something?! You wouldn’t learn about Xyience in math class!” Seriously, he says this every time it airs. It really bothers him.
Ross says they call him the Gladiator because he’ll fight anyone and he doesn’t “give a F what happens.” Haha. He goes on, “Kendall’s Hawaiian, and I’m British, and I don’t f*ck about.” He doesn’t F about.
Fight!
Middleweight contest – Kendall Groves (Team Ortiz) vs. Ross Pointon (Team Shamrock).
People from outside the Octagon tell Ross to do it for his baby girl! Punch the man! Do it for your daughter!
The fight begins standing. A lot of punches are thrown by both fighters, and Ross hits a lot of leg kicks. Kendall takes Ross down. Kendall attempts to follow Tito’s instructions to the letter, which is something we’ve yet to see on the show. Ross keeps getting up and Kendall keeps putting him back down almost immediately. Ross gets up and it stays standing for a bit, with a flurry of punches, a lot of knees, and some vicious elbows by Kendall that leave marks on Ross’ forehead. Ross is standing with Kendall behind him, and Ross defends a choke for what seems like an eternity before Kendall returns to elbowing Ross’ face. Kendall eventually secures the position he’d been trying for and locks in a choke on Ross from standing. Ross taps out.
Closing
Dana White says, “The fight went exactly the way I thought it would go.” Dana says this every week. So do I. I’m going to miss Ross and his subtitles.
Tito says to his team, “One person at a time, we’ll pick these guys apart.” Solomon is happy because, though his team lost, it’s a win for Team DAGGER!.
Bisping says he’ll miss Ross. Ross is upset that he “didn’t get all the way,” and tells Bisping to “fly the flag for England and go and win this thing.” Ross is crying at his exit interview, and says, “I’ve got feelings, you know, but I’m still a fighter.”
The fight this week was exciting. Both Kendall and Ross looked competitive and interested in winning.
The Teams
Team Ortiz
Middleweights: Danny Abbadi, Rory Singer, Kendall Groves.
Light Heavyweights: Matt Hamill, Michael Bisping, Josh Haynes, Noah Inhofer.
Team Shamrock
Middleweights: Kalib Starnes, Solomon Hutcherson, Ed Herman.
Light Heavyweights: Kristian Rotharmel, Tait Fletcher, Mike Nickels.
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Go check out The Reverend’s UFC 59 recap and enjoy his shameless self-promotion for WhiteTrashDevil.com.
