The Velocity Report

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Dear Mister And / Or Misses ECW Die Hard Fan. ECW has been given it’s third resurrection. And unless you, ECW Die Hard Fan Person, make sure you watch this ECW revival – and not in a “he gave that a great rating, I’ll make sure I watch that” and you don’t kind of way, but rather religiously – then don’t expect this revival to last three years, give or take. On the chance that they do get that TV Slot they could ever so hope for (the best possible position would be paired with SmackDown, before or after, on the same network whatever that just happens to be, two birds with one stone, though chances are it’ll be against Impact. Side note: this time slot will be because of the WWE’s name, not because of ECW’s own merit) then everything is safe so long as Heyman and Dreamer play their cards correctly and make sure this is ECW Version Two. This is not the original ECW let us all think about that before we have any more information and / or speculation, nor is it Alliance ECW, nor One Night Stand ECW, they have to make sure it’s a completely new ECW since it will be whatever way you look at it, while keeping the same charm of the old ECW. In order to make sure ECW V. 2 works this needs to be on the same level as RAW and SmackDown in order for it to be more than just a phase by the WWE. WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble appearances, their own Pay Per Views … Do you think that’s going to happen? ECW = Prestige? No. At last, not from what I think will happen. I don’t see it being put on the same level as WWE’s Flagship Show, Raw, or even it’s Middle Child, SmackDown, Pediestal once it’s mission has been performed (Operation: TNA), I see this being put on the same level as little foreign cousin Peter – you know, the one you havn’t ever talked to before. The minute the novelty wears off of a TNA verses ECW marketing campaign then there is no use for ECW unless another company such as RoH rises to challenge it, but without competiton I expect it to crumble quickly … People please don’t get your hopes up here. Don’t expect this revival of ECW to be what brings the popularity of wrestling back to it’s former glory (though it is nearing that time of the decade). Don’t expect this revival of ECW to be anything more than a bullet to TNA – one it’s done, it’s not useful anymore. This is not an anti ECW gesture, hardly. This is a gesture of “place your bets now because once this is over, I don’t want to hear any complaining from all of you who got your damned hopes up” … For those that cannot tell already, I doubt that the ECW hardcore fans will be pleased with what may become of their former wrestling highlight. Though I do hope it works out well, none the less.
From, Troy.

Regular opening as usual leads us into Chris Benoit making his entrance.

Opening Contest: Chris Benoit verses Vito
Odd choice for an opener, but it gets the fans a bit hyped I suppose. Vito puts on a suspicious looking glove to start things off, complete with shifty eyes. Oh he’s evil! Benoit chant to start. Lock up and Vito takes Benoit into the corner, Benoit gets the upper hand in the grapple and arm drags Vito into the middle of the ring. Another lock up and Vito gets a headlock, off the ropes and into Benoit with a shoulder block, off the ropes again into a drop toe hold by Benoit which is followed by a Crossface attempt but Vito gets to the bottom rope. Kicks to the guts by both and Benoit chops Vito into the corner, clubbing him until the referee forces him off. Benoit comes back going for another attack but Vito punches him back. Kick right to the shoulder by Vito, before he sends Benoit off the ropes into a clothesline for a two count. Suplex by Vito for a one count, almost a two. Benoit gets some chops in but Vito gets an eye poke. Snapmare into rear choke hold by Vito and another Benoit chant starts up. Benoit escapes by sending Vito into the corner and goes to follow up but gets an elbow by Vito, scoop slam by Vito and top rope splash gets Vito a two count. Vito goes for another scoop slam but Benoit rolls it up into a small package for two. Clothesline by Vito for a two count, and the rear choke hold is reapplied. Benoit flips over a scoop slam attempt by Vito and nails the Triple German, slash of the neck and Benoit goes up top and nails the Swandive Headbutt, Crossface applied and Vito quickly taps!
Winner: Chris Benoit

Hey, what do you know, Vito got a fair amount of offence in against a credible opponent! Too short for my taste, especially considering how quickly Benoit got the winning offence, but not a terrible match. Six out of Ten.

Matt Hardy in Action Next!

Commercials

Kurt Angle Video.

Second Contest: Matt Hardy verses Andy Simmons
Simmons is certainly a muscular jobber. Good for him. Hardy gets a headlock to start and off the ropes comes back with a shoulder block, off the ropes again and reverses an hiptoss from Simmons is reversed by Hardy with one of his own. Headlock takedown by Hardy, the referee even gets a two count in for a nice touch, Simmons escapes with a hammerlock which is reversed into a hammerlock by Hardy, but Simmons gets to the ropes. Simmons up top with a weird thump, dropkick thing which Hardy ducks. Hardy off the ropes with a clothesline, Simmons rolls out onto the apron and drops Hardy’s throat on the top rope. Simmons takes the fight to Hardy in the corner, but Hardy puts Simmons in the corner and begins nailing punches of his own. Side Effect by Hardy, who then goes up top and nails an elbow drop to the back of a kneeling Simmons’ neck. Twist of Fate and it’s over.
Winner: Matt Hardy

What a weird squash jobber match. Even for Velocity this was rather bland, so -Two out of Ten, I’m not going down to minus Five because they actually did some wrestling.

Commercials.

Recap of Finlay verses Scott from SmackDown.

Commercials.

Recap of Lashley verses Henry from SmackDown.

Commercials.

Kurt Angle Video.

Third Contest: Nunzio verses Paul Burchill
Burchill chant to start us off, and Burchill back body slams Nunzio onto the mat and keeps the reverse bearhug applied until Nunzio reaches the ropes. Nunzio shoves Burchill but gets shoved back down. Shoulder block gets Burchill a two. And repeat. Burchill gets a knee to the back of Nunzio’s neck, mounted punches before the referee tells him to get off. Off the ropes Burchill comes into a shoulder block by Nunzio, falling to the apron and Nunzio gets a baseball slide to the knees of Burchill, who hangs up on the second rope before falling outside. Nunzio rolls Burchill back inside the ring for a one count. Knees by Nunzio leads into kicks by Nunzio. Snapmare by Nunzio before getting a dropkick to the face of Burchill for a two count. Reverse headscissors on Burchill, before Nunzio then goes on for a rear choke hold. Burchill sends Nunzio into the corner and follows up only to get a knee in the gut, Nunzio goes up top and goes for a Sicilian Slice but misses! Burchill gets a clothesline to Nunzio in the corner, before stomping away on him and nails a nice hiptoss. Flapjack gets Burchill a two count. Nunzio gets an eye poke, but runs right into the C-4 for the victory.
Winner: Paul Burchill

I know I made this match sound bad, but it really wasn’t. I rather liked this match actually. Eight out of Ten.

Commercials.

Recap of Angle challenging Mysterio for the World Heavy Weight Championship.

Main Event: Orlando Jordan verses Scotty Too Hotty
Lock up and Hotty goes behind Jordan, Jordan gets a wristlock on and Hotty gets taken down to the mat for a knee into the shoulder and the wristlock is reapplied. Hotty reverses the wristlock, Jordan reverses his wristlock, and Hotty rolls and jumps around out of it and gets his own locked in but Jordan slams him back down to the mat. Jordan keeps the hold applied as the two get to their feet, with Hotty rolling out of it again and quickly locking in a headlock. Hotty off the ropes with a shoulder block and off the ropes again, Jordan jumps over him and Hotty slams him back down to the mat using the hair. While Jordan is arguing with the referee, Hotty slams him back down again using the hair. Jordan misses a clothesline, sends Hotty into the corner but Hotty catapults over him and goes behind and slams Jordan back down again using the hair, but gets quickly clotheslined down. Jordan stomps away on Hotty, before taking him to the corner for more of a pummeling. Suplex by Jordan for a two count, before the wristlock armbar is applied. Hotty escapes with punches to the gut, off the ropes and comes back into a kitchen sink which gets Jordan a two count. Sleeper hold locked in by Jordan, with Hotty showing signs of escaping before being knocked down by Jordan. Jordan begins to pose at the ropes but Hotty nails the Facebuster! Worm doesn’t connect, as just about before he is about to drop the chop Jordan grabs his leg and throws him outside. Hotty on the turnbuckle, shoulder to the gut of Jordan and flips over Jordan into the ring, off the opposing ropes and nails a forearm. Kick to the gut and Hotty goes for a Backslide Pin but he can’t get Jordan’s shoulders down! In the corner Hotty goes for the Ten Count but gets to five before Jordan shoves him off. Jordan goes for a clothesline but Hotty ducks and sends Jordan into the corner and back into a pinfall attempt for a two. Kick to the gut and Jordan nails the Fameouser for the victory!
Winner: Orlando Jordan

Note to every single training wrestler out there: watch this. This was the very meaning of what a basic simple and good match should be. I don’t usually expect anything this good from Jordan and Hotty. Eight out of Ten, for a Velocity match. That and these two broke out of their usual routine of Jordan taking on squashes and Hotty doing formula tag matches and actually put on a nice little match here. So this week’s ratings;

Chris Benoit verses Vito: 6 / 10
Matt Hardy verses Andy Simmons: -2 / 10
Nunzio verses Paul Burchill: 8 / 10
Orlando Jordan verses Scotty Too Hotty: 8 / 10
Velocity 29/04/06: 20 / 40

Who knew? Nunzio, Orlando Jordan, and Scotty Too Hotty in the better matches of the evening? Well you still won’t watch it anyways, which is why you’re reading this. Ciao y’all, until SmackDown.