The NeelDown: InsurreXtion 2002
– So here’s one of those wacky UK shows from the WWE. Of course, InsurereXtions stopped at 2003, reluctantly. To be honest, I’ve never watched too many of them, but UK fans always seem to feel like they get the shaft and their shows suck. We’ll find out now, baby!
– From London, England
– Hosts are JR & Jerry Lawler
Eddie Guerrero v. Rob Van Dam – Intercontinental Championship
This was a result of the feud between the two at Backlash. We have some reversals into a standoff to start. Eddie is still in the mullet stage, so expect jokes later, when necessary. RVD gets a spin kick forcing Eddie to bail, so RVD gives him a moonsault. Slingshot legdrop back in gets two. Split leg moonsault gets two. After all that, why do I think this is going to be a short match? RVD misses a charge and, like many concert casualties, dives directly onto the floor. Eddie adds some slow offense back inside and gets a slingshot drop for two, then locks in a chinlock. Oh, come on guys, we don’t need a rest hold in this one. On a side stage rant note, we just have a giant X. The yellow spotlights make it look cool enough though. RVD gets a pair of cradles for two but Guerrero goes back in control with a Boston Crab. RVD escapes, but Eddie continues working the leg. The leg isolation continues for to my estimate about seven minutes, which is absolutely ridiculous for this match. RVD manages a superkick then gets the monkey flip out of the corner and a vertical suplex for two. Scoop slam sets up the Rolling Thunder for two. Another moonsault by RVD gets two. Like usual, the 5* misses, and Eddie gets the belt which the ref yanks away, but Eddie shoves him causing the DQ. The royally pissed RVD levels him with the belt afterwards and gets the Frog Splash, for good measure. The match was a total waste, with most of it being slow with working over RVD’s leg while it could have been a decent, with the crappy ending to finish it off. Not a good start. *1/2
Winner: Rob Van Dam
– Molly and Jazz carry out the Christian good girl virgin gimmick, saying that the UK is full of sleeze and trash, and they don’t have to take off their shirts to know that they’re the most beautiful women. Terri shows them her puppies, cue King’s mark out.
Trish Stratus & Jacqueline v. Jazz & Molly Holly
King mentions that “you don’t look at the wood piece while you’re stroking the fire.” You know I don’t make this stuff up, it’s real. And you know, for the ugly virgins vs bimbos match they’re trying to play out, Jackie isn’t exactly the best partner of Trish. The heels pummel Jackie around until she gets the hot tag to Trish who falls victim to the evil eye rake of DOOM. Molly gets the handspring elbow but Jackie breaks up the pin. Trish gets a backslide but the ref is distracted by … Jackie. Okay. Jazz locks in the STF which is broken up by Trish. Trish gets the Stratusfaction on Jazz to finish things. There was actually some effort involved, and it was at least watchable. 3/4*
Winner: Trish Stratus & Jacqueline
Bradshaw v. X-Pac
X-Pac wears the mask of the injured Kane to the ring. Oh, the disrespect is oozing. Bradshaw pummels him to start and catches him in a back suplex. X-Pac takes out the leg with the dropkick, because Bradshaw is so DEADLY WITH THE LEG. He goes to illegal choking and all that dirty stuff and gets a spin kick for two. We repeat some stuff in the corner for what seems like eternity until Bradshaw finally gets a powerbomb out of there for a Double-KO. Bradshaw slugs him down and no-sells a kick, then gets a powerslam for two. Bradshaw gets a shoulderblock from the top, but X-Pac gets his foot on the rope. Thirteenth spin kick of the night gets two. Yawn. He gets caught off the top and Bradshaw gets a fallaway slam. Scott Hall comes down and wacks Bradshaw with the knumchuks, but it only gets two! Oh my! Bronco Buster misses, Clothesline From Hell misses and hits Hall, giving Pac a low blow and X-Factor for the win. Slow and boring with an ugly finish is not a good combination. Can’t say I expected much better though. *3/4
Winner: X-Pac
Steven Richards v. Booker T – Hardcore Championship
Booker takes him down in the corner to start and throws some weapons in the ring, but Stevie tosses them all out. Booker comes in with a tray and wacks him with it, then tosses him, where he gets sent into the steps and dropped onto the barricade. Back in Richards goes on the attack but stops to mock the Sucka so he receives a leg lariat and suplex. Booker superkicks a trash can in his face for two. Are JR and King completely ignoring Richard’s whole ECW career, with the whole shock and awe that he won the Hardcore belt? Stevie chops his way into a comeback but gets flapjacked. Stevie dumps him though, then throws the can out onto him for an outside pin that gets two. Booker misses a leg lariat and gets crotched on the ropes, where he gets wacked with a serving tray for two. Booker fights out of a chinlock and gets a can, but Richards dropkicks it into him for two. He sets up a can in the corner, but Booker sends him into it. BIG spinebuster by Booker gets two. Stevie gets the can put on his head, and Booker gives him a Missile Dropkick to it, but Richards kicks out! Oh baby, such resilance in Hardcore champ Steven. Stevie Kick gets two. He runs straight into the Book End giving Booker the win and title though. But then Crash runs in and rolls him up to win the title, but stops to celebrate so Booker gives him the Scissor Kick to win it back. Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer then run in and try to steal it, but Booker wards them off. However, Jazz comes in and gives him a low blow, then Richards gives him a back suplex through a table to win back the title. Oh, it was a good one too, which is why I’m not complaining about all the traditinal Hardcore post-match run-ins. ***1/4
Winner: Booker T
Okay, now reasons that match ruled:
– There was actually more wrestling than use of weapons, unlike most of the usual sloppy garbage matches.
– Contrary to popular belief, these two had good chemistry together.
– The weapons spots weren’t overdone, and were mixed in well with the actual match, which never dulled it down.
– The MD onto the can over the head ruled.
– I can do with the crappy run-ins at the end if it’s a good match. Plus, there was actually something good done afterwards, with the table spot.
– Meanwhile, Heyman and Brock tell Shawn to stay on Planet Stasiak a.k.a. the apron tonight. Decisions, decisions.
The Hardy Boyz v. Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak
Stasiak disobeys Paul’s orders and runs out to attack to start, but gets worked over. Brock finally blind tags himself in and destroys Matt for a while. Brock ends up missing a charge allowing Stasiak to tag himself in, and the Twist Of Fate and Swanton finish him and the match. Afterwards, Brock F5’s Matt and Jeff, then Stasiak too, for good measure, showing exactly what kind of match this was, a joke. 1/2*
Winners: The Hardy Boyz
Spike Dudley v. William Regal – European Championship
Regal tries and fails to get some pop from the UK crowd. Regal takes him down to start but Spike fires off three dropkicks. Acid drop misses and Spike lands on a bad ankle, and we get a call for the trainers. Of course, since there is no bell or “X” signals, we know it’s a phantom injury. They play it out anyway, and the trainers go to carry him to the back, but Regal attacks and brings him back in where he gets a doctorbomb for two, as he does the cocky antic of breaking up the pin for bullying purposes. Spike then cradles him for the pin and retain. Regal gives him a haymaker with the brass of course for good measure at the end. This was what it was, which was a short joke match with a faked injury. 1/4*
Winner: Spike Dudley
Steve Austin v. Big Show
Ric Flair decides to be the special guest referee, despite their already being the normal one. So we have TWO refs. Smell the screwjob. Show dominates to start forcing Austin to bail, but he comes back with the KNEE BRACE OF DOOM. Show slowly goes back in control though, until Austin is finally able to knock him down and attack the leg. Oh joy. Is that Austin using real wrestling moves to attack the leg? Whoa. Show of course comes back and we head outside. The crowd is now of course completely dead. Yes, they were actually electric at one point. Or maybe that was just all the UK pop for seeing Flair. We head back in where Show locks just what this match needed: the BEARHUG OF BOREDOM! Oh boy, someone call Hogan and Warrior, we have hit new lows. Austin rakes his way out, but it’s BACK! Show shoves the ref out of the way then turns around into a Stunner. Flair attempts to count the pin, but the nWo head out to break it up. Have no worries though, as Flair threatens them off to the back running via painful kendo stick shot attempts. Show goes back in control now … slowly. Getting the leg worked over has done absolutely nothing at this point. A slam gives him a couple of pins that each get two. That trick went out of style and purpose YEARS ago, must I remind them again. Austin repeats the routine of just sitting in the ring waiting. He should have learned that trick failed miserably years ago, as well. Speaking of which, I’m amazed Regal didn’t try that earlier. Let’s semi-cut some stuff out here, and we have Kevin Nash of the nWo head out, but he receives the short end of a Stunner, as does Show, giving Austin the win. This match was so dreadfully bad that you have to see it with your own eyes to really feel and see the suffering. -**1/2
Winner: Steve Austin
Undertaker v. Triple H
Yes, this match is for no titles. HHH takes him down cleanly to start, using the WRATH OF KNEE lariat to start, a backdrop and then clotheslines him over. UT gives him some shots into the table and but back in gets slugged down. Taker though wins the slugfest. HHH blocks Old School by yanking him off the top, which we get comments that Taker will not like that. No shit. We head about abling UT to get some of his apron stuff, with a legdrop on it. Taker turns to his past, the evil dark side and uses the evil chopblock to turn the tide. This gives Taker some time to work on the leg with a modified leglock but Trips is able to punch out of it. HHH sends him into the ropes where a turnbuckle turns loose as the top rope loosens, which HHH plays off nicely by grabbing it to use as stomping leverage. Taker nearly fells through the damn ropes from it, like the Jericho botched springboard dropkick where the ropes snapped. That buys Taker time to get a low blow and drop an elbow for two, then go to a rear chinlock. King adds now that he thinks one of the turnbuckles might have broke. Oh, thanks for that enlightenment. I don’t know what in the hell the rest of us might have been pondering would have happened. HHH gets a back suplex and they collide with lariats for a short Double-KO. Taker gets crotched on the weak top rope via missing a big boot, then runs into two swinging neckbreakers and a spinebuster for two. Pedigree is blocked and HHH runs into a big boot. UT tries the Chokeslam but HHH counters into a DDT for two. Facebuster gets two, second Pedigree is blocked, Chokeslam hits this time, but only for two. The frustrated Taker gets a chair, but HHH boots it into his face for two. UT plants him with a DDT for what looks like it’s going to be a Double-KO spot, but he pins him for two. HHH gets out of the Last Ride and gets a clothesline for two. Taker rolls the Snake Eyes and tries to follow with a charge, but HHH runs in with a shoulder and nails the Pedigree smack-dab in the middle for the win. Surprisingly, the effort was flowing from both guys in this one, and the match actually turned out being pretty damn good. Clearly nothing able to save this fiasco of a show, but just good stuff, most notably from HHH, who was on his game with many different variations tonight. **3/4
Winner: Triple H
