Good evening children. It’s that time again…that time for…THE CRUCIFIX! See, this is my cool and awesome and grandiose lead in to my column. A column that will make you not only think harder about investigating the world of professional wrestling, but make you think about investigating yourself. Either that or you will just click the back button and read Hyatt…2.0, which I have no real clue about but it is all good fun…I think. Bowels…what? On with the show…
Umaga and The Web
Not only is that headline a really good idea for a movie, it is also fodder for GROUNDBREAKING NEWS from GRUT, who doesn’t want to challenge me again in a wrestling argument…OR MATCH. I made that girl TAP TAP TAP! But in his news report he lets everyone know about the controversy between Umaga and Umaga.com. Sad, TRYING days for Umaga, indeed. Getting away from the fact that the Umaga character is loosely based off IPs own Michaelangelo McCullar, with the thumb poke indeed being his finisher…just not on the neck! Up the butt and do those DVD reviews! Michaelangelo = pure violence…I digress… let’s take a look at what other sites WWE stars should be wary of and try to kill the owners of:
– RicFlair.com – FOR SALE!? WHOOO!? The Nature Boy is for sale!?
– Triple H’s true secrets come out on his unofficial website! How so? How do you think he got those title reigns? BELT FABRICATION!
– HBK.com surmises HBK’s career quite well: HBK strives to provide superior risk-adjusted rates of return with relatively low volatility and with relatively low correlation to most major market indices. Our funds follow a “multi-strategy” approach that is often described by our clients as either “arbitrage,” “market neutral” or “absolute return.”
– John Cena’s devastating new finisher, the STFU, has its own website at STFU.com…it is a sex site. John Cena = pimpin’ all over the world.
– Edge.com has nothing really of note…but it does have an ENTER button…like Lita! HA!
– Shelton Benjamin must have beef with Shelton.com. They only advertise WHITE CARS…holdin’ em down…holdin’ em down.
Eh, I’m all done caring about that…
Backlash sucked…and Trish got injured. Next.
Kurt Angle, the newest cruiserweight, could very well be rapidly dying before our very eyes. Well, at least dying in front of us is better than some hotel room. You knew Kurt wouldn’t let Eddie go over clean again.
By the way, Owen.com has the following message: Gone
The requested resource is no longer available on this server and there is no forwarding address. Please remove all references to this resource.
Wow…poetic. Nobody owns Owenfalling.com, so go snatch that one up kiddos!
Brock Lesnar might be fighting Bob Sapp! MMA at its very worst! By the way, Lesnar.com has this message: Directory Listing Denied
This Virtual Directory does not allow contents to be listed.
WWE OWNS Lesnar.
Joey Styles has joined the Boot My Ass Club, as Jim Ross will be back on Raw shortly. Joey will rejoin WWECW.
By the way, for some reason JoeyStyles.com links to his WWE page, making him like…the only one to have it that way. Loser. Oh and f*ck 1wrestling. And Scherer. Yea.
By the way, Ross.com goes to what JR has needed for some time.
Yes, so there goes another fantastic column honing in on nothing in particular. As always, my older, more experienced vector trail, Eric S., should be here shortly to elaborate on nothing that I have said but actually give you some fun things. For now, go look up some wrestling porn. Because Hyatt(?) and April Hunter want you to…or something.
