Sorry about the lateness, but I’ve got another podcast for you. You can check it out at www.kyledavidpaul.com. Yup, got myself a domain. That means I’m a real person, finally.
Anyways,
Ever since I’ve been writing about the music community, I’ve always wanted to say something about American Idol. But every time I tried to sit down and write one, something stopped me. Either a topic more important would come up, or someone else would write something either vaguely derogatory toward the franchise, or worse, praising it in some way that would make my article futile. But I went and saw the farce/parody American Dreamz last night, and everything became clear. It was essentially the 2006 version of Josie and the Pussycasts, the kind of parody that really digs at the topical problems at hand but sugarcoats it to the point where it’s kind of hard to enjoy without a tinge of irony. American Dreamz mixes the two most ridiculous happenings in America right now–namely, the president’s incompetence and American Idol–and sticks them together for a rather slapstick comedy cocktail of American stereotypes (the dim boyfriend who joins the army, the jealous brother who has less talent, the Arab sleeper cell who loves show tunes. You know, the usual). I still can’t tell if the movie was celebrating all of these stereotypes or shaking it’s finger at them (Josie had the same problem) but I can come to one solid conclusion; American Idol is probably the answer to all of the world’s problems.
Look, I’m an advocate for music, and the entire premise of American Idol is to use bad pop songs to show how well (or just as entertaining, how badly) Americans can sing. So American Idol should be my natural enemy. For the most part, this is true. I don’t watch the show, and I pretty well openly mock it every chance I get. The simple idea of a nationwide Karaoke party where everyone gets stuck into quickly labeled types is pretty damn insulting to a world that’s trying to fairly equalize everyone and establish an idea of peace. But just like American Idol itself, that whole idea is fairly ideal and fake. Not everyone wants peace. Not everyone wants everyone to just get along and think of the children. But somehow, everyone loves American Idol. And I mean, everyone. There isn’t a country that doesn’t watch this show, or a version of it. And while I can’t stand the music that comes out of that show, American Idol has as much to do with music as Celebration, Florida has to do with being a real town.
My buddy Chris once said this once about Bif Naked; “She makes bad music and bad musical choices,” and while I only really agree with him about her last two records, I realized that these two qualities were really what made music worth listening to. The music has to do with how good the listening experience is, and the musical choices have to do with how much we want to listen to the music. This is a fairly open and shut equation. Good choices will make people want to listen to the artist, while good music will keep them there.
With the exception of Kelly Clarkson, no American Idol singer has had any sort of staying power. There have been a lot of albums released under the Idol umbrella, but they are all fairly low sellers with no turnover possibilities. The fact is, once the competition is over, nobody cares at all about these people, which makes me think that the whole point isn’t hearing these people sing so much as it is to see them win and lose. And there’s nothing more democratic than an unlimited supply of winners and losers.
American Dreamz begins, appropriately, on the morning after President Joseph Statin (grant name choice, eh?) has beaten his unnamed rival for his second term. Ironically, the first piece of conflict comes from the press, who wants to know what the President will do after his big fight. Here’s a question. After Bush was re-elected, was anyone really all that curious about what he’d do that day? Look, there’s a reason that sports players go to Disneyland (or at show interest in going there) after a big win. It’s because that’s the obvious answer, and nobody ever, ever thinks about what they’ll do after that big win.
Victory is all about the process, and this simple formula is what makes American Idol a smash hit. Sure, it has a little to do with music, since everyone is qualified to say that so-and-so is a great or shitty singer, or that they did that Billy Joel song better or worse than Billy Joel did. But that’s absolutely it. American Idol is about 5% about the music and 95% the absolute thrill of democracy. There’s no other term for it. People get damn excited to call in, to cast their vote, and tune in every week to see if their vote made a difference. And while this may be a bit of a stretch, this show can save the entire freaking world.
Near the ‘final’ episode of American Dreamz, the Arab show-tunes guy sings Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” In the crowd, his terrorist buddies whisper to themselves “ooh, bad choice.” I mean, sure, it’s possible that in real life terrorist sleeper cells don’t watch American Idol, but they probably do. If pop music has taught me anything, it’s that everyone is pretty much exactly the same. And if an Arab guy came onstage on American Idol, the terrorist folk watching would probably whisper under their breath “ooh, bad choice” in exactly the same way the rich family from Orange County would, in exactly the same way the Italian family living in Toronto would, in exactly the same way the President would.
Now, this doesn’t make anything okay (in fact, one of the more obvious themes of American Dreamz is that the only people who get success are the people who absolutely don’t want it, while those that do are stuck helping out on the sidelines) and it doesn’t make anyone happy (the only people who get laid are the ones who loath the idea of being intimate with other people) but it does sort of make everything right. I mean, it’s certainly possible that the makers of American Idol aren’t manipulating us all into thinking that we’re all just stereotypes. It’s possible that they too want a peace of some sort to eventually settle over the land. It’s possible that they do really want what’s best for everyone, that they aren’t using us all to achieve that same evil American Dream that makes folks in other countries hate America as much as they do. It’s possible that in a few years time, we’ll all be happier with this innocent little contest as the central focus of our lives, and then we can all live without borders or religion, too.
But, just in case, I’m still not going anywhere near that thing. Not with a ten foot pole.
