From the UK: CZW Cage of Death V

Sorry for the lack of Smack YOU! last week. That was down to my own ineptitude and failure to record the correct show. Anyhoo I’ve got a big and busy weekend ahead of me so there will be a delay in my post of Smack YOU! this week so hopefully this will tide you over till then

This show was the first Video Review I ever did amd I was planning on redoing it with brand new star ratings and match write ups but then I thought it would be more entertaining to show you guys how my style has changed and adapted over the years. You’ll notice some repetion of grammar and a more markish view of the matches as well as some seriously generous star ratings, check the opening match, but on the whole I’m proud of this review hence why I’m posting it unedited and uncut. I’ve come a long way baby!

Well here’s one of my favourite CZW shows for your reading enjoyment

The show kicks off with a fantastic video hyping the upcoming COD match between Team Zandig and HI-V. The music is really dramatic and the video is up there with “My Way” Wrestlemania 17

Some woman sings the national anthem so I fast forward

Opening match

Jude and Niles Young Vs DJ Hyde and Jamie Samuels Vs John Damher and Cory Kastle

Dahmer rushes the ring and batters the youngs with a double backdrop. I have no idea who 5 of these guys are. Samuels and Castle do an armbar. Both men do a side headlock sequence, which goes nowhere. Arm drags now and no one cares. Dahmner comes in and he and Kastle do a pumphandle into a knee. That looked good. Russian leg sweep neck breaker from Dahmer that was f*cking cool. Stereo Tomakazies by Dahmer and Kastle on the Youngs. DJ Hyde blind tags his way in and the Youngs try and make friends. Ohhh nice clothesline by Hyde on one of the Youngs. DJ Hyde splashes Niles Young while giving Samuels and piggyback. Jude Young now gets battered by Hyde and Samuels. Fans boo DJ Hyde. Dahmer chops both Youngs for fun. Dahmer is perhaps the only reason people care about this match. He gets Niles Young out by the guardrail and shushes the crowd so they go quiet. He then hits a SUPER LOUD chop and the fans go ape shit. Dahmer and Hyde now go head to head and Dahmer hits a German Suplex. Kastle botches another move and Dahmer hits a second rope piledriver for the win

WINNERS – DAHMER AND KASTLE

**1/2 Dahmer saved this match from mediocrity by totally getting the fans in it. Kastle needs a lot of work though

Rick Feinberg Vs Krystian Wolf Vs GQ Vs Shun The Kabuki Kid

Feinberg does a sickening dance which prompts John House to call him a weirdo. I like Feinberg but I know I should hate him really but meh. Feinberg tries to hump GQ to start and I’d be offened if I wasn’t so secure with my masculinity. Kabuki Kid looks like a 12 year old kid impersonating Great Muta. I’m not getting too optimistic about this one. Wolf and Feinberg do a wrestling sequence. Feinberg gets him in the tree of woe and rubs his crotch in his face. Lovely. Kabuki buts Feinberg in the Shun lock #3. That was nice. He hits some nice kicks on Feinberg. Feinberg hits a nice sit out snowplow. Wolf and Rick double team Kabuki. GQ comes in and kicks everyone’s bootie and hits a nice missile dropkick on Kabuki. GQ hits the “Hot Spot” on Feinberg. GQ and Kabuki do some highflying and kicks that looks good. Wolf gets clotheslined. Eric does a funny line about Feinberg getting crotched saying he thinks he likes it. GQ kicks more arse with a 6th degree on Feinberg. GQ goes coast to coast and gets Feinberg in the spine. Kabuki shining wizards wolf. Kabuki hits a sit out senton on GQ to win

WINNER – SHUN THE KABUKI KID

*3/4 meh wasn’t really that good but Kabuki and GQ looked pretty good

Feinberg wallows in his sorrow in the ring. Fans chant YOU SUCK DIDK. Tell us something we don’t know. Dahmer comes out and chases Rick around the ring and batters him for fun. Fans chant his name.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz Vs Rebels Army Vs Z-Barr and Nick Berk

One of the Scoundrelz cuts a crap promo to hype the match. Thankfully they’re interrupted by Rebels Army. This match is number one contenders match. Great I like Nick Berk this should be a good match. Rebel cuts a promo on the crowd *cough* cheap heat *cough* Rebel rips the fans to shreds and calls one of them in the ring. Good stuff. He calls Berk and Z-Barr the Rockers which is pretty funny. Rebels says f*ck a lot because he’s ROCK HARD!!! Army and Scoundrelz got 4 on 2 on Berk and Barr. Berk and Barr clear the ring and Barr dives onto everyone which is pretty f*cking cool. Damn you Rebel you’ve got me doing it. Rebel blind tags in and spinebusters Berk. They double team Berk for a bit and alternate with the Scoundrelz. Berk gets beaten on some more. Matthews comes in and he and Rebel do the Hardy Boyz double team corner move. Rebel and Matthews hit a neck breaker and leg drop. Only gets 2. Nick Berk is getting killed. Scoundrelz take over for a while on Berk. He hits a headscissors from a tilt a whirl on AC Negro. Berks attempts a come back but gets beaten up again. Now Rebels Army continue the beating. Barr tags in but the ref misses it. Double back body drop body drop by the army. Barr throws Berk into his own corner and tags himself in. neat. Barr goes ape shit on everyone hitting a spinebuster on AC Negro. Berk has a chair and hits a sommersault pescado onto KC Blade using the chair for extra boost. Bar hits Negro with a chair and The Army gives him the Heat Seeker to win the match.

WINNERS – REBELS ARMY

**1/2Good match although it was a bit short. Berk got a pretty severe beating and Z-Barr looked really good throughout the whole match. I hate the Scoundrelz but I like Rebels Army.

Z-Barr and Nick Berk batter the Scoundrelz after the match to get some payback. The Soundrelz run off to the back to save their hides.

Derek Frazier Vs Sabian Vs Jimmy Jacobs

Winner is the #1 contender for the junior heavyweight title

HUSS, HUSS, HUSS. You know it’s cool when I do it. I like all 3 of these guys so this match has the potential to be very good. Jacobs slaps Sabian because he thinks he’s hitting on Becky. Sabian and Jacobs go nose to nose. Jacobs gimmick is so cool with the boots and tights. All 3 guys do some cool quick wrestling which is to hard to follow. Sabian hits some dropkicks on Frazier and sends him to the outside where he dives onto both of them. Frazier hits a nice neckbreaker variant. Jacobs hits some nice chops and bites Frazier in the corner. Jacobs goes for a headscissors but Sabian swings him round into a kick from Frazier. Cover gets 2 as Frazier breaks it up. Nice chop for Frazier. He goes to work on the leg of Sabian. Frazier locks on a leg hold on Sabian that causes Sabian to lie on his stomach and Jacobs locks on the Cattle Mutilation at the same time. Hey Carlito THAT’S COOL. Frazier kicks Jacobs to break the hold. Frazier picks up Jacobs and hits a nice couple of chops. Tornado DDT reversed into a Northern Lights by Jacobs. Sabian breaks up the pin with a cannonball senton. Sabian takes over on Frazier. Jacobs plants Sabian face first for a 2. Sabian hits a nice running dropkick for 2. My DVD cuts to Sabian and Frazier up top. Sabian goes for a Superplex but Jacobs gets him in an electric chair position and falls back. Triple Superplex. Huss is up first. Jacobs trades forearms with Sabian. Sabian ducks a big boot. Frazier plants Jacobs with the discharge and Sabian hits a 450. Frazier breaks up the pin. Frazier floors Sabian and signals to go up top. He takes too long and Jacobs comes out of nowhere and hits Sliced Bread #2 on Sabian knocking Frazier to the outside. Cover gets 3 and Jacobs wins

WINNER – JIMMY JACOBS

***1/4 Wow that was a really good match and there was some good stuff but nothing you won’t have seen before if you were a CZW aficionado. Sabian gets a standing ovation.

CZW Iron Man Title (C) Trent Acid Vs Jimmy Rave

Rave comes out to Eye of the Tiger and gets some booing. Johnny Kashmere comes over to the commentary table and kicks Eric out. Works for me. Here comes Trent Acid and he gets a much better reaction even though he’s supposed to be a heel. Funny bit as Trent comes out. Most people give him cash but some people give him change which is what I’d do if I as there. Kashmere is doing a pretty damn good job on commentary. Even if he is putting over John House as the “top broadcaster in CZW”. Trent Acid entrance is ridiculously long. Kashmere starts calling Jimmy Rave diseased which is pretty funny. Finally the bell rings. This is a 20 minute Iron Man Match. Kashmere is hilarious making fun of Rave. The two feel each other out to start and try a rally the crowd. Fans chant “Acid Swallows” Got to love Philly fans. Test of strength fake by Acid. Acid does it again slapping Rave on the top of the head. Kashmere says the fans are chanting for Rave but it’s obvious they aren’t. Headlock by Acid. God this isn’t looking promising. Armbar by Rave. Acid goes back to the headlock. Fans are apathetic at this point. Rave goes after the left arm of Acid. Kashmere whines about the main event. Acid hits a Northern Lights for 2. Rave goes back to the arm getting audible boo’s from the fans. Kashmere tells him to do something exciting. 15 minutes are left and nothing has really happened. There has been some good mat work. Match is speeding up. Trent goes under the ring and jumps Rave. Trent chucks a chair at Rave and fans start booing him. Acid beats on Rave outside. Acid sends Rave back first into the guardrail. Acid totally misses an asai moonsault. Acid takes over in the ring and goes after the back of Rave. Dew gets in some cheap shots. Acid tries reverse psychology on the fans by chanting “come one Jimmy” Acid puts Rave up top and hits some punches. Rave shoves him off and goes for a Ricky Steamboat cross-body but Trent dodges it. Rave dodges a Yakuza kick. Acid runs into a knee. Acid floors Rave and hits a Tumbleweed to go up 1 nil.

Acid stops on Rave on the mat. The Dew chokes Rave. Kashmere tells all the fans to sit down. Acid taunts Rave. Rave is down and hurt. Acid continues to batter Rave for a bit and floors him with a punch. Rave floors Acid with a forearm and Acid bails and Rave dives onto him outside. 5 minutes left. Eric comes back to the commentary table. Kashmere lets him take over. Rave goes for a cross-face and locks it in. Acid taps out making it 1 all.

4 minutes to go. Rave and Acid collide with a double high cross body. 2 minutes to go. SMELL THE TENSION. Rave hits a back suplex and gets a 2 count. 1 MINUTE LEFT. Rave goes for the running knee. Reverse DDT by rave gets 2. 30 SECONDS. Acid hits a Yakuza kick. Rave kicks out and the time expires. The match is a draw

But wait as Acid tries to leave he’s goaded into 5 more minutes by Rave. Acid agrees but then decides to get counted out. The ref then forces Acid to wrestle or he’ll strip him off the belt. Acid returns and he and Rave tease finishing moves and Rave hits the running knee to Trent Acid to get the 3 and bag the title

WINNER – JIMMY RAVE

** I didn’t dig this match personally. The guys didn’t really click and they botched quite a few moves. The action was overall solid and Kashmere was a pretty funny colour commentator but it wasn’t as good as you’d expect

HI-V comes out to do a promo in the ring. They are Messiah, B-Boy, Johnny Kashmere, Nate Hatred, Adam Flash and Acid. Plus, some old guy in a suit comes out with them. I never really got why that dude was there. Basically Messiah points out that it’s 6 on 5 in favour of the HI-V and Kashmere says that the old dude is called JP Christian and he’s loaded hence why he’s out there with them. Zandig comes out and walks along the suspended cage above the two rings and cuts a promo that sounds like “MMRPHH MMMM HREMMPPPHHH AHHHH UUUURRREWMMPRRP CZ FUCKIN W” He pretty much says f*ck a lot and mentions he’s got a sixth guy on his team. Well that’s smashing can we get on with the show now please? It’s scary but with a baseball hat on Zandig looks like a fat Bret Hart. Oh and Zandig says the HI-V are going to “FUCKING DIE” He sure has a way with words does Zandig. WWE should bring him in as Eugene’s crazy Dad he’d be great.

B-Boy Vs Chris Hero Vs Alex Shelley

Oh yeah this is going to be good. B-Boy has such cool music. This is going to be an elimination match which I normally prefer. Fans are getting behind Shelley and Hero. Hammerlock by Shelley on B-Boy. Hero gets Shelley in a headlock and B-Boy moves behind Hero and grabs the waist. Oh this is cool all 3 are putting each other in headlocks. Hero and Shelley get B-Boy on the mat but he wriggles away. Shelley goes to the ankle on Hero while B-Boy has a rest in the corner. Shelley and Hero go through some reversals. Stand off between all 3 guys. More nice wrestling between Shelley and Hero. Shelley hits a nice hurricanrana on B-Boy and Hero sneaks up behind him and nails him with a right hand. Nice dropkick by Hero on Shelley. Oh Hero shops Shelly’s back. Hero corners Shelley and hits a loud chop. B-Boy is taking another breather while Hero and Shelley wrestle. In a nice spot B-Boy neck breakers Shelley while he has Hero in a DDT position and Hero lands in a DDT where as Shelley gets neckbreakered. B-Boy takes Hero down and hits some wicked kicks. B-Boy scrapes Hero off the mat and gets forearmed. Forearm battle which Hero wins with a head butt. Shelley gets Hero in a sleeper and crawls on his back. B-Boy goes down and Hero stomps on him with Shelley on his back. Hero and Shelley go down to the mat. B-Boy stomps on both men while they’re on the floor and moves along their bodies till he reaches the end and does a sit out senton onto Shelley. Fans go ape shit and so do I. That was violent as hell. B-Boy shoves Hero out of the ring. He concentrates on Shelley and hits some HARD chops in the corner. He takes Shelley down and kicks his spine. Hero slaps B-Boy a few times and hits the Gun Stinger and lands B-Boy’s spine on his knee. He only gets a 2 count. Shelley comes over and gets thrown onto B-Boy by Hero. That was NASTY. He only gets 2 on both men. Hero kicks Shelley out of the ring and grabs B-Boy. Hero looks for a piledriver but B-Boy drops to his knees allowing Shelley to run up his back and kick Hero in the face with an enziguir. That was very nice indeed. B-Boy then floors Hero with a one handed old school expulsion. Shelley hits a vicious chop on B-Boy and hits a variation of the neckbreaker wrapping B-Boy’s hands around his throat. He only gets 2. B-Boy T-Bones Shelley. He goes for a wrist clutch piledriver but Hero picks him up in the Kryptonite Krunch position and hits an Alabama Slam. He picks B-Boy up and hits his version of the piledriver for 2. Hero slaps Shelley and then chops him down. Hero slams him down and hits an elbow and leg drop for 2. Hero’s Welcome is reversed to a superkick. Shelley goes for a hurricanrana but B-Boy power bombs him INTO THE TURNBUCKLE. OUCH. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Hero hits a brutal clothesline on B-Boy and all 3 men are down. Fans are loving this and so am I. Hero puts B-Boy into the corner. Shelley charges at both men in the corner so Hero moves B-Boy into the way. Shelley holds B-Boy in position to spin him round into a move I have no name for but Hero blockbuster’s him sending him to do the move anyway. Wow I can’t even describe this match. LITERALLY. Hero gets 2. Eric is calling that a double Hero’s Welcome. You’re the boss. Hero drags B-Boy up and does a double chop bagging him into the corner. He sends B-Boy into Shelley’s boot. They hit a co-op Hero’s Welcome and both jump on B-Boy who still kicks out at 2. This match is awesome. Hero locks in a hangman’s clutch on B-Boy who reverses it into a Brain-Buster. All 3 guys are down. B-boy is up and he calls for a shining wizard. He runs at Hero in the corner but Shelley cuts him off with an elbow. He taunts B-Boy and hits the face wash on Hero. B-Boy is pissed and he face washes Shelley. He then does it to Hero. OUCH part two. That fires Hero up. He runs at B-boy and B-Boy hits a German suplex and finishes off Hero with a shining wizard. Hero is eliminated

Both men are down and hurt. B-Boy locks Shelley in the Orange County Stretch. Shelley is in agony. B-Boy covers and gets 2. He pulls down the kneepad and stalks for a shining wizard. Shelley locks in the border city stretch right in the middle. B-Boy gets to the ropes. Shelley hits a one-night stand for a 2 count. Shelley is feeling it. B-Boy reverses a crucifix pin into a Death Valley Driver but only gets a 2. Shelley hits the Shell Shock out if nowhere for 2 and locks in the Border City Stretch again and B-Boy taps.

WINNER – ALEX SHELLEY

****1/4 Unbelievable stuff in this match and all 3 guys put on a tremendous effort. Who says CZW can’t do wrestling?

Ladder match Joker Vs Chris Cash

Zandig comes out and swears some more saying this match is now one on one instead of the scheduled tag match. No belt or anything above the ring this is just pin fall and the ladder is a weapon. It’s what the NWA would do if they had ladder matches. Just like they didn’t bother with that climbing out of the cage to win shit. Guys hit some punches and trade some quick moves. Lots of ducking and diving. Cash knocks Joker outside. Cash jumps out on to Joker but Joker moves. Cash lands on his feet and chucks a ladder at Joker who catches it leaving him prone for a Springboard dropkick. OUCH part 3. The two fight on the apron and Cash knocks Joker off and picks up another ladder. The two trade forearms and Joker send Cash into the guardrail. Jokers set the ladder up on the rail and lays Cash on it. Cash gets up and spines busters Joker onto it. OUCH part 4. Cash now shoves the ladder onto Joker’s neck. Cash tries to the get the fans in the match. Joker slaps Cash on the apron and knocks him outside. Joker goes out and gets a chair. He gets a few more and lays the ladder on them. He then lays Cash on the ladder and puts another chair on this chest. He goes up top and double stomps Cash on the ladder. OUCH part 5. cash and Joker go in the ring. Cash DDT’s Joker in the ring. Cash gets a 2 count. Cash bags Joker in the corner but Joker sends Cash into the corner and knees him in the face. Joker gets a ladder. THE BIG ONE. THE REALLY BIG ONE. He puts it in the ring and slams it on Cash’s head. He lays Cash on the ladder and goes to the second rope. Cash slaps Joker HARD. And mashes a ladder in his face. He then puts Jokers head in a wrung and jumps forward ramming Joker face first into the ladder. OUCH part 6. This prompts Eric to scream “EXCUSE ME” so you know it’s good. Fans chant Holy Shit and rightfully so. Cash props the ladder in the corner and rams the small one into Joker. Now this will take some explaining. He puts the smaller ladder in a lower rung of the big one so it makes a V sign. He then climbs to the top of the big ladder but Joker runs up and hits a rock bottom down onto the other ladder. OUCH part 7. Joker kicks cash on the mat. CZW ladders are poorly made they’re all bent like Julian Claire. Joker sets up a ladder on two chairs but Cash cuts him off with a chair to the ribs. Cash brings Joker into the ring and sets up the big ladder. He lays Joker on the chairs and climbs the ladder. Joker cuts him off and climbs up himself. Cash hits Joker with a ladder and Joker falls through the ladder but totally misses it and lands neck first on eh concrete. OUCH part 8. Cash goes to the back and comes back with a first aid kit and a pint of mild. Kidding he comes back with an EVEN BIGGER LADDER. I like where this is going. Cash sets it up over the middle ropes in the corner. He drags Joker into the ring by his shirt and lays him on the ladder. They both climb onto the ladder and Joker pushes Cash off and Cash smashes his face on the ladder. Joker drags Cash onto the ladder and hits a spinning brain buster on it. OUCH part 9. Amazingly Cash gets his foot on the rope. Cash somehow fights back and hits a burning hammer on the ladder. OUCH part 10. Cash gets a table because I guess this is now a TLC match. HAHAHA. Cash sets up the ladder next to the table and lays Joker on the table. He climbs up the ladder but Joker crawls off the ladder and stops him climbing. Joker then hits the Joker Bomb off the top of the ladder through a table. SOMEONE CALL 911. 3 is academic after that.

WINNER – JOKER

****1/2 oh what the hell *****. This match had some of the most breathtaking spots I’ve ever seen and this match put the TLC at COD 4 to shame. My god what a fantastic example of how CZW doesn’t need light tubes to have great matches. I must admit that Cash may one day probably be in wheelchair and it’s a miracle Joker didn’t die when he fell out to the floor. The fans give both men a standing ovation and it’s well deserved. Zandig comes out and says that you will not see a ladder match like that anywhere else. Of course he throws a few f*cks in here and there as he’s Zandig but he limits himself to 2, which is nice of him. I suppose he didn’t want to ruin the moment.

(In a sad epilogue to this match Chris Cash died at the end of summer last year. It was about a month before I started writing on the pulse. I was always a fan and I hope he’s remembered for some of his insane bumping.)

CZW Junior Heavyweight Title (C) Ruckus Vs Sonjay Dutt

This is supposed to be a big grudge match. Ruckus cuts a promo and as it’s CZW he throws a few f*cks in because John Zandig DEMANDS IT. Sonjay cuts a promo without swearing once and comes out. I can’t believe Zandig would push someone who doesn’t swear a lot. Ruckus does some Memphis style stalling to start and we have some shoving. They lock up and Ruckus takes Sonjay down. Sonjay fights back and they get back up to a vertical base. Ruckus stalls some more. He’s been watching a lot of Scott Steiner obviously. The two lock up again and they start shoving soon after. Sonjay takes Ruckus down to the mat in an armlock. Eric compares these two to Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart in that they started in tag matches and progressed to main events. Sonjay continues to do some good match work. They hit a number of fast moves that lock really good. Ruckus bails so Sonjay follows. Ruckus takes over outside. Ruckus hits some chops and punches outside. Sonjay is in trouble in the corner but he fights back. Son jay goes back to the arm. They continue with some more mat work. Ruckus dropkicks Sonjay and takes over. Ruckus looks for the razzle-dazzle but Sonjay dodges it and hits his own version. Sonjay locks in an octopus stretch. DDT gets 2. Ruckus reverses a whip into an afterburner. Ruckus has Sonjay on his shoulders and throws him into the corner. Ruckus is beating on Sonjay now. Sonjay it’s an enziguri for 2. Dutt yells at Ruckus to get up and goes crazy on him. He knocks him down and it’s a flying elbow OHHHH YEAHHH. He only gets 2. Sonjay gets a DDT move thingy for 2. Sonjay is going for a frankensteiner but Ruckus hits the Falcon Arrow off the top rope. By some miracle Sonjay kicks out. Sonjay ends up on the apron and goes for a Dragon-rana but Ruckus reverses into a power bomb for 2. Ruckus chops the crap out of Sonjay. Sonjay rolls down Ruckus shirt and hits some chops of his own. Ruckus hits the chronic for a 2 count. Sonjay is dragged into the corner but gets his knees up on a phoenix splash. Sonjay gets 2 on a Dragon-rana and another 2 on a phoenix splash. This is getting really good now. Ruckus is nearly dead here and falls over when Sonjay tries a whip. Ruckus hits a desperation forearm. Ruckus kicks Sonjay in the ribs like Liam Gallagher does to bouncers in a nightclub. Magisterial cradle is reversed and Sonjay wins out of nowhere

WINNER AND NEW CHAMP SONJAY DUTT

***1/2 Slow start but it got really good towards the end and that finish took me by surprise. It was like something out of a Super J Cup

Cage of Death match – HI-V (Johnny Kashmere, Trent Acid, Messiah, Nate Hatred, Adam Flash and B-Boy Vs Team Zandig (Zandig, Lobo, Wifebeater, Ian Knoxx, Nick Gage)

The rules of this match are pretty awkward. I’ll do my best to explain. There are two rings one which is surrounded by a steel cage and another full of thumbtacks. Above both rings is a scaffold. Once you’ve got in the cage you have to reach a special starting point at the top of the scaffold. The team with the most people reaching the point win. You lose by touching the ground.

Zandig is first out with a mic so he rambles and swears for a bit and explains the rules. He’s the LAST guy you want to do that. The fans can’t understand what he’s saying gosh darn it. Zandig at least makes an effort to be coherent. Kashmere is out next wearing a hardhat and shin guards. It’s like Norman Smiley had an illegitimate kid when he was hardcore champion. Kashmere doesn’t want to start on the scaffold but eventually he decides he will. He charges Zandig on top of the cage and the fight is on. They just brawl for a while on the scaffold. Zandig rams Kashmere into the mesh. Zandig hits a slam on the mesh and rains right hands on him. Kashmere is busted. Zandig tries to throw Kashmere into the tacks and decides the cage instead. Messiah and Trent Acid come out so it’s now 3 on 1. How is that fair? No one seems to care so Zandig is going to get battered and he does in a 3 on 1 assault. The HI-V use weapons in the cage to brutalise Zandig. Now B-Boy is coming out. 4 on 1? Who’s booking this? Oh Zandig I forgot. Only that would make sense. Suddenly, a familiar noise of a firework goes off and here comes Zandig’s 6th man NEW JACK. New Jack comes out and busts B-Boy with a knife. All the HI-V sell it like it Undertaker has shown up. Zandig continues to get beaten on as New Jack brutalises B-Boy. B-Boy tries to crawl away but gets shoved in the cage. Jack gets in the cage to even the odds but predictably turns on Zandig. Now let me ask you this John if you were having New Jack screw you over why id you make him beat up B-Boy when they are on the same team? Lobo runs down and mows down B-Boy on the scaffold. Lobo charges into the cage but the numbers game is too much and he gets beaten down. Ian Knoxx runs out and starts fighting B-Boy on the scaffold. Zandig and Lobo are getting killed in the cage right now. Eric does a funny line about how Kashmere is bleeding like an alcoholics liver. B-Boy is beating on Knoxx but Knoxx throws B-Boy off into the ring full of thumbtacks. Knoxx then hits an elbow onto B-Boy. Holy Crap that was awesome. Nick Gage comes out and starts to fight with Acid on the roof of the cage. New Jack is choking Zandig in the ring with something. Zandig is of course bleeding being that those are the two things he can do bleed and swear. Gage is a house a fire in the cage. Lobo and Zandig are fighting back now in the cage. Adam Flash goes directly into the thumbtack ring to fight Ian Knoxx. Knoxx tries to climb up onto the scaffold but Flash cuts him off with a spear into the tacks. OUCH part 11. Lobo and Acid fight on the scaffold. Here comes Wifebeater. Meanwhile B-Boy has been eliminated as he’s touched the floor but he drags Zandig out of the cage eliminating him. Beater gets on the scaffold and uses Kashmere’s helmet as a weapon. Adam Flash hits a leg drop off the top of the cage onto Gage. Nasty. B-Boy lays Zandig on a table and New Jack comes flying off the scaffold onto Zandig. Jesus Christ of Nazareth he must be crazy. Respect to Zandig to take a bump like that. New Jack has stupidly eliminated himself however. Meanwhile Beater kills everyone in the cage with a trashcan. Nate Hatred is coming down to the ring. Gage and Hatred go right at it. Trent Acid Yakuza kicks Knoxx off the scaffold through two tables. SOMEONE CALL 911. Damn that’s contagious. So Knoxx is gone. The Dew climbs to the top of the cage to help Kashmere fight Lobo. However, it backfires and both Dew and Kashmere get put on Lobo’s shoulder and he hits a Death Valley Driver off the roof through 4 tables. I SHIT YOU NOT. Holy Shit moment of my life. I’ve never seen nor will I probably ever see something like that again. Of course that means both Lobo and Kashmere are gone. Nick Gage is kicked into the thumbtacks. OUCH part whatever number we’re up to. It’s now 4 on 2. Acid dives off the scaffold onto Gage. God that was insane. Beater is power bombed onto some guardrail by Hatred. Acid tries to get Gage off the apron of the tack ring but fails. The HI-V HANG WIFEBEATER. God these guys are crazy. Gage eliminates Acid by throwing him out of the ring. Adam Flash reaches the starting point as does Wife beater leaving Gage 2 on 1. Beater gets Flash and hits a side slam off the scaffold into the thumbtacks. THEY ARE SUFFERING FOR THEIR ART. Finally Nate Hatred turns on Messiah and he and Gage throw Messiah off the top of the cage through a table covered in thumbtacks. Messiah is kicked out of the cage and all the HI-V has been eliminated so Team Zandig win

WINNERS TEAM ZANDIG

Well what can I say? As far as extreme ultraviolent matches go this is the Flair Vs Steamboat. I’ll give it ***** for being so unbelievably violent. All the guys in this match will no doubt suffer for this match in the future and Zandig will probably die young one of these days if he keeps blading. The guys did indeed suffer for their art and they produced something really special

The Inside Pulse
Overall if you skip the opening matches full of no names you have a very solid offering from CZW with 3 fantastic matches and 2 really good ones. I recommend you check this out

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