NWA World Heavyweight Title
Christian Cage (c) vs. Abyss
Eric Szulczewski: Sorry, but there’s no way that Christian loses the belt yet, and certainly not to Abyss. I have a feeling that unless Jarrett gets a wild hair up his ass, that honor’s reserved for Joe. One thing’s for certain: it’ll be the most violent match Christian’s ever been in that hasn’t involved a ladder. Both will bleed, and you know that Christian watched what his old buddy Edge did with Foley at Wrestlemania for some tips on how to do a little bit of the old ultra-violence.
Winner – Christian
David Brashear: It’ll be interesting to see if Christian can pull good matches out of Abyss like AJ Styles has. Still, I think that TNA’s going to leave the belt on Christian for the long haul.
Winner – Christian
Widro: not in love with this storyline, and christian has whithered as champ. abyss isn’t the guy though.
Winner – Christian
Lethal Lockdown (cage covered with weapons hanging from the roof)
Sting, AJ Styles, Rhino, & Ron Killings vs. Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, & America’s Most Wanted
Eric Szulczewski: Hmmmm, three guys that I still care about, two that I used to care about until they became complete tools, and three guys that I’m actively hostile toward. Think I’m interested? Not one damn bit. It doesn’t matter who wins, because it’ll be a waste of my time having to get a screen cap of it for my Tuesday column. They have to extend this angle in order to justify Sting’s contract, however, so that makes the ending obvious. Winner – The two useless pieces of shit and the two guys who used to have a promising career
David Brashear: When TNA signed Sting, wasn’t there a big deal made about how he didn’t want to work with Jarrett? Something about Sting/Jarrett not helping the company out in the least? It’s a shame that the booking committee didn’t read that interview. Anyway, it’s been a while since Jarrett’s had a big win on PPV, so I’d say he’s going to pull this one out. Oh, yeah. I think Killings is just there to eat the pin.
Winner – Jarrett, Steiner, and AMW
Widro: i think planet jarrett gets the win to promote to sting/jarrett one on one.
Winner – jarrett, steiner, amw
X-Division Title
Samoa Joe (c) vs. Sabu
Eric Szulczewski: Is Sabu the right choice to break the streak? Is he the appropriate person to hold the X Division title, given the fact that he now has the body of a ninety-year-old? No and no. It’ll be blood-soaked and brutal, and therefore fun as hell, especially when Sabu figures out that there are a few bones in his body he’s never broken before.
Winner – Samoa Joe
David Brashear: OK, word’s just come out that Sabu’s got a broken arm but is going to compete anyway. Well, given his track record in ECW, that’s no surprise. I’ll be honest. I think it was a bad move putting the X-title back on Joe. Joe should be up in the main event picture challenging Christian. Anyway, Sabu’s not the right choice either as X champion or to end Joe’s undefeated streak.
Winner – Joe
Widro: could be a sleeper, could be a clash in styles
Winner – joe
Anthem Match
Team 3-D vs. Team Canada
Eric Szulczewski: Watch this on mute. Dear God, watch this on mute. By the way, if TNA signs Sign Guy Dudley, what’s he going to be called, Brother Placard?
Winners – the ex-Dudleys
David Brashear: I don’t know who’s going to be on Team Canada, and I really don’t think it matters. Next!
Winners – 3-D
Widro: the feud that WILL NOT DIE. tna needs to end team canada pronto
Winner – 3-d
Arm Wrestling Challenge
Konnan vs. Bob Armstrong
Eric Szulczewski: A match that has a combined age greater than the Shawn/Vince match at Wrestlemania, wow. What’s Brashear going to say about this? “It isn’t Low Ki, so I don’t care.” I’ll let him have the last word on that, thank you.
Winner – Bob Armstrong, because that’s the only option that blows off this stank feud
David Brashear: I try to always keep a positive mindset about TNA’s product during these roundtables, but there’s nothing positive about this. Every month about this time I talk about how one of TNA’s biggest crimes is the fact that Konnan is on my TV. Guess what? Here we go again. This whole arm wrestling thing was a waste of time on Impact, so what does that make it when they put it on pay-per-view? At least it’s in a cage, so it’s EXTREME arm wrestling! I really hope Scott Keith reviews this match (or whatever it is). I believe it may justify the return of the infamous hot poker rating system.
Winner – Me, because this is going to give me plenty of time to hit the bathroom and grab a snack.
Widro: the angle that was supposed to reignite the new age outlaws boils down to an arm wrestling match between old crippled men. go tna go!
Winner – konnan
Christopher Daniels vs. a Mystery Opponent
Eric Szulczewski: Since our bonus question is “Who’s Daniels’ mystery opponent?”, it makes it awfully hard to predict this match without revealing that here. I do have a sneaking suspicion who the mystery opponent is, and it won’t make any difference one damn bit. Daniels will destroy him. Let me rephrase that: Daniels had better destroy him. If Daniels does the job or is made to look weak in winning, I myself will send him the submachine gun and ammo for use on the booking committee.
Winner – Christopher Daniels
David Brashear: Again, the big question here is – Who is Daniels going to be facing? Daniels should get this opportunity to build himself back up again after losing the X title to Joe, but if I suspect correctly, it won’t happen that way.
Winner – Mystery Opponent
Widro: i’m guessing jeff hardy, and he will win
Winner – jeff hardy
Xscape Match
(wrestlers compete elimination style, last two go to escape rules)
Chris Sabin vs. Elix Skipper vs. Petey Williams vs. Chase Stevens vs. Shark Boy vs. Puma
Eric Szulczewski: They won’t be able to resist the temptation to turn this into a Pimp Match for the World X Cup. And, gee, look, we have the captains of Team USA and Team Canada in this match. Guess who the last two in the match will be. And since the rest of Team USA will come out on the short end of its match, guess who wins.
Winner – Chris Sabin
David Brashear: Let’s break this down. Stevens, Shark Boy, Puma, and Skipper don’t have a prayer of winning this. Since the Canadian Destroyer’s a guilty pleasure of mine, I’ll say that Williams spikes Sabin with it and hops out.
Winner – Petey Williams
Widro: sabin is possibly injured, i hope petey gets a push with his killer finisher.
Winner – williams
Team New Japan (Goto, Minoru and Black Tiger) vs. Team USA (Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal, and Alex Shelley) in a six-man tag match
Eric Szulczewski: They’re going to turn this into an Angle Advancement Match in order to push the “Can We Trust Shelley?” thing into the ground. Shelley therefore will cost his team the match in some way, shape, or form yet to be determined.
Winners – Not the gaijin
David Brashear: They’ve got to build up the New Japan guys and start getting the TNA fans used to them. That said, there’s no better way to get the fans behind Team USA than to play Dutt and Lethal as the underdogs, especially with them not sure of how to respond to Alex Shelley.
Winners – Team New Japan
Widro: should be a great spotfest, not sure who wins, but i’m guessing dissention on team us and shelley costs them the match and builds intrigue for the actual x cup.
Winner – team japan
BONUS:
Who will Daniels’s mystery opponent be?
Eric Szulczewski: It’s going to be Jeffykins and you know it. They’ve been threatening bringing him back, and now’s about time. They’ll throw him into the X Division while the guys with talent are concentrating on the World X Cup in order for Joe to have someone else to squash for a change. Sadly, this will be declared Match of the Night by adolescent girls, Daniels fanboys, and the tasteless majority of the IWC.
David Brashear: I had a really dark thought with the rumors that Buff Bagwell was going to be showing up again, but I’m hoping that TNA won’t throw him in there against Daniels. I’m also going to hope that TNA won’t bring the usual suspects (Jeff Hardy & Sean Waltman) in. Looking at that, who’s left that needs to make a big comeback? I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Raven will be back in the match, and that he’ll have his working boots on tonight.
Widro: jeff hardy
