Tried to get this out sooner, but I was too busy downloading every article, photo, and video about my Colorado hottie.
Now, it’s obvious that Ace is a male model. That boy knows how to wear a suit. I could barely focus on the song I was so mesmerized by his red carpet duds! Taylor looks like a fat-sloppy-oaf whenever he wears a suit. Ace…dang! Ace, I know one Taylor I wouldn’t be going to for a suit fitting. Even standing next to Ryan…Suit Model. And apparently he dropped $2,000 for it. Worth every penny. He didn’t cut his hair, and everyone’s complaining about pulling it back, but what’s the alternative? Wear it down? No. Willie Nelson braid? That’ll happen. I believe he took all the advice he could… change hair, makeup, wardrobe, and give us the grin that melts America’s hearts more than Julia Robert’s smile. Didn’t work, though. And the best looking guy to ever grace the presence of the 3 Stooges (and Shemp) is gone.
In my homage to Ace I will have to say, that I have learned a lot.
I know what falsetto is. And I’ll even be so cool as to call it “false”. Dawg. I will miss it. I have learned that I am very shallow. Oh, wait, I already knew that.
I have learned that his brother Ryan is 6′ 7″.
I’ve learned that Kenny Rogers likes plastic surgery
I have learned how to download videos.
I’ve learned that when you’re too drunk or not sure what to say, you can always fall back on, “It was a little pitchy”.
And Ace is the only person in the world who can make a muscle shirt look good.
The show is really no good without him. But I will write him a thank you letter for giving me my Tuesday nights back. From 8pm-9pm I would watch the show and from 8:57 – 11:00 I would vote non-stop for my Denver smile guy. Who cares if he’s not the best singer. I just want him on my television each and every Tuesday night. I haven’t been this sad since they took “Get a Life” off the air.
This week, all of the judges were tanked. I wonder what’s in their red plastic Coke cups? Vodka gimlet? Grain punch? Moonshine?
This was surely the most entertaining and best show of the season. Everyone’s performances were incredible, ‘cept Barbie’s. They all looked great, Rod Stewart was a crack up, and his kid couldn’t be cuter.
First up:
Daugthtry – What a Wonderful World
Loved it. Thought it was a little pitchy, but overall: HOT. Vin Diesel meets Metallica meets Sopranos meets Dean Martin. Loved Daughtry’s duds, too. Pinstripe with the big, fat, I’m-from-Jersey-and-could-beat-up-your-cousin-Tony wallet chain.
Paris – These Foolish Things
Perfect. Why does this girl not have a fan base? Does she change her look too much? Maybe people don’t recognize her from week to week and don’t know who this new girl on the show is. It’s about time Simon mentioned her helium-Jennifer-Tilly voice… “Thinnkk yewww”….I think her being in the bottom 3 was one of the biggest surprises of the night considering HER performance was way out of everyone’s league. Not Kat’s. Paris, get some fans.
Taylor – You Send Me
Sounded like the hotel lounge singer at the Red Roof Inn, once again. But he brought the Taylor thing that he does at the end. The SNL skit was funny if you happened to check it out. Whooo! I still don’t really get him, and he’s wearing on me more than Paula’s push up bras or Simon’s nipple shirts.
Elliott – It Had To Be You
This was the first time we really see El’s personality and Simon says it was lacking. Drink up, ya bloke! Elliott was great.
Kellie – Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
Yeah, just what we need… a ditz singing a tongue twister. “I’m Sawrry”. Ugh. We all are. The one thing that pisses me off about Kellie Sue Joe Bob is that she could be so bad and not even enter the bottom 3. Double Ugh.
Ace – That’s All
If I read one more article that says something like “Ace Folds” or “Not in the cards for Ace” or “That’s All for Young”… Oye. All I know is that he’s a good guy, who’s truly appreciative of his fans and knows they put him there (well, after the judges). And I can only imagine how many people will be camped outside that Children’s Hospital in Denver on Christmas Day waiting for him to show up. And the tour. Fahgetaboutit. Ace, my precious Ace, I wish you and your beanies the very best of luck in everything you do.
Kat – Someone to Watch Over Me
Simon’s new favorite. He praises her more than Mandisa does the Lord. Talk about indulgent! I think Kat would make a great Idol. But she’s just so boring. Yeah, she’s beautiful and has a great voice, but get some groove to your soul girl!
Next week. Greatest love songs with Andrea Bocelli. 2 blind guys in one season! Look out, America. Pun intended. Should make for a good week to get rid of Pickles.
My only question now is which one is Matt Damon and which one is Ben Affleck?
