No idea why I’m throwing in the Gay’o’meter today, though it may have something to do with Eric S revealing the fact that I think so highly of Twinks . . What I mean by that, of course, is of hot wrestling guys . . I mean, get ready for the gayest experience outside of a Wrestling Ring as SmackDown’s starting!
Power Is Back video leads us into Booker T and Sharmell standing backstage, some bad music playing, and these to talking about the King Of The Ring over a video of last week’s events between him and Lashley. Tonight, Hardy will learn how to bow down to the next King . . I see the Gay’o’meter is already needing repairs, and we then cut to Hardy backstage. Hardy says he’s been to hell and back over the last year, he bows down to no man, and he will not die. And up next, it’s Matt Hardy verses Booker T!
Opening Contest: King Of The Ring Opening Round Match: Booker T with Sharmell verses Matt Hardy
Lock up and Hardy takes Booker to the corner only to be forced away by the referee, and a Hardy chant starts up. Booker gets a lock from behind and takes Hardy down with a reverse bearhug, back up and Booker T elbows Hardy who got behind with a hammerlock. Backhand chops by Booker with a right hand taking Hardy down. In the corner, Hardy nails a few punches and sends him into the opposite turnbuckle, Hardy with a clothesline off the ropes for a two count. Takedown headlock by Hardy and the headlock is kept locked on the canvas, but Booker gets to his feet and nails a back drop. In the corner Booker clubs away at Hardy with punches to the gut, some knees follow. Booker sends Hardy into the corner and Hardy gets the feet up into Booker’s face and nails a clothesline. Kick to the gut and swinging neckbreaker gets Hardy another two count. Hardy goes up top, but Booker sends him down onto the top turnbuckle (you know where falling down first) and looks to go for a back body drop from the turnbuckles by Hardy elbows Booker off and gets to the top, jumps off with a Moonsault but Booker rolls out of the way, Booker gets a two count. High heel kick to the neck of Hardy gets Booker a two count. Booker nails some kicks to Hardy, who is laying on the canvas, before picking Hardy up and nailing a side slam for two. Snapmare by Booker is followed by a rear choke hold, and Hardy fan favorites to his feet and nails a jawbreaker. Hardy on the second turnbuckle and nails Booker with an elbow to the back of the neck, and signals for the Twist of Fate! Kick to the gut, Sharmell’s on the apron, Hardy goes to drop Booker but Booker pushes him to the ropes and Sharmell holds the top rope down and Hardy goes outside! She got off that apron quick enough for the referee not to see her either too.
Commercials.
We’re back to Booker stomping on Hardy. Hardy begins to punch back but Booker gets control back with a knee to the gut. Suplex by Booker, another Suplex by Booker for a two count. Booker chokes Hardy using the second rope, takes the referee to the side and allows Sharmell to rake Hardy’s eyes. Superkick right to the jaw gets Booker another two count. Booker gets a few mounted punches to Hardy before going up top, and Hardy punches Booker right in the face when he gets to the top rope, Superplex by Hardy for a two count. Hardy gets a run up on Booker, but Booker drops him throat first on the top rope. Booker sends Hardy off of the ropes and into an elbow for a two count. Rear choke hold applied by Booker T, and Hardy begins to fan favorite out of it with elbows, Hardy goes to run but Booker grabs the hair and slams Hardy into the mat before relocking the rear choke hold. Hardy begins to punch out of it, but Booker T nails a series of knees to the gut of Hardy, and Booker goes for another suplex, but Hardy falls behind with a reverse DDT! The two exchange punches, and Hardy gets the better and begins nailing some elbows. Clothesline to Booker, and Hardy sends Booker into the corner for a clothesline into bulldog for a two count. Punches to Booker in the corner and Hardy sends Booker back into the opposite corner, Booker nails an elbow to Hardy and follows it up with a crescent kick for a two! Booker reverses a whip attempt with a Book End, spinaroonie! Kick to Hardy’s gut, off the ropes, Booker misses the Scissors Kick, Side Effect for a two! Sharmell rolls into the ring and distracts the referee, Twist Of Fate is reversed by Booker T nailing the groin of Hardy, Scissors Kick! One, Two, Three!
Winner: Booker T
I’m not usually a fan of these two wrestling each other. It’s hard enough finding people these two work well with (though when they do work well, they work great), and I’ve never really liked their matches together. But this one was nice and actually meant something, as opposed to pretty much every other match they’ve ever had, even if the result was obvious. Hm, I’ll go a Six out of Ten, though it wasn’t anything extraordinary, it was good. Post match Booker T and Sharmell celebrate with the King of the Ring stuff. Oh, and, once they stopped talking, the Gay’o’meter remained at “it’s wrestling, duh” level.
Still to come: Chris Benoit and Lashley verses Fit Finlay and Orlando Jordan.
Commercials.
JBL’s Great American Celebration is Tonight!
June 27th 2004 – Great American Bash – Texas Bullrope Match – Eddie Guererro verses John Bradshaw Layfield. I’d forgotten all about that match, actually . . Pity I taped over that event.
Paul Burchill runs into a 40’s like William Regal. Tonight, Regal looks more like Nicole Bass meets the Forties. Burchill asks Regal what he thinks about being a Teddy Bear. The gay’o’meter’s pretty high right now, for all the wrong reasons.
MNM make their entrance, I hate it when entrances lead into Commercials. Oh, by the way, for those too slow to notice that means . . .
Commercials.
Second Contest: Joey Mercury with Johnny Nitro and Melina verses Paul London with Brian Kendrick
Right now, the gay’o’meter’s needing a smoke and is calling a Taxi. Mercury goes for a knee which London catches and Mercury nails an elbow instead, and sends London into the turnbuckle face first. Off the ropes, London ducks under Mercury’s legs and nails a hurricanrana into mounted punches, school boy for a two. Dropkick for two by London. London goes into the corner and positions himself on the turnbuckles, Nitro distracts him and Mercury knocks him off onto the outside. Banshee moment, though when it comes to the gay’o’meter most guys know how to do it anyways. In a nice twist, Kendrick can only yell support at London instead of helping him up even though it’s on their side of the ring. ANOTHER Banshee Moment by Melina. London gets in just before the referee’s count is over, though the count seemed to go on forever (lucky the referees normally only need to count to three, eh?). Mercury nails some kicks to London and drops a knee for a two count. Mercury chokes London using the top rope, dropkick by Mercury – Banshee #3 – for a two count. Reverse bearhug by Mercury and London begins to fan favorite out of it with elbows, knee to the gut by Mercury is followed by a scoop slam attempt, London drops down behind Mercury and grabs Mercury, but Mercury gets behind London, elbow to the face of Mercury by London, London goes for another elbow but Mercury ducks and nails a Northern Lights Suplex for a two count. Headscissors by Melina on London. Melina and Kendrick argue on the apron, before Mercury knocks Kendrick off the apron. Kendrick tries to get back into the ring, but the referee holds him back, allowing MNM to get a double team backbreaker / over the top rope leg drop on London – Banshee #4 – for two. Another two for Mercury. Another two count for Mercury. Two count No. 4 by Mercury. Headlock by Mercury but London spears Mercury into the corner with it, but Mercury clubs away on London and locks on a sleeper hold which is quickly reversed into a jawbreaker. Irish whip attempt reversed into an elbow by London. London nails some rights to Mercury and sends him into the ropes and nails him with a forearm. Mercury reverses an irish whip and bends over for a shoulder body toss, but London jumps up onto Mercury and stomps on him. Boy, did the gay’o’meter have a field day with that sentence or what? Spinning heel kick gets London a two count. Mercury gets an elbow to the face of London, but runs into the turnbuckles. London begins to go up top but Mercury nails a few punches, Mercury goes up top looking for a Superplex but London knocks Mercury off of the turnbuckle and goes up top, jumping off with a crossbody for a two count which was extremely close to a three count. London off the ropes with a shoulder for a two. Repeat for another two. London goes for another but Mercury sends him over the top rope but London skins the cat and comes back in with a small package for a two count. Dropsault by London. Nitro grabs the ankle of London after being scared off the apron but London gets a kick to his face, and jumps out of the ring with a crossbody to Nitro. In the middle of the ring Kendrick goes to attack Mercury but fails miserably, and Mercury flips him over the top rope and he lands on London, Nitro rolls London back in the ring. Mercury poses over London, but London gets a tight pinfall for the victory!
Winner: Paul London
Post match, Kendrick and London celebrate outside of the ring as for the third week in a row, MNM heal their wounds by celebrating with the Tag Team Championship. As far as the Gay’o’meter is concerned, Twenty out of Ten. . But, forgetting the gay’o’meter for a moment, I’d say Eight out of Ten. SmackDown standards. I’m surprised that Mercury can even wrestle a single’s match, actually.
Backstage, Regal puts on the Teddy Bear outfit. Sigh. I preferred Regal looking like Dolly Parton on crack.
The Great Khali has his WWE Wrestling Debut Tonight! And up next: Benoit and Lashley against Finlay and Jordan.
Commercials.
Michael Cole and Tazz run over the King Of The Ring Tournament thus far. Next week’s tournament is Bobby Lashley verses Mark Henry. Could be interesting, at least.
Third Contest: Chris Benoit and Bobby Lashley verses Fit Finlay and Orlando Jordan
. . . Nup, STILL don’t see bisexual when I look at Jordan. Jordan and Lashley start us off with a headlock into irish whip, before Lashley picks up Jordan in a military press and, of course, drops him with the military press. Tag out to Benoit, who comes in with a kick, chop, and some punches. Jordan gets an irish whip to Benoit who nails a shoulder block, back off the ropes and Jordan goes for a hip toss but Benoit reverses it into the Crippler Crossface which is quickly stopped when Finlay drags Benoit off of Jordan. Benoit with chops to Finlay and turns into a kick to the gut by Jordan followed with an arm breaker. Tag out to Finlay. Short arm shoulder block by Finlay, before Finlay gets a hammerlock variation on Benoit, but Benoit gets up and Finlay eventually keeps it simple by just twisting the arm before tagging out to Jordan. Jordan continues working the arm, kicking Benoit a few times and getting a two. Jordan sends Benoit shoulder first into the steel pole, where Finlay works the shoulder over, before Jordan gets a standing crossface in the middle of the ring, getting a package on Benoit for a two count. Off the ropes and Benoit comes back into a forearm by Jordan for a one count. Tag out to Finlay. Short arm clothesline by Finlay, who attacks the arm before picking up Benoit who begins nailing Finlay with chops, but Finlay gets a drop toe hold and applies an arm bar, before tagging out to Jordan. Jordan works on the arm and the fans begin to get behind Benoit, who nails Jordan with some shoulders. Scoop slam attempt by Jordan is reversed by Benoit with a German, tag out to Lashley! Lashley with a clothesline to Jordan, knocks Finlay off of the apron, elbows to Jordan, shoulder body toss to Jordan, and Lashley nails a delayed suplex to Jordan as well! Two count by Lashley, broken by Finlay. Benoit in with chops to Finlay, sending him out of the ring and followng up with a suicide dive. Jordan gets Lashley with a irish whip but Lashley gets a spear! Dominator and it’s over.
Winners: Chris Benoit and Bobby Lashley
Well, that was rather sudden. And boring, too. Not exactly a bad match, the thought was there but the motions weren’t. Each played their parts properly, Benoit and Finlay wrestled, Jordan took some tips from Finlay, and Lashley destroyed Finlay and Jordan, but it was just boring. Two out of Ten.
Another JBL video – April 8th 2004, JBL kicks out some foreigners . . Right. Well, suits the character at least.
Commercials.
WWE 24/7 Presents This Week in Wrestling History: The Rock’s funeral for Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Backstage Theodore Long announces Kurt Angle verses Rey Mysterio for the World Heavy Weight Championship next week on SmackDown.
Also backstage, Regal now has on a Chicken Suit.
Kristal interviews Funaki, who is Great Khali’s fodder for tonight. Great Khali and Daivari get involved and Khali says something and . . yeah. The gay’o’meter’s off getting me a coffee.
Commercials.
Fourth Contest: The Great Khali with Daivari verses Funaki
Great Khali has different music this week. Need I really tell you what happens here? Funaki gets chopped down by Khali, big boot and Khali picks Funaki up in a double handed choke. Cocky foot pinfall finishes it.
Winner: The Great Khali
Well, -Five out of Ten, obviously.
Backstage, Regal has a Gorilla Costume on. Burchill says that he has one costume left and that he has to go put it on, because they’re next.
Commercials.
Michael Cole and Tazz hype up See No Evil. For hat it could have been, looks pretty good, fans of the Jessica Biel Texas Chainsaw Massacre will probably enjoy this. Though then again I havn’t seen it nor am I a part of IP Movies.
Fifth Contest: Paul Burchill and William Regal verses The Gymini with Simon Dean
Jesse and Jake, meet the Pirate and the Pimping Prince. Right. Gay’o’meter’s busted again. G1 and Burchill lock up to start and G1 sends Burchill into the corner, but Burchill gets some punches in. Clothesline to G1 and Burchill tags in Regal. G1 attacks Regal as he begins to enter the ring and nails a suplex, tag out to G2. Irish whip into double team shoulder block for a two count. G2 gets a rear choke holdand gets in a few shots on Regal as well. Regal tries to escape and tag out, but G2 nails a suplex for a to. “Simon Sucks” chant starts up. Regal gets an arm drag to G2 and Regal goes to tag out to Burchill . . but Burchill begins making his way down the steps? Clothesline to Regal and Regal gets nailed with the Crosstrainer for the Gymini victory.
Winners: The Gymini
. . Er, okay. -Two out of Ten. They kind of over killed these two tonight anyways.
Up next, JBL’s Great American Celebration! But first, a JBL video!
WrestleMania 22 – JBL becomes the United States Champion. Man, this Narrator rocks.
Commercials.
Mike The Miz is outside! Miz decides to crash JBL’s party, but Palmer Cannon and Security is waiting for Miz, and as far as the network is concerned “The Miz” is officially cancelled.
Raw Rebound – Edge being hot. Triple H being defeated. John Cena being nailed with the Sledgehammer. I’m looking forward to their Backlash Main Event, to be honest.
King Of The Ring Tournament continues next week with Bobby Lashley verses Mark Henry, also next week Rey Mysterio defends the World Heavy Weight Championship against Kurt Angle.
Stage hands set up the ring for JBL’s Great American Celebration.
Commercials.
Video recap of the Cage Match last week between John Bradshaw Layfield verses Chris Benoit for the United States Championship.
Tony Chimmel introduces our host for the following celebration, Jillian Hall, who comes out with a local High School’s marching band. There’s balloons at the entrance way, and Hall walks out carrying two. Well, not as Great as they made it out . . JBL’s celebrations are normally GREAT. Hall introduces the Undisputed United States Champion, John Bradshaw Layfield, who comes out to American Music and in a WEIRD limo hummer hybrid. The balloons begin to fall from the roof but it’s still not GREAT or anything. I love how he does the Two Step, I loved it in Best Little Whorehouse In Texas and I love it now. JBL starts by asking Hall if this is it, before insulting the Local Marching Band and demanding they leave from ringside. JBL gets a “You Suck” chant. JBL talks down to Hall and fires her! JBL is showing a nice mean streak tonight. JBL says that because the fans can’t live the American Dream they live it through him, which is why they love him. By simply holding the US Championship, he has made the belt the most prestigious title ever. JBL speaks about how he is the true champ and everybody sees it like that, except for the Twelve Million Illegal Immigrants who see Rey Mysterio as the true Champion. Well, he IS US Champion, and he IS a Heavy Weight after all. JBL says that he is going to challenge and defeat the winner of next week’s World Heavyweight Title Match, which brings out Kurt Angle. Before Angle can even say anything, JBL tells him to take a picture with the belt if he wins next week, because he will have it for exactly one week. Angle brings up the Olympic Medal and Six Title Reigns, and that compared to Angle, JBL Sucks. Angle puts over Mysterio, calling him a Better Champion than JBL ever was or ever will be, though Angle will defeat Mysterio next week none the less. This brings out Rey Mysterio, making his second television appearance since winning the damned belt. JBL tells Mysterio, right off the bat, that the fans don’t care about him – they won’t even chant his name. Guess whose name they were chanting anyways. This changes course, however, as the fans begin chanting 619 . . Not his name, but closer than before. Mysterio tells Angle he respects him and he’s looking forward to their match next week, but the title isn’t going anywhere. “You two want me to leave so you can swap spit? This is making me sick” – Classic JBL, before JBL even makes the gay’o’meter blush by bringing up gay stuff! JBL does some spanish to the belt, and Mysterio attacks! AngleSlam by Angle to JBL is followed by a 619, Angle and Mysterio exchange words in the ring as SmackDown fades out.
Booker T verses Matt Hardy: 6 / 10
Joey Mercury verses Paul London: 8 / 10
Chris Benoit and Bobby Lashley verses Fit Finlay and Orlando Jordan: 2 / 10
The Great Khali verses Funaki: -5 / 10
Paul Burchill and William Regal verses The Gymini: -2 / 10
Friday 21/04/06 SmackDown: 9 / 50
Ouch. The show started off fun at least, but it fell quicker than me while Ice Skating. If you’re a MNM, Paul London, anf Paul Burchill fan like I am, need to see every JBL celebration, or need to see everything about King Of The Ring then, well, watch this. If you’re everyone else, watch something else. Until Velocity, Ciao Y’all.
