Previously I’ve looked at unaired telemovies, shows from the past and crap shows of the present. Today we’re looking at something slightly different, and looking at only part of a show’s run. It was meant to be the start of another season of hard-hitting action and toy lines. A season that was meant to shake up the status quo. Again. And a season that could only be done by continuing the long struggle between Autobots and Decepticons.
Yes folks, I’m talking about ‘Transformers: The Rebirth’.
I’m not sure I’d really want my name placed so prominently on this piece of crap
Of course, we all know that the main purpose of ‘Transformers’ (and pretty much all cartoons from then until now) was to sell toys, and as such we ended up with a gazillion new Autobots and Decepticons making token appearances here. Character? Personality? Who knows? They show up, show off their special gimmick, and disappear. In this manner, we see the likes of Punch/Counterpunch (double agent), the robot “clones” and Six Shot, who had 5 different transformed modes (other than robot mode). I’m skipping much of that here.
Anyways, the show. The main plot (if you can follow it) is that the Decepticons try to steal the “Key to Vector Sigma”, which the Autobots thwart, at the cost of being sent far away from Cybertron to the planet Nebulos. The Decepticons follow, and thanks to cartoon physics, manage to arrive on Nebulos not long after the Autobots. Optimus, because he’s Optimus, also follows and leaves Ultra Magnus in charge of the Autobots. Because that worked sooooo well in “Transformers: The Movie”.
Ultra Magnus, wuss.
But Nebulos is not what it seems. Apparently the planet is inhabited by two native humanoid factions – The Hive, who control machines (and thus Nebulos) with their minds, and the rebels. The Autobots try to hook up with the rebels, but the Nebulans are distrustful – at least until the Decepticons attack, capture half the Autobots, and severely harm Spike’s son Daniel. Daniel, by the way, is the Transformers equivalent of Wesley Crusher, so not many viewers were weeping about this turn of events. Unlike, say, when Optimus Prime died.
Nebulans
You can bet that some Transfans were happy when they saw this.
This of course would lead to the meat of the series – the creation of the Headmasters – the Nebulan rebels undergoing a conversion process that allowed them to transform into an Autobot’s head. Now, I’m still a bit fuzzy as to how 2 minds are better than one, considering that we don’t actually SEE anything done that one mind couldn’t figure out, but again, logic was not a real big issue with cartoons. There’s also the problem with scale:
OK, so the heads come up to about Spike’s waist…
…and now the heads are big enough to fit the Nebulans with room to spare.
Anyways, the Headmasters. The Autobots create the Headmasters, whup Decepticon ass, and take back the key. The Decepticons team up with the Hive to create their own Headmasters, as well as Targetmasters – Nebulans who become the Decepticon guns. Again, kind of a weird concept when put to the television. But hey, you get a little guy that turns into a gun! With the barrel coming out of his ass!
There’s that nasty scale issue again…
Needless to say, having Nebulan partners with gun barrels pointing out of their asses, the Decepticons make a comeback and whup the Headmasters. And if that weren’t enough, the Hive have transformed their base into Scorponok:
Nice of the Hive to stick a Decepticon symbol on there…
So after all that, the Decepticons take the Key (which is stored inside Arcee) and head back to Cybertron. Where they beat up on some Autobots because this blork is in charge:
I’d be so much more badass if the episode were written by Simon Furman…
At least he didn’t get torn to pieces like he did in the movie…
But of course this is all part of Vector Sigma’s master plan to bring about a “Golden Age” on Cybertron, so after the obligatory battle between Scorponok and the newest Headmaster, Fortress Maximus, Spike and the Nebulans save the day and much celebrating ensues.
One of those “rare” animation goofs – Bumblebee and Goldbug in the same shot.
Rebirth was meant to usher in a new season of Transformers, presumably featuring more gimmicks like the Pretenders and Powermasters. But for whatever reason (possibly lagging toy sales) that was the last of the Generation One cartoons in North America. Instead, a few years later we got “Generation Two” which basically reaired the cartoons with CGI cuts and a rather awful “live” segment featuring a CGI Optimus Prime and some kid he told the TF stories to. It was, as you might expect, horrible, but gave us one little nugget of cheesy goodness – the video for The Touch.
IP Linkage:
IP Figures is where you should go to look at Transformers toys.
Seibertron.com helps you to find the key to Vector Sigma.
Prime Targets is an essential guide to the G1 TV shows, from “More Than Meets The Eye” to Beast Machines’ “Endgame”.
Farah tells you not to turn off your TV.
Mathan hates recap shows.
The Week In Hindsight:
Thursday:
‘Survivor: Panama – Exile Island’ (Global, CBS) – It’s impressive how Cirie managed to manipulate things to her advantage last week. On the other hand, Terry’s still really poor when it comes to the strategic side of the game, and it’s a good thing that he’s running the table, or he’d have burned his “Ace in the Hole” by now.
‘The Ultimate Fighter 3’ (Spike) – Michael Bisping showed why he’s undefeated in his MMA career. On the flipside, it’s hilarious how the producers feel that the Brit needs subtitles so we can understand him.
Friday:
‘Las Vegas’ (Global, NBC)
‘Numb3rs’ (Global, CBS)
Sunday:
‘Cold Case’ (CTV, CBS)
‘Iron Chef America’ (Food Network Canada)
‘Grey’s Anatomy’ (CTV, ABC)
Monday:
‘Prison Break’ (Global, Fox)
’24’ (Fox) – I realize that this show requires some suspension of disbelief, but the bit on the plane was stretching it quite a bit. The funny part of this is that I’m a little annoyed by the touch of realism that they tried to add into this hour – that of the Air Marshal. Why was the Air Marshal sitting so close to First Class, in a window seat, looking at nothing in particular?
An Air Marshal should – as I understand it – be seated close to the back, in an aisle seat, so as to have a clear view of the cockpit door. And they’re not supposed to fall asleep, either. So the fact that the Marshal was slumped over due to Jack Bauer channeling John Matrix should’ve been readily apparent to the Flight Attendant sooner than it was.
‘CSI: Miami’ (CTV, CBS)
Tuesday:
‘American Idol’ (CTV, Fox)
‘The Unit’ (CBS) – I think that this was one of those episodes where you’re supposed to keep saying “man, that’s f*cked up”.
Wednesday:
‘The Amazing Race’ (CTV, CBS)
‘Lost’ (ABC) – As speculated on the boards I visit, Michael turns heel and disposes of a major headache as he shoots Ana Lucia dead. Previews show that he’s become sneaky-evil, and that’s something that should be fun to watch over the next couple of weeks.
‘American Idol’ (CTV, FOX)
‘CSI: New York’ (CTV, CBS)
‘Good Eats’ (Food Network Canada)
That’s it for this week.
